The 2007 Resolution

I have many ideas in mind of 2007 resolution but of course
I have to narrow down my signposts. Too many signposts make me lost.
No clear sign to measure the progress of my life.

I have thought about the 2007 resolution thoroughly and decided to pick only ONE theme that could be reflected from many aspects of life. I return to my previous post about the fourteen types of freedom we should possess from Hansard’s
The Tibetan Art of Positive Thinking:

1. Financial freedom
2. Emotional freedom
3. Intellectual freedom
4. Freedom from negative individuals
5. Sexual freedom - the freedom to share with a partner :-)
6. Political and physical freedom
7. Freedom to choose what you eat
8. Freedom to educate your children as you wish
9. Freedom to hold any spiritual beliefs
10. Freedom from pain, anger and suffering
11. Freedom to live your own life as you see fit
12. Freedom to know that you can change your life as you think best
13. Spiritual freedom that makes your life work
14. Freedom that you understand and cherish

I have mentioned in the previous post that I have gotten all of the freedom,
I have no complaint.
So what would be my 2007 resolution?

I want to reinforce my freedoms.



Happy New Year!!

Your Life is Your Art – A 2006 Life Review

A year end is not complete without a brief review of what I have done in the present year. Like a daily blog post, this review functions as an inventory: to record, to cherish, to ponder, to review, to make a resolution.

I quote Keri Smith’s writing on Your Life is Your Art (copied as is):

“You cannot create art without a source, but the nature of what makes a good source is sometimes illusive to the maker. Look to your daily life. The things you do every day without thinking. A walk in your neighborhood. A phone conversation. Your childhood obsessions. A new purse. The normal parts. The "boring" parts. Your favourite cup. A hole in your shoe. What's in your knapsack. What you ate for lunch. Include the ugly parts which we often discard as sources. The mess on your desk. A painful childhood memory. A nagging fear. A terrible fight. A death. Use these as elements in your opus. Write them down. Paint them out. transform them. change their meaning. It is all worthy of documenting. Your view of the world is unique. people will respond to your work when it is honest. even though you might not see the beauty there. sometimes that is better. just get it out. start by talking about what you did yesterday. actually, just start. to add my favourite saying, use what you've got! (I actually got this from the Urban Peasant (James Barber) who applied it to cooking, but it works for everything.)”

Now, enjoy!

January
- medical check-up (result was fine although had problem to breathe)
- installed broadband after years of dreaming (waited for the kick too long)
- 40th birthday in Bali (it was special because it was not special)

February
- started the first blog (RAD inspired me one morning, she stops after three posts)

March
- started the second blog, Ubudblu
- went to vodka bar almost every week (it’s a birthday month)
- attended three-day Java Jazz Festival 2006 for the first time
- did a thorough tour in Pasar Seni Ancol for the first time

April
- did Yogya art tour less than a month before the big Yogya earthquake

May
- started writing haiku / poem almost every day (it stops after seven months, shall restart in new year)
- watched movie for the first time after four years, did four weekends in a row

June
- started making collage (it stops after four months, shall restart in new year)
- enjoyed a life break
- started to participate in weekly art challenges -- three challenges in less than a month (it stops after four months, shall restart in new year)

July
- produced first 3-D artwork although stopped after five creations
- first trial on sticky-tape collage got recognition from IMT
- found talent in ‘capturing’ person’s character (captured self as first trial, then friends)
- got second recognition from IMT within two weeks (the collage shown above)

August
- blucolage got 150 hit daily from 26 countries in two weeks
- chose to explore fuller body as art object
- went to Solo after more than six years
- did first art collaboration with an international art blogger

September
- own more than ten blogs: private, art, and business (70% are well attended)
- cut hair the shortest in the last 15 years (2 cm in the back)
- visited the well-known Pasar Seni ITB for the first time and Bandung after more than six years
- started a daily art-journal (it stops after one month)
- attended the Ubud Writers and Readers Festival 2006 for the first time

October
- sat in Taman Surapati for the first time
- attended baptism for the first time
- spent Eid in Jakarta after years of always pulang kampung
- worked as translator (volunteer and paid) after eight years off office

November
- Mama came over after more than four years
- bought three shoes of a style (red, brown, blue)
- celebrated 300th post in Ubudblu

December
- watched movie everyday (except one day) for one week at the Jakarta International Film Festival 2006
- did major decluttering around home, 99% done
- got the shortest haircut, shorter than before
- FRA workshop got a nice Christmas present: a tree fell on the roof
- spent New Year holiday at home after years of out of town

(Dis)Advantage

Finally, after six days together, DHA and I practice a silent communication. He is constantly on ear-phone that I need to shout a bit to get my message thru. And later, as I know he is playing a game with concentration, I start writing him a note.

Silent became a total silence. Yesterday I offered him to watch a movie by writing him a note Watch movie at 4pm, Night at the Museum. He didn’t say anything but later I found him sleeping with a blanket covered face. What could I say? I watched without him. The movie was not bad, it’s hilarious. I know exactly that he would love such movie. I imagined he would laugh out loud. It’s a silly movie.

Before home, I bought him a dozen of KK donut he likes (that surprisingly ‘attracts’ my taste). He didn’t say anything. As usual. And after I asked him to consider limiting the use of internet, he plunged into total silence. I experience the feeling of raising a teenager now. Handling a boy is easier I guess, the mood doesn’t swing that much, but still.. Later at night, I served him half a donut (to share with me) and a glass of milk but it didn’t open the communication channel either. Sigh.

Weather is clearer in the morning. I handled him very carefully. I checked out his packing for tomorrow as he takes lots of book and CD. I also checked what he had in mind for the day; he wanted to go to the IT mall again. Fine. It’s nice if we could negotiate.

I hardly thought about shopping around for a computer program; I don’t know why. So today was my first spending time in a shop selling programs. I felt like entering a library and enjoyed walking in the alley browsing shelves to shelves. It ignited my ideas about many. Hey this is cool! Now I know the advantage of having a teenager at home. It opens other interests :-)

We spent almost an hour in the shop. I ended up buying M Money 2007 (which never crossed my mind till a good friend mentioned), fonts, and scrapbooking programs. I’m excited to have something to do to spend a new year’s evening.

DHA chose to have meat and potato for lunch. That’s a good idea too. I didn’t remember the last time I had meat. Very rarely although my O blood type diet suggests meat more than wheat. We had a great lunch outdoor. So nice to enjoy cooler Jakarta, very rare.

DHA leaves for Malang tomorrow morning. I miss him already but one week is best for us. Just before we face more irreconcilable matters :-) I feel that we are closer now. I have something to talk about next time I call him.

Photo of DHA with simple breakfast he prepared himself: soup, donut, and coffee.

Fragile Things*

There are times when I don’t feel right in the morning. Today was one of the rare. I brought the uneasy feeling from last night. It was not one of the nights. Strange, I eased off my tension by filing both heels then treating. I never did such thing first in the morning :-)

Having spent a day with DHA at home, I felt that we both became tensed yesterday. DHA spent all day in computer with much movement – walking to and from where he sat – to do something else every literally 5 – 10 minutes. It drove me crazy after some times because he passed in front of me unavoidably. And more, he watched TV in a blasted volume, news and cartoon. It’s funny that I watch international news station all the time and he prefers local in Indonesian. I don’t fight for the channel; it’s the volume that I care.

In such state, Chiko cried a lot. It took me to the edge. I held and put him in his favorite chair, in return, he sprayed pee! Ugh. He never did that to me. It seemed that he also had come to the edge. We were both upset. I was already sleepy and a bit upset when wiping his pee off the chair. I could not take it anymore. I went to shower and stayed in my quiet bedroom trying to read. Gaiman didn’t help. I fell asleep.

Those set my morning. I was awoken by - again - Chiko's cry. It annoyed me because nobody helped him out. I had to walk with my pajama to ask staffs. I wondered how they managed to shut off their ears and spare patience for such noise.

