The Spooky Silence

Ask me how I spend a day without speaking. I don’t know the answer. I could stay three days in a row in Ubud House without real communication, not even through phone. It’s not easy to be believed by many. When someone asks where I am, dengan siapa usually follows the question, with whom I'm in Ubud. It seems odd that I stay by myself especially later when they know I stay in a house, not hotel. A total hideout. The next question could be ada pembantu?, any helper? I heard some of them had started to seek out what kind of life I lead. Hm.

I stayed home all day yesterday. I had planned to prepare my art paper but only to realize later that I read a lot. I finished a book about writing by Natalie Goldberg, and read some articles in Ubud is A Mood. It thrills me discovering Ubud layer by layer: who discovered Ubud in 1900, who leaves significant mark in the development of Ubud, who change the face of Ubud, who gave touch pura and puri, who set up museums and other important places,…. Yes, Ubud has a special place in the world.

If I stay home, I don’t usually eat proper food. One toast sandwich with egg is the main meal that can be breakfast, lunch, or late lunch; and the rest of the day I have papaya, yogurt, and lots of drinks (from honey lemon to coffee and for sure milk). This stay I noticed I had picked up new habit from Pade, having ice cream. He likes to have coffee and/or ice cream after meal, anywhere, in warung or fine dining resto. The other day when I was in queue in supermarket I saw a girl sneaked an ice cream from freezer into her mother’s grocery pile in cashier. I giggled but then I found myself started following her digging the freezer. Now I have at least three ice cones in fridge every time I’m home from supermarket. Not good habit. I punished myself yesterday not to have one. Instead, I did yoga twice.

Yesterday was hot. I spent half afternoon downstairs reading in couch. It’s cooler there but I don’t like staying too long. I feel claustrophobic because I don’t see greens. I spent the rest of afternoon back in my king-chair by studio long table. If he wants, I believe Pak Pugeg really wants to ask me what I’m doing when sitting in the same location every time he waves hands from the next door house. It’s usually around 17:00 when he and his wife raking leaves and checking out the other house. What a nice aged couple! They share me good energy. I try not to miss chit-chat with the couple even I have to shout from my studio.

So what I’m doing? I don’t know still. Apart from reading, I like to take stock of anything. What books I have in the collection, which CDs to go, which wardrobe stays, and of course be a Narcissus (checking out which part I should work out more). And before I know it, it’s dark and activities slow down. I mean I'm back to reading.

Today I made myself ready by 8:00, the time my necklace courier came to drop the stuff off. I went along with him to the main road then walked to continue. It was a nice walk in the sun. Some businesses were still close. I had particular breakfast in mind, fruit salad and ginger yogurt at Kafe Batan Waru. It’s fresh to start the day. I brought my laptop with me because I need to work outside house. I follow Goldberg’s idea to write in café for a change, more inspiration, and fresher energy. Well, I didn’t write but make use of the free hotspot to download pictures for my art paper – my main reason to go.

I have been here three hours now, very productive, since I don’t see distraction. At home, it’s so easy to want to do something else. So I’m happy that at least I have finished fifty percent of my assignment. I can compose into PowerPoint any time later. Oh so nice… I mean it’s so nice that I can make necklace more tonight. Still have materials? Ya, but small size. I’m in the mood.

Photo of carved pumpkin at Dragonfly, where I’m sitting now.

The Empty Space

Hey, I’m back and tired as never in my life. That’s my good friend who comes from Mexico to Jakarta for throwing a farewell get-together. She also adds info in her email that she just set up three well-being clinics that deal with weight problem, cellulite, cholesterol, etc in Mexico. She is now moving to Budapest from Jakarta to start a two-year life there while keeps juggling Mexico and London houses. What a full life…

Someone threw me an unexpected issue for me to deal that disturbed the rest of my evening last night. A good friend reminded me not to worry about it because actually that is not my problem. Well, it comes naturally that I pick up others’ problem because they involve me in helping out a mediation. I have to train myself more to shred off issue that is not mine. I could sleep calmly after the thought.

I kept thinking about ‘the answer’ though when got up. Nothing heavy because I had realized it’s not my problem. I gave the issue time to settle down and yes… I got the way out before morning was over. Like any mediation, both parties have to show intention. Now I’m in waiting mode for the other party to show the same intention. I don’t have to initiate as it will come out naturally if both parties need mediation, not only from one side. Ugh.. such a simple answer that needs long ponder.

I made five more necklaces last night. I was so itchy to see new silver beads so I finished all materials I had. Now all are gone, I cannot have other itch to create. I really have to call it stop. Or, I can only start after I finish my art paper. That’s a promise. No more procrastination.

More about the need to be alone. The past two days I have light discussion about the issue through emails with my Ubudian friend who suffers the same. He even put “want to be alone” as his last name in his last email. We enjoyed having connection with many friends in the past and it hits us now as they ask for more of our time. As we are both in business, it’s so hard to define the line between friendships and business relation. He starts feeling tired of endless friend (and acquaintance) visits every day for the past six years. Now he claims his privacy but how?

I told him that I start facing the same issue as I have a house in a nice place. Friends come from any direction to meet me and of course stay with me. Now I know more the need to have separate villas for guests so can combine both nice as friends and keeping privacy. According to my friend, we don’t consider our friends enemies, we only claim our time to be alone. I’m not one who’s afraid of ‘empty space’ in life by missing company or busy-ness. I have enough now. I enjoy good quality connections I have however small, also, having business in size I can handle without having to juggle life in more than two cities (let alone countries).

I have passed the days when I considered possession is the sole good in life. Almost a decade now, I review the moment with happiness. I’m glad it has passed me when I enter 40s. Now I want to start a simpler life with less possession, only keep meaningful possession that touches my life now. Same with dealing with friends. I still remember the days I shared a lot with friends but only to find more complications. The days have passed now as I realize that in the end I am by myself in solving my life problem.

Hey it sounds so much heavy. No! It’s just a passing thought. An observation with smile.

Photo of three natural fountains in Goa Gajah.

The Woman at Work

I don’t have choice but to realize my plan to go to silver village, Celuk, otherwise I will sit at home in the afternoon regretting. I had wanted to do the tour long time, I even canceled my plan on Saturday because my friend offered me ‘nicer’ tour. Hm. Glad Ana could go with me today.

