The A-line

It’s the last day of the month and… my stay. Special. I might end this stay today but have looked forward to coming again very soon. And I know it will come soon as I have busy agenda during this coming stay in Jakarta. I have booked my staffs’ time to learn how to make necklace. Now I need them to make the small and simple line while I concentrate on other line, my new idea.

I have decided to create what my marketing friend calls the A-line. That’s the line for unique silver beads I some times come across among the rubble of a shop. Yea, some shops have things not displayed because silversmiths melt leftovers (leftovers for them, unique for me). I feel like discovering treasure when find a big silver bead with shabby look. It’s not easy for them to sell big shabby silver beads because silver is expensive. Rarely one spends on something big that doesn’t look good. So I consider myself lucky!

I decided to walk downtown. I need the exercise. I feel unfit after days just walking in the house like hamster. When I started walking at 9:30, it's been considered late for Balinese. Yes, I could feel the sun is already high. I passed by my salon and again it’s fully booked. The Japanese owner, Yumi, told me that the salon is always full when I plan to get a treatment. She is right, I feel so.

I dropped by my batik shop and bought two dresses. I was sweaty wet by then. The owner offered to drive me downtown. It’s very tempting but no… I need to exercise. I also got same offer when I dropped by an art shop where I know the keeper. I learn in Bali, people are so nice that they can leave work for a while to run errands, I mean, to drive me. I got such service from my friend -- Ayu -- the other day, she locked the shop! I turned down but she didn’t let me walking back home. Balinese have a nice sincere gesture.

So I spent brunch and lunch in Tutmak that offers free wireless connection just recently. I online chatted with friends in other places and tried to work but it’s hard. I just did a few things for necklace business and made business calls. My friends liked to express how lucky I am to be able to manage my own time, that’s very true, but actually I work without working-hour. It's 24 hours since time to get up until time to bed. But I’m lucky still, not just because of my freedom to manage my time but also my freedom to choose what kind of work I like. And the balance is… I cannot predict my income! That nervous part people seldom consider :-)

Now I’m a bit nervous. I haven’t started to pack up the house…

Photo of the A-line sample, Kendang Bali.

The Negotiator

I got up feeling like a storm survivor. Felt so quiet, tired, but calm. I took time to reflect what kind of storm I experienced before sleep. I had severe or quite severe headache since afternoon yesterday. PMS made it worse. I became emotionally fragile. That’s quite a storm to me all evening. I refrained myself from doing things that make me uncomfortable like… translation. I preferred to attend my necklace again.

Like a surprise, so nice to wake up calm. My headache had disappeared but still I felt the trauma. I had to move slowly to not trigger the same headache. I have known my body behavior. I looked at my desk trying to gather my sanity. I have to resolve my issues one by one. So I started with the most important that challenge my professionalism. I reviewed the four articles that had left untouched the past two days after the dead-end negotiation. I cannot run, I have to face this.

I went through my work for final check before submission. I’m satisfied with my work. I know, I am good. It’s so hard to accept the reality. When I did my work half heartedly the other day, I thought I would not deliver good result. It took me an hour to go through the lengthy four articles doing minor editing. Hm I'm happy. Now I have to work on my negotiation again, my business challenge.

I’m aware that I am not a good negotiator. I tend to be lenient to other party. I often got mild criticism from people who care about me. They liked to suggest me to define what I want, not just wait the other party to understand and act accordingly. My argument usually is… we are adult with standard mode of operation. And people start laughing at me. Which standard? Yea, which standard? I have to share my standard because no such standard in operation.

So I voiced my want to the big organization that gives me the translation job because I know I’m deserved to get more. The result don't satisfy me yet but I’m happy that I have delivered my message. A step forward to be better. As for now, it seems I might end up not care enough about the result. I don’t like to push that’s all and that’s not good. I don’t attend and end the negotiation well. Hm.. but I know what I should do next time…

That’s challenge to my professionalism in intellectuality. Today I answered a challenge to my professionalism in business. I realized yesterday that my clients have used my offer to adjust/alter necklace quite excessively. That I realize more later after I find out that I have used my time unwisely just because of the nice service I have offered. In business, I have to calculate time and material that both are involved in the service. Since today on, I follow other businessmen’s path to give nice service with limitation. I’m happy with my decision that doesn’t come easy although I’ve been in business almost a decade now.

Of both experiences I learn that people are right about me, I’m not a good negotiator because I hardly set a limit that makes others just step on me lightly and continuously. Now I can react better than I have been so far, I feel. I have made progress because now I can tell about me being stepped on though lightly :-)

Yesterday, I turned down offers to do 100 pages translation with pay and 20 pages for volunteer. I need to set limit to myself, not to give myself more stress. Ahead of me, I have quite full agenda includes socializing and more trips. I need to get out of solitude.

Anyway, I manage to negotiate heat with the sun today. I ordered a bamboo blinds to cover my big glass window as early as 9:00 o’clock before the sun high. It is perfect. Now I can open the windows wide and I can do whatever I want in my room without being noticed. And the main thing is the blinds work very well in the afternoon like umbrella. Why the idea came later? Well, it’s much better than it never came :-)

I worked on my small stones but no appetite for creating. I cannot push myself. So I just cleaned and tidied the stones. I need to read a book to calm mind. I’m going to start a new book about… murder.

Photo of my negotiation with the sun.

The Personal Celebration

I’m not a big celebration type person. Although I like to celebrate something even simple, but I’m not the one with birthday celebration that involves hundreds of people. I cannot imagine a wedding celebration in such scale either. I like to celebrate things personally: with myself and/or with loved one(s). And my celebration doesn’t necessary involve a decorated cake either. A nice gesture is enough.

I know people who simply don’t remember her/his birthday. They just don’t register the day. About birthday, I thought it’s nice to pick a day in a year for a personal celebration. Don’t have to be with others, celebrating with self should be nice enough. Like new year for all, birthday is very personal. We take time to make resolution, like new year, after reviewing what we have achieved the past year. Nice personal contemplation.

Nowadays, I don’t celebrate someone’s birthday big because I learn less and less people care about their birthday and the celebration. I don’t want to appear extravaganza then, or to be precise, I don’t know how to act. I used to enjoy sending bouquet, cake, and small gift but often I felt the awkward response of the recipient that drove me to the same awkward. Like oops.. So I plan less and less. It’s bad I know, like degrading in attention. I still keep a birthday list though. Thank goodness, now we have short text message that sends smile across oceans.

My Sister and one of my childhood friends still send snail birthday card with stamp that takes two weeks to arrive my address. I feel so embarrassed to do less what they do to me for years. They are my reminder. They have reminded me to keep celebrating important dates that I managed to do sometimes. To be frank, I always have in my new year resolution to return doing this area ritually. I’m not yet succeeded.