And again, I was in debate with DHA who didn’t make himself clear since last night. Last night I asked him whether he finished with the internet, he said that his computer was hibernating. I was switching off the internet when he said that he was still downloading a program. He didn’t answer my question with yes / no. And again this morning, I don’t like when he said I didn’t say that! I just mumbled Don’t play lawyer with me.

And more, I lost the new TIME magazine I bought a few days ago. It rarely happened in this house that I misplaced a magazine especially a new one, even sometimes I actually had to put in bin myself because no one did. I asked staffs to search so did I. Zero. Mystery.

I may have watched wrong TV station and read wrong book since yesterday. I followed Saddam’s last minutes since morning. It is quite stressful to think about someone’s life (whoever the someone is) would be taken in a matter of hours.

While Gaiman’s Fragile Things is something too. He writes a lot about ghost, not the Casper thing, but something from the eye of a dead person. Or, other dimension of life. It’s uniquely spooky, lots of imagination – fantasy and science fiction. I quote his introduction:

“’I think . . . that I would rather recollect a life mis-spent on fragile things than spent avoiding moral debt.’ The words turned up in a dream and I wrote them down upon waking, uncertain what they meant or to whom they applied.

..It seemed like a fine title for a book of short stories. There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts.”

I enjoyed his writing because different, not melancholy, but… doesn’t it add to my anxiety?

* Gaiman’s latest book title.

Ready for NY Resolution

I awoke very early because I slept early last night. It annoyed me a bit because my body confused about the time. I had no plan for the day but just got up long before 6:00.

It’s a very nice morning with cool breeze, no sun, no rain. I opened the window by desk-table and enjoyed the fresh morning while checking emails. Actually I could not expect much to get email because hardly any one in a part of the world could access email the past few days. Only my local account that works. Not bad though. I am lucky too that I’m still able to have access to Blogger.

DHA is happy with whatever the broadband could give online access. He is sitting quietly after found out his discussion-group (NOT live chaaat!! was the answer when I required an explanation) could be accessed. Great! I am “free”.

The idea just popped up after online stuff. I didn’t know what moved me, suddenly I found myself taking out clothes from closet. Systematically. In an hour I managed to declutter and restructure the division (or Rubik’s relocation / RR). In two hours I could see the pattern. In three hours I had nothing outside closet and… actually I don’t need the two boxes I bought for the project. What I need was just an RR! Grr..

The last one hour I wiped floor and tidied bathroom. Aah.. 90% of the burden has been lifted. I should do some 10% more but I already lost energy to think. That’s what I found out today that decluttering is about using brain to dig up creativity.

New Year is coming in two days. A good friend talked about NY resolution yesterday. It got me thinking that I also need to make one although I was a bit ‘pessimistic’ before. I told my friend that I never actually observed my NY resolution; like I let it slipped unnoticed till end of the year came again. I didn’t see the point to make any resolution then.

But this friend shared me a nice point of view about making resolution:

“However, as the saying goes, if you don't know where you're going / want to go, you'll never know if you get there or how much progress you make.”

Ya, I agree that we have to set a signpost to know where we are now.. and then. I have two days to think :-)

Photo of DHA and his virtual world; and walked YU and LIT home in drizzle.

Option / Alternative

Watching my credit card being processed, I was thinking about the only card I have. That was yesterday. I used to have three credit cards issued by three different operators but I only use one card for years. To simplify life, I closed the other two cards two years ago and be happy with the one I use now. It came to me yesterday, I feel very safe and enough with the card that can buy me a little car but.. what if this only card fails me especially when I’m overseas?

The thought popped up again after experiencing the internet connection down since last night. Only one internet provider in Indonesia that doesn’t use Taiwan backbone and I’m glad that my cellphone provider granted me automatic subscription to the internet provider because both companies are in the same group. My point is.. I have option so am able to connect to the internet although through dial-up -- that is slower than broadband. Option. Option. Now I care about it.

Have solved the internet problem, I’m thinking, what if the electricity fails? Aaargh.. that’s real disaster. Now I know that we have many other things to be worried about. I don’t need to focus on one problem because other problems can be bigger.

Anyway, I took DHA to pick up his computer. He is happy to get his computer back and reinstalled but sad that the files in the old hard-drive could not be salvaged. That's the best he could have, no option. To make life felt lighter, we spent some times in the hypermarket below the IT mall. I kind of like shopping there but seldom remember the place exists. I guess parking is not a big problem in the right time of a week-day.

DHA and I had lunch at PI mall today. I know he likes PS mall more but I preferred to be in ‘familiar’ place today. We had pasta for lunch (very nice) and I bought him a new sneakers for school. He needs extra for alternatives. We went shopping quickly and returned to the same resto for me to rest like old granny. Yes, I got slight headache since we left home. I asked DHA to go window shopping by himself while I tried to finish Miso Soup book. I could not wait to change book. Too many options can be confusing too.

Traffic was nice. I dream of Jakarta traffic always like these days. It would be fun, I could go more places :-) Again, it’s just nice to have more options.

Photo of scenes I observed during lunch and coffee.

I Juggle, Asia is Down

I learned about the art of juggling today. I wanted to maximize doing errands while traffic is less dense like these days. So I planned my day. Opened a bank-account for DHA, then did banking in another bank, met up with RAD at lunch, and grocery shopped in the same mall. All in four hours.

Internet connection is down all day because of the Taiwan earthquake. It must have affected all Asia. Having read the latest edition of TIME magazine about the new media, I could not imagine the effect on people who live more in virtual world. I feel disconnected in a way. I just heard from the news that it could take weeks to repair. Uh.

Having met and talked to some customer-care officers today, I realized that smiling is the best way to get things done in a quick way. And actually, talking over phone while smiling is powerful too. I could feel the person in the other end was smiling too while helping me.

I managed to get a nice number for DHA’s bank-account after asking the officer in a super nice way (that they usually didn’t grant such service because they have own ordering system).

I also managed to make DHA’s computer technician keeping his patience to back-up the broken hard-drive that takes ages to do because it’s on and off. I sensed that he was speechless responding to my nice request :-)

Finally I managed to take DHA to visit a dermatologist to check his rash and acne. He was nice to listen to what the doctor told him about how to treat sensitive skin and acne. He needs further supervision on this matter although he is a big boy now but.. it has to start somewhere to end.

I realized that I often juggle to do two or more things at the same time (a good friend calls it multi-tasking) after I asked the doctor how she handled two patients in two connecting-rooms at the same time. She told me that she is able to write and talk at the same time. Hm, I could do that too and hardly ever realized. We discussed a bit about such a special habit.

My other example of juggling is.. I don’t texting when being with someone but I could use the seconds before or after that to text or reply. I felt like having auto-switch between real and virtual worlds. Like many Asian, I enjoy text-chatting to keep communication going without corrupting the present moment. Hm.. confusing, you better check what it means in the latest edition of TIME :-)

No photo today. It's lucky enough to be able to post.

Tune Up

Do you order pizza sometimes? Oops.. It rang my bell. I hadn’t asked DHA what he wanted to eat although I had observed that he didn’t really enjoy my food the past two days he stayed with me. It got me thinking.. being a parent is something. While I expect him to tell me what he wants, he feels uneasy to ask. So the parent has to be the one who initiates? Same case in partnership? That we have to check with each other often?

That made me being a better parent today. I took him to computer shop to check his broken hard-drive. I exercised some options to optimize the lifetime of his laptop computer while minimizing the cost. He expects to get a new computer with W Vista soon so investing is not an option.

I also let him choosing the restaurant for lunch. It seemed that he cherished his memory about PS mall. He chose the same places he liked to visit before he moved to the U.S. eight years ago. He also enjoyed the mall clock that has nice ‘show’ every hour.