On the way to Celuk, I learned about why many Ubudians lose from tourism nowadays. It started when I asked Ana to find me a small place for business in pedestrian strip in Ubud downtown. He said that drivers like him have lost a lot of potential business since hotels around Ubud serve shuttle service from hotel to downtown Ubud at certain point of time or even any time of the day. So no more walking tourists, they go straight to where they want to go and back in time the shuttle bus comes. Hm.. now I see why less tourists walk in front of Pallava the past two years. They might pass at least twice a day, but in shuttle bus. So, my consideration to install a new trap might be a right decision. Be in place where tourists are dropped off by the bus!

Celuk is a real silver- and goldsmiths village. I guess every house has at least one smith and a business (either really small or huge). I was confused looking at a row of business signboards along the narrow street. Which? Well, here I also learn about to have a ‘good packaging’ when having a business with tight competition. I only stopped by nice eye catching places (or signboards) with hope to see interesting and unique stuffs like the way they do their exterior. Coming with clean sheet, I also kept open to Ana’s suggestion. After awhile I know, Ana and I have different taste and style. He likes Balinese style with traditional carvings and I like modern clean streamline style. I’m happy though to be exposed to traditional Balinese style jewelry. I may need for my pura outfit later.

I was lucky to enter the second shop I decided to stop because the sign says “sepecial [sic] silver beads”. I didn’t expect anything because usually they only have very small collection at sky price. I entered the right place. Pak Partha is a nice and kind Balinese bapak. He has rows of silver beads shelves! He asked me how I knew that he sells silver beads. I smiled. Your sign says so, Pak… He didn’t realize that his signboard sells!

I spent almost an hour in the shop selecting and asking a lot. The price is perfect for jeweler and reselling. I also took some of shabby collection for myself, nice rustic for big stone, ehmm… So I’m happy that in the end I shopped about the budget. Actually I was worried because I had spent all of my budget in one place. But two hours later, I don’t regret at all. Other shops have similar stuff, some are worse, some are nice but expensive. I ended three hours silver shopping with ceramic shopping on the way back. My favorite place. Japanese style, very unique. Ah I’m satisfied with my day. Now I look forward to creating more but… I have no material left. Good for me, I need to work on something else.

Photo of women-at-work relief in a nice shop in Celuk.

The New Start

I looked at my necklace ‘mess’ when got up and decided to finish creating to ‘start a life’. Different life, I mean. Making necklace looks ‘easy’ but actually it takes up almost all my time. I missed reading and more I haven’t even touched my paper assignment. I still have time but I don’t want to feel that I don’t prepare well. It’s a ‘heavy’ paper with photos, and my partner expects me to also present it with PowerPoint. Uuu…

Well, I had called the necklace making finished last night. This morning I finished the administration, taking pictures, price labeling, and packing in palm-leaf box. It’s ready to deliver to my friend in Denpasar. So quick? Ya, this time I make it quick. I want this business running fast like five months ago. I whip myself to act more actively. Remember what Pade told me yesterday, we cannot just wait for customers to come. Be proactive!

So I was happy tidying the typhoon. There’s something in me that has started to change. I am tidier now (don't ha ha), well I’m not a messy person but I feel the need to live ‘categorized’ more now. I giggled when suddenly remembered Mama. Am I growing old like her? Yes, she is sort of tidy freak. When I was in Malang, she tidied four big cushions I sat on when in computer every time she passed. So I had to remember to stack them up neatly every time I left the place. It made me awkward for a few days but look at me now… It’s running in my blood :-)

Oh so nice now. I’m ready to start a new activity. I have started reading, thing I missed so much the past two weeks. I read a bit of everything since morning. Like ritual, I have to read at least an article in Ubud is A Mood as part of my familiarization with the place. And the coffee-table book a friend gave me. I had told myself this time I won’t let a nice book sit idly and unread. I have started reading bit by bit and discovering more about Nieuwenkamp, the first European artist in Bali.

I also continued reading a book about writing that I keep in Ubud House. It’s simple truth about writing, nothing about technical tips. It’s more like signposts to know that I’m already in the right track. I found a nice way to see freedom in the book – Writing Down the Bones. She says:

“There is freedom in being a writer and writing. It is fulfilling your function. I used to think freedom meant doing whatever you want. It means knowing who you are, what you are supposed to be doing on this earth, and then simply doing it…”

Sounds true…

Photo of String of Red, my creation.

The Business Insight

So, are you coming? Pade asked me through text message in the morning. We discussed about our trip plan today last night. We laid out the plan but didn’t want to commit to any plan. Typical us (Ubudian?), both are artists ruled by mood (a friend mentioned about ‘temperamental’ this morning). Yes, we are both unpredictably moody and excessively sensitive but can be good friends because of great understanding. I’ve seen him erupted two years ago but with good willingness from both sides we are friends again, even better. I ponder the word ‘temperamental’ all morning. I think I know now that artists are likely to have such characteristic. How I try to change to be calmer, not succeed yet :-)

We went visiting Pade’s colleague (in business) in their shop fifteen minutes from ours. It’s a huge property full of old Javanese wooden stuff like tables, cabinets, chair, doors, anything you can think of in a house. The couple also own four antique Javanese houses with thick teakwood poles. Very nice. They are desperate to sell all quickly after four years in very slow business. I can see myself in them. How they stock up, I have similar experience only in much smaller scale. Scary.

Having chatted with them about business in general for an hour, we moved onto next shop. Another nice, first class, but empty shop. We stopped by five more shops after that. We discussed, giggled, but learned from each place we stopped. We ended the excursion by having nasi campur Bali and of course a review session over Bali coffee in Pallava’s daybed in the backyard.

What do you learn from the trip Pade? First, location. Location is important that we need to study before investing in a business. I agree with him but I added “to always start small" in starting a business. Second, marketing. Having a business is not about waiting for customers to find us but about to actively market by ‘inviting’ people to come. Obviously, Pade does that and he is a successful businessman now. Third, be focus. We analyzed three successful shops that focus on a line of stuff only like Pade’s shop that is focused on Bali art. Or, Pak Yan who has all kinds of stone sculptures. The theme is one, the price range is wide (thousand to millions Rups). Hm… I looked back inside Pallava. What should I do with this shop?

There’s one shop we visited today that has five other similar small shops around Ubud. Pade called it “installing traps everywhere”. I kind of like the idea of "installing trap" rather than having a grande shop in one place. That’s what I have in mind about doing business in Ubud. I need to set up another trap in pedestrian strip of Ubud. So I’m happy to see the examples today. Nowadays, we need to cater a market that varies, not only high end like in the 2000. It’s so much different now after the budget airline era. Remember slogan of an airline Everyone can fly. Thinking thinking thinking...

