Lifestyle

I had great morning. Started early with solid plans for the day but then I changed. I spent too much time tidying closet. When finished, it’s already late to go to Denpasar for errands. I continued my morning with the usual but a load of laundry in the machine. In Ubud, doing laundry has to be prompt, or it’ll be hard to dry perfectly. Rain often starts in the afternoon for a couple of hours. The sun shines shortly.

I picked up air ticket in a travel agent for the first time in Ubud, even in Bali. I used to have return ticket, of course. I also arranged my next travel with a travel agent in Jakarta through text messages while following my neighbor friend 'inspecting' some art shops near Campuhan Bridge. He used me as ‘reason’ to have inspection: accompanying Ibu from Jakarta. He giggled looking at the way I dress the past few days. Yes, I’m wearing my Jakarta outfit back as I have a washing machine now! So strange that a lifestyle could change just because of a machine.

So my other lifestyle.

Almost every morning I couldn’t help noticing my neighbor spending his morning while I'm lifting dumbbells near bed in the sun. An aged foreigner man lives in the third story of a villa near the Ubud House. He does stretching also does laundry! I often saw him hanging clothes and sheets (surprisingly a lot) on the laundry line in the balcony. I wonder how he manages to do a chore in his age. Obviously he is not young anymore although he looks fit.

Anyway, he reminds me of my chat with two girlfriends who visited me over weekend. It started when we talked about the idea of the Balinese leasing their lands to tamu (non Balinese or foreigner) for home or business is brilliant. It is part of the culture that they couldn’t easily sell family assets so a lot of lands in Bali are ‘idle’. That is good in a way because then Balinese won’t lose their motherland to tamu who could afford to pay off the Balinese's need for cash. So the practice of leasing land in a unit of 15-20 years to tamu is common all over Bali. Even the agreement mentions about the option to extend the lease at the same unit.

My two girlfriends and I are all single without offspring, and not young anymore, that starts the topic. How we plan our old age: where to live and who will look after us later. I have met two foreigners who have an inspiring idea: they ‘adopt’ Balinese family to look after them when they are old and later die. The foreigner bought or long leased the land for them to live together as family. So the tamu appointed themselves as the eyang of the family who would then leave their assets to the family when they pass away. It’s a win-win agreement for both.

What made us giggling during the discussion was what if we live long like over a hundred years. If we are in the 40s now, it means we have to extend the lease at least three times. It might not be a dream though. We lead a healthy life so far. Living in a non pollution place, eat healthy food (less fat, lots of fruits and vegetables, no preservatives, no junk food, a bit of dark chocolate, a bit of wine), no smoking and liquor, have enough sleep, sleep and get up early, do regular exercise, have healthy mind and spirit… We have to be ready to live longer than 100 years! Having had the discussion, we reminded each other to be off beat some times to make sure we would not live that long. To live long healthy and happy is everyone’s dream. But we never know…

So I started a new lifestyle, beside the washing machine, in preparing my meal at home. A good friend who just started living by self after twenty years has inspired me to start working in the kitchen. As I don’t eat much and have less appetite, I haven’t started to study stir-fry cooking. Forget about investing a carbon-steel wok until I don’t have to cook for one. Now I shop for vegetables (after fruits), various dressings for salad, and oils for bread. I found out Bali Buddha selling homemade dressings that looked really good. Meal time becomes time for experiment although my style is still very simple.

It's a good start but please don’t tell me that I could live a hundred years...

Photo of an ogoh-ogoh being blessed by a Pemangku couple.

1930

Can I text you on Nyepi Day? A friend asked a few days ago. At the time I wasn’t sure about it even last night I thought the cell phone provider paused the service after my two messages didn’t go through smoothly.

Hey, I like New Year! Any. It’s good that I live in a country with diversity. I enjoy at least three New Years in a year: the Solar System New Year, the Islam’s Hijriah, and the Balinese Caka that starts with the Nyepi Day. Why do I like New Year? It’s simply because I have reason to restart. Anything. I believe I’m not alone in enjoying the feeling. It’s fresh, it’s new.

Today is the first day of Caka Year 1930 in the Balinese calendar system. As we are familiar with the solar and lunar calendar systems, Bali uses different calendar system called Wuku (based on the week). There are 30 weeks in one cycle (Balinese: oton) and two oton in one year. So an oton has 210 days, a year in the Balinese calendar system has 420 days. The Balinese calendar system is used mainly for religious purposes also to know the auspicious days for many life’s activities: farming and raising animals, starting a business, setting the ceremony dates, or… making baby.

On the first day of the Caka Year the Balinese are encouraged to do Catur Brata Penyepian (four kinds of fasting): amati geni – no fire and no light means use no cooker and electricity; amati karya – no work means do nothing; amati lelungan – no traveling means stay home; and amati lelanguan – no amusement means no watching television or listening to radio. It begins before the sunrise to the next 24 hours. It is expected that people use the day for self-introspection. Ah?

I sensed that many people were a bit anxious to face a day of doing nothing. Or more, a day of confinement. While abstain from food is suggested, people rushed to supermarket to buy lots of food to make sure they wouldn’t be starving today. I had the same feeling actually but I also know my rhythm. I used to stay home for three days in a row without plan and no food delivery order made. I survived with whatever I had in fridge. When I went out the next day, it’s simply because I got bored with the food in storage. But of course my case is rare. Last night I interrogated Ayu what she bought in supermarket with long queue. She giggled while listing snack she bought.

Nice! It is a quiet day. I only heard bird and rooster singing, some tropical insects shrieking, with dogs barking in afar. I heard no one raking leaves and talking. Even my neighbor had a whisper sneeze. I felt bad when I by accident made noise when closed bathroom door. And when I did yoga by the window this morning, for the first time I heard the water-pump filling up the tank. The noise is like a long Om chant. Magical.

I set the Caka New Year as the start of my life in Ubud. Haven’t I set it last ordinary New Year? Yes, I did. I redo today as my life develops the past two months. I want to invite all opportunities to come into my new life. As one of the symbols, I left open all curtains in the house all day to let the sun showering the inside at maximum intenseness. I also want to be bolder from now on. I start it with simple act: if you notice, I posted the first largest picture in my blog last night.

I want larger life.

Photo of ogoh-ogoh in the twilight.

