It’s fact.

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.

Isak DinesenPlease promise that you will be in Ubud tomorrow. Pregnant Ayu sent me text message in the morning. Inshaalah. I don’t mean to do other but flying back tomorrow. I have her in mind since I left. For no reason, I really care about her.

I observe others and myself the past days. We need others for leaning. Not physically, not fully. In short, we need friends in any circumstance to remind us to stay intact. Ayu has let herself being in a relationship with abuse since she dated her husband last year. It’s cliché that she hardly drags herself out of the relationship. It’s her good friends that had made her stay complete and able to continue life as usual.

I have friends that have provided me with such nice assistance – when I need. I might not express my gratitude often but continuously offer myself to be their ground if they need. I know how it feels when in need. Again, a quote I shared with my friend this morning has reminded me about what more important in life.

Agus, my senior staff, came to meet me. He shared his future plan and helped me to structure my business in Jakarta. I realized that I have to see the reality. All have changed… gradually. So I’m happy with the talk. It has helped me to see real people and real business. Strange. I always think straight and do business as clean as possible. And that’s not real.

Nice. I enjoy my short visit in Jakarta.

Picture of someone I know in Bali Zoo.

It’s different.

An hour difference between places can make a significant difference. To me. My biorhythm has such discipline. I felt like walking in the sleep when entered airplane to Jakarta at 10 last night. I tried to read but I think I was half asleep half of the time. I listened to music more. I had rekindled my regime when traveling.

When I was ready to bed, it’s already 2am Bali time. I passed out in no time and awoke in the same Bali time that is quite early for Jakarta. Sing keng ken. I spent all morning browsing bookshelves and CD cabinet to select what to bring to Ubud. I uploaded more music to my Mac and stacked up CD to bring for friends. I only brought a few pairs of clothes in my huge duffel bag. I might end up having excess baggage. Tidak apa-apa.

I ran errands in the afternoon. I got hair colored, stocked up cosmetics and vitamins, then got haircut. I couldn’t believe that after eight (!) weeks Pieter could make a ponytail with my ‘supposedly’ short hair. I know that it must be yummy for him. I could see his eyes twinkling with ideas. And before too long I heard his sharp double blade cut my hair without mercy then the razor started to roar on my neck. I looked at him and he smiled back. Don’t worry, I would make sure you wouldn’t need to have haircut another eight weeks. Fine. I look like a girly-boy now. Nice asymmetrical still but more contrast.

I felt tired only after six hours out of house. I like walking but walking in big malls is not my cup of tea. Well, I had to because I need a tube top for tomorrow. I realized that living in two places is not easy. I don’t live here anymore but still have lots of personal stuffs in the house. So when I’m in Ubud, I miss my nice clothes here. When I’m here, I miss my other clothes in Ubud. Yes, I ended up having a round to buy vitamins I already have in Ubud but forgot to take and a tube top I already have a lot in Ubud but didn’t think I would need. Hm.

I got some apologies through text messages. It seems that many people fall unwell these days in Jakarta. Bad weather or… too heavy to take reality?

Picture of an iguana in Bali Reptile Park.

It’s on the way.

I had calm and quiet morning. I mopped the porch and that’s it. I feel quiet since last night. I had dinner in kitchen for the first time. My kitchen is very simple and not big without nice island in the center but I happily sat on my new high stool by the sink. I had soup and focaccia bread, orange juice, and star fruit as dessert. I was enjoying music while preparing dinner. Oh so nice and 'quiet'.

The past weeks I noticed that I “have” a dog. I don’t remember I saw him around since I start to reside in the house till a few weeks ago. Anyway, he barks when sees me but he likes to sleep on a doormat by my front door every night. I liked to peek from inside. I liked to see him in deep sleep. I plan to buy him a dog-bed and have dog food ready. I’d like to have a part-time pet.

The truck that carried the last batch from Frangipani arrived before noon today. I gave the four helpers a bow. They had worked very hard because all were heavy stuffs. Really heavy. Pity I could not stay till finish as I had to sit Neru half day after Ayu’s morning shift. I’m happy that Ayu had sold wayang golek before the shop fully open.

One must have
a generous temperament without being excessive,
a rigorous mind
without being pedantic,
pure tastes
without being limited,
strict morality
without being inhuman.

Hong ZichengAnd the heavily pregnant Ayu experienced a physical abuse this morning. She cried when called me and I didn’t hear from her after we hung up. Later Ayu told me that the pregnant Ayu dropped by Neru to see me. She’s on the way to Kintamani, her husband’s kampong. She had been forced by her husband to go while the baby is already on the way. I don’t understand how people could lose their common sense when it comes to errr... ego? It’s my today’s ‘topic’ it seems and again the wisdom I shared with a good friend this morning rings true.

I liked checking out my calendar these days. Funny. I long for a real holiday. Time to reset.

Picture of flamingos in Bali Bird Park.

It’s flat.

Don’t put it off! Mama liked to tell us when we were kids. The message continuously rings in my ears. I tried not to put things off. Not easy. It’s easy to do nice things, but to do what-I-should-do?