Of course, I don’t want to just thinking. I have to get out and do something. That would be my program this coming week. Now I’m happy to get new old insights. Always renew everyday.

Photo of an ad. Bed is a name of a restaurant?

The Orphans

It’s still early in the morning when I sat and created two necklaces. I changed my initial plan to visit Pallava and my dear neighbor before noon. I had told myself that I need a change, I need to go out and be active. But been sitting productively in sunny morning, I didn’t want to go out. Not today, but I had made commitment for tomorrow! I asked Ana to pick me up in the morning to take me on a tour. I have an appointment and that becomes my commitment to myself.

I was lost in time when Pade asked me through text message if I want to join him and our mutual friend to an orphanage in Klungkung. I didn’t think twice. I finished an email and went shower. I didn’t have time to relax longer. I hadn’t had yoga but already had big breakfast with egg and edam cheese. Yes, I was quite hungry this morning. Great!!

I came in time and our Dutch friend was on time, as always. Perfect! We left before the sun was high. Well, it’s half an hour before noon so it’s already high actually. The visit was our friend’s idea. He had the idea since a year ago but hardly managed to kick himself (and Pade) to materialize. So, today is the day! And I'm lucky that I'm around. We shopped fruits and cookies for the kids in nearby supermarket and off we went. It was a nice trip, smooth traffic, and nice company.

The orphanage is in Gianyar district, just before Klungkung city. It’s quite remote in a small village. Typical Bali village, it’s quiet and clean. I loved it. The orphanage occupies a complex of half-finished building. They have lots of dogs: big and small. We sat in a hall with low stage and talked with the caretaker, sister of the owner. Yes, this orphanage is 100% private. A house of 128 kids aged 8 – 17 years old, 70 girls and 58 boys. After finish middle school, they are moved to the same orphanage in Denpasar to get higher education. The Denpasar orphanage is bigger with kids from age toddler to older. It also runs kindergarten and high school so they don’t have to pay tuition for the kids’ education. Like home schooling in larger scale.

What struck me the orphanage is the only Hindu orphanage in Bali. Why is its existence important? Because other orphanages are managed by Christian. Nothing wrong with that, only as Balinese, the owner realized the need to preserve Balinese with Hindu. It never came across my mind as I lived in secular cities like Malang and Jakarta. Yes, that’s important especially in Bali, a unique part of Indonesia. Hm.. Thinking.

We walked through the building to see the facilities. They have nice bedrooms with bunk beds, good airflow, and clean area. Only the kitchen and dining area look quite ‘insufficient’ although it’s spacious. Our architect friend concerns about the quality of the building because the complex has many half finished parts that the concrete is already brittle. The building layout itself is inefficient. It seems that they don’t have good fund management so the investment is pretty ‘wasted’. Not focus.

Later I had a discussion with Pade during our afternoon retreat in the back of Pallava – on wooden daybed – over Bali coffee. It must be hard to help them to raise fund. The caretaker strongly emphasized the management's spirit to keep the management free from ‘other hands’. Receiving grant/donation means making report and exposing the management to change, it’s their view and that they don’t want. Pity, they don’t include ‘business way of thinking’ in managing the orphanage that has genuine goal. I told Pade, even if I offer hands, it won’t come easy for them to accept. I keep thinking ways to knock the door. Later at home, I gathered information on how to set up a library for the kids and the community. I might have to work on this seriously while also join in my friends’ idea to hold an entertainment program for the kids on one Sunday.

I had thought to start volunteering for the ‘needy’ in Bali since I read the Bali Advertiser yesterday. There’s a vacant for a writer to write a one-page biography for handicapped kids so they can find a scholarship or a job. Hm.. I have to do more!

Photo of the kids in the orphanage today.

The Sun Inside

I slept very well. So good. Ubud weather has changed completely, from chilly to warm dawn. I still wore pajama and synthetic blanket during last visit, almost three weeks ago, last night I’m happy with nightie and sarong to cover. Ehm perfect. No more searching for extra cover while sleeping.

I had planned my day to stay home. It was cloudy in the morning but very sunny a bit later. Good Ubud has large air-conditioner that the breeze is cool at all times so stay in shade, you will be fine.

I did harder yoga to loosen my stiff body. Mbok Yan gave me welcome massage before noon. What a life! And shower in the sun is out of the world. For those who know me well must be surprised by my liking for sun and heat nowadays. Not that I like it like crazy, but I can enjoy and don’t mind at all being in shade but sweaty. I feel healthy but some people have started commenting on my newly tanned skin.

I spent morning reading the Bali Advertiser, a weekly free advertisement newspaper. I always got it on the first day from supermarket. I need to catch up with what’s happening in Bali and in the market. Today I read it thoroughly, I giggled, some ads are simply ridiculous. Jay Leno must like it to show the ads on his late night show. Check out the photo below. What a nice way to find a shelter! A subtle invasion of property.

My necklaces have made my friend in Denpasar overwhelmed. It reminds me of the materials I brought from Jakarta. I checked out necklace picture files to give me ideas. I didn’t take picture all of my creation in the past, some times I was just lazy, but later I found out actually I need the archives to review and re-inspire me. And silly, I fall in like with my first creation today. Stone and wood. But I had to pause after the second necklace, the sun is chasing me. It is hot!

Today is Purnama (full moon) in Bali. It will be celebrated in some major puras around Bali tonight. My full moon friend had checked me out whether I’m affected because she feels depressed. Ah.. I’m glad to let her know it's otherwise on my side.

Photo of my studio in the afternoon and the ridiculous ad.

The Unusual

That’s what I feel about the day. I did things off routine. Well, I still had the same morning ritual with reading and doing yoga but I also packed up long necklaces to show my friend. I push myself to show up more, no more waiting in cocoon.

My in-house staffs gave me domestic issues to ponder just before I was off to airport. Ah.. I gossiped with my driver then, thing I didn’t do years. One might call it gossiping, but I’d like to call it hearing. Having seven staffs in different life areas requires me to show my attention by listening more. That I didn’t do often because I believe they can solve their issues themselves as adult. I’m wrong. One could be so bully to others, and in my domestic case, the senior does. And I don’t like to think that, in the end, she bullies me as well.