Single

Shall I stay single? A girlfriend I met online asked me the other day. She is entering forties and happily single. We often discussed about life with(out) partner. I know that she likes to research on the subject not because she becomes worried about her status but more questions herself about her need. Anyway, it’s a hardly end discussion about the most mysterious and complicated human relationship.

I don’t usually have interest in such discussion but with her I feel ‘safe’ that we wouldn’t escalate a mini war because of the different opinions. Generally we have the same opinions. We often giggled to realize that we might be men trapped in women’s body because we calculate things with head more than with heart. They say that's men's way to rationalize things.

She started pondering again about staying single after met an older woman with four boys the other day. Learning that my friend is still single, the woman whispered in her ears that it’s better to stay single (after asked for her late husband’s consent to utter the statement). Like confirmation of a sort, she digs more the why. Why a woman in such late age could feel that way about being in a relationship? It is interesting.

Later my friend shared me her observation about her married friends. She wonders why many people change after married. I think she wonders about herself too if she needs to change after join in marriage. I told her what I know might work is to be whole person before joining another whole person is important. She had the same idea but different term: to have strong personality first.

Anyway, she often asked me for tips on how to select life partner. I don’t have tips, but like men select their women by checking out the mother, I have the same tips. Check the father (and the family) first. The rest depends on what she likes. She also notices that different couples have different standard. Tentu. Whatever standard they carry is very much depends on the persons.

In the end of the chat we still couldn’t draw a conclusion if being a single feels more comfortable than being with partner. I told her that like many things in life, each option has its own plus and minus. How to make balance of the plus and minus after making choice is for us to decide. We agreed on having girlfriend is often nice but as life partner that’s not a choice definitely (for us straight women). And having a long-time male friend as friend-in-need is also nice but often he doesn’t fit for life partner. So no formula can be applied in considering to end singleness.

Then we were talking about a choice that has to be made by women of forties. It’s never easy. First because we are already a whole person so tolerance can be considered thinner (somehow). The second, I don’t know. Communication is always important but who thinks communication is easy. A good intention can turn to be a command for men. Not talking it out can be a volcano waiting to explode. Well Pien, good luck!

Photo of painting decoration at Juice Ja, Ubud.

Preferences

Why didn’t you call me? I asked a relative who just passed turbulent emotions some years ago. I liked her answer --thing I knew but could not define. I didn’t call you because I know you could be my fire fighter. At that time, I badly needed fuel to have bigger flame. Aha! Since then I pay attention to what I need when in turbulent emotions. Fire fighter or fuel. Actually, it’s not easy to decide who is which so sharing becomes challenging as we don’t know what feeling we can end up with.

There were times when I just shared what bothered me without care about my exposure to the fuel (the dangerous side). That has passed. I have entered a quiet moment for quite a long time now. Some times I found myself a bit tired being the fuel and fire fighter at the same time, or alternately, but I didn’t dare to appoint other. Like tested the water, I tried again yesterday. I blurted out to a friend without careful consideration although I know “my rule", I even checked the rules I have it written on my laptop screen while mumbling. I had ignored it, I continued. Glad I hit the wall in the end. How strange I could be when having turbulent emotions and that makes me feel bad. I better return to my safe cave I’ve been the past months.

I played Robbie Williams DVD again in the morning. I needed mood uplift. Williams has voice with character, of course, but he also has charisma. He is funny and intelligent. I enjoy the way he presents himself, he knows that he does very well. Very entertaining yet inspiring.

Anyway, my morning has given me a good mirror. I dared myself to import music from CD to my Mac. Dare? I encountered stuck CD some times since I used the new Mac. As I’m in Jakarta now I better give it another try. It’s impossible for me to live without keep expanding my music library. The first CD I slotted got stuck, no process. So the second. I consulted Help as I like to do. Go to Preferences. Advanced. Deselect and select. You know what? It works with the new settings! Apparently the same setting doesn’t necessarily work in all laptops. Why? Do we need to know the secret of the Universe?

Hey, I found the moral of deselect and select in the Preferences. I should do the same procedure in my life: go to Preferences, deselect and select, then see how the new setting works. But first, check the Help to get an idea.

Photo of a sign in a knife shop in Ubud.

Impermanence

This too shall pass.

I awoke with the remembrance of my lost friends. Lost? Ya. Friends who simply disappear from my life. Silently. I used to recall friends I have gained and lost before the end of a year as part of evaluating my own life. I did last month but it seems I haven’t done with it. It still lingers on me to now. Today I will make myself ready to stop worrying about it. Worry? Merely an observation.

Paredes’ site has brought me back to the notion of impermanence. That we are only spectators to what comes and goes in our life. Friends, relatives, youth, ambition, wealth, gains, and losses as listed by Paredes. Don’t take it personally, that’s what they say, as this too will pass. Nice reminder.

I prefer to cherish my new friends who are staying with me in my new situation. The nice thing about my new friends is because they are not people I just got acquainted, they are actually my long time friends that have returned. Reaching out through phone calls, emails, and many other ways. That’s what I treasure more these days.

So I have started making budget for my future shop. I’m so excited to start the new venture: searching for a name, designing for revamp, selecting stuffs and imagining the display,… Like any new relationship, this is energizing. This too shall pass? Like any positive relationship, I want to keep the energy as long as possible.

While keeping the upsizing spirit, I plan not to invest in an 'ideal' shop interior with perfectly sharp walls and tiles. I take this as a challenge to my creativity to turn the shabby place into something chic but cheap in cost. This is going to be fun. I have some eight weeks to plan and some two weeks to kick it to happen before opening in April. Keep projecting…

Ubud is noticeably quiet after the New Year. This too, I hope, will pass soon. People who have been in business here and in Jakarta still cherish the days when tourists poured in all seasons, when making $25,000 a month was common. That too has passed. In business, no state is permanent. The only thing that stays the same is… the real you.

Photo of a fish-satay seller in Penestanan entrance that has been years in the business: the same place, the same two hours, the same tendances, almost sure about the same customers too.

The Intensity

I consider myself laid back because of my constant battle with procrastination. But actually my friend is right. He considered me as intense. It took me a while to sink in before admitting that sounds true. I’m intense doing things I feel hot to. I’m a bit worried though about this behavior because intensity disappears quickly too. I have proved. I did collage for a few months last year. I did it very well but only for a short time. I’m doing necklace now and it has good sale so far. I was wondering if this ends soon because I got bored easily. To be frank, I want this to continue as long as could be because I like the work – well, then, it should be long :-)

I thought about the notion of intense all morning while I was taking stock of necklace. Yes, I am intense and can be so serious about something. It’s good and… not so good. I feel like obsessed doing things I think should be done well and properly. Perfectionist? I am trapped. I should release more. Let go.