I went to Denpasar late in the afternoon yesterday. For a… shopping. Yes, I had an idea to buy a good quality headphones for my new iPod. I want to enjoy the music in errr healthy way. I could not wait once I had an idea. An hour drive becomes nothing.

It seemed I was the fourth person who bought the same in-ear headphones on the day. Hm… good they still had stock although I had to wait for an hour. I met cousin Aga and browsed the hypermarket to kill time. Beli yang engga-engga.

Browsing the shop, I became bubbly with ideas of next big buy. It’s nice to have something to achieve. It’s been long since I set something to aim in the future. It gives me energy. Actually, it would help me to stop spending too because there’s a reward in the end. The reward is… the big buy!

Anyway, I sat Neru half day today. I met some travelers from many countries, like other days. I sold some small arts. It’s good, I enjoyed the chat very much. Travelers could enrich me in a way. Never ending source.

All that clings to the
'I' or 'self' is suffering.
All that does not cling to the 'I' and 'self' is
freedom from suffering.

Buddhadasa BhikkhuHaving observed how my family try to solve a family issue the past weeks, today I realized that being able to detach from ego helps me see the bigger picture. I feel pity for those who are not able to do the same. They create their own suffering. If they recognize it as suffering.

I feel light.

Picture of Australian Pelican in Bali Zoo.

It’s a great idea.

Saturday is for pampering self. Sunday is for family. My friend told me his life arrangement. I couldn’t have the same arrangement because I pamper myself anytime I’m in the mood and I don’t have family so Saturday and Sunday is like any other workdays. I do whatever I feel like doing but I know that my friend would hardly have time for me in the weekend because of the arrangement. Fine, we still have five days to do things together.

So I was surprised when he asked if I’m interested in attending a book launch with him this afternoon. Hm. Part of his self-pampering. Sure, I’m interested. It’s an interesting spiritual book by an Indian lives in Indonesia.

I could feel Saturday since got up. I slowed down doing activities and focused on what I need to do – my homework. It was a fine day with 23 degree Celsius at 11 in the morning! Perfect! I drove downtown happy. I was ready to go to printing shop for Neru's stationery. But for quality reason, I need to share my files with the printing shop. I often felt they could not do exactly the same layout I do in my computer so actually I prefer them to scan my print out. It seemed that my idea was not that great. Trying is free so I walked out the door empty handed again. I had misplaced my flash disk so I had to buy so can share files.

The silver iPod nano had waited for me at Mac shop in Ubud I visited first time. My little friend had inspired me to buy a real iPod that I had tried Mac shop in Denpasar last week after dropped her off in airport. Strange green, not my style, so I didn’t buy. Anyway, the 2GB flash disk had entailed a 8GB iPod nano I’d been looking for. I had pampered myself. My way.

I enjoyed my afternoon so much. The talk was fine but the music… Been in and out Bali since long, I have been listening to numerous live Balinese gamelan but today’s gamelan is so different. It’s very fine! The composition, the timing, and also the quality of the gamelan. It’s real music! I must say it’s even better than the orchestra played at the palebon ceremony last week.

I felt refreshed after listening to good lively music. As always. The book is interesting. It’s another Da Vinci Code version – seeing Jesus from different point of view. I don’t ‘have patience’ to study history thoroughly but I’d like to know what people think about something we think in common. Nice.

My friend and I ended the evening by having early dinner. We chose a romantic spot by paddy rice field with candlelight of course. I have great ideas of how to survive, you have great ideas of how to spend. My friend commented after we sat down comfortably.

I have great ideas. Period.

Picture of barong – symbol of dharma – on the tower for keeping coffin during the palebon ceremony.

It’s engaged.

There are two questions that people liked to ask me lately. It draws my attention since I had to answer the same two questions again today. First, when are you going to Jakarta? Second, do you have boyfriend (or, are you single?) I thought about the simplest way to answer both questions. I’m engaged.

I’m engaged with Ubud. I’m occupied that I don’t want to leave the place. I told my cousin Aga the other day that the only reason I want to fly to Jakarta is because my hair has grown long, too long for a short hairstyle. And grey. Other than that? I can manage here.

I’m engaged with self and good friends I have. I’m happy with my life so I don’t look! I thought it’s a good idea to just say I’m engaged if one asks if I’m free.

I had a nice easy day. I found out I didn’t have to sit Neru because Ayu could do full day. It’s her day off in other shop. I really hope she could join Neru full time soon. I had proposed but she hasn’t told her boss. Hm. I would patiently wait.

I have a stack of homework that I haven’t touched. Hm… It seems it’s time to discipline myself again. No jam karet, a customer told me the other day. True.

Picture of tiger’s feet in Bali Zoo.

It’s short.

My friend laughed when I told her that I had looked forward to ironing this evening. She couldn’t believe that I could enjoy ironing. Actually I just found out that I truly enjoy the activity and the past days I enjoy doing it in the evening to combat cold. Mbo Yan told me that the temperature these days is still nothing. Wait till next month, she challenged me. I see, I already couldn’t stand sitting downstairs after 6 pm. The temperature is generally two degrees lower than upstairs and that could be significant.