We went window-shopping separately. I let him walking around refreshing memory while I was doing my errand – same errand though, checking clothing sale :-)

We met up in a big bookshop. I asked him to stock up book. I thought about it since he came and was glad to realize that the thought is about being proactive (as parent?). The bookshop visit caused me a minor damage again. I selected two books by Kiran Desai (Man Booker Prize 2006 winner) and Neil Gaiman. I was attracted to Gaiman’s work (short stories) after reading his blog. I always like short stories because often I read two to three books simultaneously; like now I’m reading Murakami’s Birthday Stories and In the Miso Soup (by other Murakami, Ryu) which I have long time. Selecting a book to read is like tuning up mood. The right book for the right mood :-)

Tuning up continued. DHA chose dessert, fruit, and donuts he wanted before we headed home. I had to make sure he finishes everything he chose. I don’t want to have KK donuts in my fridge when he leaves. Ugh.

Anyway, I still have bedroom decluttering to do but don't want to do when DHA is around. I don’t want to leave him all day by caging myself in bedroom. I was thinking to do bit by bit everyday so can make progress at least. I don’t know.

By the way, funny that this morning I asked my staffs what they were going to do today. They said – softly – that they needed to tidy the workshop. What? I forgot about the Christmas tree.

Photo of xmas-deco dove I hang on desk-lamp.

O Christmas Tree

Christmas morning. It has no connection with me except a holiday on Monday. I got up with headache, pretty bad. I sat on a couch for awhile thinking about what to do today.

I read some messages in blucolage last night and felt that I really have to return to my art. I need the balance more. I made commitment to make at least one collage today that took me awhile to juggle between the headache and the commitment.

I realized that life has variety. I could not expect every thing stays the same: balanced, quiet, and sound. YU has one-week Christmas off. Without her and the kid around, house is less noisy. But DHA likes to gallop on the wooden stairs and Chiko constantly cries because of the new balance around :-)

I could not quiet my surroundings so I quieted myself inside. I focused on my headache. I felt better after shower. I managed to squeeze ideas to produce, only, one collage. I tried to do more but I felt really blocked. I wanted to read more.

My quiet holiday becomes perfect with 4-in-1 drama. I was fiddling around with scanner that could not scan (first try after moved it to low bench) when AG called to inform that FRA workshop got a Christmas tree. A big tree in the opposite street fell on the roof along with the electricity post next to the tree.

Like many Javanese, I could only say Untung-lah. It’s good: that it’s holiday today so my staffs were not inside the workshop, that working orders have been removed from workshop, that the welding machines were in the other side, that…

I was still thinking about what to do when IJ announced that water pump was out and water tank ran empty. Perfect!

I was not going to check the workshop – don’t know what to do anyway – but I got inspired to go after a good friend asked. Ya, why not. Now you can also enjoy the scene! The tip of the tree was on the roof top of the workshop. Half of the building has damaged and the whole building is covered by its leaves.

I was busy taking pictures when my old digicam made its first attempt to push my limit – it stopped working suddenly. It perfected my Christmas day!

But you know what? I didn’t feel anything about today’s drama. I smiled a lot instead. I believe that a beautiful life is waiting after all these. Like having watched the gifts under a Christmas tree for days, I’m waiting for the moment to open. Peace be with you.

Close the Book Neatly

I finished another Albom’s book today. Having read three books by him, I could see the similarity. About life close to death, life after death, things left unsaid, unexpressed feelings,… He wrote it very well, I could see people and my life’s life story in it. It’s human.

What caught my attention in this book is..

All parents damage their children. This was their life together. Neglect. Violence. Silence… (page 110)

I don’t have kid but I could imagine the truth in the statement. It’s a big responsibility that not many are able to do well. In my case, I’m thinking about my staffs – the children in my life – with who I considered myself unable to do well as a parent.

I act as friend to them especially to LIN who literally runs FRA. I noticed that she becomes more open the last one year. She expressed what’s in her mind more freely as friend. I don’t mind at all but.. sometimes I felt that she put pressure on me. I might feel that way because business is quiet the last two years.

Something hit me this morning. I sent text to FRA staffs letting them know about a little bonus I decided to share although we face very quiet business this year. Two staffs expressed their gratitude, one didn’t respond, and LIN.. She forgot to express anything regarding the share; instead she told me her wish to get a raise soon. This is the second time she told me after Eid. For her, salary raise is more important than any amount we can share to keep us all floating. I understand her wish but…

For a moment I was afraid to lose her, she is my backbone in FRA. As the pressure risen, I suddenly feel relax even if I may have to lose her. Who can control that? I have no control of the market. I have done my best not to change the salary structure because of the slow business that many had told me to start considering to restructure. I’m trying to be fair but of course I have to consider the life of the business itself.

I feel that I have failed to make LIN understands the situation. Have I spoilt her? If I have, then, I’m among normal parents that damage the children. She has all the authority to tell me when she wants to take leave or change her off-day. I hardly had problem with her arrangement but what she expressed to me today made me thinking. Am I too much?

I got two inspirations to be realized tomorrow today. I will check staffs’ file and do creative things to mark an important date in December. Closing the year of 2006, I feel the need to make the book clutter free and close it neatly.

Photo of xmas gecko I hanged on desk-lamp.

Feel No Fear

I awoke in the still gloomy morning. I stayed in bed half asleep, trying to gather my soul. I realized that any feeling from last night continues to linger in the morning. I stayed longer thinking about fear I felt last night.

It may sound silly but I can say.. this could be one of big fears I have. I am afraid I would not be able to write anymore. I was stuck without idea last night. Then? I was always proud of my capability to write without plan, just one sentence to start, the rest would follow. So can you imagine what I felt last night realizing that I could not write properly after many months of writing without problem?

That fear haunted me in the morning. It made me reviewing my poetry and collage which I didn’t do the past few months. Have I lost creativity? That is scary!!

I once thought that to-be-creative needs one factor: pressure. Limited time. Instability. Anxiety? Can you feel that? That you become more creative in finishing a task when time is almost due? That you have more ways to express yourself when your emotion is stirred? That you have bigger drive to accomplish something when in anger? At least, those may happen to me.

The good thing about losing ‘creativity’ is.. it shows stability: clear and calm current. I remembered discussing the issue with an artist-relative. She asked me to observe artists’ life that often have high amplitude. They are 'risk taker' because they have no fear of being instable. And actually, that’s what they need to be creative. I can see truth in the case.

Hey where am I? My fear reached the top when I greeted DHA who came with no-label transport because he missed AG in airport. I know that he is mature enough to decide but I was afraid that he naively judged people kind and sincere as he sees himself. Anyway, he arrived at my house safely.

The incident reminded me of what RIN, my cousin, told me that I need to have a kid to experience real fear. To sport my heart by giving it shock! She thinks that my life is too sound. Ha ha. She was wrong. We all have our own fear and shock. I don’t want to add what I already have now :-) Anyway, thanks for reminding me that life can be scarier in many ways..

Photo of bark-sculpture by Diah Yulianti titled The Spirit of Life with white and black girls on the chest showing that life has good and evil sides.

Get Hooked!!!

Today I did ten hours decluttering life. I had set the plan since last night. I wanted to finish what I needed to do outside home before DHA comes.

Checked virus-infected computer to calm mind the coming two-day holiday, grocery shopped in hypermarket in the basement of the IT mall, had fish lunch I wanted since long (long? I had lunch in the same resto three times the past four weeks), more shopped in supermarket, had coffee while reading the last half of Albom’s The Five People You Meet in Heaven. That took up six hours already.

I had set cellphone alarm at 16:00. I felt not-good that I had to set alarm to remind me to visit my Auntie AN who leaves for Hajj tomorrow. I have tried to visit her since last weekend but was on-off – didn’t really put in the agenda. I always had excuse of not going on weekdays because of bad traffic on the way to her house.

Like always, I could not stay for an hour only. She made sure that I dined then enjoyed a variety of homemade dessert. I had sate kambing and birthday cake plus lots of mango for dessert. I had a hilarious chat with cousin who is in uni in Malang. Finally, almost five hours passed.

