Befriend With Self

Today I chose to befriend with self. I felt good when starting the day. I felt so good because I know that I have done the best for my loved ones. I am satisfied!

My morning was highlighted by my first collaboration artwork with an artist from Chile. He sent me the file only this morning after working out on mine the last 24 hours. I felt touched. Someone I don’t know offered me friendship? I called the work LaNación. It’s about two nations.

I did my chores. Lots of thing to do. I consciously planned the order of my eating frog. I learned that I tend to hop from one project to another I find on the way. So if something stops me, I don’t finish a project but leaving some half-done projects.

In some cases, I felt ‘itchy’ to move to the next project, but NO. I concentrated on one at a time. It was surprised me that I could finish the big frog less than two hours. I could have finished more ugly frogs every day. Grr..

I finished an artwork before dark for IMT. I liked to explore new supplies. Nice challenge!

I talked to a staff too. I feel a competition in the air since the other staff came from maternity leave. I have placed her with PEN. Good deal, nice boss; but today I heard that she still wants to work for me. Four is too much for a small house. Oh I don’t know. Being nice is not always easy.

Also, my ex staff in Ubud texted me yesterday about the possibility to rejoin. I like her but no business these days and one staff is enough. I tried to show my concern but still I feel that she expects more. She left me last year for an opportunity. Well, I have to set the border. I think I deal more with my feeling to free myself from the ‘burden’.

Befriend with self is best. Also with my fluffy clean counterpart shown in photo, Chiko.

A Friend A Day

That’s what I told myself last Monday. I had RAD on Monday and PEN yesterday, but had nobody in mind this morning. I tried to focus on someone, then another one,… No no no…

I took picture of one artwork for collaboration with a cartoonist and graffiti artist from Chile. I finished one artwork for SF then posted right away. What next? Aha.. I had big breakfast which was rare. One boiled egg, half muffin, half mango, a glass of fresh squeezed orange,.. I skipped the milk, too full..

Black out before I showered. Aaarrghh… I waited while cutting Elements of Desire (shown in picture) then had harder yoga in the afternoon. Light was only back after two.

I wanted to finish my reading but wanted to finish another artwork before dark so could take picture. Now I’m free from artwork but next idea has popped up. I have selected Belinha’s work for collaboration. I hope I can send the picture tomorrow morning.

Collaborative artwork is a nice idea. I’m glad to have received the invitation. I would like to invite other artists after I manage the first one. I have been bloghopper the last few weeks, I’m in the community now. Some art bloggers are so nice to check my work every now and then, and leave nice comments. I did the same. I got the benefit from bloghopping tho, lots of new idea from other artists. So.. not bad at all!

By the way, I don’t skip today without friend. Although I didn’t go out to meet a friend, I have chosen a friend to accompany me since morning. An art friend who stimulates my other form of art… Bow!

Restart +++++

That’s what I felt this morning. Restarting with five plus-es. I got up early in high spirit to restart my life. I was in low mood the last few days.

Today is crappy day! I could not believe my ears that ever-easy-PEN said it. What happened? She said nothing. Not that she wasn’t happy with self, but she didn’t like a circumstance. She needs holiday. Ehm.. woman life.

Arriving Heritage library, I realized that many ladies wore black today. Me too wore all black – very rarely lately. Again PEN thought that today it’s a BLAA day. Everybody felt bored and black. Hm.. actually I was in the contrary.

JNT had a very nice talk on textile as ornamentation on Indonesian stone sculpture. I liked the way he presented – from the eye of an anthropologist. Very interesting. A well-known dancer, SWK, also attended. Nice discussion about textile more than jewelry.

Today was supposed to be the last session of summer study group but the leader decided to add one more session of “show and tell” to officially close the activity. It was a nice group. Nice diversity.

Nice lunch with PEN and LIN who came over. I’m happy that I managed to control self not to go shopping with them after lunch. After two days in Festival Kemang and did not buy anything, this is another achievement. Yay!

Photo of a black time taken in PS today.

Blogging is Challenging

Last month, my acquaintance AS found this blog thru Google by coincidence. He Googled his book title and as I wrote the title precisely – he found it. I was shocked to know that. It’s funny that I was shocked. Blog is for public. It’s an open diary. I responsible fully for the content.

I talked with AS about blog the other day. He felt my tension when I mentioned about he found my blog thru Google. He reminded me that blog is for public that I should not feel alarmed. That’s true but I could not hide the uncomfortable feeling that someone who knows me knows my other dimension of life. That’s silly me!

I learned from the experience. I don’t write full title of an event or anything from that on. And after DHA commented that I shared too much of myself (like my feeling in the morning, my mopping activity, my plan,…) I stripped those details too. I go straight to points I got of the day.

And the other month, one reader commented about me hiding under security blanket when using English. (S)he thought that I was more open in Indonesian. That made me thinking.. Is it?

By the way, why I come up with this topic? My Sis gave me 'tough' comment on -- what she thought -- my wrong doing last Sunday to NIL. It punched me right in the eye. Why? For me, when I wrote something, one can take that as my confession. I 'admit' whatever I have done especially an experience that gives me lesson.

That’s ironic. When I tell stories about what people do to me, no one comes up with nice sympathetic comment. It’s just another experience of her. That’s very understandable tho.

So yesterday was a mix of two comments. One comment was about how someone enjoyed my slideshow where she could see my culture and one tough comment about -- what is considered as -- my wrong doing.

Lastly, I was uncomfortable when someone commented on my not-smooth-language -- which I should not be. Blogging is very spontaneous, even editing is ‘not allowed’ (that’s what I read, not my idea). Then, blogging should be open, again, no editing in content. Because, blogging is about speaking your mind spontaneously. Considering my hesitation and alarm, I have violated the notion of blogging.

For the first time after six months of blogging, I admit..
I’m not ready to blog.

Photo of my Keep Them Under The Table.

I need you

I was not in good mood this morning. I felt heavy of no reason. I don’t like it. I don’t like it because actually… I knew.

I could not decide what I wanted to do. I hung around empty.. RAD texted me about something and checked me whether interested in lunch. I asked her an hour to decide. Yea.. I needed time.

I am low. I need a company. I need to go out. I need distraction.
I replied.

I ran errands and met RAD in a café we never been. I showed her my first book of collage. I told her some background stories. We enjoyed the time and the food. She told me the progress of next fund raising project. Then we talked about love relationship. Again, I admired person who is able to bungee-jumping in love. No fear. Just love.

A friend emailed me in the morning about her friend coming to Jakarta. She described her as “she’s down to earth like me only she is fun… unlike me who need to loosen up..” It rang my bell. I also need to loosen up.

My discussion with RAD about love reminded me to loosen up. She’s so easy, I’m so stiff. I am too serious and it hurts me.. Aaargghh…

On the way home, I realized that I really have to return to NOW. I started to read again the ‘manual book’ about enjoying the moment so I’m able to receive love better and articulate the concept of…
I need you.

Photo of my Now.

simple pleasures..

I ‘cheated’ two parties today. I didn’t go with ATO to set up UB stall in the morning because I planned to visit AS’s exhibition before noon. My famous grand auntie was going to paint in the event.

I changed plan. KIE could not go. I lost appetite to go either. I stayed at home cutting and writing. Time flew. AS thought I was in Kemang and ATO thought I was with AS. Hm.. I was with myself, enjoying self, so nice.