I can refrain myself from doing things that don’t have deadline and no boss around to watch. I’m bad in this sector, not a typical good entrepreneur. But I am super good in delivering what I have committed. Therefore, deadline and boss are the keys of my intensity. And of course, my like.

While I’m fighting procrastination, I’m also fighting to deal with calmness. My calm look has deceived many especially people who only meet me in function. I could be extra calm when I’m not in my space with my agenda. I can just let go and smile a lot. In my space, I move with purpose and how can one find me laid back?

Hm.. look at me fighting me. What’s my point? I think I have problem with being a perfectionist and a procrastinator. Two opposite things. What bothers me then? I often think that all my issues are rooted from the former. So, that’s the area that I need to fight more. Convert it to the latter?

Photo of Pura Puseh, my A-line.

The Mathematic of Love

It’s Kajeng Kliwon in Bali today. I have Hindu calendar but hardly check on the dates as it has little meaning to me. I just observe closely when is Purnama (full moon) to check my mood and ‘business day’ when we are supposed to pay extra attention to the offerings for business shrines. Odalan (Pura’s anniversary) is fun but often doesn’t fall on the right dates when I’m around the Pura that has the anniversary.

Anyway, I learned about Kajeng Kliwon that falls every fifteen days from Mbok Yan who came to give me welcome massage this morning. She said today she avoids visiting Balinese who has ‘power’ because Kajeng Kliwon is the day when evil spirits are let to be out to show their power. It starts last night to tonight. She said she could feel the energy when visiting powerful Balinese’s house. It’s interesting. She warned me not to go out this evening. Wish I hadn’t known that…

Of course it doesn’t affect me. I care now but that doesn’t mean it stops me from doing things I like. I have decided to stay home anyway. My first day. I prefer to laying out plan of what I should accomplish during my stay in my favorite retreat. I have several projects in mind.

I submitted my assignment for Cirebon trip in the morning. I finished the assignment just a day after I got the topic six days ago. I’m just lucky because I could get the material via Google. My other trip buddies find difficulty because all materials are in Indonesian. Very little material on the topics in English. A friend said that she’s going to write a paragraph but using giga font and line spacing to look more. We had a good laugh.

As always, I end up using the time less productive. Yes, I glued my eyes on the book more than spent time to making necklace. I also spent time online chatting with my cousin’s husband who just takes second wife. I didn’t feel like talking with him since long but decided to be open today as I also care about my cousin. It’s unusual case when in-law can trust someone in the opposite.

We talked about the reason and cause, the usual. I didn’t judge. I just feel sorry for him for making decision without proper procedure. But what is proper procedure in love? People don’t follow procedure because they care, not otherwise. We had a few exchanging and stopped suddenly after I told him the truth about women’s feeling. That women don’t follow men’s mathematic in love, that they can divide love “equally” between two women. I understand why he stops, the truth stops him. The reality. It must be painful.

I have stopped trying to understand men’s mathematic in love. It’s all back to the women, what do you want? If I keep my value, it’s my issue. If one doesn’t mind, why bother? Like my good girlfriend who exchanging text messages with me today about her love life recently. She said that she is ready to be number two, and the number one apparently doesn’t mind. Obviously two special women have involved. No mathematic rule applies.

So I spent my afternoon watching the sun gets dim in silence. Like Kajeng Kliwon, both conversations don’t affect me at all. I respect people's decision for his or her life. I have my own way to do my mathematic.

Photo of “three is too crowded” (the famous Diana Spencer's saying), my figurines from Timor.

The Empty Space

Hey, I’m back and tired as never in my life. That’s my good friend who comes from Mexico to Jakarta for throwing a farewell get-together. She also adds info in her email that she just set up three well-being clinics that deal with weight problem, cellulite, cholesterol, etc in Mexico. She is now moving to Budapest from Jakarta to start a two-year life there while keeps juggling Mexico and London houses. What a full life…

Someone threw me an unexpected issue for me to deal that disturbed the rest of my evening last night. A good friend reminded me not to worry about it because actually that is not my problem. Well, it comes naturally that I pick up others’ problem because they involve me in helping out a mediation. I have to train myself more to shred off issue that is not mine. I could sleep calmly after the thought.

I kept thinking about ‘the answer’ though when got up. Nothing heavy because I had realized it’s not my problem. I gave the issue time to settle down and yes… I got the way out before morning was over. Like any mediation, both parties have to show intention. Now I’m in waiting mode for the other party to show the same intention. I don’t have to initiate as it will come out naturally if both parties need mediation, not only from one side. Ugh.. such a simple answer that needs long ponder.

I made five more necklaces last night. I was so itchy to see new silver beads so I finished all materials I had. Now all are gone, I cannot have other itch to create. I really have to call it stop. Or, I can only start after I finish my art paper. That’s a promise. No more procrastination.

More about the need to be alone. The past two days I have light discussion about the issue through emails with my Ubudian friend who suffers the same. He even put “want to be alone” as his last name in his last email. We enjoyed having connection with many friends in the past and it hits us now as they ask for more of our time. As we are both in business, it’s so hard to define the line between friendships and business relation. He starts feeling tired of endless friend (and acquaintance) visits every day for the past six years. Now he claims his privacy but how?

I told him that I start facing the same issue as I have a house in a nice place. Friends come from any direction to meet me and of course stay with me. Now I know more the need to have separate villas for guests so can combine both nice as friends and keeping privacy. According to my friend, we don’t consider our friends enemies, we only claim our time to be alone. I’m not one who’s afraid of ‘empty space’ in life by missing company or busy-ness. I have enough now. I enjoy good quality connections I have however small, also, having business in size I can handle without having to juggle life in more than two cities (let alone countries).

I have passed the days when I considered possession is the sole good in life. Almost a decade now, I review the moment with happiness. I’m glad it has passed me when I enter 40s. Now I want to start a simpler life with less possession, only keep meaningful possession that touches my life now. Same with dealing with friends. I still remember the days I shared a lot with friends but only to find more complications. The days have passed now as I realize that in the end I am by myself in solving my life problem.