Like my slogan, I just do my part. I have tried to remove my awkward feeling. Often my male friends responded Your text arrived before my wife said something about today. Ugh. Ana, my Ubud driver, told me last week that only me and his ex girlfriend who sent text message on his birthday. His wife didn’t even remember. See, I don’t know how to act then. Am I in the wrong decision?

It’s just nice to ponder things like this. New year is approaching. Time to decide which habit to keep, which to discard. I can only ponder this for myself. Birthday is like recalling nice moments. Some people don’t like to recall, and as for me, I like to recall -- to cherish the nice moments. I have learned to shred off not nice moments from my memory so can live with Now, but nice memories? That makes my life today. Anyway, like celebrating birthday/anniversary, people have different level of importance. So I better keep my radar on to know how I should act.

I celebrated my life very well today. I went motorbiking with Mbo Yan to Singapadu village, near the silver village Celuk. She took me to silversmith specializes in silver beads she knows personally. Yes, the price is cheaper than of shops in the main road but the variety is also limited. I scavenged from excess stock and order samples. Actually I was half an hour late. They just melted many kilograms of single beads when I arrived but I don’t want to regret. I just said to myself that the beads are not meant for me. I’m happy with whatever I got.

The day was hot. I was well covered, jacket and helmet. Mbo Yan drove half the speed she used to. That’s fine. Balinese drive very fast. I care about their safety considering many dogs in the street. I enjoyed the riding through narrow alleys in the village. Village in Bali is different than in Java. In Bali, a village can appear so quiet, like hardly one around. And, noticeably clean. So nice and quiet. I asked Mbo Yan to stop in front of an old Pura Desa. I liked to feel the magic of a big beringin, the old pura, and the quietness.

Now I know at least three better places to get things I need. Doing business is challenging. But fun, for me. It’s so nice to wake up in the morning anticipating a challenging day. This is what I always dreamed in the past, and still… I’m happy.

Mbo Yan took me to her house as we passed where she lives. I’m happy to have a chance to meet the family in the compound. The twin sisters played in front yard under mango tree where I took pictures of the family. The other two older siblings were still in school. This is friend I don’t want to exchange with anything. Worth celebrated :-)

Photo of Mbo Yan and family in her house.

The Skills of Communication

I strategize my day. I worked since got up, three hours finishing up my work. Done before 9:00. I felt so good. Now I know, work in the morning, then do project after that. Not the other way round. I had terrible time dealing with heat yesterday. It gives me lesson too. Now I know why white is the best color for furnishing in Bali. The intensity of the sunlight is unbearable for colors. I noticed that my soft color throw fades although never touched by direct sunlight. But it seems the sunlight can make its way through thin white curtains to fade any color in the room. I checked out my old textiles and have to let go the new striped on them. Hm what a place to have textile as decoration. And that also explains how I got tanned without sunbathing. Sitting in studio desk by large glass windows is enough to change the color of my skin.

I think about the skill of listening since morning. I might have carried it from last night after online chatting with a friend about writing. Writing? Writing is like talking, conveying what we have in mind, only in different way. Writing is very much one way and no delay. We can keep talking in conveying.

Listening needs more skills than writing, I feel. How to empty mind and be ready to read what the other party tries to convey. Yes, it needs special skill. I also notice in online chatting with friends, sometimes we deal with delay that makes the other party easily miss responding to a line. Learning my inconvenient experience, I try to attend any form of exchanging well like respond to it timely and close it properly. But of course I can also be easily distracted by something else that stops me from attending an exchanging properly.

I also ponder about how to respond well and not to make the other party feels uncomfortable. I learn about 'the truth' that often makes people feeling uncomfortable, so better not to point. But, I don’t know, sometimes I feel the need to point the truth as well. This morning a staff sent me text message letting me know that she is not well, but the other staff unintentionally let me know that she has family matters to look after. Hm..

Just now I laughed because of miscommunication between me and my staff in Pallava. It’s the way he wrote the message or the way I read? No wonder my negotiation to get better rate reached dead end yesterday. A friend with whom I shared the issue said that my letter is too standard, so not easily understood. Ah.. of course I cannot write letter to one who gives me job in bahasa gaul. Anyway, communication is not simple. That’s it.

I didn't feel super when I went out to supermarket. Mama once told me that I’m one who can be hungry in food storage. She’s not exaggerated. True. I didn’t pay enough attention to my intake. After ten days, my body gives me signal, calling for attention.

I made quick shopping and headed to my favorite restaurant, Tutmak, by Ubud soccer field. I like the atmosphere. I wanted to escape heat at home so I took my book. Later I know they also have free wireless now, so next time I can also work there. That’s good. I had nice afternoon by myself and had short chat with fellow Ubudian. This place is the most convenient place to feel the heartbeat of Ubud. The soccer field is ever alive with activities. Very nice.

Mbok Yan took me home. In Ubud it’s so easy to check out friends and pick up takes only 10 minutes at maximum. We plan an outing tomorrow. I look forward to be more physically active after (make myself) stranded at home for days.

Photo of flower I found this morning near bridge at Ubud House.

The Shaky Negotiation

I was half asleep when I heard the familiar noise. My windows rattled lightly. It could not be.. again. I was fully awake then, sat in bed, waited. No. Earthquake? Yes, dogs in afar confirmed the earth moving by long howling. Confused, I got back to sleep. Slow asleep as usual…

And again a moment later, but it was more vigorous. I turned on flashlight I always have on side table. I watched the room moving in the dark. I heard no one out there, only the dogs again. I was concerned about my Bali roof, I watched that carefully while laying out escape plan. I slept with vague dreams about escaping, not to forget grabbing cellphone and laptop. My communication means. I didn’t even think about wallet. Oh yes, I also thought about my nightie, if presentable enough to wear out of house :-) Path is clear. I went asleep.

Plan is plan. No plan works in emergency. Believe me. I didn’t even think about taking my cellphone which I put by the flashlight when ran to stairs with flashlight in hand. The shake that had awoken me two hours later was harder and longer. The rattle noise scared me. I had counted the time in bed before decided to stand close to the stairs. The roof. I held the banister while kept looking at my shaking bed posts.

I went blank when walked back to bed. I must have been alert till morning. I didn’t have good sleep. I had vague dreams hanging that gave me a lesson about no such emergency plan. We are powerless and have no control over nature. Preparing it’s always important but leave our fate to nature is also nice. Just relaxed…

I managed to push myself to finish an article of my work yesterday. It took me harder today especially because my negotiation to get better rate for the hardest part – Indonesian to English – reaches dead end. In reverse, they offered me higher rate for the easier part – English to Indonesian. Strange. I cannot see the end of this negotiation. So illogical. But now I know what to do next time,…

I’m not productive today. It’s too late for me to start working. It was too hot in my studio when I started just before noon. I had taken the morning slowly with cleaning project again. I washed dusty standing-fan in my bedroom. Never ending project in any house.