I read a lot in today's flight. I started a new book by Cormac McCarthy, The Road. Yes, from the Oprah book club selection. The story is so plain, no ups many downs, about father and son in escape. The details are wow, very subtle, three-dimensional style. Easy reading, flowing, and…. boring at the same time. I kept reading though. Again, it’s typical of award winning book. This one wins the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction this year. Like other award winning work, the work is highly appreciated because of the details. Things that not many people can do, especially in writing, thinking three-dimension. I’m anxious to know the ending so I continue reading. I stopped reading Kiran Desai's winning book because of the same reason and also because many had told me that the story is about stab and slash. Auch!

I felt the travel time longer than usual. I kept checking out time. And funny, unlike the usual ritual when landed, I thought about having lunch right away and that had to be pasta! So I had tuna pizza, they don’t serve pasta, it’s fast food. Not bad. Nice thin pizza. I also bought two cookies from Starbucks. Not me.

After dropping off a box of necklace at my friend’s office, I asked Ana to drop by a place I had wanted to visit long time. I didn’t want to delay any longer to find out about the place, so I made it today. I won’t tell what but it’s part of my future plan in Ubud. I feel so good to make a progress. Now I have something in paper to calculate and act further. Not a bad start at all.

Been away three weeks from Ubud, I must say, I missed the place so much. I feel so good to be in the neighborhood again. Those greens and… Balinese dialect, like lullaby, give me the feeling I’m home.

Photo of my new scenery from my studio windows.

The Precious Time

I feel light, and that entails happiness, this morning. I think it’s ‘simply’ because I have done a lot since last night. For a producer like me, to keep a studio tidy is not easy because of the enormous materials I use. I changed my attitude this ‘productive season’, I tidy up my area every time I resign in the evening and before leave for errands in the morning. Not tidy clean, but every thing is in its place, categorized. So I have beaten my paradigm about keeping creative mess to ensure continuing ideas the next session. My new experience is I get fresh ideas when starts zero every session. Yes, I don’t leave an unfinished necklace before resigning now. Now I’m an artist with clean brush in the morning. Yay!

What did I do since got back from shopping yesterday? I cleaned all the stones by wiping them with baby oil while watching Larry King Live, then categorized them. This morning I hung price tags on the latest eleven necklaces I made and selected which go to Bali with me. I also prepared materials to make necklace in Ubud. Yes, I had packed! I am so excited to go home.

I realize that it’s so easy to ‘love’ people when I have love for myself. I know the theory but hardly thought about it. Like now, I feel so peaceful inside, I’m happy: with what I’m doing, with friends I have, with plans I have in mind, with many simple things in life. For some people, I might have looked so aloof the past months that annoy them but that’s one of my ways to clear up my way to loving myself more. I avoid negativity as much as I can and keep only the positive. As a result, I can share more love with loved ones. I’m happy with my ‘decision’ to feel light and happy now. I don’t want to fall into ‘sarcasm’ because I feel restless inside. A friend unintentionally reminded me the other day with her story about a close friend of us who expresses life with sarcasm because of the unhappiness.

Anyway, this lunch, I met up with my art buddy to talk about what we are going to present before the art group mid November. Actually we talked about our presentation only fifteen minutes in the end of our meeting. The first hour was like ‘who are you’ session. She is my ‘new’ friend. We have intention to be closer but time and distance are our constraints. So here we are talking about what we do to get to know each other. What other arts you create? She asked me after complementing my asymmetrical necklace. I was blablablab. I know, I should do more arts. Try! Be active!

She was envious of my short sleep and getting up early. And, being a computer literate. Hm.. What can I say? But I like her point that she is envious because I have the opportunity to enjoy life more because I start early and do many. Never thought of that but cannot agree more! Yes! I have a good life. We have a good life! She is a person who enjoys every second channeling out creativity. She paints every day! Now I know from where her permanent smile comes. She finds peacefulness in things she does with love. We ended up admiring each other. So nice.

And before we hugged, we haggled who does what because no one wants to do full presentation. We agreed to part the topic but hm… I still need to negotiate with myself because I’m not confident enough in public speaking. Grr…

Photo of my creation, Striped.

The Experience

So you named German Blue after me? Ah uh. Yea! How did you know that? My German friend and I had a good laugh. She knew that I named the necklace after her. How? I bought the silver ornament with her, she owns the same, and the last time I met her she wore self-made necklace with the ornament and big blue stone, her favorite color - very her. When I created the necklace with the ornament, I could not help not thinking of her. I chose blue stone! I apologized for not “asking permission” but she feels honored. Good! Actually I have two other necklaces named after friends I know well, Jane and Kate.

I made a trip to a stone market in my residential area with her today. It was my first time going to the market although I have lived in Jakarta seventeen years. She shopped in the market almost every other week. Yes, we both make necklace. And more, we have similar style (if not the same). We choose same color. And… we dress out the same style. Funny, the owner of the first shop we visited thought we were relatives. Not the first time, someone thought the same when we were in Bali. We are about same size, same short hair, and definitely same style. But, can’t they see that we come from different part of the world? We laughed out loud.

I had set limit for my shopping. Well, it can be endless if I don’t budget well because I’m creative, I don't hesitate shopping for material more than I need because I know it won’t be wasted. My friend needs to buy a lot as this week is going to be her last week in Indonesia. She will move to Portugal, her retirement house, after more than five years living in Jakarta. She stocks up materials enough for two years at least. I’m not sure she needs to do that, I'm pretty sure she will visit Indonesia every year because of her love for diving in Bali.

Anyway, she introduced me to at least four shops, her favorite, in the market. I like the first shop, I bought most of my materials there but it’s good to know the other shops as well. We finished shopping in three hours. We ended the day by having nasi Padang for lunch. We had a really good time. I thanked her for the experience. We hugged many times before she went off. We don’t know when we can see each other again. Another quick but really good relationship…

Photo of the object in discussion, German Blue.

The Digging

It seems that I’m still really hot about making necklace up till now. I thought I had called it finished yesterday but I found myself still creating in mind this morning. Getting up very early makes me creative in such a way because I need to ‘kill’ the long morning. Or, I shall say, because I need to use the time wisely. Anyway, I thought about a bag of old silver charms I collected from clutter-collector I know in Kemang. Well, his passion (and his job) is very useful for us. He collects anything we don’t want and need from the house. He believes that junk of someone can be treasure to others. Hm… I believe the same.