Hey it sounds so much heavy. No! It’s just a passing thought. An observation with smile.

Photo of three natural fountains in Goa Gajah.

The Precious Time

I feel light, and that entails happiness, this morning. I think it’s ‘simply’ because I have done a lot since last night. For a producer like me, to keep a studio tidy is not easy because of the enormous materials I use. I changed my attitude this ‘productive season’, I tidy up my area every time I resign in the evening and before leave for errands in the morning. Not tidy clean, but every thing is in its place, categorized. So I have beaten my paradigm about keeping creative mess to ensure continuing ideas the next session. My new experience is I get fresh ideas when starts zero every session. Yes, I don’t leave an unfinished necklace before resigning now. Now I’m an artist with clean brush in the morning. Yay!

What did I do since got back from shopping yesterday? I cleaned all the stones by wiping them with baby oil while watching Larry King Live, then categorized them. This morning I hung price tags on the latest eleven necklaces I made and selected which go to Bali with me. I also prepared materials to make necklace in Ubud. Yes, I had packed! I am so excited to go home.

I realize that it’s so easy to ‘love’ people when I have love for myself. I know the theory but hardly thought about it. Like now, I feel so peaceful inside, I’m happy: with what I’m doing, with friends I have, with plans I have in mind, with many simple things in life. For some people, I might have looked so aloof the past months that annoy them but that’s one of my ways to clear up my way to loving myself more. I avoid negativity as much as I can and keep only the positive. As a result, I can share more love with loved ones. I’m happy with my ‘decision’ to feel light and happy now. I don’t want to fall into ‘sarcasm’ because I feel restless inside. A friend unintentionally reminded me the other day with her story about a close friend of us who expresses life with sarcasm because of the unhappiness.

Anyway, this lunch, I met up with my art buddy to talk about what we are going to present before the art group mid November. Actually we talked about our presentation only fifteen minutes in the end of our meeting. The first hour was like ‘who are you’ session. She is my ‘new’ friend. We have intention to be closer but time and distance are our constraints. So here we are talking about what we do to get to know each other. What other arts you create? She asked me after complementing my asymmetrical necklace. I was blablablab. I know, I should do more arts. Try! Be active!

She was envious of my short sleep and getting up early. And, being a computer literate. Hm.. What can I say? But I like her point that she is envious because I have the opportunity to enjoy life more because I start early and do many. Never thought of that but cannot agree more! Yes! I have a good life. We have a good life! She is a person who enjoys every second channeling out creativity. She paints every day! Now I know from where her permanent smile comes. She finds peacefulness in things she does with love. We ended up admiring each other. So nice.

And before we hugged, we haggled who does what because no one wants to do full presentation. We agreed to part the topic but hm… I still need to negotiate with myself because I’m not confident enough in public speaking. Grr…

Photo of my creation, Striped.

The Procrastination

Last night with a friend, we analyzed why we are often trapped in procrastination. I had a long list of unfinished business as I had shared before – that I don’t know how the list gets longer by time. I thought I had done my part pretty well, except of course some really serious items that I keep postponing to finish. The bigger the item, the longer it’s been in the list, the longer it would stay. Anyway, since he also has same issue, we discussed how to end the bad habit that lingers year after year. It’s always in the annual resolution but stays in the next year’s as well.

I used to think that happens only to people like me – people with lots of time, and… no deadline. But, apparently it also happens to people with lots of work and tight deadlines. Then we know the meaning of time management. My friend told me that, as we are all, he likes to do ‘easier’ and ‘simple’ things first and when it comes to the bigger block, time is up. At first I didn’t believe that. I always thought of him discipline and focus that I often envied. I might have to change my view about busy people, as I know now that we are all battling with self to avoid being in time trap called procrastination.

So how can we help each other conquering the habit? As we had fought it by ourselves, maybe it’s time to involve other to remind (first) and kick (later) so we can meet deadlines and most importantly to finish up anything we need to do or had started. I like the idea of involving other to help us out of the deep hole of procrastination. I liked to think that I need a boss, a real boss, because I cannot be boss for myself. Now I employ a friend as my boss, my alarm, and my whip :-)

Well, thinking out loud is always good for ‘taking stock’ of ideas we have. But writing it out like proposal? I’m still wondering how I’m able to do that although I’m very sure it will help my boss and I keeping track of what I have materialized so far – I mean, progress I make. Hm.

Taking three ideas out of many I have in mind, I find it difficult. It’s not easy to decide which three are the most important. I could only think of two ideas now. Both are in business area. Other than business? I have a hundred of ideas so let’s not discuss those. Too much and too… private :-)

The two ideas are to have a small shop in Jalan Hanuman and to rent out my own villa – both are in Ubud. What could be the steps to progress the idea? To do research comes first, then to lay out plan like making budget, then start searching for more information in order to materialize. Having talked about how to conquer procrastination, I was ignited to — again — set up my ultimate goal in life and stop lingering with past goals. It’s time to select and do the right work. Life is too short.

Photo of little red shrines inside Pura Desa Adat Ubud that have corners with unfinished carving.

The Priority

A pang of bitter reality hit me the other day. Only light but stays long in my sensitive feeling. Priority. While I might not give some friends ‘better’ priority, I got hit by the reality that I was not among top priorities in someone's list. Oops. I reflected. I need to feel it from ‘different perspective’, nothing serious and should not be taken seriously. It’s just nice to reflect.

The other day I asked my Burmese friend living in Washington to read characters written on a silver pendant I bought in Ubud. I asked her as I realized later that the character is Burmese. today she told me that only monks could read the character (called Pali) so she promised to take my pendant picture to monastery in Burma! I know she would. She likes to help friends totally, literally totally. Knowing the situation in Burma, I was panic. I told her not to mind my pendant. I was panic because I could imagine how she finds her way to get iButt done. I’m honored to be prioritized but this is not what I expect. So my morning reflection was complete with two extreme examples. Back to which perspective I see the issue.

Yes, I really have to give friends number XX in my priority list this Eid holiday. I only have limited time and energy. I just knew the other day that streets in my usual route to many areas are under construction, another bus lane on the way, so imagine three narrow lanes become two now. That leaves me with no option. All routes have same chance to be jammed after Eid holiday as all TransJakarta routes start to be operating. Ugh.. It’s the right time to move to Ubud. I’m happy.