I feel tired now and nothing is flowing but I am happy to know that I have done things I need to do before end of 2006. I will have two-day holiday before decluttering my nephew, DHA. I want to do the best for him so I don’t feel like owe him something :-)

Photo of pan-plate handle at Fish & Co at EX.

Cut It Out

I had nice rest of the day. It turned out to be a very good afternoon and not-so-nice evening because I caught in bad traffic for 1.5 hours (for normal 25 minutes drive) after picking up cousins.

I went to buy boxes again to organize active junk mails but RAD could not have lunch (only later after I finished errands), so I tried to arrange other activity that made my trip to the mall worthwhile. I got PIET to cut hair at 12:00! It's very surprising that I could be his first client of the day. It seemed that no one booked him that ‘early’.

I made a good choice in the right moment. I realized that I also needed further decluttering in the body, I chose haircut before colon cleaning :-) As usual, PIET was happy to see his victim. He browsed some Japanese magazines quickly before started to work. He always did to get ideas of style for the moment. He told me that he had made commitment to self to give me different look every time I come. Of course, but in consequence, I have to be ready to have shorter and shorter hair. My hair grows fast but six weeks length is still limited for a hairdresser to create something really different.

But PIET never failed me. Could not find what he wanted to show me, he just started to cut. He said I cut you your style. He could not cut fast this time because hair was too short to be cut with blade – his style. He had to sculpt bit by bit with two different scissors. It took him almost an hour to sculpt such a short hair. He giggled a lot when I kept reminding him to cut it shorter than before. I hardly saw the progress because of my wet hair still looked sticking out long.

He was right. My hair is much shorter than the last cut in early November. My neck is totally bare now. It looked sooo good in wet. We laughed out loud to see the very short hair that didn’t look short when being cut. I asked him how he knew that’s the length and style he intended to create. He smiled. I just knew.

I enjoyed observing him styling my new hair. He said that he would be happy to style my hair every day if we were neighbors. Some other staffs started to stop by and admire his creation. I know them long time, they saw me in many lengths and styles. They thought that very short style is the best for me. I could not agree more. They are right. I lose cheeks and short hair is the best answer to cut my age :-)

Before left, I hugged PIET and WS (they are business partners) to greet them happy holidays. They are my brothers, we know each other too well.

Holiday, My Way

Like Eid, I don’t think much about holiday this year end. I feel like to conclude this inactive year by staying inactive. I might be inactive outside but I was and still am active inside. I even discovered some new aspects of life. I found it good to be inactive for a period of time to make different in some ways for the next.

I miss Ubud very much but heavy rain must not be fun. Singapore and KL are flooded. Colorado blizzard. London fog. Camping at home is better than camping in hotel or – worse – in airport. Finally this year, I managed to tie myself down after trying the last five years.

My nephew, DHA, will spend Christmas week in my house. He flies on Sunday. Good that I had decided to work on decluttering this week because I know I would have different activities with DHA around. I may have to take him to run his errands – parts that Mama could not do. Ah Mama will have holiday next week :-)

I’m happy now that I finally call decluttering project in work area, living and dining rooms finish. I was lazy yesterday although I knew the last little parts I should do had bogged me down. That became my first in to-do-list this morning. One hour was all I needed. Procras! Now I should practice Mama’s two mantras: don’t put it off and put it back to keep sacred space tidy.

I’m going out today, my last two days before sharing year-end week with DHA. Mingle, see the world, and expand the horizon. I’m going to buy some boxes (again) and see cousins in UB stall in an office building (that I haven't gone since Tuesday!). I will enjoy holiday ‘season’, my own way.

Photo of Santa deco I bought for xmas cake last year.

Free Yourself

I was walking in PI mall yesterday when realized that been four days I missed yoga because of the decluttering project. Hard to believe that my body sent me signals that I should not neglect my body need. Not that I felt unwell but I just knew that I felt different. I had less control of the flexibility.

Yoga became number one this morning. I ate fruit then yoga harder and longer. It took up my morning especially because I needed some times off while sweating before started something.

No reward, no pre-plan, I skipped decluttering today. I tried to start with clothes but only to find myself staring at the heap without idea what to do. I knew I was not able to push myself. At the same time I tried to talk to myself about the need to be discipline or practice the just-do-it. I could not.

Recently, I was engaged in several discussions about posting in a blog every day. I found it hard to share how I came to have the need to post -- without burden -- every day. I think we have to enjoy writing (or sharing?) first before be able to committing to such routine. Like sporting, only one who can enjoy doing and feel the effect that can do regularly.

About what we write became the topic of the discussion too. Last night, USP told us that he doesn’t like to share his daily life like my nephew DHA who writes journal but for private use. I told USP that I only write 80% of my daily and keep the 20% for private use. I don’t mind people know what I’m doing in the morning, what I have in mind on the day, where I hang out, who are my friends, how I spend the day,.. No one would care, I feel. But I appreciate USP's thought who also blog his simple thoughts (that’s how he called). Some people do that. That’s fine too.

There was a scene about a woman pengamen (street singer) in the show last night. She came out from the audience, was singing and talking with Makassar accent, and later was engaged in a spontaneous turn-taking with the guest star. She did her act without burden (or it seemed). She looked so free and was so good. She may not be able to open herself in a blog but what she did is beyond my courage. I told RAD that I would rather blog then do what she’s doing :-)

Every person is unique. We have our own way to express ourselves but I realized that the most important thing is.. free yourself when expressing.

Photo of Chiko when he wants to be free, sitting on a window sill while crying.

Rubik’s Relocation

I didn’t need a reward to declutter today. I was hardly asleep last night because of the ideas of relocating some stuffs popped up the minute I closed eyes. My brain worked busily as the ideas developing. I could not wait till morning that took me long time to be asleep.

I was surprised to realize that my boys were not ready at 6:10. Of course, they were still wiping floor (not mopping) and car. I started doing my part then later they joined me to tie, wrap, and move things. I put more stuffs to enter the state of covered till their expiration date (read: ready to be dumped) comes. Why don’t do now? I know you understand that some stuffs need time before released for emotional reasons :-)

I didn’t work that hard. Two hours was enough to see the significant difference in living room. I found space (because of the relocation) for my collage-magazines and the tools. I also enjoyed changing some kilim carpets. Like dressing, I like to have different style some times. If you remember my narrow alley where I worked, it’s empty now as shown in photo. I worry tho.. it takes more effort to start making collage while I still owe some art online-friends new artworks. They checked frequently and left message sometimes. Some showed their worry. So nice.

Today I learn about the art of relocating as one way to declutter. Of course we have to release stuff that has no significance for our life now but then we can use the space to relocate to create more space in other part. That goes on till we find the right balance of what we need now and what we may need later without cramming our sacred space. Like playing Rubik’s cube, after making some movements, suddenly every thing falls into place or.. close :-)

I was going to continue with CD when I felt that I really needed to go out after three full days of staying at home. I checked RAD to determine my afternoon. Ya, I decided to go to buy boxes: for ribbons and 3-D materials, but didn’t want to make a single-purpose trip. So I got RAD as bonus.

I have finished tidying the boxes and decided to not continue with CD. I become lazier after enjoying tidier space now. I know I still have a lot of department to do after CD – dining area and bedroom! I need to check closet compartments near ceiling, some need to be decluttered so that I can store my less active clothes in unreachable-and-covered state waiting for its expiration date :-)

My leisure day ended with watching a cabaret (a mixed of theatrical shows played in a restaurant). It’s a monthly activity held by a dance company I know for a long time especially since I have a good girlfriend working there. I watched the first production and tonight's show was the fourth.