After lunch, I got myself ready in no time and moved to Kemang before it’s too late. I met KIE in Kemang. We hardly met each other recently. She was busy going out of town, so was I. We shared good laugh about our plan with AS next week. So naughty…

I learned two things this afternoon. One is… I had my first kerak telor. It’s traditional Betawi snack made of sticky rice (fried with less oil) and one or two eggs to mix with, and fried spicy coconut on top. I don’t like the smell but I must say the one I had today was good.

Two is… I learned about treasuring simple pleasure. NIL got interviewed earlier in the afternoon by one leading TV station. She was so excited to see herself on TV that she wanted to leave stall soon. I tried to keep her stay by making jokes about the possibility of not being aired this evening or at all. I teased teased teased till she wrapped up her stuff to be able to find TV nearby for 18:00 news. Oh she was serious! So I asked her to leave her merchandise with me.

RIN told me after NIL left that she was excited because the whole life she always wanted to be on TV. It hit me. I didn’t appreciate ‘simple pleasure’. What appears simple to me is important for NIL. I felt bad for having tried to keep her from watching. Ooh…

I helped out in NIL’s stall for almost half an hour. It was a busy stall selling toys and kid’s stuff. I didn’t even have time to eat my cotton candy because people kept coming and asking prices. I managed her stall well tho.

My day was not bad although I didn't start my afternoon with nice feeling..

To Hold and To Release

I solved one problem about staff this morning. The girl who worked for me before delivering baby last month wanted to go back to work. Situation is different now; I already have three girls to help with domestic chores. But to just send her off was not easy for me. Glad PEN had vacancy for her and this morning she told me that she agreed to take the opportunity. I’m happy for her and PEN, and myself too!!

Another problem is still there unsolved. I got text from my ex staff in Ubud yesterday. She wanted to go back to work for me. She ‘left’ me last year for a reason I could fully understand. Now that the situation is different, I have to consider carefully about having her back. I haven’t told her my decision yet and it ‘burdens’ me in a way. PEN reminded me, when I told her about the issue, that I am too kind.

This is not the first time that my kindness ‘stabs’ me. My choice to be kind does not always appear to be the right choice because I let the burden on me. Where do I go wrong? I have been too thoughtful about others and put self after -- which is wrong!?

I had long discussion about business partnership this morning. Same concept in other form of partnerships. It’s about to hold and to release because we don’t have control of our partner(s). Considering my past relationships in business and love, I asked myself about when to hold and when to release. It is said that we don’t possess anything. Anything we have now is not ours, we just own the trusteeship.

Handling material is easy. If we lose it, we lose it. It is not meant to be ours. Period. How about looking after a love relationship? I lost a relationship in the past where some friends commented that I didn’t look after it well. Not well enough because I didn’t show enough ‘attachment’.. It’s so confusing for me. I gave space for my partner to grow and be happy, but it was said that the space I gave was too large. Whaaat? I don’t get it. I just own the ‘trusteeship’, right?

Actually, I treated the relationship like I treat my possession. I look after it well but after all… I have ‘no control’. If it is meant for me, he will stay. Again, where did I go wrong? I have let the relationship slips away? But how? I have looked after it very well. I hope I described it well. I have looked after my staffs the best I could do, so I should have looked after my relationship 'better'. But still…

Now I’m stuck in nowhere about my future relationship. What’s the best formula to keep the relationship that makes both parties happy and able to develop? Should I attach, should I let go? When I have to hold, when I have to release?

Photo of my “Oh oh.. there’s no way!!”

Fourteen Hours

I feel so tired now after 14 hours spending time in Festival Kemang. It’s an annual event in community near FRA. It’s the biggest event where people of all class get together in the same place. About one and half kilometers of Jalan Kemang are closed for transportation. Vendor stalls are built on the street. Hundreds of it.

This is the second year for UB to participate. It’s good that I have staffs from the area, I could get very nice space for car parking. Very convenient, otherwise we had to walk far to get a parking space.

It was hot all day. In the afternoon, the sun shining inside UB stall. It’s so bright and hot. I had umbrella to prevent skin from direct sunlight. It’s hurting. I was too lazy to walk far. I only walked half way – one side – after having long lunch with some relatives who came by. It was a nice refreshing lunch.

People were streaming in after 15:00. Lots of people. I enjoyed my time with street vendors near UB stall. Pantograph seller who taught AIN and I how to copy a picture, cotton candy sellers who came like troops, toys, styrofoam cutter,.. many kinds of vendor we didn’t normally meet.

NIL had busy stall. Her girl, AIN, was with me almost all day. She clung to me. I was sticky but she liked to rub my arms and laid her head on my chest. It was so hot to play, walk, jump, hold,… with her. It’s nice tho to have little kid clinging… Rare :-)

UB closed before six. Again, this year, we had our stall’s lamp not working. We could not stand the mosquito. We wrapped up and walked the street. It’s crowded already. Many stalls were still open till I finished Indian dinner around 22:00. I walked till the end of the street and back to get the car. After two kilometers walking, I felt my bones falling apart.. Too tired to beat the humidity and crowd.

I O U II

The past few weeks, I felt guilty when I walked upstairs. I felt like I owed to myself. What? Yes, I needed to change wall decoration on the side of stairs. I had had it almost one and half year. Too long for an installation stuck on the same spot. I was too lazy, tooo lazy, to change.

Wall decorating is like creating an artwork for me. I have to gather my collection and find ideas of what to do, not just hang something on the wall. Chiko peed on my metal medallion collection last week. Yes, I stuffed them under table. The collection attracted my attention after I saw a presentation on Sumatra ornamentation the other week. I have many nice things from the region that I abandoned.

So I took everything and changed some strings with nice red string. I selected one nice red Sumatra batik as background. It took only twenty minutes to finish the whole orchestra. It took months to come to the twenty minutes. Grr. I like my creation. The spot is a bit dark, I could not take nice picture without flash. But believe me, the color is much better in real. So I’m happy. I did two other minors wall deco with textile.

I did hand-wash laundry again and very nice long shower. In the afternoon, I battled with self to go or not go to an art exhibition opening to raise fund for Yogya earth quake. I knew I would enjoy the event if I went but I needed a big kick. And PEN is always good in kicking me. She kicked me real hard to go. So I went.

Sure I enjoyed the evening. It was a very nice event with unexpectedly nice art of young artists. I met some persons from art community. AS was a bit talkative (PEN thought which I agreed). It’s just nice to see him more ‘active’ ha ha.. And DS asked me to join her foundation to help young artists to get further education and experience in art. She also wanted to publish more books in art in cheaper price to get more readers. That’s very bright idea. I think I need to contact her soon to help her to realize the ideas. She herself is a well known sculptor. I like to know that she cares about young artists who are less fortunate. It’s different way to donate. Nice!

I ended the day with Vietnamese dinner with PEN. It was good. I felt full. Full of Bo La Luc, full of ideas, and have fulfilled debt to myself…

I O U

I prepared self to go out this morning. No matter what, I had to go out. I felt that I owed my staffs if I didn’t check their work. Traffic was not bad. I talked on cellphone all the way so time was just passed.

I was surprised to find FRA looked totally different. Well, that’s what I wanted. I told staffs to propose a new layout and they made it happen. Like entering new shop, I made tour of the shop, seeing things in new way. I loved it. I liked their creativity. Team of four. Salute!