So, yes, I had already postponed buying gift for my nephew two days, as I didn’t want to be stuck in crowd. Today I made it. He got 8 GB black iPod New Nano plus two manga comics (which I tried hard to understand the story). I spent some four hours including grocery shopping and lunch. In cashier line in the hypermarket, I observed what’s in the other trolleys. Oh my! A stack of shirts; a trolley of flour, bags of huge potatoes (to make broccoli and cheese, I asked), syrup, sugar,… People are preparing for festive Eid. I feel ashamed, I prepared the occasion late that I didn't have enough time to prepare gifts for staffs well. I don’t have big family so I prone to take things easy. Hm.

Anyway, again, I thought about priority. Mama and my only nephew are my priority now. Not that I don’t care about others because that's also my mirror to understand my position in other people’s life. I just need to alter my perspective.

Photo of hair alteration service sign in Ubud.

The Unpleasant

This is a morning in a year that I don’t like to remember. Papa passed away on this date fourteen years ago. Feeling the morning, I feel sorry for Mama more, to lose partner of 32 years then. Her way of sharing me the news that morning is still fresh in mind. She told me like she shared about her closest neighbor had just passed away. I know she suppressed her deep feeling. It touched me when she said her sorry for not letting me come that weekend to visit not-so-well Papa. I found myself suppressing my feeling at the same time. We both ‘survived’ of not amplifying our sorrow.

I read Tanonaka’s letter to his nine-year old daughter in the Jakarta Post Weekender (see below) for the fourth time this morning. I cried for him, and for all parents and kids in the world who have to suppress their feeling of loss because of a broken husband-wife relationship. My! So many things in life we (or I) have to suppress in order to continue life with lighter feeling.

I’m writing this piece with light heart. No hard feeling. I feel blessed that I’m (often) able to separate sorrow (in my perception) and real life. Regretting, longing, hurting are all part of my way to face this, some times, unpleasant world. I’m becoming better in dealing with the unpleasant.

Yesterday a good friend shared me through online chat how he is still learning to fill in the unbalanced part of his life. He thought the unbalanced makes us creative and blooming. He is now in a small city in German doing research for months, leaving wife and four kids behind. Ramadhan is still on and Eid is coming in two weeks – family time. With rumors as part of office politic back home, he is happy to be able to push himself off his comfortable zone in the university where he has such a position.

He is one of the successful persons in dealing with life. Last night I got an email from my art-blog fan in Portugal. She has authentic, beautiful, amazing collage – manual and digital. Since we became pen-pal last year, I got a glimpse that she is not happy with her life. She keeps telling me how hard life is as her art doesn’t sell well, she runs empty that even she has to cut internet and other costs. I feel sorry for her since I believe in The Secret. If she keeps amplifying her sorrow, how can she attract positive energy to help her out? I don’t know how to tell her this, we are not close enough as friends, but I truly feel her feeling.

Aha.. enough for sorrow part. I still have more! No. I just feel a bit sad realizing that today is my last day in Ubud and I could only see Ubud again in almost three weeks time. I shall not regret my time off Ubud since I’m going to see Mama, and that would be in my home town, for seven days a week from now, and be in Jakarta a week before and after for my errands and good friends! Nothing to feel bad about. I feel good!

I enjoyed my last day in silence. I stay home creating necklaces for gifts while listening to my surrounding: the building crews who some times shout a takbir as they might long for Eid in home town, the weekly lawn mower in operation somewhere near, the buzzing bees visiting my room, the tile-cutter from the project, and of course the summer insects who make noise only on day with sun. So pleasant…

Photo of Balinese holy vehicle to put body in cremation.
____________________________

Letter From a Divorced Dad

My dear daughter:

You just finished your first visit with me since your mom and I got divorced. I enjoyed every moment being with you again, especially where I live now in Indonesia.

At first, you said you didn't want to come here, begging me not to make you get on the plane heading from Tokyo to Jakarta.

"Daddy, I promise, I promise to always answer your phone calls and write you long e-mails if we don't go to Jakarta! Please!" you pleaded the night before our flight.

Trying to make sense of your fears - you being a fairly well-travelled nine-year-old - I asked you calmly:

"If you can give me one good reason why you shouldn't come visit me where I live, then we'll discuss it."

"Mommy said there are poison ice cubes in Indonesia."

Oh.

"Dior, sweetheart," I said as evenly as I could, "there are some places where you could get sick because of ice cubes, but we definitely won't go to those places, OK?”

And with that, I think I passed my first test as a newly divorced dad, and we began a two-week learning process that parents and children throughout the world must deal with much too often.

It would also be the first chance for you and I to talk about the break-up of our family, and for me to gauge the impact of that decision on my only child.

It's wise, I believe, to educate our children about the real-life conflicts that cause divorce. But we must also insulate them from the fallout from a broken husband-wife relationship.

It's our problem, not yours.

If you remember, I jumped in right after takeoff from Narita.

"You know that I love you, even though we're not living together as a family, right?"

"Yes."

"You know that I'll always be your dad, no matter what happens, right?"

"Yeah. But…"

"But what?"

"But you didn't cry when we said goodbye."

That stopped me cold. Though more than a year before, I still clearly remembered the moment just before you stepped out of view at the Honolulu airport gate heading to live with mom.

Never a cry-baby, you took one last look back at me, your eyes flooded with tears.

That broke my already torn heart. I swore right then I'd do everything I could to never have to see that look on your face again.

I had your Indonesian summer vacation all mapped out. Your first day would be spent at the Taman Safari wildlife park in Bogor, where you would immediately be confronted by hungry caribou and curious deer nuzzling our car window.

"Do you know that a giraffe's tongue is blue?" you asked matter-of-factly as we rolled up to the long-necked animal's sanctuary.

"Wow, it is blue!" said your long-out-of-school father.

The next night was a colleague's wedding, and though both of us had never quite seen such a luxurious affair - five-star food and video being shot from every angle - your summary at the end of the party was "I was a bit bored".

And I knew why. You can only spend so much time with someone old enough to be your dad. Even if it is your dad. So I asked my basketball buddy Sandiaga to bring his two girls along to our regular Saturday morning pickup game the next day.

It looked like you were having fun. While dad huffed and puffed up and down the court, you played with new friends Atheera and Amyra, learning some new words in the process.

"Terima kasih!" you offered as you waved goodbye.

As the days passed, the wall that time and distance had built between us would fall. A plan to take a quick jaunt to Bali was first met with familiar resistance. But once on the ground and in the massive hotel pool on Jimbaran Bay, it was all good, yah?