Photo of sokasi republic. My morning project two days ago.

The Nice Change

Sunday, November 25

A friend once told me that I’m brave. Of what? I think he refers to me living by myself. Same expression many have showed me. Checking if any helper stays with me is common. Checking who’s my partner is the first question. At first I don’t see what so brave about living alone. Having gone through the same pattern the past six months, of spending most of the time by myself, I’m starting to see why.

I’m not a super woman either, there are times that I also need to see human. I befriend with many kinds of animal in this house. I must say I have developed a good relationship even with gecko, the animal I once avoided so strongly. Well, I still do, like being in the same room with it still makes me nervous. But staring eye to eye is not a problem anymore. I talk with him when we meet occasionally in bathroom.

Dealing with self constantly is not an easy thing to do for many. It doesn’t come that easy for me either. I’m used to, that’s all. I’m talking and discussing things inside myself a lot the past few years, or ever in my life. I feel safe to have conversation with self, process an idea, rather than share with others. I’m not brave enough to face people. In the contrary, many don’t have such bravery to face self. How people prefer to be surrounded by closed ones and be busied with things (television, movie, gadgets, etc) to distract their attention from life issues. Not that I don’t need distraction, books and creating are my safe escape. Same need, different ways.

Anyway, my cousin had asked me to join him in Kuta last night. I think I have passed the age when I would be happy to make effort to have fun. Going to Kuta needs a helluva effort, unimaginable for me now although I would like to see him again. It was Saturday night. It’s a good time to be with loved ones. In Ubud nice happening happens on Friday night, or any other workdays but nothing special on Saturday night. I think people reserve the evening for a private get together. Whatever day, I hardly went out in Ubud.

Yes, I was a bit sentimental about it since I got back from outing yesterday. I suddenly missed to feel the texture being with persons. The sweet and quarrel in a relationship. For the time being, I cherish my session with a gecko that lives in my bathroom. The other night I washed the entire floor from his poop. He watched me spraying and drying the floor. Crazy enough, I was working while talking with him. Begging him to stop gazing at me and pooping on my floor. Been three days now, I feel bad about it because he really stops pooping! He listened? I understand more the challenge I face to live by myself.

So I said yes to a friend’s invitation for dinner this evening three days ago. It’s a friend in Jakarta but owns a house in Sayan. We often flew the same flight in the past and only recently becomes closer as we found out we have same interests. I’d never been to her house that the pictures are often showed in interior magazines and coffee-table book on Bali house.

It was a nice evening, meeting new people from different parts of the world and have decided to live in Bali. I see that nowadays we are not bound with the place where we are born and don’t necessarily live with the same ethnic group we belong. Like I wonder the past few days, in Ubud I have nowhere look that not easy for people to tell where I’m from, new friends I met also face the same issue. In Bali, we merge. We form our own look, I guess :-)

Anyway, it was a nice evening. It’s a nice exchanging with foreigners who have lived in Bali over twenty years and who just started new life seven weeks. Everyone faces culture shock but looks forward to continuing to have happy years in Bali. And it’s good for me too that, finally, I mingled with real persons. For a change :-)

Photo of kelapa I see every morning.

The Metal Day

It’s Tumpek Landep today. It’s a day for blessing any metal in household. It was meant for weapon but then it develops. Knives, vehicles, and any motor in the house including… computer! And further, since vehicles in Bali are commonly used as means for earning money, the day is also used for blessing business entity. The building, and stuffs inside included. So it becomes a significant day that occurs every six months according to Balinese calendar.

The Balinese make offering and pray in family pura then village pura. The time is flexible, anytime on the day. The thing that receives blessing is decorated with janur (palm leaves) and flowers. Today we can see many cars and motorbikes decorated. People who have vehicle rental business have to do the ceremony before dawn because the vehicles have to be ready for business by 6:00. Others who are not in the business can take their time. Like Ana, he frees half of the day to do the ceremony.

Yesterday was not a smooth day for me. It was harder in the morning and better in the afternoon. I remembered about full moon influence a bit later. I checked the online lunar calendar. The moon is already round but when is the full moon? I checked my Balinese calendar and Purnama is today! Wow, today must be a big day for the Balinese. Some big puras will hold a special ceremony in the evening. Interesting, both of my feeling and the Balinese :-)

I feel funny reading my yesterday post. It sounds so familiar. I guess I once wrote about the same thing: my aquarium-like feeling and Sumio. Both topics are living in my mind. I observe the pattern of my thinking when feeling not-so-good. I used the day pretty well though, my way. I tidied house. I removed all stuffs I don’t use daily like laundry rack in shower. I bought it for guest to hang towel and in case I need to do laundry. Both seldom happened, the latter even never. So the big rack went to little storage under stairs. I put more plants near the shower. Now the shower outside looks really nice with my rough terracotta collection. It lightened my feeling.

I finished necklace business and removed it from studio table. I want to start clean for a new project: translation. It seems I will deal with a great amount of work. I checked the files and hm… many pages and not easy one: Indonesian to English. The deadline is relax, Mbak the girl wrote me. Friday next week. Aha. That sounds not so relax to me. I’m still thinking to make more necklaces. Anyway, no problem, I like to do different thing for a change.

Last evening, I used the rice cooker for the first time. Cute rice cooker, it fits on a plate. It cooks fast. I’m happy enjoying my first homemade rice. Simple pleasure.

As I had predicted, Ubud was quiet and many people dressed up for the day. It’s so nice to look at school girls in kebaya and the boys in sarong and udeng. I wonder what they had in school. Not all vehicles were decorated, but some looked really serious with big offering, like offering for pura’s odalan (anniversary). I also noticed how they blessed a computer. A sarong is laid on top of the screen and a sokasi of offering is placed on the sarong. Interesting.

It was really hot today. I walked downtown to run errands but only to find myself not really in the mood for shopping. I spent time in stone shop I always visited learning about name of stones and crystals. The girls were so nice to share with me what they know from handling various stones from many places. We discussed the category of the stones. I spent about an hour taking notes like a school girl.

I dropped by some places and had lunch before heading home when I ran across a cousin who was in a tour with office. He hugged me hard as he just mentioned my name to his boss whom I also met. It’s really a coincidence. Now I believe that Ubud is actually small. I cannot be around unnoticed :-) We spent an hour talking in a small café in the opposite of Pasar Ubud where we met. In fact, I never sat and chatted with him before. Nice.

I got my house cleaned while I was away. I’m ready to start a new thing. I like to feel that this house has become home more and more.