I checked prices. I need to re-price some items but lost appetite. I thought price is okay. LIN also told me that hardly any ever complained about the price. Ehm.. MTN once commented that FRA is a bit pricey buuut… -- liked many had told me -- FRA has good stuff. That is more important.

I decided not to do anything. Even I keep some prices high because of the rarity of the item. I slashed the mass product price tho.. Art business is not a good business nowadays. People choose to eat good food although pricey and keep traveling. What I like about FRA, workshop is busy all the time with commissioned base and frame. I loved to hear about what people say about our quality. Hm.

An hour was enough. I drove home calmly, ready to face whatever traffic. I read half small book while waiting for traffic light.. I also took pictures (shown in slideshow) of business along the street. Jakarta traffic is amazing. We can do many activities in car.

I dropped by cousin’s house for another hour. There were four cousins sat together sorting out glass beads. I enjoyed the activity, seeing four artists at work. Very nice. I went home when they were off to buy lace for ATO’s wedding in November. I suggested them to finish the homework before the busy fasting month starting next month.

My day was not bad at all, I’m happy. I cut one collage -- CoverMe. I cut big pieces this time, for the first time. I found it hard to manage because it’s big. Small mistake may look big because of the scale. It took me longer to finish although it has simple line. It needed cover to hide the mistake :-)

Felt So Good

Life is full of surprises. Yesterday I was surprised to find Pasar Rumput area macet. It was unusual. It’s another transportation development in many areas in Jakarta. Last week I was in heavy macet in Mampang area, of same reason. I just could not believe that in Jakarta things happen in no time. Or I have been cocooning too long?

I planned to go to FRA but.. a mood hit me. Not miserable but quite bad. I learned learned learned to overcome the feeling in shorter time. I told myself to stop the feeling at noon. Exactly at 12:00. I was hard to myself, like usual. I hardly let the feeling flows. I worked on my mind to defeat the mood because I could not bear the pain. Again, life is full of surprises. I wish I didn’t have to experience the feeling ever.

Funny. I checked the time to know when to stop the feeling. Okay, ten minutes to go. I curled up again in couch hugging big cushion while emptying mind. When I checked again, it’s two to twelve. I got up. I changed the channel to Oprah and did my yoga. Harder and longer. I punished myself hard while enjoying Oprah. I got headache, I needed to laugh and I did. It’s about black dating white to promote new movie titled Something New (I don’t have idea when was the new movie out. It could be last year because I watched re-run show.)

Anyway, I felt good after sweating heavily. I tidied my blogs while waiting for sweat to dry. I enjoy my blogs who get good response every now and then on the design (and the artworks of course). It’s all about simplicity. Everything looks nice if we keep it simple but chic with details.

I had long shower after hand-washing my linen clothes. It’s piling up now after weeks of not in touch with domestic chores. I enjoyed doing it. I liked the feeling of the cloth. Afternoon came. I made one collage for Studio Friday while listening to RAD being interviewed in radio about her volunteer activities. What a big effect she has made..

I changed DJ Tiesto to Nusrat Fateh and classical new age music. I feel so good with self now. So many surprises, so many things to learn every day. May I always have the strength..

Photo of my artwork today titled Felt So Good.

Sometimes Less Is More

I stayed in bed longer this morning. Thinking. What I want to do today? What I need to do? What I have done? No clue. I got up.

I did morning ritual with RAD in mind. I battled with self. Go out / stay at home. Thinking of me? I texted RAD. Her reply was instant.. 12 PI (Plaza Indonesia). She is my soul mate. We are connected.

I noted down what I needed to buy.. Long list. I ran before lunch. I wanted to get home as soon as possible. Glad I got everything I needed before she came. And lunch with her was fab as usual. Good choice of resto.

We both shared our experience we got in long weekend. She went to Pangandaran with other 39 ‘white collar’ volunteers to celebrate Independence Day with kids in location. Before she left I had told her to document the trip in blog and print. Some of them are journalists, I believe they can make real both. I kicked her again today.

AP’s small book on Yogya earth quake has inspired me to publish a ‘single experience’ like trip RAD made. Or, any experience we get from the street. It does not have to be big. I bought a book titled Street Graphics Egypt. It’s about street art in Egypt. Simple interest but nice thing to share. I need to get inspiration for my art. Later, I would love to publish a book like MAG with her digi-collage.

Today, I heard again from RAD that I have done something. So hard to believe myself that.. I have done something. I keep searching what to do more. I keep myself being inspired by surrounding although I don’t kick myself hard enough to realize the ideas. Uuh.. Both RAD and I were bubbly with ideas but we need to kick each other to make the ideas happen.

Of the experience we got, we realized that we are happy with our life. She was happy to experience spending a night in a small warung in Pangandaran. And I’m happy to experience spending time with a family with lots of ornamentation to color their life.

We are happy to realize that.. sometimes less is more.

Photo of Dayak outfit with simple buttons, plastic beads, and a big tusk as ornaments. No gold and diamond needed to make it beautiful.

s l o o o w

Last day of long weekend. The last long weekend of 2006. September is around the corner. Time flies.

I stayed in cocoon like usual. A bit productive with artworks but nothing is ‘big’. A friend asked me to go junk shopping in a house in Kemang. I sent him but I decided not to go. I know that I could not resist myself. I better not to go.

I need to get myself together for tomorrow. I really need to see FRA. It’s been weeks of not going. Lazy me. I hope staffs are ready to move things around tomorrow. The place needs new energy. I want to review the price of some items.

So many things in mind but little progress to make things happen. I have collected some eight artworks to be framed. I want to see how it looks on the wall. For fun. Hm..

What else? Hey.. I didn’t do much today. I want to read books I bought in airport last Saturday.

I'm in slow mode..

Simple Life

Nice short trip to Solo. I learned a lot about life. First, how to be easy to face uncertainty because all hotels were fully booked. Then, how to be in a small hotel – house like. Finally, learn about how people of all class live.

I went to a mega ‘opening ceremony’ -- Javanese style -- with wayang show all night. It’s a huge property – 12,000 square meters with nice old trees and nice art deco house. I was happy to be in tour of the property led by the owner. He showed the original part of the palace. It is a palace, owned by local kingdom. It’s magical.

Why I was happy? I was happy to realize that I’m happy with what I have now. My simple but very nice life. I don’t care about “what you see gold is gold”. I’m simply happy with comments on my artwork by art-blogger-friends. Too simple?

Huge property, huge headache. I could not see the fun of having such place. Lots of work, lots of people involvement, lots of ‘waste’,…

I didn’t follow the main program called kirab. A troop of youngster in Javanese outfit carried family flags and else. I enjoyed the troop behind the ‘curtain’ while having nice Javanese dinner. I really enjoyed the food; it’s a huge selection. I tried a bit of everything including the nice Javanese dessert.

This property has four gates from four directions (typical palace). All were open for public to also enjoy the ‘party’. It’s a nice friendly concept. I liked that they shared the joy. So I made tour to see the people. It’s interesting that.. street food vendors were allowed to open stall along the wall. It was selected and well placement (under trees, before the gates, near service areas,..) All served local food and I believed it’s free for everybody. I stopped at each stall. Nasi liwet under big tree with big mat for the patrons to eat, long table for all kinds of local delicacies and ended with tea – coffee section with traditional pot. Ooh.. I really loved the activity but could not take pictures because of not enough light. It’s truly merry.