A drop-in to the Jakarta International School back in the big city completed a successful schedule of activities mapped out by dad. In fact, upon pickup the first words out of your mouth were "Can I come again tomorrow?"

I could feel, finally, that I had my little girl back, even though you were leaving the next day.

"Do you want to go to Hawaii or come back here on your next vacation with me?" I asked as you began to nod off in your bed.

"Umm… maybe here," you replied.

That was good enough for me. It capped a period of the easing of deep concerns, such as what your mother tells you about your long-distance dad, and whether you had adjusted well to your new surroundings and living situation.

Though you had already fallen asleep, I said one more thing to you.

You may not have seen any tears when we first said goodbye, but I cried inside for a long time after.

I love you,

Dad

Hawaii native Dalton Tanonaka is the co-anchor of Metro TV’s Indonesia Now program, seen on Saturday mornings at 7 a.m. and Sundays at 5:30 p.m. He can be reached at dalton@metrotvnews.com.

The Question

I awoke early and found a question in my cell phone. Old questions. Do I have big copper bowls in shop and what’s the price? I was a bit annoyed since I had prepared the bowls since three months ago but my potential buyer didn’t show up, only asked its status three times this morning. I forwarded the question to Linda. She can deal with the issue better.

I spent the day at home. I still feel strange in stomach. I prepared necklaces for bazaar tomorrow and again listened to endless questions from my car insurance agent. I observed she asked me same questions at least twice in two phone calls, so three questions needed numerous phone calls. I was busy with necklaces when I talked with her on phone, I don't mind, I just answered like machine. Whatever you asked. Only after four hours took her numerous calls I realized she had asked me too many same questions. So strange.

My staff used to do the same. Plate or bowl? Big or small? Blue or white? Actually I could do the same. The other day I asked my friend’s opinion about what color I should take for my first iPod. I wanted to stretch my color scheme so I didn’t fall into conservative silver, orange, or red. He suggested green, still I asked for other alternatives. Ha ha.. Basically, people like reconfirmation. Confirmation, especially the inexplicit one, is not enough.

I planned to attend an evening talk tonight. I feel like staying at home but also wanting to be with good friends. I better save the questions for myself.

Photo of simple menu of a material shop in Kemang to prevent from too much questions.

The Tube

Pak Ana, my Ubud driver, once asked me I don’t see TV in the house. I laughed and told him that I hardly watch TV so couldn’t care less when Ubud house doesn’t come with any entertainment gadget but green view – an entertainment without gadget. I am well entertained in the house without TV.

Yesterday I told my good friend about not watching TV at all when in Ubud. She told me that watching TV is not her cup of tea either but she could not help it as she has a set in bedroom. She flicks through channels when wakes up: BBC lulls her into half asleep, news helps her to overcome her fear of earthquake or exploding bombs somewhere. She feels secure if she knows what’s happening in the world. And between news, talk shows can be interesting too even Koffie with Karan that shows Bollywood stars. She becomes addicted to TV.

I’m not naïve. I spend most of my day during weekends at home. With TV on but playing music from CD player/radio most of the time. Nevertheless, I know what I like to watch, what channel and what time. That’s when I start to be a couch potato on and off while doing something else like finishing up my museum project (but in couch in front of TV).

How can I resist not watching? CNN’s Talk Asia is my favorite since long. It’s on air as early as 6:30 on weekend. I like to listen to Asian personalities who share their vision, dreams, philosophy, business, and ideas of course. It’s close to home, it’s more real for Asian like me. Today I watched Tony Fernandes, founder of AirAsia, the biggest budget airline in Asia. I like to see young person with such spirit, doing big thing based on simple ideas, that makes him really big. When asked about his red-cap signature he wears all the time, he answered We have to be creative because we don’t have money. That’s one way to fix AirAsia in people’s mind. I could feel the impact when I see guys with red caps and red polo shirts busy around in airport. AirAsia.

That takes half an hour. Then back to work with Jalan Sutra on. Jalan Sutra is a famous show reviewing eating-places in Indonesia hosted by Bondan Winarno, a writer and journalist. He travels to taste food in, especially, small and hard-to-find place that has special cuisine. He eats with gusto while explaining what’s on the table and how it tastes. Sometimes he has celebrity guest to accompany. The show is well-known among food aficionados. Some of my friends are glued on TV when the show on, they really stop their activity. For me, with my less appetite, this is another way to understand how people can really enjoy food. But this morning I feel the show is a bit improper. It’s Ramadhan. Isn’t it nice to also show respect through TV programs, like eating-places (big and small) that install curtain on their glass windows, or street vendors who take holiday during Ramadhan? Well, I’m not affected. I just wonder about the consistent consensus about the issue.

And before I know it, Larry King Live had swallowed my attention. I could not believe I followed the new O.J. Simpson case and Brown vs. Goldman over O.J.’s book, and Ryan Seacrest with his high spirit as young and successful. And who can resist not watching Anderson Cooper from Iraq an hour later? And while watching his show, the next show World’s Untold Stories had started to remind the audience. I admire Cambodia. I don’t want to miss.

On Sunday, noon time is fun. Three CSIs run back to back: NY, Las Vegas, Miami. If I miss, I could catch the rerun in evening prime time. That can be on and on till weekend afternoon with Jay Leno and Suze Orman. A bit slapstick but still fun to watch. It has new insights some times. And wait till dark comes, Oprah Prime Time has waited in two different stations, two different episode, during weekend. What about Fear Factor? It’s yew but fun.

Well, I must say. I don’t need but I create the need. That applies to all things in life :-) If I find it fun, why not?

Photo of blue plastic drums in Sunda Kelapa, Jakarta.

The Organizer

It was still 9:45 when I sat in the car with a good friend. She was not ‘on the ground’ this morning. She was hectic. She was all sweaty because of hormone changes. She was worried. Simply, she could not talk with me. I behaved. Actually, I was in my own world too. I had two ‘negotiations’ with two friends going on through text messages.

There are times when everything goes wrong. Today is the one for my friend. She picked up a not-yet-open Starbucks for us to meet. We had to call up the other five girls to change venue. As we were ready to leave, the driver had already gone to fill up tank. My friend was still very much occupied with many issues she had since got up. Her boy could not find place to stay overnight in London. Husband in Papua New Guinea needed something. Checking her friend for watching concert tonight. I stayed in the background. I too was in the cloud but apparently was much better.