So, yes, I asked my staff to clean the stain to revive the beauty of solid silver and I prepared my stone leftovers to make simple bracelet with charms. I was so excited. I also rummaged through my drawers to search for materials I have collected for years when doing necklace for business was still an imagination. Ya, I bought a lot of various materials in the past that come handy now as I’m in the business. It was fun because new material always refreshes my idea to create.

I also sent an e-flyer of my new creation to some clients (and ex) and close friends who 'follow' my business. It’s funny because when I send such promotion, I really don’t expect anything (like selling) although a short note is always surprised me because it’s nice to know that I’m still connected with old friends. Somehow I know that my necklaces are so decorative and not common that people cannot shop through photo. Yes, it’s not something that I can sell through website. It’s very personal. It needs touch, mirror, and…. time to decide. So door-to-door marketing is still the best way to sell.

Now I’m going to continue creating. I look forward to going to stone market with my German friend tomorrow. To have a look is always nice…

Photo of Papua Beauty, my creation, inspired by old Papuan beads in shocking blue and white.

The Product

Have you ever imagined something to happen but the image doesn’t come out? That happened to me this morning. I imagined myself going to dentist later in the afternoon as I had had the appointment since a year ago for annual cleaning but the scene just didn’t exist. I took easy because I had a good time with my necklaces. I finished 32 necklaces in three days. I think this is the biggest batch I ever made. I’m satisfied with the result though because the inspiration came out smoothly. I took picture of each and arranged them in iPhoto, my new amusement. I managed my necklace pictures the other day and made it slideshow with music from iTunes. Oh my, my amateur photos look professional with dissolve mode and music. Above all, my necklace looks really good! Yay!

Anyway, my dentist called before noon. Yes! He could not make it this afternoon. I’m sort of happy to know that. Happy that I don’t have to go out of nest because I was still in high mood to tidy up my creation. We giggled since the next appointment would only be three weeks from now. That’s okay. Nothing serious, just cleaning.

So I’m productive today. I hung price tag while learning about iLife, a new feature from Mac. It’s so nice to learn from video compares to of Help. I'm learning while doing something else like I did. Double productive. iLife is a wonderful invention that enables people to connect even better through sharing photos and movies. If only I had kids or bigger family, I would love to have it. Anyway, iLife doesn’t come free with Mac. Buy and pay (for the web gallery service). Interesting to know all those.

Now, I’ve been three days in a row staying in cocoon. Now I run out of milk (been two days) and fruit as I delayed grocery shopping. Nothing to regret, my choice to explore my imagination to the maximum. I made it! I’m going to make e-promo now to market my new batch. Some of my fans have looked forward to checking it out.

Nice, nice, nice..

Photo of Maggot, my creation, taken for e-promo.

The Bombardment

I make necklace since yesterday. I’m productive yet I’m not. Funny, when a friend asked the other day, I told her I could make ten necklaces a day. She was surprised and later it got me thinking. Ya? Can I? Yesterday I knew the answer. I might be able to create ten necklaces a day but after days of ‘preparation’ that includes familiarizing with the material. And after that one day, I might need weeks to start another batch so actually I’m not so productive as it looks.

I think about other superficial things in life this morning. I watched Oprah’s show on Mother’s Day (what a late rerun). Demi Moore talked about her relationship with her late mother. It’s an uneasy relationship that took years to resolve that fell in time before her mother passed away. It’s sad but understandable. It needs understanding and the art of learning about self and other people to resolve a stuck relationship. I was touched, and it reminded me of my relationship with Mama and other people. I don’t have significant issue with Mama but I could feel we have ‘baggage’ that stands in our way to have a smooth relationship. Like anything else, we leave it unsaid. That’s when we need the two factors: understanding and the art of learning.

Of similar issue, lately I’m a bit tired of being bombarded by friends and relatives’ endless questions about my disappearance. I just wonder, can’t they leave me alone? I know they care about me but some times I feel like they judge me at the same time that what I’m doing is wrong, that I should keep the same rhythm as before, showing up and connecting more. I appreciate their concern but in a time like this, I appreciate more of their understanding. Like I said before, ‘natural selection’ happens in the difficult time. I found myself connecting more with people who leave me alone because somehow I know they are not afraid of losing me. They trust me. And those then who stay closer to my heart. I shall thank them… They are rare, people who can accept me as I am, with my aloofness and complicated situation whatever it is.

Like making necklace, I thought this would come easy. I’m easy or I have applied an easy way to face the community but I might forget to figure out another important factor. They might not be easy.

Photo of a poster in Naughty Nuri’s Warung in Ubud.

The Cocoon

I considered some options in the morning. I need to grocery shop and run some errands but I feel like making necklace since got up. It took me long time to decide whether I want to go out today. Jakarta traffic must be wonderful till holiday ends this weekend. I should make use of the opportunity. Well, I don’t push myself. It’s been long I didn’t touch my necklace material so this is it…

I adjusted two necklaces and made one commissioned before fixed my decision to stay in my cocoon. My cocoon becomes more comfortable every day. Now the lighting is perfect for making necklace day and night. Also for reading, oh so perfect, unlike my yellow two-seater in the living room my sofa doesn’t make me sluggish and fall asleep in no time. I love it, I feel so productive. And even, since last night I noticed that Chiko likes to be with me in my cocoon: sit in windowsill or sofa by me. Uh so nice…

So I took stock of my necklace material. I also did book-keeping that I hadn’t done months. It seems that I should finish the stock before shopping for more. Too good my German friend had asked me to accompany her to stone market near my house on Monday. Sweet temptation. I'd never been so she’s going to ‘introduce’ me to the market, in return of my introduction to Bali market. Sure, I need to go since she will move to Portugal early November, no other time. I look forward…

I spent the day very well and warm. I’m happy with my decision to stay home and be productive.

Photo a goddess in Meditation Court in Botanic Garden Ubud.

The Connection

The Facebook. I was so ignorant when I first heard of it. I thought it’s something about “face”, especially because when I read for the first time, it’s in the context of a life of a woman (not teenager). My friend reminded me to keep up with the trend to communicate that might be beneficial for business. Later when I checked the web, I was fascinated by the magnitude of the way people link with the world. Ugh.. For a person who enjoys a good connection, I was behind.