Photo of a set of offering on a motorbike.

The Unreachable Ideal*

Waking up in the morning is like gambling. I think. Or I like to believe that. What I feel in the morning decides my day. I don’t know before hand and there’s no way to prepare a nice morning before waking up. It’s there. Given.

Not that I had a not-so-good morning, but I carried an issue in mind. Okay, I don’t have a normal morning. I’m not one who thinks seriously about war, famine, and global warming. Or, Indonesian politic. I’m concerned but all I can do is do my best. That’s easy. But when it comes to a woman-man relationship, I'm still struggling to be able to detach well. Too many broken relationships I see recently.

Like other issues I happen to know, I might have to shut my mind and bite my tongue to stop thinking and reacting about this unjustly situation of whatever. I better keep an organization’s slogan (forgot which) act locally think globally. I know I have done well so far. I have done my part. Thing that I have to remember again and again. I have done my part to reuse plastic bags and refuse to accept from shop if possible. I help out the unfortunate with whatever I can do. And lastly, I have done my part at home. I cannot control whatever happens and I should be fine with whatever. After all.

Hm it sounds heavy. It is something. I decided to stay home again. I have done necklace pricing and taking pictures this morning. Now I understand more why an artist needs a manager. Pricing is not easy to be done by the artist self. It always reminds me of a sculptor I know, Sumio, who lives in Peliatan. I’m lucky to manage to get an art-furniture of his four years ago. He stops making art-furniture since he feels the appreciation is less (hard to sell as art, it’s more as furniture) although the work needs thorough thought and lengthy time. No ideal price for an artwork because it relies completely on the artist’s feeling and the art lover’s appreciation. Anyway, thinking about my art from Sumio, I feel uncomfortable for the value he had asked me. He deserves to get three times more today. Yes, I am very sure of that, now, after four years. The last time I saw him, six months ago, he has worked on his art value. It seems. Now he has better price. I would never say his work is expensive. His price is just fair.

I’m also pondering about something else. Adib Khan. The writer of fiction I’m reading now, Spiral Road. This piece is sooo fine. Smooth and simply fine. I read it slowly, I take time to absorb each sentence trying to read beyond the words. He is a Bangladeshi. His English is simple with creative diction. I come across many new words, like completely new, not just words I don’t know the meaning. It sounds so smooth and nice.

I wish I had read his work when I saw him in the Ubud Festival. He sat in some panels. Soft and kind man. He uses “first person” as subject so what goes in the character’s mind I automatically link him to the author. His thought is deep. He sees his surrounding like watching fish in aquarium. Involved but detached. Care but no touch. It reminds me of myself very much. The way I see the world. And I like to know that he is… a man. It brings me to the reality that actually women and men have the same feeling about issues they are facing. Including about woman-man relationships.

Oops.. The files for me to translate have gotten into my Inbox just now. It’s from the World Bank. I never did their newsletter so I thought about different organization yesterday. Hm. Nice distraction rrr I mean nice challenge.

*title of Nieuwenkamp’s work in 1927-31

Photo of Chunky Chunk, my creation, taken with Nieuwenkamp’s The Unreachable Ideal as background.

The Stock

I enjoyed my four-hour trip today. It’s always fun and there's always something to learn. I started by taking my used books to Ganesha bookshop. I want to experience exchanging used books with books from the bookshop :-) The girls looked happy looking at my two plastic bags full of books. I took my time browsing the bookshop to search for ideas. I found two books on Ubud again. One is written by a Javanese royal living in Ubud since 1977. Interesting eh? The book is about what makes Ubud from 1978 to now. Well, I haven’t even opened the shrink wrap so don’t have idea what is precisely all about. The other book is from “rare book” glass cabinet, Monumental Bali, guide to archaeological and monumental sites in Bali. The latter will become my meal friend. I realized yesterday that I’d been through Ubud is A Mood twice.

By the way, the girls had finished counting when I handed the two books. Each used book was bought at $1.5 - 2, only fiction and soft cover accepted, but hard cover biography is welcome. Great! Now I know. I paid half of my purchase. My rare book is quite expensive at $40 (yes, they use US dollar). I’m happy.

I thought I have known Ubud well, but I just got the info about another good bakery in Ubud beside Casa Luna and Warung Wayan. So ironic, the bakery located two shops from Ganesha bookshop, my favorite place! So I walked to check on Bali Buddha, the well-known local bakery. Mmm really nice little bakery sells organic products and many kinds of healthy food. And, of course, bread and cakes. Looks really good! I asked the girl to help me since I didn’t see empty tray around. She signaled her friend, who’s about to leave the shop with helmet and jacket, to assist me. I stopped and felt confused. She? Asked this man to assist me? I smiled when I paid. Ironic #2. The shop called Bali Buddha with fat funny Buddha as logo, and this girl looked so impatient. What a rare experience in Bali, being served without eye contact, let alone smile. I shared my experience with Ana. He too was surprised.

I continued my trip to silver village, Celuk. I need to stock up toggles and silver beads. I stopped by some shops I saw when passed by from airport the other day. Hm no good. It’s really hard to find shops selling silver beads, or if any, good craftsmanship silver beads are rare. When I finally went back to the shop I went before, I got my lesson. I didn’t realize that silver price fluctuates according to world price. Well, I know about precious metal like gold. But it hardly comes to me about silver, same precious metal nowadays. So today apparently was not a good day to shop. The price was high. What a trip! I should have called to check the rate first. Learn learn learn…

I went straight back to Ubud, not home. The sun was high, the air was humid. The weather exhausted me. I made a trip to supermarket to stock up my survival kit. After considering sooo long, I decided to buy a rice cooker! Orang Jawa makan nasi! No, I’m just tired to have less option although I don't mind having bread day and night. Now I’m ready to be a hamster in cage again. An American NGO’s staff just called me. She needs me to translate their newsletter for the headquarter office in Washington. The time is just right. Yay!

Photo of a shadow on the wall by Ubud House stairs this morning.

The Awareness

The hamster stays in cage today. Her mani-pedi girl was not available that she had to cancel her day trip plan. Yes, she planned to start the day in salon while reading, then run errands downtown, includes get proper meals after three days of living in the jungle. Yes, that’s what I feel just now. I don’t know how I survive in this house without going out. Like living in the jungle with maggot and leaves, I don’t realize what I have consumed, I only noticed a one-third papaya and a half loaf of wheat bread left in fridge. It’s good that instant noodle is not my favorite although I also keep for real emergency. I don’t really enjoy the taste. Too much preservative added?