I was dying to listen to the dalang (the puppet master) making jokes with his partner. Instead, I listened to Ibu host talking about plan and everything. I started to beat mosquitoes and chilly wind. The Ibu talked to me for more than half an hour in front of the big pendopo with plenty of crystal chandeliers bought in the US :-)

I got my time finally when other guests were in line to say goodbye. I sat in one bench near the pendopo where I took the picture. I could not help laughing by myself listening to the dalang and his counterpart. I hadn’t had a good laugh like last night for long time. I could feel I giggled from heart to bone… Soo deep.

I found it funny because I was exposed to the dialect I used to use with relatives in Jakarta for telling jokes. It’s funny because I was hardly exposed to the dialect the last twenty years. It’s like coming home.. And the jokes itself it’s very… Solo! It’s typical orang Solo. They are easy (almost thoughtless), but pleasant and ‘open’ at the same time. I liked to find that they responded very well to.. my smile!! When I smiled, helps and offers were coming unexpectedly. When I laughed, they were open even more. That’s what I felt since I came till left this morning. So nice to be in touch with the people again. After more than five years of not going, I feel I need to visit Solo again sometime soon.

Going Solo

I thought it’s Sunday today. I got up more excitedly knew that today is still Saturday. I tried to sketch but I preferred to glue the finished artworks to book first. I liked the process: measuring, taping, then writing date and caption. But hey, no time to cut today. I have to pack after, again, doing ‘hard’ yoga.

I enjoyed myself selecting batik to wear. It was like recollecting memories because each batik has own ‘story’: where and when was bought, where and when was worn,.. Each cloth can also tell its ‘age’ thru the technique and material used. I love batik.

Packing also gives me opportunity to ‘shop’ in own closet. I found some nice tops I never wore. I’m only creative with what I see, I don’t always remember that I still have ‘stock’ for creation. I shall shop in my closet more in the future.

It’s not easy to pack for less than 24 hours trip he he. I don’t want to pack too many, but I’m afraid of my combination (because I always have new combination)turned out to be uncomfortable ha ha. Girl! Okay, I decided to take two set for option. It’s thin cloth anyway. Done!

Picture of little me wearing Minang outfit.

HoliFRIday

To have holiday feeling is always nice although stay in town. It’s still Friday, three days to go. I got up with excitement to do things I like (isn’t it everyday?)… I wrote Independence post then working on uploading pictures again although in vain. I found better solution tho. I’m glad (for awhile).

I answered SF challenge then doing yoga till sweaty wet. I forced myself to do harder and more. I got my body stiff because of no yoga for days and driving 'long hours' the past few days. It was really good when I could be sweaty wet. I felt flexible and lighter again. By the way, my weight is back!

I was more productive after shower. I made a collage with ‘serious’ sketch. I liked my anatomy study, not bad. I also made one that inspired by a friend. Making collage is quick. It’s the reading that makes it long. I often read the article before cutting it, especially travel magazine -- many useful information. The ‘safest’ magz are the Swedish ones.

I listened to a lot of classical music today. The right tune can boost the energy to create. I put Gershwin, Mozart, Kachaturian, Tchaikovsky,.. No wonder I worked like fan. What more could I do? Look at Oprah’s head on my TV..

Share Me The Sun

Yesterday was Indonesian Independence Day. Like last year, I spent the whole day in a park in Menteng tending UB stall with cousins. It’s annual party for people who live in the area. Up class area (where UB neighbor stall used Audi to transport the merchandise..)

I was tired to start early. I was in bad traffic all Wednesday driving UB to and from Citos mall doing Wed bazaar. I also had to go to two banks doing my biz. It was a busy day for the whole city because it’s the last day before the very long weekend. Thursday is Independence Day, Friday is considered ‘national holiday’ (bank closed), and Monday is Moslem holiday. Five days in a row.

Anyway, we started around 10:00. Not bad. It was a humid hot day. Sun also shone very brightly but park was full of kids and parents wearing red and white (our flag colors) outfit. There were some competitions in front of the stage. The popular ‘makan krupuk’ (eating hanging krupuk), bakiak race (three persons in one big wooden sandal), tug o’ war, couple competition,… It was very alive.

I enjoyed the atmosphere. I was glad that I had decided to go. I always remembered a friend told me to go out to see the Universe (after I cocooned myself at home for three days last week). It is very true. There are many things to learn from people and circumstances (but I also love my nest hoo hoo..)

I planned to take pictures of the competition but my cousin’s boyfriend’s mother asked me to walk with her. She held my hand as we walked around the area. I also helped her shopping and selecting gifts. By the time I returned to stall, interesting competitions were almost over. That’s okay. I learned about other mother anyway :-)

I met JNT, my friend in summer study group, when the Jakarta governor had short speech. A combination of applause and wooooh… It was merry. JNT is big fan of the governor (but his wife hates). He thought that the governor has great ideas to plan the city although many against it. He is the do-er. Many of his ideas turn out great. His latest idea is turning a football field in an upper class area into a parking building to reduce bad traffic in the area. Many pros and cons.

Anyway, it was nice talking with JNT. We never talked before. It’s interesting knowing a person who works as ‘world class’ anthropologist at home in Indonesia. Again, what an invention of the internet. He visits museums all over the world and writes at home doing research. His turn to do presentation is in the last session of the summer study. He is going to do ‘serious’ research on textile and stone sculpture ornamentations in National Museum. A couple of weeks ago he sent out invitation to anybody who’s interested in joining his research. He said that no one was interested. But now I’m thinking..

I went around again before closing. I stopped in one stall selling stone and silver jewelry. Tiny and simple style like the style of a shop in Ubud. I felt envious suddenly. This is what I always want to do myself but I never get myself together. The designer works in an NGO in Bali, also her friend who helps the marketing in Jakarta had once lived in Ubud. Nice persons. I bought anklet with black garnet and silver combination. Very very nice!

We ended the day around 18:00. I felt sticky okay. I had nice long shower and scrubbing (I felt thick of dust ha ha). After nice martabak and roti cane with lamb curry dinner plus black tea, I could not keep my eyes open. I posted two artworks and a slideshow half asleep. What an independence day…

61st Independence Day

Hard Decision

I got lessons two days ago. I went to meet a good friend who had been asking my time about two years. We only met in social events but never actually had lunch like before. I didn’t intend to avoid him but I just didn’t feel like to talk one to one with him. That’s all.

We exchanged texts the days before and again he asked me to meet. I gave in. I’d been not nice and an hour of meeting him should be nothing. It should be no pain. Even if it could have been painful, I could just decide to forget the next day. So no problem at all!

So I met him. We talked about our mutual friend who is not lucky in relationship. Again, I told him that her situation now is her choice. We didn’t have to ‘feel sorry’ for her. He said that my opinion was very me.

He looked at me and told me -- reminded me to be precise -- that there is time in life when we have to “choose” the difficult and uncomfortable situation for the better self and others. It took awhile for me to digest his statement. I put myself into somebody else’s shoes and observed my decisions too.

I must say. I agree with him. Yes, there is ‘unwanted’ situation where we have to choose for "now" – hopefully for temporary. I could not agree more. We cannot always be in a situation we want, we don’t have the control of any situation although we can decide on what we want. But being self centered?

Last night I made decision to attend an event I never wanted to attend. I had made the decision to not go for a few weeks. But after I knew that the host was sure that I would attend, I felt that I could not do this to someone who sincerely considers me as good friend. I could be selfish for I only focus on my idealism but a good friend is a good friend.