What fascinates me is the willingness of people to reach out, to connect, to feel curious about other people’s life. Anyway, I joined Facebook weeks ago. For a simple reason, I felt awkward as I had declined a number of invitations to join their links. I'm not interested because I know I won’t use my account to ‘connect’. I like blogging, a one way to connect, but Facebook? I feel like I need to hang out in the account to give my community attention – two ways. Not that I don’t like giving and receiving attention but I don’t feel like spending time in the activity, for now, at least.

Okay, so I joined and once I become a member, the past invitations detect my existence in the community and directly link me to them again. Amazing. That’s how I got invitation from people who can detect my account in Facebook. What an automatic way to connect with people in my Contacts… Now I just agree to connect with people I feel comfortable so I can check their activities if I want (that I’m not sure). But, unfortunately, they won’t see anything in my Profile as I don’t fill in the information :-)

On making connection with people (friends and relatives), I often thought about the complication. The other day my uncle complained that I rarely updated him through text message. I told him that I stop doing because I hardly got a reply. Communication is nice if done mutually, I feel. He said he didn’t get any from me. Are we facing technology failure? Maybe. Things can happen. While my uncle didn’t get any from me, I got five Miss u! because of failed cellular network. I giggled, what a technology, it can part people as well as warms a connection.

Anyway, I discussed the issue with the last friend sent me invitation to link through Facebook about the need to play rise-and-draw like playing kite in friendship. She is one of friends who had passed the test of friendship hardship. She has open arms and knows how to play the kite. I feel comfortable to be her friend regardless what happened between us in the past. As I’m in aloof period lately, I had learned and seen how my friendships are ruined or built to be better. Such a test. I value more some friends, and simply put aside some. I need time to reconnect with people who had thrown garbage unintentionally but carelessly. My friend agrees with me that we need to take time to clean up the garbage to be able to reconnect in a clean sheet. What an art!

For now, in my uneasy period, I prefer to only connect with people who offer sincere connection with understanding and patience. No pretension.

Photo of labyrinth garden in Botanic Garden Ubud.

The Dimension

The time had come. I ended my six-day visit in Malang today. I’m ready to switch my ‘life style’. No more greens and spacious garden to do yoga. No more slow hours that needs creativity to beat boredom. And, no more Mama and nephew at the same time hoo hoo..

I had slow morning with long yoga plus reading newspaper in carport after yoga. I love the sun and Mama knows that now. I’m a bit surprised to find I was able to do harder yoga without proper mat – only towel. It’s so good. I feel fit during my stay and hope it stays longer. I didn’t eat much but feel fit. Nice break I had.

I visited a friend who just adopted a baby boy later in the morning while I fetched the rest of my necklace. She and her sister are my big necklace fan. The baby is so cute. He looks very Javanese. He must look more exotic in Canada where parents partly live. I’m happy for my friend for she’s able to release her busy life to enter a new world of mothering, change of dimension. Salute!

Flight was a bit late. Jakarta traffic was good. I’m back to my cocoon, my studio. A batch of translation is waiting. And, a bunch of emails to write and reply have to be done soon. No burden at all. I just observe how place can change my dimension.

Photo of a dimension requirement before enter Pura Desa Ubud.

The Role

Tell me about your life when you were eight. Nephew sat in my opposite. Why? What? I was perplexed. Nothing. I just want to know. I was blablablab. I made a quick count. Elementary school. I tried to recall my days then. Good I still remembered the feeling being in that particular class. Then I started to tell him my life as kid in short sentences (while recalling). What I had to do as kid, where Mama most of the time, what I did in the afternoon after school, how Mama treated me and his mother,… Fascinating, he said while moving away. Ugh.

It hit me yesterday that I’m changing (yes, it’s gradual) role as I go old. I would never be a biological mother but now I’m mothering my nephew and… Mama. I’m parenting my parent. I try to make it light but of course it doesn’t come that light. It’s funny that at a point in my life I experience the feeling of a mother. I discipline nephew like he is my boy. I befriend with him to remove the distance. I care of Mama as I were her guardian. Now, I support but worry at the same time about her new friend. If only I could escape from all of my pseudo roles now.

I felt mixed and so blessed to have a friend came over for almost three hours so I didn’t need to escape permanently. It was not an easy meeting either as my friend considers me as love-life-cum-business advisor apart from my role as her friend. We discussed her problem lightly. I also shared my feeling as mother of two kids.

Well, it’s not easy but I don’t want to make it big. I better stay in our famous cocoon called iPod. My one giga iPod had made nephew and I learned more about the gadget. It was fun. We spent all morning, and later after my friend left, to fiddle around the iTunes. Now I know, to have an eight giga capacity is easier because drop it all is much easier then select to fit the capacity. It was hilarious and full of curiosity. What a lone world with iPod... Perfect for temporary escape..

Photo of my perfect escape, Goa Gajah - Ubud.

The Option

Do I have option? My nephew asked me when Mama wanted him to go with us to Papa’s cemetery. We had ‘played’ option-making the past few days. I offered him options (for me it’s more ‘package’ I think) in any ‘project’ I expect him to involve such as: washing dishes, raking leaves in the garden, and tidying his area. The nice options include ordering delivery pizza and dining out. Not that stiff, since he’s going to get those not as a reward anyway. I make the game fun. He got iPod Nano for his one-month fasting. No one had asked him, neither did I tell about the reward. So, the iPod had come totally as a surprise.

This morning I made cleaning-carport project. Mama’s carport was messy because of a productive mango tree nearby. Nephew raked the leaves, I washed the carport. I love working with water. It was fun. I have good exercise this stay. I do yoga twice a day because the sun is so inviting, especially in the afternoon. Also, I eat well – I mean not too much, unlike other visits :-)

Time goes by slowly, as usual, that I need to be creative in spending. I use any spare time to study Bach’s book. I’m serious about planning my financial future. Bach suggests us to review our plan every three months that I thought a bit too often but actually it’s a reasonable time. I checked a life plan I made last March. Seven months since March seems so far away. Yes, I had altered a main plan (I took out “be a yoga instructor”). My plan develops and slightly alters as well. I like it because it shows I’m dynamic and work on my plan.

Anyway, I filled in Designing a Proactive Life! chart. It was tough. The first task was writing down ten goals between now and three years from now. Ten goals look so much that I stopped at fourth goal. It took me a few deletes and adds to be finally satisfied with the list. And choosing the five most important goals was another challenge – too much options. Three years is a short time for five goals, I want to achieve more.