The main actor is a dalang (wayang puppeteer) who has great humor and voice. I watched many of his shows with the dance company. He liked to choose one recent issue as topic. Tonight’s show was about taking kids to have holiday. He emphasized on the importance of parents to be with their kids body and soul. He was concerned about many parents only take kids to what and where that interest them, not the kids. And also in many cases, the parents only bring their body and leave the soul in office. Very nice message only.. like before, the show was a bit too long. Some parts were alive but the rest were just boringly ‘empty’. It’s a bit imbalance.

Rewarding Project

I set reward for myself if I managed to declutter my working area (the biggest part of all) today. I got the idea just before I slept last night. Wonder what? No computer before finishes the project. Like many people nowadays, I feel comfortable spending some time in front of computer: connecting (with self more) and learning :-)

I started at 6:15, just after got up. I didn’t plan what I wanted to do first, I just started. I took everything out from low shelves behind my desk-chair. I selected and classified things according to the purpose. It’s computer area, I had mix of manual and program CD of old and new. I trashed the old one.

I also took time to managing cables. I stared at the cables helplessly for some times. I took off old scanner, old printer, microphone, webcam, card-reader, and speakers from the desk computer. I put the newest scanner and printer to replace so nothing sits on the floor anymore (except the old ones for awhile).

Today I felt that my staffs tried to avoid meeting me ha ha. They moved quickly even while I was still thinking what to ask them. They knew that the project was more mine but the effect could be big for them. I smiled a lot while trying to catch them to provide me with things.

I was sourly sweaty after six hours, had lunch break, and got back to work again for another two hours. So many different things that needed attention. I was challenged to work systematically to get everything done in order in a quick way. The trash was heavy, I broke the plastic bag. I felt empty looking at the small piece junks all over floor. I took it easy, I threw the next junk on the floor then. AG was nice to help me later :-)

I planned to do as far as sorting out magazines and CDs but after eight hours I knew that it would not be effective anymore. I could do tomorrow morning with the same reward. It’s much smaller project anyway.

I am happy and feel much lighter now. Even the Buddha statue looks happier because his surrounding is neat and clean. He looks good now. As of myself, I learned these:

1. Nothing is eternal. What is important in the past could have no importance at all now. – I destroyed friend’s database. I was ‘chief’ for uni and childhood friend circles but gave up after realizing that I was always the only motor to move friends to do something especially to meet. I was tired of such a one-way task. If no willingness on the other party, then.. why should I? This is always my problem tho. I have values but hardly any one cares (RAD used to mock me confined by my own values).

2. I have too many of every thing in stock. – I realized after I collected all greeting cards I have. One box full of many sizes of greeting card (blank, birthday, holiday, thank you, birth,.. you name it). My wrapping papers? Huge collection. I haven’t tidied the ribbons, ropes, and many accessories for gift wrapping. I need to buy a big box for them. Also, I have six boxes of envelope :-)

3. Stop buying things to stimulate creativity, I have more than enough that still do nothing for me. – I have lots of beading material, 3-D artwork material, also canvases and paints recently, kinds of paper which end up as gift-wrap, watercolor, colored pencil, crayon,… Aaargghhh..

4. Unreachable and covered stuffs would not be accessed at all. – This is what I learn after two-day decluterring. Everything beyond reach would never be reached, everything covered would never be uncovered. Conclusion: no point to store things which are unreachable or covered, better to send them to trash straight away.

5. If I don’t do, no one would. – This is for sure. I’m the one who takes every thing in so it should be logical if I would be the one who decide :-)

Photo of little frame under my desk-lamp. It says Love and enjoy being loved but do not expect people to love you the way or as much as you had loved them.

You Are What Your Clutter

I felt dispirited to declutter this morning. Aaarrghh.. It’s good that the three boys were already here since 6:00. I had no choice but to start. They even started before 7:00 while I was still checking emails.

We started from two main junk centers: staffs’ foyer (near carport) and under stairs room where I put cleaner stock. What came out from both places were amazing. Such small spaces could store so many stuffs.

I didn’t do anything the first hour. I watched them taking everything out. Looking at the stuffs, I learned that most of my clutters were brought by my staffs especially in the foyer where I have less control because it’s more their area. I kept asking them what’s this what’s that. Newspaper pile was one meter high (of three daily and one weekly). Plastic bottles of many kinds. Used auto parts. Old batteries. I didn’t ask them why they kept this 'n that because I already knew the answer: Just in case.

And I didn’t have to tell them what to do either because they already knew what I thought about it. They put everything in a box-to-go right away. I also noticed that they kept half pint paints, half sack sand, cement,.. Hm. They worked hard before my eyes. It’s nice that I don’t have to say anything because I always make myself clear.

As of my part, the space under my control was not good either. Like taking stock, I found a stove I don’t use (a very good one), unused mixer and fruit extractor, floor polisher (brand new), framed posters, four mirrors without frame ex cabinet, many kinds of free handbag from shops (computer, sports, clothing), even some items as part of gift stock, and.. sea of paper bags!

After sorting out the others – which to keep, which to go – I selected the paper bags myself. I don’t have real reason why I kept those paper bags over the years. I just stuffed them in one bigger paper bag and pushed it to the junk room after full, then started again with another paper bag, on and on for years. I had once decluttered them but that was a long time ago. I believe what I had today was from the last five years.

The good thing (or the hardest thing) about it, the paper bags were all in good condition, so I didn’t have reason to throw them away. I categorized them according to size and quality. I planned to give away. I know many people like good paper bags.

What mesmerized me was the paper bags variety, I noticed the pattern. I wear same brand of clothes, handbags, and cosmetics; I shop in the same shop wherever I go: Jakarta, Bali, Singapore, Hongkong. So boring!! I even tried to count how many handbags of a same brand I have because I found so many paper bags of the brand, like haunting me every time I pulled the same green from the stack. Ugh.

I also found one big paper bag contained knick-knack from my office desk back to eight years. I think that was from the last day I left office. The rubber-band ball had melted. Some loose photos of some events. Old calendars. Old appointment book (very nice with Indonesian touch that I plan to cut out for collage). And of course, my personal files (banking, book order, biodata). Today I let my girl shredding credit card and bank statements because too many. I was around so she didn’t have time to read :-) And it’s good if it’s done by other, I would not spend time to read and recall the memories.

I took a short break after four hours and thought that I would never return. I was overwhelmed by the variety and volume of every thing. But I had to, so I continued doing till the next two hours while the boys looked after other parts (kitchenette and vase collection shelves). One of the girls asked me twice how I came to have so many paper bags. I smiled. Don't tell me.

I could feel that everybody enjoyed the activity. It was like a treasure hunting. Chiko was happy too, he was busy climbing piles and scratching boxes. I felt so good after I called today's decluttering ended. I was all sweaty but.. happy!

Photo of my favorite yogi (not shameful man) in balcony.

“Just in case” Clutter

I started writing journal when I was about ten years old. I have books of longhand journal in one drawer in house in Malang along with some Valentine’s day cards and ‘mementos’ from the day I didn’t know whether “this lust is first love”.

I stopped writing after I moved to Jakarta because life was busy then. Worked 8 to 5 (theoretically that could end up much later), followed by spending nights in disco with cousins, or just chatting with them till dawn, or doing thousands pieces of puzzle,.. I was too busy to ponder life. Nothing mattered much.

The need to start writing again was in 2000 when most of my time was spent online. I found an online journal – Diaryland – which became my diary from that on. I stopped writing longhand since I found typing is as fast as thinking. Also, I didn’t want to leave ‘trace’. I had an idea to let my journal dies with me when I die. Of course, I protect the online diary with password. Only later my friend MKO thought that it would be nice to share a piece of my life experience with others when I die. Good that I recently found blog as medium. Don’t wait till I die to know about my life experience, I share with you now.

What did I write in my online diary? I created folders: for Sis to store our correspondence, for close friends of same reason, and my journal. Later, a good friend liked to call me Ms Archivist because I did copy-paste emails under the first two folders. For me, emails can also be considered as one post in a blog especially a good elaborative email.