He could decide to do silly thing like racing in high speed and wants me to watch. It can be meant to ‘watch him die’, but his sincere invitation can be viewed from different point of view too. He wants me to watch when he passes the race, or he dies. Either happens, it's still nice to have done something nice to a good friend -- regardless the uncomfortable feeling.

I got a lesson from the decision. I can stay being myself with my own decision but looking at different point of view is important too. After all, sharing happiness is always rewarding. I know I would be the happiest person if I can make anybody happy. An hour meeting -- an overnight trip -- should not be matter to me. I have the rest of my life to have other 'soft' decisions. It’s not a life time commitment although.. it is a hard decision.

Photo of a pin given by a friend. I fixed it on my laptop computer sleeve to remind me the good decisions I have made, soft and hard :-)

Borneo

I woke up early and worked on troubled pictures uploading in Blogger. I had the problem since yesterday. My usual ilmu kudu didn’t work at all. I just don’t like to see picture which is not in the size I want or a post with no picture at all.

I got PEN’s house at 8:20, way too early. And we got Taman Mini Indonesia Indah waaaaaaaaaay too early too. More than an hour before 10:00! We drove around the complex recollecting memories and enjoyed the houses from all over Indonesia. What a clever project by past government..

To kill the time, we stopped by a food market where all vendors served similar menu for lunch. The only chain-resto hadn’t opened yet. We decided to sit in one small warung and had tea and rempeyek for PEN. We talked talked talked…

The tour was nice. We visited five different rooms showing ornamentation from five sub-districts in East Kalimantan. We learned about the people and the culture. We also laughed a lot at the mannequins they used. It has western type face. It completely changes the feeling of the ethnic outfit (shown in photo uploaded by Wordpress). Funny. RK made joke that she is going to order mannequins with Asian face in China.

It was pretty hot but fun trip. PEN and I were off to Citos mall to have lunch after the visit. MAR joined later. We had nice talk over Vietnamese and later coffee at Coffee Bean. It was the first time for both PEN and MAR to have lunch together. They told me, separately, that they thought the other is fun to be with. I’m glad to have known them. We planned to do ladies night this weekend..

PS: Selamat ulang tahun, I. Cek blucolage. Untuk I.

Double Delay

I talked to a good friend over phone this morning. I thought I had experienced delay in receiving. It’s hard to time the when-to-talk when we experience delay. Usually we end up talking in the same time and of course it won’t be easy to listen. Those complications.

So I tried to find out why. But he told me that he was practicing a tip to ‘delay’ a respond. Aha! I read the same book and also thought to practice the same tip. I’m usually quick to respond (which is good if the response ‘is precisely good’). Anyway, for half an hour I worked on the delay which I also believed that the network had contribution too. Double delay. I got my ear hot for I naturally pushed my cellphone closer ha ha..

I reflect. I recalled some situations. It seems that I’m better in responding with delay when I face ‘chaos’. I don’t react quickly. But in happier situation without ‘hi pitch’, I would respond quickly.

Last Sunday, an auntie called. Venting. Emotional one. I listened and waited to respond. Like me this morning, she called my name several times. Checking whether I was still in the line. I tried to make situation easy for her so I laughed. In the end, we both laughed. She felt lighter after a few minutes talk. I was happy for her.

With Mama is harder. If I didn’t respond quickly, she kept asking. She could make me ah uh of how to respond well. So funny. With her to I have to use my ‘delay skill’ well.

Today I learn to calm (read: delay) in both situations: chaos and non. To practice double delay: listen, listen, respond.

I gain weight..

One kilogram in the morning. Don’t laugh! It changes my cheeks and mid sector. Even 1 kg means a lot to my body. But what’s in the morning means? In the morning means the weight stays! I don’t trust weighing at night because the weight would be gone in the morning.

I have better appetite since Bali. It’s a bit ‘dangerous’. Now I can think of something to eat, unlike before. I can make many food ‘edible’. Danger danger… I started my old habit since shopping emergency food (for travel) in Ubud. I had raisins, Sun Maid, my favorite. I bought more in Jakarta, now I also have prunes and mango. I also like to eat salak since I saw piles of them in Bali airport. Uh oh..

The good thing is.. I still don’t have appetite for rice and the regular meal, except I have one half-boiled egg in the morning (since Bali too). And I enjoy Brazilian coffee with creamer more now. Uh..

Yea.. I was concerned when BSD told me in Malang that I looked too skinny. He said that I didn’t look fresh. That is matter to me. I want to look fresh and healthy always. I felt that I lost weight when I walked in Malang airport. My size 24 jeans went down to hips.

By the way, the experience of gaining weight inspired my collage today (shown in photo). I finished two collages before 16:00. I didn’t go out yesterday, neither today! No FRA, no resolution fulfilled. I feel good tho to have stayed at home two days and done things I like. I will make another collage to spend my evening and make a new resolution for next week. --I will work on FRA and PLV starting tomorrow.--

Like diet, always starts tomorrow :-)

l a z y b l u

Today I was in my top lazy. I got up before 6:00, was in computer for awhile, then adhered artworks to books, did yoga, tried to lay-out,… by noon I realized.. I hadn’t done anything.

I had to go to FRA, that’s my statement since yesterday. Instead, I lied down in bed and thinking.. I have no drive. No drive at all to do biz. I stayed in bed, fully awake, busy thinking,… Why is this happening? I lose my passion. I tried to sort out what bothers me.. I could not.. I tried to project a nice place to go. I could not.. I tried to set my appetite to watch movie. I failed..

I showered late but it was good. Ideas flowing again, I finished an artwork for IF then tried to make another one… Like addiction…

My resolution for tomorrow is.. I have to beat my laziness!

..not to be perfect.

I had very short morning even though I started at 5:30. PEN had been so nice to ‘sacrifice’ her tennis for me so I didn’t want to be late. We ended up arriving at Heritage library too early at 9:00! It was still 'dark' with a few people preparing the event.

I brought perkedel my three staffs preparing since very early. They were so nice. I felt slightly bad but.. I should not do, it’s not an every year order of preparing dish in the early morning. As it had been successful, I’m thinking to ask them to do again more often for other event :-)

I met many ‘new’ faces and talked to them. One ex-minister’s wife, 80 years old, liked to talk to me. She called me by name every time we ran into each other, so I stopped and actually spent time to talk to her. I adored her spirit. She looked like she’s only 65. She told me about her six children and 13 grand-children (after I told her about no kid by choice). Really nice woman!

I also talked to the wife of my ex head-of-project in my office nine years ago! I learned that they moved back to Indonesia last year and today I had a chance to greet her who handled membership registration. She told me briefly about gossips in Washington office. Some sad, some nice. What a nice reconnection!

It was a nice lecture about SR’s experience doing research for her anthropology book on gold jewelry in Sumatera. She is going to hold a Sumatra textile exhibition in Holy Cross College, near Boston. She asked for input from audience of how to present the textiles in the small museum. It’s a very nice interactive discussion among fifty members of the Heritage.

PEN and I had Thai lunch then went supermarket shopping, then coffee at Coffee Bean. In total, we spent six hours since we came in the mall (the library is by the mall). I asked PEN whether she has communication problem with her mom. We discussed it. I think we face similar problem and I almost come to her style to deal with ‘difficult’ aged mom. Keeping quiet while showing care (which is difficult to relate both attitudes)..