I enjoyed on and off drizzle all morning. I stayed in bed longer enjoying front yard in the dawn. It’s so peaceful. I didn’t have big plan for the day but ended up doing major decorating at Neru. I moved more art objects and two shelves from Pallava. Neru became more ‘merry’ for tourists now. And Pallava looked tidier and like a shop more after Ngurah worked on it the past two days. I’m satisfied.

I cut my day short. I wanted to enjoy home before sunset. Downtown looked a bit quiet, not many walked passing Neru. Ubud felt quiet from activity after the royal cremation that took a lot of attention last week. Still I enjoy Ubud every bit as in high.

I miss my little friend. I thought about her on and off today. She is very dear to me.

Picture of deer my little friend was fond of in Bali Zoo.

It’s the confusion.

I pondered about many today. I could not decide what to write up to now. Well, I might have to write whatever come into my mind since morning.

I awoke smiling. It’s always nice to experience smiling automatically since wake up. I believe that waking up in the morning is like a gambling because we could also wake up feeling ‘not fine’. So I was happy and am still…

I thought a lot about the notion of ‘giving up’ and ‘letting go’ all morning. My decision to let go is interpreted as to give up by a good friend. I remember my little friend told me that she doesn’t like to admit although through time she could see the point. She said to admit means showing weakness. I understand her feeling but I also had different opinion about it. I just told her that later she would know that to admit is not necessarily showing weakness. She said maybeee… That’s what I like about her: firm but open. She tried to be flexible, she said, and I could see that she could if she wanted.

So what do I feel about to give up? I drop the idea of searching for the right definition. I also stop asking myself again and again if I have done wrong deciding to let go an issue. My logic says… why not? Glad I could cross this out.

I sat Neru again today. I spent whole afternoon looking after Neru's financial structure. I’m not neat generally but a new venture always triggers my curiosity to know further about the business feasibility. In the end of the day I just wondered about how people make a living out of a new business. It’s not easy. Money is like running in traffic before my eyes.

I’m positively optimistic though. I had regained the fun of sitting an art shop myself. Meeting people and enjoying their comments are one. It’s so nice to hear people liking arts in my shop although they just make a round without opening wallet. I’m satisfied even to see passerby walked back to observe my necklace creation in the window. It is so nice.

I drove home when the sun was right in the west. It’s blinding me as I headed west to go home. I felt like spending time with friends but both of my Ayus were busy. Fine. At home, chatting with a friend online was also fun.

I continued pondering while ironing in the evening. Listening to the iron steam oozed out is simply soothing.

Picture of Lake Batur and shallot farm on the side.

It’s the keywords.

I had Mbo Yan massaging me early evening yesterday. I thought I could survive without her after ten full days having different life rhythm. I enjoyed every second of my time with friends from wake up to bedtime. I cherish the memory up to now but my body also called for my attention. I started my diet again this morning. I missed having lots of raw juices in the morning and evening. And light meal around the clock.

I had slow morning. Had missed writing regularly one week, I had to pump harder to get my creative juices out. I lost my ability to ‘feel’ and write it out. I didn’t give up though it took all morning to finish up a blog-post I had started writing last night.

There is no greater crime
than not being able
to control your desires.
There is no greater disaster
than not knowing
how to be content.
There is no greater suffering
than that caused by
a covetous mind.
When we know
how to be content,
we never want for anything.

Lao-tzuMy body feels aching all day. I feel old. I remember my little friend told me about ‘pushing two things to balance although impossible’. That’s me today! I realized that I had juggled two things the past few months: an issue and my value. I hit the top last night and after a brief meditation before sleep I feel ready to let go the significant issue totally and keep my value. I feel light and happy since wake up. The wisdom I shared with my good friend this morning rings true. I know how to be content, I hardly want for anything.

I cut my day shorter, I sat Neru till 4 then out to supermarket. I stocked up healthy food again. I became to like milk more the past week, my little friend had reignited my liking for Milo. So strange. I could see myself in her. Quiet, chatty, stubborn, Milo, wall, escape, let go, yin-yang alternately… We shared many similar keywords.

Now I look forward to relaxing a little bit more.

Picture of a brick house for birds in Bali Bird Park.

It’s distraction.

Tomorrow is one week after the royal cremation. Time passes quickly. I spent the week with two friends. We went through thick and thin of life together. With them, I talked with many interesting persons from the past and we just met first time. I also gained experience I might not get without good company.

Some people we met shared us nice wisdoms about life that had helped me see people from both sides: the surface and what’s hidden in their mind. Yes, this time I learned a lot about how people communicate their feelings. I also learned the language of girls, women, and men. A sentence could be interpreted differently according to whom expresses. It’s interesting.

So I had a chance to pet binturong and other nocturnal animal in Bali Zoo with my friends. We also took a silver jewelry class of three hour. I had planned to take one since very long but it never happened. I need to know how things work with silver before I start to design jewelry. It was really fun. The tutor gave us brief introduction about silver material and methods to form the metal. He let us create whatever we wanted to get to know the characteristic of the metal and find out what method we could use to materialize our idea.

It confirmed me that in general I’m not able to work based on sketch. I had known long time that my creation is often from scratch and done spontaneously. I start from raw material and develop the ideas from whatever shape I ‘find’. So I had a bit different approach than my two friends. They liked to call themselves perfectionist so they worked based on sketch using ruler and metric. We teased each other about the ‘strength’ of being a perfectionist.