Well, when I’m writing this post, I haven’t completed the chart. There are six columns for the elaboration of: the measures, the action, the values, the challenges, and the strategies, also with whom I share the goals. The latter is important to watch the progress of my written goals. Like making vows – someone is watching out there :-) I have no option but to commit and recommit.

Photo of an old sign as part of Tugu Hotel’s collection I took today.

The Eid Day

Eid day. As often, Indonesia has two Eid days. Two versions and the official one often falls a day after Mecca’s Eid. So confusing. Some celebrate Eid on the same day with Mecca, some follow the official, and some combine (stop fasting on the same day with Mecca but have Eid morning pray on the official day).

Mama has ‘new arrangement’ this year. She feels weak the past months that she could not kneel and sit in low so she could not pray the same way before – she sits. And the past few weeks she has upset stomach, she feels not fit to go to Eid morning pray in university yard but she wants to meet her friends. So we went to the yard to catch them after the pray. It was a nice place for a get-together, sunny but shady. Mama looked happy being with friends also later at home when we got back. Some neighbors walked with the whole family to greet Mama. What an occasion to meet and greet neighbors in such a special way…

And as the product of later generation, I’m busy replying Eid greetings that come through short text messages. I might not be happy with the idea but this is it! I don’t want to put it off, I reply to each ritually right after read the message so I won't miss any. Some send authentic message, some send ‘instant’ like template, some are in Arabic. I reply to each with personal message though short. What a business for cellular operator! Jackpot!

As my part, I had started to send short emails to greet close friends who celebrate Eid since last week. I don’t feel like creating e-card this year, I prefer writing personal note. Some times it’s funny to realize that people just send greetings to everyone in their contacts. Like this time, I got many from old friends that I hadn’t even seen years. I call it reaching out, then replying with the same spirit would be nice.

The street is quiet. Also in the house. I made Mama a necklace, her creation more. Checking out her collection boxes, I know now from where I have the interest to create necklace. She has a lot of stone (done and undone) and silver beads. It looks so familiar. I vaguely remember, there were times when she liked to string beads in her spare time. So hard to believe how she had influenced me unintentionally.

I feel idle, like I want to do many but no spirit and ideas. Eid day.

Photo of Mama today.

The Knowledge

I like the way Bach categorizes knowledge in our everyday lives:

- what you know you know
- what you know you don’t know
- what you know you should know
- what you don’t know you don’t know

I tried to categorize many aspects of life since I read Bach’s category yesterday. Please try; it’s fun and so true. And knowing the category helps me treat an issue. To face or to ignore.

The other day, a friend wrote me an upset email protesting my aloofness lately. It’s interesting about the email, it says all in the head about me. I learn, then I know (what I should know). I learn not to burst repressed emotion when things get tough, especially when dealing with closed ones. It’s so fun about learning. It reminds me of Kahlil Gibran’s saying I found in a website last night “I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.”

So I gave Mama a hard time in the morning. I invaded her little part of life called pantry. I got up early so had long morning to spend. It was dawn when I made hot water in pantry and suddenly I wanted to do spring cleaning in the area. I left the washing dish task for Mama, as she likes to do, but I want to do more for her.

My nephew thinks that this is not a good idea since Mama is often upset if she could not find her stuffs. That’s understandable but I’m not going to move her things; I will just declutter and clean the area. My nephew giggled happily (with worry). It’s understandable too because he stays and has to listen to Mama :-)

I involved him in the project. I asked him to wipe mirrors and windows the traditional way, use newspapers with water. It cleans in no time. He was happy doing it because the result is instant. I also ask him to tidy up his cooking materials. In two hours, I had filled up a huge plastic bag with bottles of expired stuffs. It’s not easy for Mama to reach deep cabinet so whatever hid beyond her reach became treasures. Now I put everything within her reach and left the hidden empty. The active containers stay in the same place, she won’t lose those. It looks neat to me. I hope she finds it handy as well later. I had handled her “what she doesn’t know she doesn’t know” part. Decluttering is not easy because of the "making a decision to throw away". I helped her to decide, she won’t remember what she doesn’t see now :-)

Nice. See, I learn every day. A friend likes to say that.

Photo of a garage sign I saw today.

The Values

I got headache since got up in ‘new’ bed. It usually takes me one night to familiarize a new bed before sleeping well the next days. I decided to be idle then. I took time to see (not ready yet to learn) my nephew making ketupat (diamond-shape palm-leaves to fill with rice) in two styles. So nice to know that the tradition of making ketupat in Lebaran has gone down generations in my family. I had seen Eyang making ketupat, then Mama, I don’t remember about my sister but I believe she can, and now my nephew. Hm.

Yesterday in airport, I bought a book I had seen looong time in bookshop, Smart Women Finish Rich by David Bach. I often feel curious about books that sit in ‘highlight’ table for so long. It must be well sought books that I might need to read. I browsed and yes, like saying — When the student is ready... the lesson appears (Gene Oliver) — I’m ready to learn about how to take control of financial future. I finished the introduction and chapter one in airplane yesterday and more today.

It’s an interesting book: easy to follow and not too technical. It helps the reader to, first, find their "values ladder" to know further why they need to feel secure about their financial future, then to recognize their financial behavior. Bach guides us to make "values ladder" by asking chain questions. When asked What’s important about money to you?, many people answer Security. And the ladder goes up with question What’s important about security?, some say having freedom (no duty constraint). And the ladder goes up onto next question, and on, and on. It ends, usually, with giving to children, having more time with spouse/family/friends, and making a difference helping others.

What a coincidence. Before Mama off to take a nap, she showed her concern about corruptor :-) She wonders why people need that much money as she thinks people don’t eat that much, don’t need that much to live,... I giggled, I told her that we all need financial security and that connotes with having a lot of money. Then she could not imagine how people use the money. She asked me, or gave me a test, what I would do if I were given a lot of money. I stirred my brain quickly.

Of course I’m not a Hermes Kelly-bag with colored croco-skin and diamond embellishment type. I told Mama that I would be happy if I can have more business. Yay! She looked perplexed. Not about the profit, more about the fun of sharing with more people while extending my creativity. I gave her some examples like to have a fine-dining restaurant for my nephew so he can share and show his talent in cooking, to have a spa so Mbo Wayan and Ayu can have a nice place to work, to rent out villas so Agung and many of my Balinese friends can work, to have shops with handmade stuffs so more people can do something, even to own a museum of any art,… I told Mama, it would never end if I have a lot of money. I know she could have the same idea. She had started with plant business that involves her network for marketing.