Yesterday I had tough discussion with Mama when she snapped at me saying that I’d been too hard to talk to. I stopped talking then. She asked me an opinion but she didn’t like to hear. What’s the point then? I should have known better how to deal with venting Mama. Shut up! (She called me again just now for an opinion. For me it’s more an announcement then, or I take it that way. I told her that I agree :-) Never mind.)

Anyway, I’m glad to hear that my problem is not unique. I just have to learn how to deal with people better and better. I remember the two choices a friend sent me thru email today: to have bad mood or good mood. Choose the latter and the positive attitude. Nothing is matter anymore. Whatever.

PEN and I had long discussion about many things especially mixed marriage and the trend of not respecting a relationship. How fragile people can be… I also learn more about Chinese year traits. I could take Chinese signs division in the past, but PEN said that Chinese year division is more precise. I could see now that she is right especially after observing that we can get along very well (first time in life to have a close friend of same sign). Yes, I get along very well with Rooster and Horse (RIT). And when she told me about her difficult mom, I could not link her with her sign, because her Monkey tells more. PEN laughed out loud realizing.. that her youngest son of same Chinese year is same difficult.

More lesson today.

i list..

My simple happiness today is.. I found two nice sketch books for my collage. One is longer than A4 (I don’t know the ‘technical’ size) so I don’t have to cut my work to fit the page. I can even write caption below the artwork. Perfect. The other one is A4 size and black page! It’s not really the size I looked for but.. okay.. I can think of how to use.

I’m a bit worry about the book because I’m quite productive lately and the two books I used now are bought in Singapore. I need to find a complement before I finish them. So calm now :-)

My other happiness is to have lunch with RAD. My energizer. We were bubbly with ideas and didn’t have enough time as usual. But okay.. I always enjoy our exchange: positive and productive. I hope I can meet her again tomorrow evening for a show. We both left the plan ‘hanging in the air’, let the mood decides for us tomorrow.

My miracle is.. I managed to “bite my tongue” not to reply to a not-so-nice text from a cousin. I know she joked but.. it’s negative. I’m not happy with that and decided not to reply at all. I stopped the turn-takings. What an art to keep positive attitude..

And this evening I bless my luck to have a friend like PEN. I ‘dragged’ her to come with me to a lecture in Heritage library tomorrow. I have planned to come since I knew about the lecture, but then I really have to go because the Chairwoman asked me to bring a dish of savory. No escape. Of that reason, I need to be there before 9:30 and it’s PEN’s tennis day. She decided to shorten her tennis time to go with me. She didn’t let me go by cab. What a sweet friend she is, isn’t she?

And finally, my staffs that look after Chiko who suffers of stomach ache these days. I know that my staffs care for him is genuine, not because of my order. AD took him to vet, IJ and ER watch his diet and medicine intake. They update me with the progress. Again, I could not be luckier.

That’s my list of daily miracles today.

Photo of my Rocket artwork.

i d l e

Hey I’m idle today. I walked like robot cleaning bedroom. It was good. I also cleaned a pile of junk letters. Everything went straight to trash bin. Hard to believe that companies spend lots of money on printing which people don’t even look at. Or it’s just me? I keep one nice hard cover of an invitation from my credit card (invitation to buy two carats of diamond?) I tore the invitation. It’s a nice golden paper that could be perfect for standing frame. I plan to make simple collage to give away. Recycling.

I enjoy myself today. I didn’t work. It leaves a bit of feeling guilty of not doing more for biz. And yesterday when I did the list, the volunteering part hit me. I never did big thing. I went to orphanage (cleaning and talking to the kids) but I never involved in real raising fund like RAD and her White Collar Care. I read her proposal for celebrating Independence Day in Pangandaran. Oh. What a big thing she does after Yogya trip.

Even now my magazine with six CDs has made its turn three times probably. Like robot.. on and on and on.. So the ears that listen..

Photo of old wooden utensils from Tana Toraja I bought in Bali last week.

40 Things Before 40

Nothing special today. The usual Tuesday morning with jewelry study group studying natural beads (bone, seed, wood, shell,..). I had lunch with PEN and LDY then visited two art galleries. Nothing special. Indo paintings nowadays have no soul. ‘Empty’ painting to color the wall, not the soul. I wonder who still buy art..

Whatever. It was a hot day. I’m glad to be home again around 15:20. Tired to be on-off car under sun. PEN has kindly lent me a few woman magazines from Oz. I browsed it just now. An article attracted me. 35 things to do before 35. I checked the list to see how many I miss:

1. Travel solo: Yea, I had done it before 35. Many places.

2. Buying a car: Hm. I have the exclusive authority to use a car since age 18. I didn’t share.

3. Road trip: I did the longest trip by car (900 km) before 35. From Jakarta to Malang – East Java. Only once. I don’t enjoy road trip. Maybe later in life.. (ha ha impossible)

4. A fancy dinner: Yea, I arranged fancy dinner (and lunch) for friends at home once in awhile before 35.

5. Nude photos: Ah.. I have not done yet. Yea, why not?

6. Visit one major city: It is mentioned: France, Spain, the US, and Dubai. I never went to Spain and Dubai. Not bad.

7. Getting your own place: Hm. I have since 30.

8. Volunteering: I never did? I never took volunteering opportunities. Thing to think about..

9. Adopting: Charity yes. I have helped at least two kids to school before 35.

10. Dump toxic friends: I collected soft toys till 35. Stop now. Dusty and no use.

11. Organize regular reunions: I stopped doing it around 35. I felt that not many friends were enthusiastic to meet old friends after they have family.

12. Attending a global event: If organizing an international seminar is one, I did twice before 35.

13. Online shopping: I never did. I paid hotel and tours online tho, but not shopping.

14. Flirting: Oooppss.. I need coach.

15. Knowing your legal rights: I seldom thought about it but maybe I should..

16. Take a family holiday: I don’t remember the last time I went with family on holiday. Like four of us (parents and big sis). Now Papa has passed away.

17. Sharing a kiss in Paris, with someone you love: It suggests riding up Eiffel Tower and doing. I fail to do before 35 but I would definitely before I die :-)

18. Making love somewhere unusual: See number 17, I fail to do before 35 but I would definitely before I die :-)

19. Do the New York Times crossword: Hm, maybe later..

20. Planning for retirement: I have. I stopped working at 31 and started to plan my retirement. Many laughed at me. I plan it too early?

21. Learning another language: If English is not another language, then I haven’t done before 35.

22. Commission a portrait: I never fancy having a commissioned portrait of myself so I probably will never do.

23. Run a marathon: A good girlfriend of mine did it recently in her 43. I’m not sure whether I would do.

24. Have a mammogram: I had before 35 which the doctor thought it was a bit too early. I should do it again after 40 and I haven’t..

25. Overcome a phobia: Glad I don’t have any. I’m not even afraid of ghost.

26. Living overseas: I never experienced but I have thought about it..

27. See the wonders of the world: I did just after I passed 35 in 2001. Great Wall of China. I was in Beijing when 9/11 happened. If Borobudur is included in the list, then I have done it long before 35.