I finished a free-style choker pendant before too long. The challenge of creating is to know when to stop perfecting and to be able to call a creation complete. I found nice curly wire leftover in the box. After making a lengthy noise because I hammered many parts, I must say, I’m very satisfied with my design. I hammered flat some parts and left some parts round. Hm. I’m not bad!

I helped out my little friends making her second pendant with her name. She could not hold pliers firmly so I helped her bending the wire. We learned how to join parts, repair if we make mistake, give texture, file neatly, finish, and finally polish. Our finish is predictable: mine is matte and my two perfectionist friends' is… mirror shiny that the tutor was worried the pendant gone in the polishing wheel. It was really fun. We had good laugh and of course nice experience.

My life had been back to old mode after I dropped off my two friends in the airport this noon. It’s strange that the world seems to still if I direct my attention to fun thing. I felt like I had no issue that need my attention when I had friends the past ten days. Now the issues had started to creep into my life again. I’m ready. I feel fresh coming back from the short life break. I thank my friends for the new experiences of all kinds they shared with me.

Picture of iguana in Bali Zoo.

It’s the flame.

Ubud has been back to normal. Even when the two bulls were still half ash, Ubud had continued its business. When we walked home around 9 in the evening, the daily night performance in Puri had commenced. The street vendors had opened their stalls. And Jalan Suweta, the residence of those big things the past two months, had been open again. It was the mess on the street that tells that something big had happened on the day. What mess? Sandals and food containers.

We had such an experience. For my little friend, yesterday is her first time wearing kebaya and sarong plus sash. It never came across my mind she would be interested in wearing baju adat. We were in Pasar Ubud shopping for oleh-oleh when she spotted a kebaya and the rest followed. It’s so nice.

We were a bit late arriving downtown Ubud, a huge crowd of people from all over the world had gathered in the street. We made our way in the sun to a restaurant near the place where the cremation took place. The restaurant was already full with people who were waiting for the parade to start. No one really knew when. After drink, we moved to a bookshop and spent long time there watching the crowd while browsing bookshelves.

We were a bit late to decide to move on to the cremation place in Pura Dalem Puri, the parade was already half way. As Indonesian and being in many big music concerts, I have the experience of being in a dense crowd but my two friends? So we’re all three had own issue. I’m short so it was a bit tough to walk with people’s back as major view. My little friend, although taller than me, looked a bit discomfort but stayed calm that made me felt calm too.

We were walking hand in hand and felt a bit relieved to find a bit space for three of us to stand near the Pura. It was only seconds when the pecalang (local security) started to shove us to move on because the next bull was on the way. I remembered when the horizontal poles were almost touching my cheeks so I shoved my friends to keep moving. We could see the heavy palanquin swaying. It looked really heavy so no wonder.

We were in the middle of even dense crowd when I suddenly felt a really big push. I walked backward for a while when I felt that something really wrong was happening. I turned and apparently I made a right and timely decision, the forceful push from my back was fiercer. I could feel the ‘big wave’ coming and there’s no other way than keep walking forward.

I felt like walking in the air, I didn’t feel the ground. I held my friend’s hands while kept my mind on my little friend. In fact, I could not ‘see’ them both. I concentrated on my movement that I had to keep standing to avoid people to step on me. Somehow I know that I would not survive if I fell. I thought about the Mina Tragedy and became understand of what had happened.

I could not see when the wave would end or what we could be in the end. I exercised some options in mind but nothing seemed to work because of the very unpredictable situation in front of us like parked motorbikes and street vendor stalls. I started to feel panic when some foreigner kids started to cry. I thought about the image of Ubud if something worse happened. In this situation, I don’t feel right to say ‘they should’. It’s all beyond one’s control. Mass.

We survived the wave by entering a café on our right hand side. My friend believed that it took us five minutes from where we stood to the café. It could be shorter too but in that short moment I realized that I really have to have full control of my life. No one would do for me. My friend held me but he also held my little friend while he also had to look after his safety. In that very moment I know, life is so precious.

I awoke from the nightmare when my little friend called out my name. I looked at her and was glad that she’s well. She’s shaken for a few hours but she had good way to shut off the world, iPod and Sudoku puzzle. We sat in the café for almost three hours waiting for the crowd to disperse. We were not sure anymore how we would ‘finish the experience’.

We finished it well. We walked to the cremation place, Pura Dalem Puri, in the opposite of the café when the sun was going down. I met some other friends and we shared experience. We took many pictures of the bulls and the bade. It was already dark when they finally set the fire. The big flame gulped the bulls in minutes.

We walked back home feeling very rich. Of experience and good life.

Picture of the bulls in flame.

It’s an experience.

Ehm… I missed writing. I’d been busy with friends who come to Ubud for holiday and the royal cremation. The royal cremation looks like a really big thing. It is a big event and it happens in Ubud! Like many, including Balinese, I’m happy to be part of it.

The ceremonies had been on since a few days ago. My friends and I watched naga banda and bull parade two days ago. The crowd was fine, we could handle well although I could feel the bamboo palanquin’s horizontal poles were only inches from my cheeks. Everything is huge, massive, and magnificent. Only in Bali.