Anyway, I continued making necklaces. I made quite a lot last night but hadn’t fixed the toggles as I need to check the color in daylight first. Making necklace reminds me of playing Chinese Checkers in my teenage years. I concentrate on the colors and how to ‘strategize’. In this case, I concentrate on how I arrange the color and shape as an artwork. Yes, an artwork. That’s what I realized later when I looked at my work. Every piece is like an artwork to me. I don’t repeat a design. My marketing girl, I mean my good girlfriend who voluntarily markets my necklace, was reprimanded yesterday because she took order of a same design. Grr… She laughed as she realized that I am an eccentric artist. I don’t have patience to make the same twice, I feel my creativity stuck. Mind you, the shapes and the colors of the stones plus the shape of the silver beads can create billions unique designs. It’s endless. Why make copy?

I also got benefit from making necklace the past three days in a row. Making necklace is like writing, very lonely rrr solitary. But nice lonely, like meditation. I have time to absorb and observe what’s happening with people I care. I reflect. I realize more that I need to live with more awareness. With full control of all aspects in life. Behavior, way of life, to… finance. I’ve seen some closed ones have lost grip of an aspect that creates serious issue in their life. I really care.

Well, I don’t want to think heavy. I enjoy my time today and look forward to experiencing my first day out tomorrow. I have a long shopping list.

Photo of my studio just now.

The Hamster

Ubud weather is unpredictable. I expected humid and wet in the last months of the year; it turns out dry, sunny, and cold since I came. Well, I haven’t gone out yet but while sitting in my long table I could feel the cold breeze (more windy though) through the open windows. The sun shines so brightly. Very nice. Having shower outside in the sun must be warm and fresh. Tjk!

I didn’t have plan for today although last night I thought about going out. It’s Ana’s birthday, my driver. It would be nice to greet him while running errands around Ubud. But I got hooked on making necklace since early morning. Once I start, it’s not easy to break.

So when I made another walk downstairs to get another glass of drink, suddenly I feel like a hamster in cage. It’s a perfect comparison between my life in Ubud House and a hamster in beautiful cage from pet shops. We are solitary, eat lots of fresh fruit, like to nesting (hamster are excellent diggers), need two story cage for climbing exercise, and sometimes active in the early morning or late evening. By the way, I consulted Wikipedia to verify my hypothesis :-)

If hamsters like to walk on wheel endlessly, I like to stay in my control center that is long table in my studio cum bedroom. I work on necklace on a side and communication gadgets are on the other end. I have done a lot of communication through this control center this morning: repaired air-conditioner in my Jakarta studio, sent donation to the Heritage’s White Elephant Sale, applied travel insurance, moved a necklace batch in Jakarta to be sold in other place,… An hour difference between Bali and Jakarta has made significant difference. I did all before even Jakarta starts at 9:00.

Anyway, Ubud hamster has a great day. She finished about twenty necklaces. Not maximized. The best she could do while walking in the cage, playing the wheel, so relaxing…

Photo of her necklaces today.

The Mathematic of Love

It’s Kajeng Kliwon in Bali today. I have Hindu calendar but hardly check on the dates as it has little meaning to me. I just observe closely when is Purnama (full moon) to check my mood and ‘business day’ when we are supposed to pay extra attention to the offerings for business shrines. Odalan (Pura’s anniversary) is fun but often doesn’t fall on the right dates when I’m around the Pura that has the anniversary.

Anyway, I learned about Kajeng Kliwon that falls every fifteen days from Mbok Yan who came to give me welcome massage this morning. She said today she avoids visiting Balinese who has ‘power’ because Kajeng Kliwon is the day when evil spirits are let to be out to show their power. It starts last night to tonight. She said she could feel the energy when visiting powerful Balinese’s house. It’s interesting. She warned me not to go out this evening. Wish I hadn’t known that…

Of course it doesn’t affect me. I care now but that doesn’t mean it stops me from doing things I like. I have decided to stay home anyway. My first day. I prefer to laying out plan of what I should accomplish during my stay in my favorite retreat. I have several projects in mind.

I submitted my assignment for Cirebon trip in the morning. I finished the assignment just a day after I got the topic six days ago. I’m just lucky because I could get the material via Google. My other trip buddies find difficulty because all materials are in Indonesian. Very little material on the topics in English. A friend said that she’s going to write a paragraph but using giga font and line spacing to look more. We had a good laugh.

As always, I end up using the time less productive. Yes, I glued my eyes on the book more than spent time to making necklace. I also spent time online chatting with my cousin’s husband who just takes second wife. I didn’t feel like talking with him since long but decided to be open today as I also care about my cousin. It’s unusual case when in-law can trust someone in the opposite.

We talked about the reason and cause, the usual. I didn’t judge. I just feel sorry for him for making decision without proper procedure. But what is proper procedure in love? People don’t follow procedure because they care, not otherwise. We had a few exchanging and stopped suddenly after I told him the truth about women’s feeling. That women don’t follow men’s mathematic in love, that they can divide love “equally” between two women. I understand why he stops, the truth stops him. The reality. It must be painful.

I have stopped trying to understand men’s mathematic in love. It’s all back to the women, what do you want? If I keep my value, it’s my issue. If one doesn’t mind, why bother? Like my good girlfriend who exchanging text messages with me today about her love life recently. She said that she is ready to be number two, and the number one apparently doesn’t mind. Obviously two special women have involved. No mathematic rule applies.

So I spent my afternoon watching the sun gets dim in silence. Like Kajeng Kliwon, both conversations don’t affect me at all. I respect people's decision for his or her life. I have my own way to do my mathematic.

Photo of “three is too crowded” (the famous Diana Spencer's saying), my figurines from Timor.

The Peaceful Silence

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I have lots of good friends and close relatives but there are times when I feel pretty much on my own. And there are times when I long for someone to talk with after days of only talking about practicality, no chat, with staffs or others. My human side needs to express.

Come to think of it, I realize, this actually is my choice. Choice of not ‘making connection’ although I really like ‘to be in connection’. I do lots of email – the safest way to be in connection because I can limit what I want to talk. Through meeting and talking over the phone, art topic can smoothly shift to business issue, and before too long we start to open up more. And knowing someone more is not always easy.

A friend has magic mantra “don’t take it personally”. Well, I think, I’m pretty good at that. Shredding off people’s problem from my discourse. But what if thing happens like my experience the other day? I was tired and thought about a nice chat when a very good friend called at 21:00. Hm. I was so happy to pick up the phone. She talked weakly in the other end after gone through ‘bathroom business’ because of what we ate for lunch. I became panic and thought about whom else might be in the same boat. And the rest of the conversation was about my worries. I cared about her condition. I hung up with ‘an issue’ in mind. I don’t want to take that personally, but I really care about my good friend.