28. Blogging: I only started this year, in my 40. Not bad.

29. Get a full body check-up: I did, when I did mammo at 34.

30. Meditate: I started yoga just before 35. My meditation is getting better and better by time.

31. Increase your insurance coverage: I have covered for twelve years now but never increase the coverage. Should I do?

32. Quit smoking: Never do and would never till I die..

33. Pop calcium: I have carefully thought about my calcium intake since early. Glad I have invested since before 35..

34. Go back to school: I did. I earned my Master in 34. I’m still thinking to go back to school tho.

35. Make a will: I have! I don’t have gold and diamond but I told my cousin to look after my textile collection when I die. Silly? No. That’s my treasure.

The magazine adds Five Must-Dos Before 40:

1. Own Liquid Assets: I have, especially art and antiques which are covered by insurance.

2. Change Your Fashion Style: Oh I never worry about this one. I change style every now and then.

3. Learn A Life Skill: What is life skill? It is said how to drive, swim, cook,.. I drive since 18. I talked to LDY today to teach me to swim better. Forget about how to cook, I don’t really enjoy food. Doing art is a life skill? I’m learning how to do it now (redo after vacuuming for years).

4. Deal With Death: What’s this? It says “It’s called being realistic. Death is inevitable and the sooner you learn to deal with it, the better.” Well, I have talked about this with relatives before 35. They laughed at me again, too soon… I haven’t done anything yet but I’m seriously thinking about it. Start to look for a place or decide to be cremated. Should I decide soon so I can include it in the will?

5. Turn Down An Unsuitable Marriage Proposal: Hm.. after 35, I think, I can stop an unsuitable man to propose. Stop before he does ha ha..

Ah nice to check list of things to do before I get old. I did the list more than two hours. I did, I left, I did, I left, I did, I finished.

Photo of birthday card my Sis sent me this year.

Daily Miracles

I had a nice experience in airport last night. It’s Sunday night, the busiest time of the week where commuters come and go. I flew budget airline this Bali trip. My new fun challenge.

Not that I mind the shabby cabin or the safety of the aircraft, but the inflexibility cost me more than non-budget airline in the past. No reschedule (or USD 8 for reschedule), no refund, non endorsable, and limited baggage. It should be okay for ‘calmer’ people, not for people who are activated by mood and carry heavy baggage :-)

A friend inspired me to try budget airline again. The one who always sits in business class in branded airline could enjoy budget airline. So can I..

So I ‘fixed my mood’ to fly AA to Bali last weekend. My return ticket ‘gave’ me one night stay in hotel, I mean, the price difference worth one night stay. Not bad. AA is nice airline with nice cabin, with same combination of bread to and from Bali ha ha.

I don’t mind sitting for 1.5 hours without drink (because AA only offers a cup of mineral water). It’s the surprise that shocked me some times.. Like someone threw her bag on my laptop in x-ray, or suddenly I saw toes stretching under my seat, or my neighbor had his shoes off, or an outbound group of twenty loudly recalling their nice time together,... A book helped me always.

Arrival terminal should not be a problem usually. It went slow some times but.. tolerable. Last night was ‘fun’. It took almost 1.5 hours till I got in cab. Same amount of time to fly from Bali.

Terminal was messy. Many flights arrived in the same time. I never checked the signboard for belt because often showed wrong direction. I checked the crowd with porters because porters usually knew which for which. But last night was funny, even porters did not know which for which. Flock of people going round and round from one belt to another.

I stayed far from the belts. I better observed and came closer later after confirming the right belt. I learned something from observing the chaos. It’s so interesting – in Indonesia – we know where the belt from from the smell and the stuff coming out.

I stood by a belt which I thought was from Bali, but the smell? Ya, from Makassar! Cajuputi came in boxes. Then I checked the other belt with boxes. Oh it’s from Yogya. It’s written in the box Yu Djum – gudeg from Yogya. I laughed a lot. So easy to detect. Box with bika ambon or plastic box with smelly durian is from Medan. Besek with salak is from Bali. Box with Pendowo sign is from Malang, or sari apel (new trend of apple juice). Fun ya?

In international terminal is the same. Plastic box with fruits is from Bangkok or Singapore, IKEA box is from KL or Singapore, gallon of water is from Mecca,.. We cannot miss that.

We learn new thing everyday, like RIT always said. And this morning, browsing thru my photo collection, I realized that I should highlight my daily miracles. Plus inspiration from a friend last night, I set up a new blog.

Bluloop helps me to watch.

Any moment could be..

I had nice morning with one more collage. I didn’t have idea but I needed to create something. I brought two Architectural Digest magazines from PLV. Perfect. I browsed the pages to gather ideas. I didn’t want to draw this morning, not enough time.

I like my ‘different’ style of collage; new theme, old style. Romanza got nice comment from a good friend. I submitted the artwork to IF, I hope someone will come up with something

I got shocking news this morning. My neighbor passed away. I thought it was his old mom. He was a choreographer with busy studio in the opposite of my house. I observed his activities ‘unintentionally’ because my desk is by the window. The last time I saw him was on the day I left for Bali. He looked well that morning.

When I lost my uncle last month, I recalled the last time I saw him two weeks before he passed away. He was standing by his gate and looked healthy although thin. That made me thinking that any moment could be the last time. It reminds me of treasuring every moment of my life with people I know (and don’t know). Be always nice because it may be the last time..

I didn’t do many in PLV. It was not an inspiring moment to work. I’m not really happy but what can I do? Drop the baggage. I plan to come again in the next few weeks and spend more time in Ubud. I really need to get connected with the place and the biz. I was detaching too long.. Reconnecting?

I’m in airport now, longing for my nest. Five day travel is convenient. Enough time to spend in a new place and the right time to miss the comfort of a nest. I have plans for the days ahead. The fruit of a trip.

Photo of a small pond with moss in front of my room in Ubud.

Inspire Me

Nice morning with sun in Ubud. I started my day by going online in resto. It was still a bit dark at 6:15. I rushed to finish my biz before staffs set up breakfast tables. And it’s fair if no other guests seeing me online in that spot.

I spent my morning making collage in terrace. It was nice with sun rays on my back. I experienced life started in this hotel. Staffs preparing breakfast and mattress by the pool, guest passing by my room to have breakfast,..

Sun was delicious. I could not help myself to lay my back on warm mattress by the pool and enjoyed the sun shining on my body for a few minutes. It’s so warm before shower. Weather is very nice. It’s about 28 Celcius now, last night was lower than 24.

I started the day late today. I walked to ceramic shop, Eclipse Pottery, in Ubud main road. This is one of a few shops I always visit when in Ubud. I liked the design, very Japanese (the owner is), although price is not cheap. I took long time to decide what I needed. I came for bread-n-butter plate but ended up with some other small plates and bowls, mostly for my aroma kit. Never have enough.

I arrived at PLV after noon. It was hot outside and so cool inside the shop. I felt lazy to start working. A neighbor came over and we chatted. I started to check my stock later. I made my staff ‘sweaty’ doing inventory. But he is good, I like him. He is a naïve boy from a little village in northern Bali. Quiet shop triggered him to do creative marketing. After worked, he stopped by cab-driver pools along his way home and talked to them. He distributed PLV name card and told them that PLV gives small token when they come with guests who spend. It’s normal practice in Bali. It’s clever. I never thought to ask him to do so.

Yesterday I visited a big warehouse (too big to be called a shop) in Kerobokan. The last three years in-out Bali, I saw the biz ‘growing’ from empty to fully stocked now. The Chinese lady owner has a very hi spirit, I must say. Her taste for art is so-so but she is very confident to invest in new stuff – mass product – stock. Her latest interest is ladies accessories. She employed her garment factory staffs to make the accessories for the warehouse. It’s huge stock with variety and not cheap price.