Like often, friends bring me new experience because of their interests. I went to Bali Bird Park and next door Reptile Park for the first time two days ago. I felt like I’m not in Indonesia. The parks are neat and well taken care. We enjoyed holding reptiles. I held iguana. I love iguana but holding that scary look beast? I did.

We also drove to Kintamani all day yesterday. Again, Ubud is in a handy central location of the island. Going to many directions takes not more than two hours. We enjoyed different nature setting with pine trees and shallot farm by the lake. Lake Batur looked beautiful in the cool afternoon. Again, I feel so rich here.

And last night was great. We had dinner with friends from NY Times who came from three different countries to cover the royal cremation. We had really nice interesting chat. It gives my little friend an inspiration to become a journalist one day. She likes traveling, writing, and meeting people. She could handle emotions, she said, but she might have to learn to be diplomatic. We used to laugh sharing her bluntly polite answers. Nice girl. Nice friends.

This morning feels special. We are high for the event like anticipating a happy event although in fact it’s otherwise. The good thing about Balinese, they take cremation as other ‘nice time together’ with family, relatives, and community. So no depressing atmosphere like in many other cultures where people could have outburst.

Now I better get myself ready for the day. I have prepared my baju adat. We are going to walk downtown to join the crowd. The procession starts at noon. I look forward to experience another new…

Picture of the royal bull carried from Peliatan to Puri Ubud two days ago.

It’s a start.

Rarely had enough time in the morning. I didn’t do laundry today because I planned to be at Pallava as early as 9 o’clock! So ambitious. I started well. I drafted a lease contract for Frangipani. Someone has agreed to continue my lease that is good. Only later I realized that it’s not easy to trust people we just know. She, the prospective renter, is willing to settle the final payment only after I show paid phone and electric bills that is after the 6th of August. Fine. What about me? I don’t have other option but to give her permission to start using the space after she settles the final payment. It’s not my style that I don’t trust people but I don’t have option because she could not trust me paying small amount. Well…

Anyway, I could only start my day after 10:30. Again. Like any other days. I don’t know how I spend my time, morning always draws my time to dry. Oh I remember! I created a project with Pak Agung. We moved and cleaned my stone Ganesha in the garden. He also helped me cutting and cleaning dry leaves. So we were busy in the house and garden almost all morning.

I hadn’t had time to go to Pallava again. Neru still looked ‘empty’. Full but not enough. I made time to rush my car to car wash before tending Neru. It’s been two weeks or more since the car got bathed. It didn’t look nice for days since hardly any rain this week.

Ubud has shown its busy-ness. More tourists walk. The huge naga banda and bull looked enormous near Puri. I want to experience myself, standing among huge man-made things. Amazing. How people work for weeks and burn the artwork in hours. That’s Balinese. Their dedication to God and community is extra ordinary. It’s neru.

I had nice time with two friends during lunch. It’s nice to have little friend, it’s like reminiscing about my childhood. It’s so different from my days when technology was still minimal. I connected to the world more. Even now, in my later years, Internet has disconnected a part of my real life. I miss reading real books. I read a lot in the Internet. So strange. I have time but I don’t have time.

Anyway, I feel that my life in Ubud is… on now. I have routine and I have friends coming from time to time. My life is so rich here.

Picture of Neru in late afternoon taken from inside.

It’s a small city.

Peliatan. The past few weeks I went to Peliatan almost every day. Made photo copy, bought bookends, duplicated key, searched for bamboo mat… Today I went for buying a cell phone for Pak Agung and cabling my new desk lamp when I noticed the variety of services the place offers.

Peliatan is ‘only’ a 3 km street but it has all a city needs. I spotted different service every visit. Yesterday I spotted Electrolux authorized service center. Today one told me about Galeri Indosat, customer service of one of the largest cell phone operators. Of course I know there’s a traditional and worship equipments market. And Ayu had introduced me to Ubudian’s favorite place to have bakso (meat ball). What else are available in Peliatan? Baby shop, electronic shop, secondhand cell phone stalls, baju adat boutique, plastic packaging specialist, art paintings supplies, material shop, and many big shipping companies delivering to and from Bali. I believe there are still more business that slip from my attention now. So it’s interesting for me to know that one street is actually enough to cater for the whole city.

I tended Neru again today. I thought it’s going to be my last day but Ngurah sent me a text message about he’s not going to be in until Sunday. Hm. My good friend in Jakarta felt ‘disturbed’ by his behavior. I elaborated on Balinese culture where God calling is supreme. A warung next to Neru owned by dadong (an elder) is closed since a few weeks ago. I missed her when I visited Neru. She closed her business to ngayah (help out) in banjar full time! Losing opportunity? Tidak apa-apa…

In the end, I feel happier that I tended Neru myself. I sold a Papuan sculpture today. My first. I mean my first during my duty. It got me thinking hm… it seems Ayu and I have ‘such luck’. Ayu sold at least a piece a day and today I made a good record too. Hm.

I look forward to sending Ngurah to look after Pallava next week.

Picture of my favorite wayang puppets to replace the sculpture sold today.

It’s a good time.