Anyway, I checked that online diary a few days ago and found myself could not bear reading many entries. I realized that past has passed. The idea to let the diary dies with me returned. No point to keep.

I had similar idea with emails. I created some folders for loved ones. A folder could have hundreds of email which I hardly reread. I deleted some folders this morning and it would be followed by others gradually.

The idea of decluttering more aspects of my life came suddenly after I got up. I checked again the book I had for long time. A very good book (as far as I know) about the art of space clearing by Karen Kingston (she lives in London and Bali – no wonder her book touches my culture).

I went thru the pages to refresh and recheck what need to be done. I like this book because it gives friendly and short details of what is and why we need to clearing our space, such as:

1. clearing stuckness in your life
2. clearing recurring problems
3. manifesting what you want in your life
4. to enhance your spiritual development
5. to change an atmosphere
6. to improve harmony and productivity
7. for “luck”

I like her belief:

When you get rid of everything in your life that has no real meaning or significance for you, you literally feel lighter in body, mind, and spirit.

She said that “having clutter is different from being messy”. I agree. I don’t consider my space messy although not minimalist Zen type either. Being too neat doesn’t stimulate my creativity and spirit. Her definition of clutter is “things you are keeping that stagnate your energy because they serve no purpose in your life.” I also agree with her about keeping things “just in case” that she translates as “...the always feel vulnerable and insecure about the future.”

So I checked the places she suggests to declutter:

1. Junk rooms: This is what I’m going to do with my staffs tomorrow. It’s a small space but I really need to take stock and get rid of the ‘no significance’ ones.

2. Front entrance: I have no problems with this. I may need to move a Burmese statue to be close to its pair and install a nice mirror to bounce bad energy like in Chinese houses. I have the mirror for a long time now.

3. Behind doors: All behind doors in my house are clear.

4. Passageways: I don’t have passageways.

5. Floor level: Hm, I have printer and scanner under computer desk. It got me thinking to move my creative mess near the desk to create space for them.

6. Under beds: I have one plastic box of ‘less worn’ clothes. I know where to move that. But wait, it says clean and neat things are still allowed :-)

7. On top of closets: I only have ceiling-high closets. Safe.

8. Clear out your closet: I had started two days ago and would continue doing the other doors.

9. A load of old cobblers: I had quick review of what I need to release. ER had tidied the whole shoe shelves (which is also reached ceiling) the other day after I misplaced a nice sandal. I will do again tomorrow.

10. Handbags and pockets: Oh I am neat in this sector. All are in their cloth-bag in shelves.

The next to be checked is the different kinds of clutter:

1. Books: I sent out lots of used novels the last time I had heavy decluttering four years ago. This time I would share the books with friends who read similar stuff. Or, sent to a women’s association to be sold in white elephant sale.

2. Photos: This is tough area. I used to print and put photos in album but not anymore the last few years after using digital-camera but still have bundles of loose photo. Thinking thinking thinking..

3. Collections: My only collection that has nothing to do with my life now is my bell collection. I also have same collection in Malang. I may need to pack up and send to Mama – let other keeps my clutter :-)

4. Things that need fixing: Aha, I’m good in this area because I hate to see hopeless gadget (especially). I am Ms Dump-It.

5. Other people’s clutter: He he, I have Sis’ huge carpets and golf-stick. I can spare space for those – after dumping my clutter :-)

Later I also remember that I have to review these:

6. Accessories: I need to have a look at each and decide which to keep.

7. Watches: I need to check the battery of inactive watches. It may need to be removed to protect from leaking.

8. (Electronic) gadgets: My desktop computer is still in this year’s list because I haven’t done anything to make it useful plus the broken TV that makes a "Cherokee looks like Hummer" :-) It’s good that I don’t have to deal with unused stationary bicycle and rusty treadmill. My 10-year old dumbbells are still in use.

Kingston also suggests to clear clutter in deeper levels, those are:

1. Clear your communication: I’m not bad in this area. I’m open and too open sometimes.

2. Clear out your flaky friends: Ya, I do this every year. I like to send out holiday-greeting emails to friends I categorize into “friends I get”, "friends I keep", and “friends I lose” in the end of year like now. If someone keeps distance from or has relationships that drains me then (s)he fits the latter. My year-end greeting is to conclude the friendships.

3. Write those letters: This fits the letter we keep meaning to write but never get around to. I hardly have this, or been included in #2.

4. Tying up loose ends: This is like to postpone keeping a simple promise like sharing a phone number or giving a call. I don't have.

5. Keep yourself up to date: I’m not bad in this area. I hardly postpone updating administrative stuff like license / passport renewal or tax / insurance related.

6. Clear out your colon: Oops.. I would consider clearing clutter inside the physical body :-) If regular medical check-up is one, I did and would.

Ah so good to write down what I need to do. If I keep it in the book I may forget what needs to be covered in creating a clear (or sacred) space.

Now I need to write down the list for staffs to work on tomorrow. I am happy decluttering! Interested in following me?!

uNwiND

Does a businessman always use alarm? What? A salon-boy asked me sometime ago after hearing my cellphone alarm went off (for time to cinema ha ha). It got me thinking Do we?

Today I realized that I depend on alarm quite much. Jakarta is a place that swallows time very quickly. I don’t want to always check time but I don’t want to be late either. Alarm is the answer.

When most people set alarm to wake them up, I set alarm to remind me time to move: time to prepare myself, time to board a flight, time to do something,.. By setting alarm, I can read peacefully or do something else without, say, missing a flight. In a day I can set alarm twice for different purposes. Am I slave of time? We are all, aren’t we? I like to be punctual. That’s all.

I went to see LN, my dentist, this afternoon. I chose the clinic where he works because of the punctuality. I had been in-out the clinic for one year and hardly remember sitting in the lounge more than five minutes (Why should they have a coffee machine then?). LN would text or call two hours before if he knew that he would run late. Isn’t it nice?

I had the opportunity to meet RAD in SB. I tried to finish my last part of Albom when she came. We had a nice quick talk before went to different direction.

Your teeth are fine, why do you come? I told LN that I need to discipline myself to have my teeth checked up every year and I choose end of the year. I have perfect condition teeth now, I don’t want to let them stain and have cavity. LN did hard cleaning then. He scraped the stain and sprayed the teeth with grainy water that made the rest of my face powdery white. I enjoyed the process, I felt like my teeth was undergoing a spa treatment. I could not imagine if we don’t have healthy teeth; it must be sensitive because of the pressure and the water. Screeech…!!

LN wanted me to visit him again in six months. I refused; it’s too demanding. Time flies. He granted me ten months because I don’t eat much and only have tea stain :-)

I won’t set alarm again this evening. I finished Albom finally and start with Murakami now..

Photo of my dear Chiko unwinding this morning.

Biz Biz Bizi

It’s different morning, I don’t know why. I was busy with many things including preparing YU’s, my senior staff, little birthday celebration. She always celebrated my birthday with decorated cake or nasi kuning (the traditional yellow rice in cone-shape with a variety of savory). And today was my first celebration for her :-)

We got together – the birthday girl and her kid, two boys, two girls, myself – singing a birthday song. YU had to blow the single candle four times because I put a relight candle (it relights automatically till the paraffin finishes). It was hilarious. She cut a big chunk to be given to me. I held her. My big sister I called her.

My morning was followed by business emails. SON, the girl who creates accessories I like, contacted me thru email. She had written me sometime ago to sound whether I’m interest in joining her business. I told her that I’m not interested in partnership (may be for awhile after my not-smooth partnership experience with my cousins) but I open to other ideas. She came up with different idea, she proposed me to be a fellow designer in one of the line she makes. Auch..

Like me, SON has also decided to enter a rebooting phase to refresh creativity. She is creative and has willingness to realize, that’s what I like. Big drive I don’t have enough. She also does garment, although in small scale, still I think it’s amazing. So I decided to put her proposal in to-consider box. I need to take stock of what I have (capability, willingness, commitment).