What a woman life! So many facets. Run many things and want to be with friends at the same time. Often we end up having body and mind separated. In such mood and situation, we still moved on to be together physically. Seven of us, half of us were constantly on phone. One is worried about when to call packer because no date has been set by husband's office (after 'failed' to pack two months ago). One anticipates her six weeks in Australia to look after two boys on holiday and soon attend a graduation. One has biz appointment as she helps out husband to run a strawberry farm. What about me? A friend wanted to see me in Frangipani lunch time and a friend had asked me to visit a handicraft fair. I didn't dare to commit to both.

Today’s highlights are a friend who leaves Indonesia for good on Sunday and a friend whose husband just got kidnapped for 15 days in Nigeria. Both had stories that drained energy. Things that don’t happen every day. Again, I witnessed women with life challenges. Organizing life of her and loved ones.

Shopping and having coffee with girl friends are definitely a sweet escape for us. We value our togetherness highly especially after realizing that some moments only happen once in life time. I’m glad I was really careful not to squeeze too many things to happen today, although naturally, I like to trap myself into organizing many in a day.

Photo women in Ubud by Rad.

Regrouping Needed

I got up with sore throat. It’s been lingering the past few days. Ya, I missed my daily regimen since I left for Ubud almost three weeks ago. I didn’t pay enough attention to take daily vitamin that I have ‘to pay’ now. I feel weak.

I felt bothered about something particular this morning. At least four close persons I know still ‘keep’ my money. It’s not a large amount of money but I must say altogether is quite substantial. It bothers me because it’s not about borrowing (although it bears the same concept) but more “please pay for me first”. I’m used to be good in considering before lending money to someone I know but this “please pay for me first” comes more spontaneous to me. I don’t mind to do it as long as I have the amount but it seems that people just ‘forget’ about paying me back. I don’t like begging for “my” money but it seems I have to do or I might not get my money back. Sorry to say…

Well, it bogs me down all morning. My good intention has hurt me. I reflected that I badly need regrouping my life. I had pushed many things to happen lately that at the same time cost me a lot. I need to slow down, regroup, and move again. I’d been careless. I forgot to respect my rhythm and values.

I visited Apple shop again. This is the first time I have a new gadget and visiting the shop almost every day. My Apple was frozen yesterday that all my settings gone after I restarted. I didn’t have any clue of why. I sat with the Apple guys for half an hour to learn how to do things. I call it a ‘shortcut’ before clicking Help for more information. They were nice to share their knowledge with me and invite me to learn together anytime. Special people.

I didn’t feel well but I had good appetite for lunch. I stopped by same resto yesterday, the Healthy Choice, where we can choose dish and drink according to blood type. Well, that’s not the main reason why I like the resto, it’s a bit pricey anyway. I just like the atmosphere (white and clean like hospital) and today I found out that I could use wireless connection from a neighbor resto. Very convenient.

It is a hot day. I don’t feel comfortable with my sore throat, and my feeling. I shall start regrouping soon..

Photo of Odalan offering.

The Power of Focus

It was a strange morning. I had the feeling of resetting my routine. I haven’t formulated the how and what but, I feel, I already have the rough picture in mind. I need to focus – or more focus – to accomplish my goals, to grow, to be better. I am not bad so far, I had focused, but this morning I realized that I am just an ordinary human being that let things distract the focus. It makes me wonder Where am I?

I could not function well. I was sleepy before noon so I decided to just give in, I took a short nap. Another nap with awareness. It was good though, it helped me to continue the day. Now I know my limit of staying in Jakarta has come. I cannot stay more than seven days in a row anymore. I need to be away, Ubud or else. But it’s good that I have this feeling, at least I have confirmed my endurance :-)

I read Sharma this morning. He wrote about a CEO who was on the brink of death that made him scribbling out a list of 101 things he was absolutely committed to doing before he died. It got me thinking about the power of writing out goal-setting. I feel blessed that many of my dreams since kid – with or without awareness – have materialized. I’m 41 now and life becomes shorter for sure. I need to make my 101 Things to Do Before I Die without expectation to die soon but with the spirit of "what would I do if I had 30 minutes left to live after telling loved ones how much I love them". It would be nice to know that I have accomplished some, if not all, things I put in the list. And writing it out helps me focusing my goals to happen.

I once did 50 Things I Experienced, 100 Important Things to Make Happen, and 40 Things Before 40. I want to do 101 Things to Do Before I Die now. I’m not sure if I can finish the list today. It must be better to list it over time, no rush, let things simmering before going out in a list :-)

Help me to focus..

Photo of a sign in Ngurah Rai airport.

Filling Up Holes

I got up at 4:00. I did my ritual: finishing a blog post and reading. Again, Sharma shared me a point to ponder, reflect, and discuss. I’m glad that I had unintentionally followed his advice to be an early riser to do some internal works – to get connected with the best within self by enlarging our thinking, sharpening our life’s philosophy, or reviewing our goals (page 136). He suggests us to build our systems, rituals, to be the best. I’m glad I have similar rituals he has: have enough exercise (he exercises a lot), music, reading great books, weekly meetings with inspirational friends (that I need to do also with my staffs), and writing daily journal (blogging in my case).

This morning I reflected why some men need extra relationships. I don’t remember how I got the idea but I discussed the issue with Rad and Mbo yesterday. I came to a conclusion that a man who practices has holes in life that he needs to fill up. He needs other (read: extra partner) to keep him company because facing the life holes himself is too frightening. Like one who is addicted to smoke, drugs, and alcohol uses the tools to help him/her to escape for a while from life challenge.

While men think they are sexy if they are adventurous, I could agree and not agree (depends on what kind of adventure they make). Men are sexy if they have big brain to adventure life in other ways than chasing women or creating extra relationships to get a mini getaway. I agree that we all have holes in life from past experiences but the tricky part is how to fill up the life holes with doing something (I won’t label it positive or negative) that won’t hurt loved ones. Be it shopping, creating artwork, traveling, writing, singing out loud,… anything that doesn’t hurt others is best.

Yesterday Rita said to me with her beautiful eyes looking straight to my eyes Dear, your life has changed. It does. I jokingly replied It’s because you were away too long. But of course she understands that I have filled my life holes well. I’m building a business, creating many kinds of artwork, connecting with more positive people, traveling more,… I make myself happy without hurting anybody and that makes me more happy. So that’s my point. Wow… what a point to ponder this morning?