Balinese are welcoming selikuran (twenty-one day) before Galungan day in mid August. It’s a good time to hold wedding and cremation. Life and death. It becomes in the discourse if one would be off for wedding or cremation ceremony. It’s almost certain that one’s agenda these days has either wedding or cremation ceremony dates of her/his relatives. Therefore when one promises to do something I have to make sure if she/he would be in or off at least four days. It’s good to know the pattern.

Today is my day off! Ayu was able to tend Neru all day. My ideal dream is tidying Pallava that made my friend admired me for my discipline. Oops.. I blushed. What a whip! Be a good example. I tried to be one. I ran errands in Tegallalang till after lunch time and tried to be at Pallava after that.

Actually I also told my friend that I missed ‘do nothing’. I sat at busy Nuri’s Warung when realized that I might need some times off. I feel I haven’t done enough but I need time to catch breath. I called Ayu in salon to know if my destiny is to have pleasure this afternoon.

Sure. I let myself having a short nap while Ayu working on my toenails. Oh… so good. I feel energized and ready to work at home. For a change.

Picture of Tenganan women.

It’s the conversation.

All we own in life is
who we are,
what we say we are,
and how we choose
to act.

Steve DeMasco,
Kung Fu MasterYesterday I spent the day by talking a lot since morning. I could only reach Pallava at noon because of talking on phone all morning. I believe my talking time on phone is the longest in my history of having cellphone(s). Also, my talking time off phone!

It’s an unusual day that I needed to make many phone calls and amazingly many also called. I was already late arrived at Neru after Ayu’s shift but an hour later my neighbor friend snatched me from tending shop to have coffee with his old friend from Lombok. He said that he didn’t do that often so I had to come along. Two hours passed as another friend joined. At first I felt a bit uneasy thinking about my closed shop but then I just let myself enjoying the company of two new friends. In Ubud, I have to be flexible.

I was already at Neru when one of my new friends came over. She owned a warung I often visit to have lunch. It’s a small Ubud. We felt familiar to each other since the first time we met. So we talked for another hour in Neru. When she left, my uncle in Malang sent me text message telling that Mama’s car hit garage doors. Another long talk on phone. Mama is fine. That's more important.

I felt like staying quiet after twilight. No more conversation. No more choosing to act. I long for home… It was a dream! I had long talk with a cousin I hadn’t talked for years. It happened I talked with his sister before she handed the phone. It was a nice catch up but wow…

I went to bed early with intention to catch dark morning. It was another dream. I had slept almost an hour, was still in light sleep, when I heard my phone ringing. Another an hour and half spent talking with uncle in Jakarta. He’s in good mood so we talked about a recent issue and my new life! He said he deserved to get explanation from the first source so on I shared him my life story. We ended the conversation around 1:15 in the morning. Both felt relieved.

Picture of Tenganan girls and boys doing a ritual using the swing.

It’s rich.

I had a full day yesterday. A complete day: relaxed driving to Denpasar (again), ran errands, and worked at Pallava and Neru in the end of the day. I got home around 7:30 in the evening tired. I missed my home.

The past few days I notice that everybody needs to vent. I’m one. As I know that I could be one, I take time to listen to others. Like yesterday, I listened to some four closed ones who came up with various issues. I listened and discarded but some issues stayed in mind running in the background like spyware. It’s tiring. I appreciate my friend who had to listen to me in the end of the day. It’s like TPA (tempat pembuangan sampah akhir) then. Final trash pool.

Today I had quite hectic morning. I cleaned dining table with special oil to cover scratch. I liked doing things like this. I enjoy cleaning because of the ‘before and after’ satisfaction. I had moved in the speed of lightning but still I felt like I didn’t have time. I got in Neru almost two hours late after dropped by Pallava to download and upload more. Uh uh no time…

I had nice time at Neru. Eight fat heavy boxes from Pallava just disappeared in the space. Wow… what looks like a small shop? I arranged the art this morning. I had Pak Agung to help me cleaning. It’s really nice cool morning. The other day I felt Ubud at 22 degree Celcius at 10 in the morning. Ah so nice… Like I have air-conditioner in the garden.

The Ubud traffic and the number of tourists have escalated. The bade and the huge black bull have been ready for the palebon. I could see hundreds of people helping out 24 hours near the puri. Amazing gotong royong like ants. The traffic starts to be congested because of the parking for the helpers from banjar around Ubud. I heard each banjar has schedule to help out in puri. Hm Ubud becomes like Tenganan with Perang Pandan event, from nothing to something.

Having tended Neru almost all day, I went out before dark. I followed Ayu to check up on her pregnancy in a maternity house run by a foundation with foreigner volunteers. I was curious to know how they run the organization. The house is located in the middle of a neat kampong in Nyuh Kuning. It’s actually a house, the examination room has a jacuzzi bathtub!

The administration is simple. Take queue number then wait. Weighing and blood pressure taking. Wait. Then examination room that accommodates two patients at a time. I went in with Ayu’s husband and little brother. I listened to Ayu baby’s heartbeat while holding my own tummy realizing the woman in the next bed had small frame but huge tummy and she was undergoing a ‘treatment’. Aaah…

I drove home in the dark. What a village! So rich.