That was a few days ago. Yesterday I felt like living in stormy weather since got up, the wind blew so hard and made me uncomfortable. I could not help but ‘took it personally’ because it’s there. It’s similar experience, a good friend who rarely calls called. Who wants to miss that? So we chatted about bazaars she wants me to share table and other stuffs like garage sale. But the storm hit eventually when I asked when she plans to visit her home in Jimbaran, Bali. She told me calmly that her house had burned down last month. Two buildings gone while she was in London. She handled it very well, very very well, she told me lightly that she doesn’t own anything. She let things gone. Knowing her passion, I was the one who got hit by the storm. Art pieces.

It was strange feeling. I don’t hear about people lose house often, not even every ten years, I must say. Glad she sounded fine. I care and definitely will see her when I get back. And before I ended my day, a cousin sent me a text message. One of our cousins’ husband takes second wife two months ago. The one who believes in marriage very much now stumbling down. What a day!

I took the storm to sleep. No heaviness. They have given me mirror to see that I don’t have significant issue to worry. And I have chosen the right path to keep my world limited, if not closed. Not that I don’t care about others, but I need to care for my core first, so that I can share more goodness with others.

Anyway, my travel back home was good although flight was delayed almost 1.5 hours. I enjoyed the music in my iPod and my new book Spiral Road by Adib Khan I bought in Ubud Festival. Another nice book with thick ethnic background, Bangladeshi. It’s so nice to find a nice book to read. I’m reading it in parallel with The Measure of A Man by Sidney Poitier. Also nice book.

Ubud House liked to give me surprise. The owner cut the big trees in front yard, the green fence. Now the ugly house next door shows and I feel insecure like people can observe what I do. A cyclone had destroyed hundreds of houses near Ubud last week. The owner doesn’t want the trees fall on the house if it happens in Ubud. Hm.

Now I’m going to enjoy the pleasure of pure silence in Ubud House. Chant sans paroles.

Photo of a signboard on my way to Ubud downtown.

The Broken Bones

Yesterday before going out again in the evening, I spent three hours sluggishly sitting in sofa. Seeing Larry King without watching. It’s good Larry talked about animal so I enjoyed the animal without thinking. I had to drag myself to prepare for the evening. And I didn’t use my creativity in dressing. I chose ‘standard’ style. I know I would be fine if I wear fine handcrafted sarong. I feel securely creative.

I sat still and quietly in the car on the way to the venue, the traffic was okay. I told my friend I was exhausted and she felt the same. Jakarta is strange. So many nice happenings around the city but hardly anyone can reach the venue. And many social events that sometimes one has to hop to three events an evening after the day with other ‘obligation’. But the city doesn’t support the dynamic of the people. The traffic has made Jakartans become depleted persons that have to push self to 'be there' for social and fun.

I stood almost three hours chatting with people I know and just know in the reception. It’s fun to eat Mexican food while observing people from many countries in their national outfit. My friend whispered in my ears that we were among people with too much good life. I laughed and reminded her what a good life living in Jakarta traffic from hour to hour. Our life is spent “on the way”, not in the destination. It’s an observation with joy. I mean the joy of imagining that I will be in Ubud soon. Life is really good there, with significant quality.

Today I spent the day in silence – hardly talked to anyone. I have packed my stuffs for Ubud, which is not many, but heavy because of necklace material. I’m flatly happy so far. I went out for a while to see dentist for annual cleaning. Now I have done my homework for the year: with the organization and within self. I look forward to having a great end of the year. I still need to compose my new year resolution :-)

Photo of Autumn by Anusapati.

The Challenge of the Day

I got up early but had nothing particular to do. It came to me suddenly the thought that every day has challenges that I could not turn away. It’s there, it’s unpredictable, and it’s for me to face. Well, I was a bit nervous about my presentation but I don’t think that’s the main issue. I had realized that presenting something I know well – especially before others who know less :-) – is fun. Actually, I was not too excited being in this group because my past group is unbeatable solid and has been way more advanced in the art knowledge. Anyway, I had no ‘assumption’.

I left house very early as I was nervous that I hadn’t tried the projector I got this morning from the Chairwoman’s house (I had made her got up at 6:00!). But the girl who prepared the projector didn’t give me the right socket converter so I found out later that I could not use it. Maybe, it meant to be like that because in the end the eleven ladies were just happy to sit closely and watch the photos from my 13” screen. It turned out very clearly with my partner fixed a dark bedcover to stop the sunlight.

My partner did well with her presentation and I did well with my 61 photos too. We were clever to give the audience things to talk about. So we were kind of moderating the discussion. So naughty. But I must agree with my partner that I have done a very good job in the discussion. Me too was amazed how I got all those pictures. It must be my interest that has made me taking all those pictures from numerous exhibitions I attended. Nice to know that gigas of files become handy when I need.

I forgot my challenge with traffic and projector in the morning when we had sit-in lunch with home-cooking meals by the host, my partner. It was fabulous. And before too long, I have made new friends. No more challenge to be in a new group anymore. It scares me always although hardly stops me (a lady I know very well pulls out because of the same reason).

So I’m happy that I finally have passed the challenge of the year in the art group and of today’s. Now I have to get myself ready to face another challenge in a farewell party I have to attend this evening. This one doesn't burden me at all. I like to show up while enjoying different atmosphere. Another good friend leaves.

Photo of Redy Rahardian’s work, picture of my body today, stiff.

The Asymmetrical Brain

So, can I say you have an asymmetrical brain? A friend asked after learning how asymmetrical I was today. Oh yes, oh yess.. very much so. We had a good laugh but I know that she could not agree more. Somehow I know that I could not walk into the room without being caught and observed from head to toe. I was just too 'strange' with my contemporary Indonesian outfit and big asymmetrical necklace I wore.

Have been on-off for days about going to the Heritage coffee morning today, I made it finally. Well, with Iwan Tirta – the well-known batik designer – talked before us, I would like to experience again. This is my second to see him talking about his passion, batik and Javanese court dance. He looked frail but no one would miss his sharpness in delivering his views on anything. Later I found out from the organizer that actually he ‘forgot’ to talk about symbolism in batik, the supposed to be the main theme of his talk. But who noticed that? We were all entertained by his charm, smartness, and sharpness. It was a lovely talk with show of nice batik cloths he creates.

The event was held in an Indonesian fusion restaurant inside a new hip ‘supermarket’ for the best Indonesian crafts – the real upmarket shop with only the best and unique choice. I had never been before. It didn’t call me but now… Ehm. The lady who is behind this gorgeous work took us a tour of the shop. I know her long time and she embarrassed me when she said I should have done the job. I would love to actually. I was surprised too when I realized that I know almost all the consignors. We are in the same league.