I better start my morning exercise now. It’s already 8:12.

What a good time I had with Rita. Been away for four months, Rita missed our one-on-one chat so we set the time to meet today. I always enjoy solid time with a very special friend. Rita is a good story teller and listener as well, so we are perfect match. She told stories, I told stories. An hour became five hours, what could we say? Alan had to wait at home :-)

It drained me a bit, emotionally, but I’m glad I had shared her all she deserves to know. She is my good friend since I knew her seven years ago, she had followed me in ups and downs. And as I had begun my new path, she is happy for me. It had inspired her to do more for her life. She wants to reduce the ha-ha time and take up a language this year, and Italian is the first choice. It reminds me of Eat, Pray, Love. Many women like Italian, it does sound sexy. She is happy for me, so am I for her.

Nothing is better than filling up holes with a good cause.

Photo of a pura in Kadewatan.

Do Your Part

I finished reading The Witch of Portobello last night. It is a good book. Well written, nice messages, unpredictable ending. Coelho never fails. Too bad that a good book only comes once in a few years. Of course. I’m back to The Greatness Guide by Robin Sharma this morning. It contains 101 short writing like blog post. Easy reading with useful message for life in general and business. I have the book for months now that I read on-off. It’s a nice material to read between real books or when traveling. I have suggested some of my friends in business to get a copy. Highly recommended.

This morning I learned from Sharma to do my part. I still practice to see “the big picture” anytime I stand in moments of discomfort and inconvenience. I challenge myself to keep positive, polite, and kind in such situation. The issue comes to light because of my experience with Ubud House’s owner, Pak Pugeg, yesterday. Ngurah called and told me that Pak Pugeg called to ask whether I still want to keep the house. I felt offended right away. It’s only second day of a new month that Ngurah hadn’t delivered the payment makes him thinking I would not pay?! It hit me real hard. I’m in business, and had been good as businessman and person, I believe. And this person doesn’t trust me?

It took me twenty-four hours to realize that... I have to do my part. I had planned to tell him (again) to understand, to remind him that I once told him to give me 3 - 5 days to settle payment every month because I may be in travel during the dates that I may not be prompt. That I have been in business for a decade. That I never intend to cheat anybody. That I’m good in organizing things that he will know two weeks before the day I move out. I’m hurt by his gesture after I invested many in the house.

I had the uncomfortable feeling while I searched for way to understand his way of thinking. I’m glad to get the enlightenment regarding the issue this morning. I have to do my part. I cannot blame him to excuse myself for being late – whatever reason. If I cannot deliver the payment on the 1st every month, why can’t I deliver on the 28th of the month before? Who am I? Pak Pugeg is just a nice and simple Balinese man who spends all his life in Penestanan village. So many people cheat nowadays – intentionally or unintentionally – and he only knew me three months. Trust nobody. Do my part. Be better next month. Pak Pugeg has given me life lesson today :-)

I better check on Rita now. It’s already 8:47.

I ended up having a long day. I got foot massage I longed for days before meeting Fati, Hess’ friend, who called just before I left. She needed my advice regarding paintings. Lately many people called me asking about what to do with their paintings like I know the art world well. I consider myself have the knowledge but I’m not the expert. Or, ya, I have links and that’s more important :-)

We only talked about painting a few minutes and the rest 1.5 hours we talked about parents’ wealth can divide a family. We exchanged stories and experiences. I care about her, she’s not living in Indonesia and has two estranged brothers. Same old story about one wants to keep the estate, one wants to sell, and one wants to be practical. She is the latter.

Rita is in town after four months spent in London. I missed her around so we met up after my lunch for coffee. She was with Amalia – her package. It was hilarious catch up. She is kind of sad realizing that I will spend more time in Ubud. She is back but many leave for different purposes. It might be time for her to find herself the way I found myself while she is away. She said that my life has changed. It must be true.

Time flew. It’s already 17:00 when I left PI. I longed to be home but it seemed that I had to wait. The streets were full of governor election’s campaign mass. I gave in; I could not be in traffic that long. And Mbo was nice to accompany me to have dinner. She happened to be around. It’s another nice catch up: next adventure, love life, life in general,…

It took me about an hour to get home even after 20:00. It’s Friday evening. I had an unexpectedly full day but I’m happy. I did my part well.

Photo of Moussy’s part.

The Secret

Sunday, July 15

I realized today that my frequent travel makes me less productive in a way. I don’t really have time to settle down and start creating. Actually it doesn’t take me long to tune in the mood but my regular chores in Jakarta have stopped me from being settled down. I feel I need to allow some six straight hours to be able to start creating. Hey, no blame. It’s my choice to always have fun :-)

For instance, I have full agenda in this coming week that only leaves me with exhaustion between day and night time. I might have empty weekend but I already decided my next trip to Malang. I must have to run here and there to prepare. Ah.. I don’t want to think about it.

I felt tired and weak when I got up. My throat felt sore. I took a simple pill I used to have to soothe and extra vitamin to attack the flu, if flu. I had big breakfast with awareness and tried to yoga but… was too weak to bend. Again, it’s like a reminder of having healthy body is not a gift, it’s an effort. I didn’t pay enough attention to my intake the past few days.

I had a chance to walk on busy PS mall on Sunday after lunch. I could not believe the mass strolling around the mall. I don’t remember the last time I actually went to mall without something particular in mind. What a waste of time while I’m juggling between meeting friends, running errands, and doing my stuffs. I wish I could have all the time to do every thing without clashed.

It was a nice afternoon I spent with a friend talking about future. We watched The Secret movie yesterday about law of attraction. I had read the book so I could follow the fast moving movie with a lot of heavy messages easily. I believe in the notion of The Secret. It’d been discussed on CNN for quite some time a few months ago when the book was just released.

What’s the connection with the future? The Secret tells how our mind forms our life. If we let our mind to think about our fear, actually we let our fear to happen. If we stay focused on our dream, we could actually achieve the dream. I kind of believe in the phenomena because it happens to me many times that my childhood dreams become true years later – both simple and big dreams that form my life now.

Since I have proven the true magic of dreaming, it’s always nice to adjust dream from time to time so can fit future life. Why not?

Photo of an artwork made of ceramic by an artist from Bandung.