Picture of Neru shelves today.

It’s the notion.

You cannot prevent the bird of sorrow from flying over your head,
but you can prevent it from nesting in your hair.

Chinese proverbI liked the proverb. I’m glad that I share a wisdom a day with a friend that requires me not just to read but also to type. The nice thing about it is... often the wisdom suits my mood on the day. Like this one.

Anyway, the day was still dark when I started my day with household chores. I had wanted to clear up what bog me down the past days so I forced myself to start very early.

I started the day by learning to differ the notions of ‘letting go’ and ‘giving up’. When I let go, I feel like giving up. When I give up, I actually let go at the same time. I just don’t want to think about the term anymore. I just let the world goes by and let myself stay unaffected. I prevent the bird from nesting in my hair.

I enjoyed driving long distance so much particularly in Bali. I drove down to Sanur today for a room hunting and a short break. Many hotels in Sanur are old, more than 35 years old, so it’s easy to spot the newly furbished one. Having checked out three hotels for sample, I decided one in half an hour. Great! I looked forward to having lunch in my favorite place.

The restaurant has vast wooden deck with large umbrellas although actually trees cover the area. I like the place very much. Today there’s a Sunday market set up in the wooden deck area. Many foreigners selling stuffs from their kitchen: bread, jam, spices, cookies… So nice.

After lunch, I visited excess stock shop of a well-known ceramic factory next door. Nice to see but don’t know what to buy. I continued my trip to hardware store and hypermarket for regular grocery shopping. Ubud has adequate supermarket but it’s interesting that some simple things are not available such as simple tumbler, fat beer, and juice glass. Ah…

It was still cloudy when I drove back to Ubud. I went straight to Pallava to work a bit on selecting stuffs for Neru so tomorrow could start to transport them. Ngurah's last day and my workdays starts on Tuesday. He’s going to have four day off. Surprisingly, I’m excited!

I have nice closing of the day. Having coffee in nearby café with my neighbor friend. He gave me tips how to persuade someone’s staff to work for us. He said that I’m too fine not to practice that while in Bali the practice is common. Then I learned the notions of ‘hijacking’ and ‘persuading’. World has been tumbledown.

Picture of my lunch today!

It’s cycle.

As all in life, a week also has a cycle. Not just Monday to Sunday but also the pattern of things happen on particular day. That’s what I observe since long. Why do we often need doctor in the weekends? Why people make important decision during weekends?

It was still 7 in the morning when I got a call. Someone shared a significant issue. Our issue. No, I’d tried hard not to take that as my issue. Then I had to make other phone calls. Two hours passed. I changed my agenda. It was too late to drive down to Denpasar. Not too late but I lost the mood.

I stretched my body downstairs. I was too stiff to climb up to my yoga mat. I did it in the sun near porch. Later, I drank smoothie while sitting on the horseback outside. I just found it a convenient place to sit. Well, of course, it was meant for sitting in a merry-go-round.

I made a quick trip downtown visiting Neru, pressing ATM, and filling up gas. Ubud has new traffic regulation. The new flow has made more cars passing Neru. It’s good! I really hope this will help Ubud overcomes its problem with traffic on busy days. Later I heard the regulation only lasts till the week of royal palebon pass. Anyway, they know better.

I spent the afternoon and evening at home. Ayu had agreed to have fish with me but I changed mind. I already had fish for lunch and felt like cocooning for the rest of the day.

I look forward to welcoming a new day tomorrow. Resetting.

Picture of a house decoration in Intramuros, Manila, a friend took.

It’s the activity.

So tell me how’s life here after Jakarta…

My friend’s good friend asked me over dinner a few days ago. I smiled. Here I have time. I added that most of all I have life with quality. He believed.

Nothing is better than waking up feeling happy. That’s me. Every morning. With or without agenda for the day I have agenda. I have reason to get up. I even look forward to getting up.

Last night my friend and I made plan for the day so when she canceled because her good friend was not well suddenly I didn't have agenda. I couldn’t do anything with the shops because the shelves were only being installed today. I stayed home half day taking out clothes to be classified. Yes, my new cabinet had been ready to use. I am happy with my progress. Hm… Now I have plenty of space for… more clothes.

The dining table had changed my life a lot. I have new routine now. I spend morning downstairs: eating, reading, emailing, writing… I also spend time longer after dinner reading. And while I’m there, I check out fridge a lot. Or, think about something to nibble. Not really good news. Food is too accessible.

I enjoyed walking to Ayu’s salon in the afternoon. The sun was mild, the people looked happy and relaxed. Ayu laughed a lot. She’s in her last month of pregnancy. I’m amazed by Balinese women’s health. It seems they hardly had problem during pregnancy. They do activity like they don’t carry anything, they don’t even feel when it’s time to deliver the baby!

Mm I’m sleepy now. Recently I go to bed earlier and get up a bit later after waking up. I start to enjoying my bed.

Picture of a business sign in Jalan Dewi Sita, Ubud.

It’s about waiting.

Art business is about waiting. Waiting for finding good merchandise, waiting for others available to work for us (cannot just hire any because often the work is so particular), waiting for opportunity to knock, waiting for people to decide… Unlike other industry, art needs art to run.