It was fun to admire my own culture. It sparks my love for Indonesia more. With the ladies who were admiring my batik walking close to me, I could not help but showing more the beauty of Indonesia. A lady didn’t even ‘let’ me admiring shibori technique because it doesn’t sound like Indonesia. I laughed. It’s universal art! But I appreciate her reaction, very much. Before the tour ended in another nice Indonesian restaurant, she (what she called) harassed me. She made me standing still and started to ask detail questions about what I wore and how I got anything attached on my body (my top, bag, batik, sandals). Finally, she concluded that I should do more than necklace.

We had nice lunch. It was a feast with all Indonesian menu from starter to dessert. We had a nice exchange about Indonesia. And before we were off, the lady from the shop said that she would contact me about…. my necklace! I am walking in the sky. My asymmetrical brain works.

Photo of Awan Simatupang’s house.

The Down and Up

I was a bit sensitive yesterday. ‘Simple thing’ that triggered my sensitivity. A friend who I had tried to contact the past ten days hadn't replied to any mode of communication I used (email, short text message, and.. phone call!) till last night. If it wasn’t because of my best 27 necklaces, I would like to leave her alone. She was my #1 customer when I started the business so I never had the slightest thought about what could happen. But I must say, I was in panic last night.

So I sent her short text message asking what is her problem. She said she was just busy. I appreciate that she replied at last, I needed my necklace back, that’s all. I learn though. I should be prompt replying to any communication especially when I sort of ‘owe’ to someone. Hm. So communication was my issue last night. I respect people’s space but when it comes to business, I cannot relax.

Ya. Necklace is occupied my time since I got mine back from my friend last night. Her friend in a dance company managed to sell 26 necklaces that have sent me to the moon. I took stock to review what style sells, and what less. Actually I could not draw a conclusion. I simply don’t know what people like. I’m just happy to see my earlier batches have been sold out. But in general: big and tiny, long and medium, and choker… all are just gone. I can say that I have catered all tastes.

While I prepared my next batch, I got an assignment to do an essay on Cirebon Masked Dance as part of my participation in Cirebon trip with the Heritage early December. What a good idea to require each participant to contribute an essay with a topic (for the trip booklet) and to take a job in the trip (time keeper, buy tickets, write for newsletter, treasurer, photography, do library display). I got the last job as I’m the last person to join. That’s okay. I always enjoy to be in “general affairs” section.

With all these activities in Jakarta, I look forward to my next trip to Ubud soon. I haven’t fixed any plan of what to do this stay but for sure I need to stock up necklaces for Christmas and if possible to work further on my plan to have a new business in Ubud. I’ve been dormant in this section the past few months. I need a hard kick…

Photo of Mella Jaarsma’s Bolak-balik.

The Art Attack

My art partner and I were supposed to meet to discuss about our presentation yesterday. But we just talked on the phone. We laughed knowing that we were both still in the process of composing. We kept pushing each other to do the presentation. Well, we have agreed to divide into two parts though. She presents the overview of contemporary installation and sculpture; I present the overview of contemporary Indonesian sculptors.

Yesterday I organized 61 photos from my collection and website search in the morning but had to kick myself hard to write up the highlight of the 16 artists. I was so slow and unmotivated. It was in the afternoon when I got hit by the reality that I cannot run from this and the sooner I finish the assignment, the sooner I can enjoy my time. No such joy in procrastination.

Actually I know about myself. Once I’m in the midst of doing something, I can hardly stop myself. And I did not stop till 21:00, my sleeping time. Yes, my dilemma. With 4:00 o’clock up rhythm I cannot stay up till late, but then at 2:00 I’m already awake because I have had my four hours sleep. It’s a circle that I need to break. I can do better if I can steal a short nap in the afternoon (that I cannot do) so can prolong my waking hours in the evening.

Anyway, I slept with happy feeling. I had done 95% of my work. I polished and added this morning that I forgot to initiate decluttering. I just changed the wall decoration while waiting for water to boil. Yes, I broke my 12 years old electric kettle when I soaked it in water for major cleaning yesterday. I covered the switch but forgot the socket. I tried to dry but it seemed dangerous still.

I’m happy now. I had shared my art paper with my partner so she can have a look. And I didn’t need to go out of house! Why? My socket has dried that I don’t need to buy a new kettle. I prefer to stay home to study more and start a new research. Another paper is waiting, I just got the assignment this morning. What an attack!

So, after days with art attack, I found out that: I love art so much that I hardly ever get tired of studying and researching it, persons who work in the art world are healthy persons because they do what they like to doing and they are able to make their art materialized (imagine how they do artwork for public space in such scale), and… Mac is a great computer for writing and doing research in the internet at the same time. In general, I feel super after shelving my assignment. A new challenge has been in queue.

Photo of Pintor Sirait’s works, one of my favorite artists.

The Little Things

Today I focused on the little things that move me. I didn’t do major decluttering, it didn’t come to me at all when I tried to stimulate my initiative. I just opened some closet doors and looked at the stuffs inside without the urge to declutter. I think I know why. Decluttering needs a way out. Throwing away is the easiest but not all stuffs can be thrown out, I think. Some stuffs need the right solution.

It was not bad though, today I threw away four cell phone boxes of nine years and a digital camera box of four years. Only the boxes since the gadgets have been given away. By the way, I still also use those gadgets. The almost five years old cell phone is the second generation. I mean I had the same series before, so imagine how long I’ve been using this particular series from Nokia that has new series coming out every other quarter. I found a receipt of the Nokia I bought in 1998, it’s the same price of a new Dopod now. So expensive nine years ago. Nice to have a little research.

So this morning I just did minor tidying up here and there, touching little things that can move me. Things that have bogged back of my mind down for a long time. I had made another commitment to clear up my path from little pebbles – the little things. This is a good month to start taking stock before end of the year.

And before this year ends, I plan to do something I hardly did throughout the year or even long before. I haven’t decided yet what kind of offbeat I would like to do. A friend was in super high for days after letting himself out by dancing with some colleagues in a lively bar. That gives me an idea. It’s always nice to do something we rarely do. Now I don’t remember the last time I did something really out of normalcy (my parameters). Have to work on that, my other ‘little thing’.

Photo of a textile installation at Metissages exhibition at Museum Nasional.

The Stimulation

It’s funny that sometimes an idea comes very later. I wasn’t so productive the past two days but I might have laid the base of the idea I got yesterday morning. I decided to sleep after feeling stuck for a while and took a vague idea to sleep two days ago. Yesterday I got up at 4:00 and exercised the idea. Bang! I tried out the format I want for the presentation and now I can do the work smoothly. I have gotten what I want to compose.

I browsed my photo archives in the external hard-disk to find more art photos from exhibitions I attended the past three years. I learn about two things. First, the need to upgrade my iLife since I need to organize lots of photos with ease. Second, my impression about people I know after browsing the archives. What’s with them? Ya, I realized that impression could change over the time. Some friends’ personality look wow when I first know but later I found out it’s only ‘empty’ wow, superficial, because of the other side of the personality. But who am I to judge? It’s only my impression. And still, I enjoy the variety of people I know.