As I had thought about business since early, I had a look to another business proposal. RAD had an idea to push me to be a member of a business network from Singapore. I checked the webpage and studied the nature of the network. It looked interesting. It’s a word-of-mouth marketing with networking methods. A chapter accepts only one person from each profession or trade to form a network. You market my product, I market yours; no obligation whatsoever (like I scratch your back, you scratch mine ha ha). It is a good idea and simple commitment in the marketing part; but it is a big commitment after the business comes. We are not allowed to fail to meet the demand (of course) or we can ruin the trust of the network. Simple logic.

The network group has weekly (!) meeting in a restaurant starts at 7:00. Can see the commitment from here? :-) A member is encouraged to bring along visitors. A visitor may join the weekly meeting twice and has to be an approved member (if interested) to continue joining the meeting. Fair enough. I may join as RAD sister’s visitor next time. Good way to exercise other means to give a business a life.

In the end of my business morning, SUR texted me good news. He just closed a great deal in PLV. For those who are in business would know how it feels to be able to cover three months overhead without earning more :-) It’s good to know that PLV still has potential to cater the up-market art lovers. Bali loses its tourist, that’s the problem.

So I went to the last film I could watch at JIFFEST because all paid tickets for weekend have sold out days ago and I don’t want to be in long queue for free films. I watched Café Transit from Mid East.

I arrived at the theatre fifteen minutes late. The most reliable taxi operator, Blue Bird, had disappointed me for the second time. They failed to deliver the taxi on time, not even in time. It got me thinking that BB has blacklisted me. I once heard from BB driver that sometimes they ‘have’ to blacklist a customer for a reason and what they do is to stop delivering the ordered taxi. If true, it’s strange. I will write them letter. Stop being inactive.

Anyway, I found an empty seat in the full-house theatre. I had to calm my rushing breath the first fifteen minutes; of waiting for taxi, of running off taxi, of running two stairs up,..

Many told me that Café Transit is a good movie. It looks different because I’m not accustomed to see such setting. The cultural touch is thick; how people show anger, shout to each other, show physical aggressivity,.. It’s quite tough (for me). The ending is floating, going nowhere. I felt like enjoying a nice clothes in a shop window but cannot wear or buy. Just enjoyed the scene but nothing to take home. In conclusion, the film I liked at JIFFEST is the first I watched. The best.

My evening had not ruined tho. I went with RAD and friends to WP Photo exhibition opening. It’s an annual event for photo-journalists. Many people from the field got together. We hardly moved because of the crowd but managed to view and read the description of most photos displayed. Still I enjoyed different thing.

We closed the day by having long dinner in an 24-hour Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. It’s RAD’s favorite dish – crab porridge. We had nice talk over many things. I enjoyed the company of 'new' friends. It’s different, it’s good. It ended my bizi day.

Café Transit

Director : Kambuzia Partovi
Casts : Vanchos Constantin, Svieta Mikalishina, Fereshteh Sadr Orfani
Production : 2005
Country : France/Iran
Genre : Drama
Duration : 105 min
Language : Greek/Persian/Turkish (with English subtitles)
Synopsis :
Reyhan, an Iranian widow and mother of two, wants to reopen a café left by her deceased husband. Since her idea is considered taboo in her society, she encounters many obstacles, particularly from her brother-in-law Nasser. Reyhan’s persistence prevails. Her café attracts many loyal customers, including one adoring Greek truck driver, Zakariyo. Nasser feels threatened by her success, and he plans ruthless schemes to strip Reyhan of her livelihood and independence.

Good Time to Take Stock

I read Albom’s latest book for one more Day (that’s how he writes the title) since yesterday afternoon and almost finish now. It is very well written and touches the human side in us. Although it is mentioned in the foreword that Albom got the idea from a real man who told him his life story, which I should just take it, but I felt that the story is touchier complicated than real life story. Observing the flow and the stories he puts, I hardly doubt that it is not a true story. It is.

I felt very well this morning. I didn’t feel aching although I have skipped gym too long. It seems that my harder yoga does good. Three kilos dumbbell felt nothing in one hand now. It squeezes my sweat very well and stretches my spine. I also observed when I take (multi)vitamin like regime, I feel good. I also drink lots of water which I manage to do since my ‘invention’ (put lemon slices as shown in photo). Oh old body.

I only have one minor complaint. I feel sensitivity in two spots of teeth. I have used special tooth-paste for sensitive teeth but it shows no improvement. I should see LN, my dentist, this week to also commemorate our first ‘anniversary’ of off one-year-treatment last year. I should see him twice a year I guess but time flies and he is also busy studying in Singapore. Anyway,..

End of the year. Good time to take stock. What have I done this year? Except that I have grown to know about myself better (that I could write and my art is not bad), I don’t create anything this year. One-year old UB is dying. Too young. My two older kids demand my attention which I hardly gave. Now I care.

I was thinking about emptying myself till end of the year. And the hard part after emptying is.. committing. That’s my life-coach friend told me that I also believe I should do. Life is about committing – small and big – anyway.

I have tried and done many things for leisure this year but what have contributed to my personal development then? Nothing is wasted for sure but taking stock is needed too. Again I found nice encouragement in Paredes’ blog:

That what we do for work speaks about what we have and what we do for leisure speaks about what we are. And lucky is the man whose leisure activities bring
him what he has.

Many believe that I have reached the latter, that I am lucky. I did believe that too but become less and less sure lately. Now I want to return to the state where I could say that I am truly lucky to be able to have leisure activities that bring me what I have.

Coach, shall I pull the plug now so I can drain myself to emptiness and be ready to commit in the new year?!

Today’s film was no good again. It’s fine but not smartly good as described in the synopsis. I never enjoy the winner who wins thru many killings. That’s Rambo.. crap. I didn’t regret although if I were not go I don’t know what I miss either :-)

Emptying mode starts soon..

The Aura (El Aura)

Director : Fabián Bielinsky
Casts : Ricardo Darin, Dolores Fonzi, Pablo Cedrón
Production : 2005
Country : Argentine/France/Spain
Genre : Crime/Drama/Thriller
Duration : 134 Min
Language : Spanish (with English subtitles)
Synopsis :
Espinoza is a quiet taxidermist who likes to spend his time daydreaming about committing the perfect crime. He thinks that real cops are too slow to act and real thieves are too stupid to execute their plans. During a hunting trip, Espinoza encounters an accident that gives him the chance of a lifetime: to commit a real crime and become a real criminal.

Aren’t you thinking of me?

I was walking in EX corridor, after watching film yesterday, when I was thinking.. We all have double lives. Or, may be more... It became clearer this morning when I thought about persons who have looser connection with me lately. I understand that it becomes looser because of the other lives all have.

I spent a lot of time with myself this year. I traveled less. I bond less (although I met more people – new and old). It helps me to understand why others become less connected too. Life is busy. Work, kids, household chores, friends, hobbies. Especially when we turn to self and spend more time listening to self, other connections become looser automatically. I realized that maintaining a balanced connection between self and persons we care is not easy. Same with maintaining the balance between doing things we have to do and things we prefer to do.

This year I did more things I preferred to do, even I called it work – it’s work I preferred. Same with persons I liked to spend time with. I ‘dedicated’ some times for friends as my appreciation to be connected to those particular persons but most of the time I preferred to be by myself. Persons who are familiar with me know how to handle. They limit the ‘privacy invasion’ and leave me alone but it could also happen that some leave me totally ha ha. That’s the art of having a good connection with others. Like playing kites, we have to have the skill to know when to loose the string, or otherwise.