I made numerous stops trying to make things happen at Neru and home today. Stuffs from Frangipani have been waiting to be relocated since two weeks ago but I face one constraint. The handyman hasn’t had time to install the shelves at Neru so I didn’t delay when he requested for a meeting this afternoon. I also transported the shelves and everything myself to kick this to happen before end of the week.

I drove up Tegalalang in the afternoon to seek for ideas. I need bamboo mat for underneath dining table. I need to find out price to make low table for necklace display. I need to see what’s available for sign to put near my gate (people often peeked inside to see if the house available for rent). Uh many… It was not so sunny but not so cloudy either so I just pushed myself to do many while the weather cooperated.

I went home with a bamboo mat only but am happy that I’ve made progress. Seeking information could only be done by showing up. It’s tiring. Thing that people don’t have idea that working in art business is a job without working hour. It’s around the clock – mind and physical – but for those who could enjoy… It’s rewarding in many ways.

I look forward to kicking more items tomorrow.

Picture of girls in Tenganan waiting for the Tari Rejang to start.

It’s energizing.

We need to rekindle our relationship, they say.

This morning I’m sitting at my new dining table downstairs in the living room enjoying morning waiting for loads of laundry to finish the cycle. Yes, I got the table, a bookshelf, and a cabinet for clothes yesterday morning. I was and still am excited about it. I made a way to rekindle my relationship with the house.

I explore the house more and more everyday. I remember the first months I stayed (not yet lived) in the house, I spent most of my time (if not only) in my bedroom-cum-studio. I felt hesitant to read in the couch in the living room, even to open all curtains downstairs on the day. I felt like there are eyes hiding behind the bush in the garden watching my steps especially in the evening. It’s familiar feeling in a new place. A friend who came for a week reminded me to also explore other space in the house. It started then. It took some time for me to feel secure and ‘at home’ in the ground floor.

After six months living full time in the house now I feel total relaxed being in a totally open house. Literally open, not just the curtains but also the windows and door during the day. And since I have dining table, I know I would move the commando center downstairs during the hot time of the day.

Back to rekindle thing, yes, I feel energized by the new connection with the house because of the new setting. Like owning a new art, it always gives me something to ‘return’ to, to enjoy, to cherish when I’m not around, and simply to feel at home. I only have one stool from Padang to sit at the dining table so I also fixed a merry-go-round horse I got in Yogya as the other stool. I put nice cloth on the saddle to make the horse ready to go. Ah so nice, I’m happy.

The new furniture kept me in the house almost all day yesterday. The cabinet needed lots of work to clean. It’s an old one that was in Frangipani almost ten years. I vacuumed and wiped it clean then left open to remove the ‘old’ smell. I also bathed one horse since it looked really dirty and it was. The colors had revived and looked much nicer in the porch.

I drove out in the nice afternoon after the sun went down. Steve painted on the floor in front of his studio and Mbo Jepun painted on her bench surrounded by friends as usual. No life is better – up to now. Downtown I was lucky to get parking near Ayu’s shop. I walked to Pasar Ubud then back to sit by the sidewalk with Ayu. We enjoyed ice cream while watching people passing. Clothes, age, relationships, and distribution of fat are the main topics that I believe it’s the topics of everyone sitting by the sidewalk. It was fun.

I spent the evening with a nice couple. They just returned from hiking in Bromo and Ijen so they enriched me with the experience they shared over dinner. Later in my house (we used the dining table for the first time!), my friend showed me pictures she took in the crater. We talked about people and houses in Bali of course. Who could resist not talking about it after seeing my place? They walked to their hotel nearby just passed midnight.

I had a nice energizing day!

Picture of my new setting.

It’s busy.

I had really busy morning that… I like. I had a load in washing machine. I mopped all floors. It’s so nice. I also took time to measure and mental picture a dining table and shelves in the living room. Yes, my house doesn’t come with dining table and lately my need to eat in ‘proper’ manner is high. Glad Frangipani sent a dining table and shelves I could use for my books. I look forward to redecorating my place tomorrow.

I planned to meet up with relatives around ten when I spotted, for the second time these seven days, a gecko squirted poop on the floor and this time was on my laundry too. They were out of view when I checked the ceiling. So naughty! It’s been a while since I talked with them. Hm, it's time to have a meeting again.

So I met my relatives over brunch, quite short because I had to be at Neru noon. Ngurah is away to kampong for a ceremony and Ayu had her afternoon shift in the other shop. I had carried my entertainment to Neru but I found out I enjoyed watching the world goes by from my seat. Now I understand why many shopkeepers like to sit idly when shop is not busy. I often thought how much things they could do while attending a shop. Uahemm..

Ubud streets were busy when I drove home in the twilight. Indonesian school holiday. Some banjar seemed to be busy preparing tons of offerings for mass cremation to be held following the royal cremation. I admire Balinese women who put their private business aside for community. The banjar hall was packed by hundreds of women every day at any time to do ngayah (helping out). It must be big and involving a mass of people. I could not imagine the traffic in downtown Ubud next week.

Days went slow, weeks gone fast.

Picture of elaborate explanation of the event done professionally.