Now I’m excited to learning more of the Bach’s book. I look forward to doing the worksheet (Bach suggests to do the worksheet after finish the book).

Photo of leaves in Mama’s garden I found when I did yoga.

The Anticipation

Eid is a big celebration in Indonesia. I read in a newspaper the other day that Indonesian has different way to celebrate than of other Moslem people. Well, I didn’t realize, all I know Eid season brings major change in some of my life arrangements (for a while). I often travel but traveling for Eid homecoming brings different feeling because of the special preparation. It’s only cookies and gifts but those need my creativity and take my time to wrap – I like doing it my style. I like to do it but like writing, I also have moment with blocks that I needed to drag myself to finish up gift wrapping the past two days.

I got up late this morning, I didn’t sleep well. I was slow and felt like staying home. I had uneasy feeling anticipating my trip. I’d been good the past few years that I could take easy in an uncertain circumstance but Eid trip? A friend told me that airport was bad in the morning and later my driver said that toll road was slow. Ugh. I had no choice but to leave house four hours before boarding time. I prepared myself for the worse while hoping things go like in the Ten Commandments scene where Red Sea opens.

I felt tired before I actually walked out of house. I let go, whatever. And my Red Sea started to parting. Toll road was clear, traffic near budget airline terminal was normal, terminal was full but okay. So I became an enthusiastic traveler, I got airport in 40 minutes only, even the checked-in counter was still close.

Malang weather was surprisingly dry. Mama told me that it’s been raining the past few days. I had prepared by wrapping my stuffs to protect from getting wet in unsheltered Malang airport. When I sat in Mama’s house trying out internet connection less than an hour later, I knew, the Red Sea had parted for me. What a useless anticipation... I’m happy.

Mama and my nephew were excited to see me. Before too long, Mama had shared interesting story about her old friend she hadn't met 55 years. Meeting Mama is like rewinding time. She updated me with our neighbors, her colleagues, her friends from school and other organizations. It’s nice. Time doesn’t stop here.

Photo of frangipani trees in airport I saw today.

The Procrastination

Last night with a friend, we analyzed why we are often trapped in procrastination. I had a long list of unfinished business as I had shared before – that I don’t know how the list gets longer by time. I thought I had done my part pretty well, except of course some really serious items that I keep postponing to finish. The bigger the item, the longer it’s been in the list, the longer it would stay. Anyway, since he also has same issue, we discussed how to end the bad habit that lingers year after year. It’s always in the annual resolution but stays in the next year’s as well.

I used to think that happens only to people like me – people with lots of time, and… no deadline. But, apparently it also happens to people with lots of work and tight deadlines. Then we know the meaning of time management. My friend told me that, as we are all, he likes to do ‘easier’ and ‘simple’ things first and when it comes to the bigger block, time is up. At first I didn’t believe that. I always thought of him discipline and focus that I often envied. I might have to change my view about busy people, as I know now that we are all battling with self to avoid being in time trap called procrastination.

So how can we help each other conquering the habit? As we had fought it by ourselves, maybe it’s time to involve other to remind (first) and kick (later) so we can meet deadlines and most importantly to finish up anything we need to do or had started. I like the idea of involving other to help us out of the deep hole of procrastination. I liked to think that I need a boss, a real boss, because I cannot be boss for myself. Now I employ a friend as my boss, my alarm, and my whip :-)

Well, thinking out loud is always good for ‘taking stock’ of ideas we have. But writing it out like proposal? I’m still wondering how I’m able to do that although I’m very sure it will help my boss and I keeping track of what I have materialized so far – I mean, progress I make. Hm.

Taking three ideas out of many I have in mind, I find it difficult. It’s not easy to decide which three are the most important. I could only think of two ideas now. Both are in business area. Other than business? I have a hundred of ideas so let’s not discuss those. Too much and too… private :-)

The two ideas are to have a small shop in Jalan Hanuman and to rent out my own villa – both are in Ubud. What could be the steps to progress the idea? To do research comes first, then to lay out plan like making budget, then start searching for more information in order to materialize. Having talked about how to conquer procrastination, I was ignited to — again — set up my ultimate goal in life and stop lingering with past goals. It’s time to select and do the right work. Life is too short.

Photo of little red shrines inside Pura Desa Adat Ubud that have corners with unfinished carving.

The Priority

A pang of bitter reality hit me the other day. Only light but stays long in my sensitive feeling. Priority. While I might not give some friends ‘better’ priority, I got hit by the reality that I was not among top priorities in someone's list. Oops. I reflected. I need to feel it from ‘different perspective’, nothing serious and should not be taken seriously. It’s just nice to reflect.

The other day I asked my Burmese friend living in Washington to read characters written on a silver pendant I bought in Ubud. I asked her as I realized later that the character is Burmese. today she told me that only monks could read the character (called Pali) so she promised to take my pendant picture to monastery in Burma! I know she would. She likes to help friends totally, literally totally. Knowing the situation in Burma, I was panic. I told her not to mind my pendant. I was panic because I could imagine how she finds her way to get iButt done. I’m honored to be prioritized but this is not what I expect. So my morning reflection was complete with two extreme examples. Back to which perspective I see the issue.

Yes, I really have to give friends number XX in my priority list this Eid holiday. I only have limited time and energy. I just knew the other day that streets in my usual route to many areas are under construction, another bus lane on the way, so imagine three narrow lanes become two now. That leaves me with no option. All routes have same chance to be jammed after Eid holiday as all TransJakarta routes start to be operating. Ugh.. It’s the right time to move to Ubud. I’m happy.

So, yes, I had already postponed buying gift for my nephew two days, as I didn’t want to be stuck in crowd. Today I made it. He got 8 GB black iPod New Nano plus two manga comics (which I tried hard to understand the story). I spent some four hours including grocery shopping and lunch. In cashier line in the hypermarket, I observed what’s in the other trolleys. Oh my! A stack of shirts; a trolley of flour, bags of huge potatoes (to make broccoli and cheese, I asked), syrup, sugar,… People are preparing for festive Eid. I feel ashamed, I prepared the occasion late that I didn't have enough time to prepare gifts for staffs well. I don’t have big family so I prone to take things easy. Hm.

Anyway, again, I thought about priority. Mama and my only nephew are my priority now. Not that I don’t care about others because that's also my mirror to understand my position in other people’s life. I just need to alter my perspective.

Photo of hair alteration service sign in Ubud.