Visiting her shop, again I felt that I haven't done enough for my biz. I didn’t have the drive to optimize my staffs' skill although they are potential and less occupied these days. I should have spared my time to teach them doing things for the shop. It’s for their benefit too. Oh oh.. I felt bad and good at the same time. It inspired me to do more in different scale for my biz.

Now I’m busy inhaling sedap malam flower scent. The nice smell starts just before dark till dawn. It’s a unique flower (shown in photo). I feel good and peaceful. What a rare inspiring moment!

Bali Aircon

Last night I was busy turning on and off the aircon in room. It was chilly cold, but without aircon I felt suffocated. I was tired and didn’t know what to do. I made one collage but it was not easy to finish when idea didn’t flow well. I glued the pieces this morning, not satisfied still.

I was tired when I got back from Legian (again). I only walked for four hours (only??). By the way, how’s my experience with the massage? Great! Now I know. I could enjoy the time when I’m totally ready to shut off the world. I prepared self then walked to spa near the swimming pool. I left my communication device (read: cellphone) in room. I was ready to give my sixty minutes to the lady massager.

Ibu.. Ibu! Wow.. I fell asleep the last ten minutes, or less. I was sure that it was only ten minutes because I stayed awake till the last part, left hand. It was good! She was good. It was not hard but relaxing. I kept the oil for an hour before showered. And after shower, I battled with the aircon. Bali is so cold.

Now I’m sitting in the terrace of my room in Ubud. Worse than in Kuta. Freezing. Getting internet connection in Ubud is not easy. I could use dial-up in room last year, but not recently. I asked the owner son about the setting. He said nothing is changed, later he offered me to use the telephone line in resto – for free! I asked him to charge me, he refused.

I ‘threatened’ him that I would use the line till dawn, he laughed. So I’m happy that I could go online now. Going online for twenty minutes, I think now I know why he won’t charge me for the dial-up. It was too cold in the open air resto even at 17:27 now. Only if I want to challenge Ubud weather plus… mosquito. Fair enough!

Photo of view from where I sit now.

Aloneness

I spent my afternoon in Jalan Legian yesterday. I never really walked from end to end and I almost did. I decided to be off cab before my favorite bead shop. It’s nice to walk passing by shops I used to see from car window.

I stopped by BEN bead shop but didn’t decide on anything. I just checked what he had and would think about the creative idea later. I had other reason too.. I was too hungry to think. I hadn’t had lunch since landed around 14:00.

I continued walking but didn’t check shops. I just stopped once in a while to enjoy the art displayed on the window. I know myself. I would shop quickly if I 'dared' to enter an interesting shop, so I better stayed outside.

I made one stop tho to shop for my 3-D creation. It’s a nice stone shop selling rough wooden beads. Price was reasonable and variety was different. I spent long time to check everything. I even had opportunity to enjoy people marching the street with offerings going to an Odalan (temple anniversary) celebration (shown in photo). Thing that I really like about Bali, the people and the culture. So thick.

It was almost 17:00, I badly needed drink but water was not my option. I wanted to reach Made’s Warung in Seminyak before dark. I walked and walked while recalling the distance if I went by car. Aha! It was not close. I arrived at Made’s quite damp sweaty in cool afternoon, I walked briskly.

It was just in time before dark. I still enjoyed the nice afternoon under frangipani trees and nicely decorated tables. I had shrimp n avocado and strawberry lassi while finishing Bali Advertisers, thick ad newspaper. I checked every column. It’s endless source of ideas.

I ordered fried banana n palm sugar and cappuccino while checking every page of a thick ad magazine. I looked for inspiration for my collage. Coffee was too thick and four pieces of banana was too much. What made it worse? I was chilled in Bali at 17:30!! That’s not Bali image. But true, I could not enjoy sitting any longer. It was too cold.

Warm shower was good for cold and tired body. It’s almost 21:00. Time flew. I finished a clipping collage before 23:00. I was sleepy that I slept ‘early’ but then I woke up early too.. at 4:30! I stayed in bed till 5:30 and made another collage. Later when I uploaded it to blucolage, I looked again, I felt like I was dreaming when creating Star. Half conscious?

I enjoyed very much my time here. But Bali, like many other places, is interesting for shopping! My biz don’t need me to shop and I don’t need to shop for myself either. I stayed in room making another collage and writing this morning. I plan to shop for UB and have lunch around 13:00.

And for the afternoon, just now I decided to do something that I never did in Jakarta. I made an appointment for 18:00 to have one hour of acupressure aromatherapy.. massage!!!

Eid Every Day

I’m in Bali now, just checked in, and stranded in room. The hotel is fogging outside room and garden. It’s so thick and smelly even in room now. It seems that I have to wait till the fog settles down. Ugh! It’s summer. It must be mosquito.

I had a nice flight. Again, mid-day flight where 'I was not there and am not here either'. A day is chopped into two. I would just use any length of time left to enjoy sunset soon. I’m bubbly wanting to sketch. I read nice graphic design magazine I bought in airport. It gives me idea.

I talked to NDA this morning. He asked me about how my two shops are doing. I told him that both are quiet this year, only PLV is better this summer. He said Yea, you cannot have Eid every day. Sometimes you have to fast. (Eid is Moslem new year where there is a lot of good food like celebration after one fasting-month.) He added with laugh tho.. But fasting too long won’t do good either. Ha ha…

He was right! I liked that he reminded me that I cannot party every day. Good reminder for me. I’m thinking a lot about UB (my latest biz amuse) which – I feel – goes down recently. I think a lot about how to restructure, to make it better and promising as before. I learn how to do biz with partners (my cousins). I find it… not easy. I cannot fly easily, but waiting for them to fly also takes time. Too long. I’m sure this biz is not easy for my cousins too.

That’s my homework for this trip. I have to come up with ideas to renew the spirit – of UB and FRA. Both really need my time. I thought about it while reading the magazine in plane. I have to do something.

Photo of my room balcony door with blind from where I sit.

Mirror

I interviewed MAR after studying South East Molluca jewelry today. I envy her big smile. She has ‘shiny’ smile that lit up her face. Well, she is pregnant so that may be it. I asked her anyway whether she ever experienced low mood. I was curious.

She said when she is in low, she avoids people. She becomes more sensitive and gets upset easily. Hm. She experienced very low period for six months last year that she had to take anti-depressant pill and was in therapy. That’s something for ever-happy MAR I know.

Later in lunch, I listened to RIT and KAT who experienced lost of ‘identity’ after kids grown up. They felt that they were no longer a mother and didn’t know who they were. No ‘label’. While MNE and I ‘suffered’ from lost of identity after stopped working. Hm…

I learned that women need label as mother, wife, partner, officer, business-woman,.. Is that why they attend various classes, do charity work, do business, and do many thing else to get the label? Correct me if I’m wrong..

I reflected. Yes, I keep thinking what else I can create. Not just for label, but I need to use my time as optimal as can be. But most of all, I’m happy to know that I passed my lowest period better than my girl friends who – I thought – have bigger smile. I didn’t suffer that I needed pill and therapy. I could handle self and kept my head floating. Yes!

And when EDI told me that she liked my smile, I floated. I’m not that bad. I only need mirror to see.

Photo of my Buddha collection.