So I had two busy days with learning about various things and imagining to create artwork. I had a chance to see an installation exhibition at Museum Nasional with artists from Indonesia and France. The textile artworks are very French that have given me ideas of how to do my junk excess. Very inspiring. Another exhibition on graphic arts is as interesting. Nice stimulation to start doing my other form of art.

And today I learned more about my iPod Shuffle that has very limited feature. It’s quite grrr for people like me who enjoy flexibility. But that goes with the price I pay too, so nothing I can do. Now I’m enjoying a friend’s playlist in my iPod that I cannot download to my library. So I would enjoy it as long as I can.

And before I ended the afternoon, I also learned the benefit of being able to tell matter-of-factly. I shared my workload situation with the lady who's in charge of distributing translation material from Museum Nasional. I didn't refuse the material but it turned out I was waived from the task with understanding. That's beyond my expectation. And, it's good!

Sunday afternoon. It’s just nice to relax while looking back of what I have been through the past few days.

Photo of a poster at Graphics Art exhibition yesterday.

The Struggle To Conquer All

Happy Diwali for those who celebrate. Prosperous new year :-) Diwali is somewhat special to me only because of my dear Indian friend, Gopi. We have been friends since more than a decade. We don’t see each other often, we don’t use other modes of communication either. Only on special days of the year, our birthdays and our new years, we talk on the phone. It’s a sweet friendship. I talked with him last night as he is going to be busy with numerous celebrations this weekend like Eid for Indonesian. Nice hilarious talk though short.

iPhoto takes up my time the past few days because of my assignment that I have to work 58 pictures into something interesting for the ladies to enjoy while expanding their art horizon. Anyway, I learned about upgrading the iLife that includes iPhoto at a Mac shop yesterday. Technology advances too quickly. I see what lack in the older version after fiddling around it since 4:00 this morning. I need to upgrade. Uh.

I may survive using my creativity without upgrading though. Like a good friend told me one day, after I commented on his tight schedule, that actually everyone has time if can manage to get. That’s very true, it’s not about the limited time, it’s about the management. And I don’t feel comfortable realizing the only way to master a gadget is by investing time. It would be nice to meet up with a group of a same interest so that we can exchange experience. I contacted a friend who also uses Mac and she grinned… I don’t use Mac to organize photos. I’m on my own. That’s fine.

I skip a decluttering today. I just could not do it. The uneasy feeling of having unfinished assignment has taken its toll. Every single minute I’m doing other thing, I have my assignment in the background. It haunts me pretty bad. I want to end it today. It happened my partner addressed her issue to me this morning. She suffers the same. I made a pact with her to meet up early next week with something done in hand. We need to set a deadline for ourselves.

The day almost ends now. I have made a progress although less satisfying still. I haven’t focused on a style that made me wasted time. Uh.. not easy to concentrate. Museum sent me a quite lengthy piece to be translated. My friend asked me to have a look at her piece for a show overseas. And after my friend told me that she had sold twenty necklaces, my creation, she suggested me to compose a short writing about the stone I use in each necklace. She likes to entertain fantasy. Her marketing tool. Great idea, great amount of time needed.

I’m exhausted now. Got up at 4:00 ensures a very long day…

Photo of Awan Simatupang’s Struggle, my material for presentation, taken from Raka Gallery's website.

The Power of Senses

I used to laugh at my good girlfriend who likes to accumulate stuffs from bazaar for oleh-oleh (love token) for her relatives and friends when she comes home to Australia and KL. She doesn’t like to do it last minute so she has a cabinet full of oleh-oleh that she can just select anytime before she leaves (which is often). A good idea but I cannot imagine to set up one.

And, look who’s laughing? I went through one door of four closet doors (lower part), only one door, and found a collection of rrr supposed-to-be-giveaways. I always thought that this particular part of closet is for keeping materials for clothing like batik and other arty ideas. Like queuing, the stuffs were waiting for their turn to be out. But it seems I also threw in stuffs with ‘destination’ like pink pashmina for cousin, baju abaya material for auntie, Indian shawl for older auntie, plastic bags dispenser for Mama, linen hand towels from Australia, tissue covers from China, wine bottle cover from Bangkok,…. Those that never reached its destination. I only had mental destination. But the process of just seeing it had taken me to the past – where I acquired the thing and why I decided to.

Anyway, like always, I selected them into categories. Keep (I can always use any materials for anything especially nice material like linen, tablecloth is always in mind), oleh-oleh stack (without certain destination but now I know I have something for somebody if I need)), Ubud House, and trash bin for sure. I finished the selection and the cleaning very quickly, and onto the next.

Dressing table. It sounds so feminine but actually I never sit in the chair in front of the mirror. I groom myself by standing up because it takes less than ten minutes including hair drying. I haven’t brushed my hair since I had short hair two years ago. So my three ‘healthy’ brushes from Body Shop definitely went to “who wants this” bag. I also removed bottles of perfume. Uuh.. yes, all were only used less than 15% since I wear single-note fragrance from Body Shop. I smelled each one before threw it into a category. Again, my smell had brought me back to some “circumstances”: warm, cold, past,… Definitely, I only keep the one that brings me warm feeling. That doesn’t mean the rests have brought me to not-so-nice memories, no. Some smells just brought me back to a stage where I… what should I say… to a stage where I wasted my time. It’s not bad at all, that forms me today anyway, I simply don’t want to return to the memory. That’s all!

Strange enough, today I saw my stages of choosing stuffs were in reverse. My choice for stuffs is ‘more mature’ in the past. I found lacy crochet runners, smooth silk materials, those womanly smell perfumes, and later I realized I have quite a range of Bohemia crystal home wares. Yew! I like plain crystal, but I also found faceted cut style. Aaargh! And look at me now as I become more mature, my style becomes so shabby ethnic with worn look wood and metal. I’m glad though to have passed the glossy stage of life and that my life turns natural now. I prefer this order.

So I had rearranged my oleh-oleh space (I call it with that title now), cosmetics, perfumes, and watches. All are clean now. I am soo happy and feel very light in the part. I’m ready for my next feeling-adventure tomorrow…

I didn’t wait till tomorrow to get a new feeling though. I got haircut after two months of not seeing Pieter’s blade. He was so happy being able to chop my hair with blade again because it’s already long. As usual, he gave me a new look. Aah.. now everyone starts to mumble Posh Spice. I like it, very. Feminine but still boyish. Pieter is the best. My girlfriends warned me that I would not be safe walking out the mall. I looked too sexy. Well, not “just” my hair… ;-)

Photo of me taken by Pieter today.