Hey.. what got me thinking about all those? I spent more time with Chiko this morning. I like to lie down beside him so I could see him ‘eye-level’. He is healthy but I don’t allow him to go out before his next visit to vet. As a result, he demands our time more or he would be meow-ing at the loudest for a long time. He 'attacked' kilim carpets and scratched IKEA rug to file his paws. When it becomes unbearable, I hold him for awhile. I think he appreciates my attention that makes him more demanding :-)

Something wrong happened to me in the afternoon. I had stomach ache, very painful. I found myself wet of cold sweat. I had to crawl to get balm I hardly had. It took half an hour for the pain to dissipate. In my pain I remembered two things: 1) this is a reminder to appreciate my health more, 2) it would be nice to be with someone who cares (Aha! How can you stay less connected then?)

I would not go to watch film today although I hold the ticket. The story is not really appealing, I’m tired of driving in the rain in the evening, and I prefer to stay at home this evening. I want to stay loose..

What a coincidence?!

RK, the present H chairwoman, is a woman with high spirit. She has lots of interest that brings H to a new horizon as organization. She only starts chairing six months but her works are noticeable and bring fresh air. One of her works is organizing lectures quite frequently at the H library. It’s a small scale event – about fifty members capacity – but is 'big' because the topic is often unique. Things you do not always get from media or direct sources unless attending larger event like conference of the sort.

I didn’t intend to attend the Triangle Coral lecture today. It’s on-off because of the 3-in-1 regulation where I had to find two more passengers to go thru. Good that KAT wanted to see me and I thought the lecture would be interesting too; hard kick.. I texted AMA and got her to go with me and my driver. She said that I caught her the right time because today was the only day she's free. Nice coincidence..

The lady who delivered the talk is an Indonesian but seemed that she spent long time in Holland (she is Holland graduated). She spoke perfect English with Dutch accent. She is head of a conservancy U.S.-based-NGO in Indonesia. She talked about the largest diverse coral in triangle area where Indonesia included almost the whole area. Her office does campaign to educate people to conserve coral in their area. Many areas are located in remote islands as Indonesia has thousand islands. It’s interesting that the team has to work with many different ethnic groups using many different approaches to get people to practice.

In the end, after Q and A, we realized how ignorant we could be as part of the universe. We don’t have idea how rare the fish we eat in a restaurant in HK. The fish that needs a bunch of coral to be destroyed because of the cyanide the fishermen use to catch the fish alive. And the cyanide! It dilutes in water but can someone imagine how much the fish has sucked up the cyanide?!

And what about corals and shells we pick up on our holiday? The corals people buy to decorate aquarium at home? The demand has destroyed a big part of corals that takes decades to repair. We hardly actually think about how they collect and how huge the impact could be to the ecosystem’s balance. Good that I have realized this since long time. I don’t collect shell and anything from sea, let alone buy, although in one point of time in the past I also had.

Only fish that got me thinking now especially that kind of expensive fish a fine dine restaurant often offers. In conclusion, we need to educate ourselves in order to participate in conserving nature. NGOs may campaign but what if we just take the information for granted? We don’t have instructors like our fellows in remote areas who have direct connection with nature that the NGO puts efforts to educate. We need more awareness.

Today I had ticket for the film before the show. It’s luxury to be able not to rush. I watched Breaking and Entering. I had sensed that this film is kind of Hollywood style but I wanted to know. I don’t particularly like Jude Law especially he looked skinnier in the film.

Hey, I don’t know what to comment about the film. After only three films, I realized that a good film is hard to find – like a good painting. Many are fine and enjoyable but not many ‘can be taken home’ – like this one. Again, too many coincidences. Two burglaries within two weeks, one failed attempt, stolen car returned, managed to know where the thief lives, the thief’s mom is attractive, and 'unreal' ending again. Aaargh. Is it possible to experience many coincidences in such a short time?

Photo of my JIFFEST gear; jacket, sweets, program book, tickets, book to read, and the usual.

Breaking and Entering

Director : Anthony Minghella
Casts : Jude Law, Juliette Binoche, Robin Wright Penn, Martin Freeman
Production : 2006
Country : UK/USA
Genre : Drama
Duration : 120 Min
Language : English
Synopsis :
Will (Jude Law) is an architect with a trendy office located in Kings Cross, London. The workplace proves to be a magnet for burglars, including the young Miro. When Miro finally breaks in the office, Will follows the thug home to the seedy area of the city, and meets Miro’s mother Amira (Juliette Binoche) who is actually a Bosnian refugee. Amira’s fragile presence leads Will to embark on a passionate journey, leaving his problematic relationship with his girlfriend (Robin Wright Penn) and his autistic daughter Bea behind.

Hop!

This morning I spent an hour to finalize films I want to watch at JIFFEST. I don’t want to spend time every morning to go through the complicated schedule to find what I want for the day. I exercised every possibility to maximize but set two-films-per-day limit.

For those who know me, I was not a movie-goer and still am. I select film very carefully because I don’t want to spend time for ‘something that I cannot take home’. Am I too serious? No. I just like to do other thing than watching film :-)

I narrowed down my selection by dropping old films of 1930-1950, films about depressing war and ‘useless’ action, documentary (usually about someone who worked to conserve animal) and true story films (it happens nothing is good); films about the life of flower-generation bands and classical composers; films by Indonesian (which I can get the DVD in the market) and Korean/Japanese/Chinese (too melancholy story); animation,… But I selected short films (4 to 11 minutes) made by Asian film-makers. About 4 to 6 short films from each country (times two) are played, like watching one ‘regular’ film in total. I want to see that.

I like what came to me this morning. Having tried to accomplish many times, I wanted to start to procrastinate less from today on. I started from daily chores. I didn’t postpone to do simple things; refilling hand soap, ironing daily clean laundry (which usually done after a few days and could end up piling up after one week), and cleaning the inside of microwave. I also observed myself not able to delegate household chores to staffs. Not that I don’t trust my staffs (okay, I don’t trust them) but I like to do myself and often do as long as I remember.

I also realized when I say I want to procrastinate less (which I have said many times now), it is more a declaration every time. Blog has helped me to ‘declare’. I told USP, the guy who did the blog research, that blog helps me to take inventory of ‘properties’ I have. What I am good at, what I lack for. In the end, blog helps me to know more about myself.

Anyway, I might plan but the reality offered me different situation. I was surprised to find the theatres’ lobby full and later I found out tickets had finished. Not sold out because it’s a “free” day. All films played in all theatres today were free. For free films, we need to stand in queue – as long as we want – because tickets are only distributed one hour before the time.

I spent some time in the counter to figure out what I wanted to do next. I checked the paid films and decided to buy tickets for two good films (package of two tickets). Then I checked what’s still available to kill time because RAD could only come after 18:00.

I watched Hop. Theatre was less than half full. I sat next to students – I smelled alcohol and smoke ugh. I moved but only to find other student with legs raised up near my seat. Hm. I didn’t expect anything from my neighbor seats and Hop. I browsed the synopsis last minute. The film was interesting because it’s sepia – near black and white – but not black and white if you know what I mean. Only some scenes appeared with a little bit of colors. Like photo.

The genre is comedy but I don’t have same idea. It’s quite a serious but a bit impossible (like many) film. I liked because the film showed the different side of human.

Same case, I could not get ticket for the next film. The queue was very long and suddenly gone because the capacity of the theatre is only 420 seats. I called RAD who’s already in parking area and we decided to have early dinner. I chose the place, a fish restaurant. We had super dinner. Very delicious! The day ended nicely with.. hop!

Hop

Director : Dominique Standaert
Casts : Kalomba Mboyi, Ansou Diedhiou
Production : 2002
Country : Belgium
Genre : Comedy
Duration : 103 Min
Language : Dutch/French (with English subtitles)
Synopsis :
Set in Brussels, the film follows an African teenager named Justin and his father as they struggle to overcome racism in the predominantly white surroundings of the city, and cope with the hassles of being illegal immigrants. When Justin's father is caught by the authorities and in danger of being deported, Justin must think of a way to save him so that they can be together again. He finds an unlikely ally in Frans, a reclusive communist activist who spends his time building bombs in his home.