I owe you my angel..

My days were 'colorful' the past days. Looking after a broken-heart friend was so unexpected. It must be hard for my dear friend. He refused me to take him to dinner since he still cried for his disappearing boyfriend. Not again… Having talked fifteen minutes, he agreed to go out. He said he felt much better. I was a good listener and a ‘preacher.’ I could hear myself saying things I also need to do in crisis. My friend was happy to get my idea to write to channel out his disappointment or anger or whatever uncomfortable feelings he feels. Actually, it amplifies back to me!

I decided to expand my entertainment alternative. I bought a… television!! What a big step of my old me! It’s a cute 22-inch wide screen LCD television. It’s so thin and light! Before, I could not imagine me installing a home-theater (mini in my case) by myself. With the help of manual books, I managed to deal with cables. It was fun although I haven’t been able to watch television pictures yet. For Ubud, I definitely need a pro to install the antenna.

Ubud is still dry and hot these days. In this temperature, it’s not easy for me to concentrate on just one thing. Now I do a bit of everything, and often multitask. Especially after I rediscovered my passion for reading, my necklace creation stays in the same stage I left before weekend. I used my Sunday learning a new trick on Photoshop from “how-to” magazine I bought last May. Better late than never, I’m happy with my new skill to use the program. I want to explore more in the next days.

So where does my writing juice go these days?

My Photoshop practice result.

Life was like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're gonna get (Forrest Gump). A friend wrote me the first part responding to my story about someone we know. It’s interesting because I thought about the notion since morning, way before he wrote about the chocolate thing.

They say people change. I too let myself change lately. Into good, into not-so-good. About the latter, I follow what I called ‘common practice.’ Like I said in some previous posts, some people are able to let the world wait while I was not. Now I start doing. I could see myself shifting. I survive living without TV since I moved to Ubud 2.5 years ago, now I’m considering to have one. I could hear myself I don’t need a helper, I may need someday.

And there are other minor things I let myself change. Bigger closets, iPod dock, better speaker, more shoes, more handbags… Things I said I was not going to need. Now I have. That’s when I realized that there are things I cannot change and certainly there are things I can change. I enjoy the change. I let myself floating without making a decision now.

I went yoga today. My only class this week. My teacher was wondering if I didn’t feel well. I told her about me being a supervisor for handyman at home. She understood. And nice that she thought I’m very healthy. I enjoyed the qualifier ‘very.’ It’s like confirmation to myself that I’m healthy. Well, I am. I feel good in and out and that is a nice feeling.

I spent all afternoon ‘beautifying’ my cabinets. Like old Dutch cabinets, I covered the glass doors with some kind of cotton runner (not lace like in Netherlands). I didn’t expect the activity took long time to finish. Ironing and figuring out how to fix. Lots of work but I’m happy with the result. My house is more home every day.

In line with the spirit of the day, Eid Hajj for Moslem and Thanksgiving for American, I’m thankful to have a nice day and reasonably good life. I look forward to having a bigger project to do tomorrow.

Interesting modified bicycle I spotted in Den Haag, Netherlands.

My dear I’m alife [sic] and well.

Had a hard time. My girlfriend in Switzerland texted me last night. I appreciate her ‘life’ update as I care about her being – physically and spiritually. That’s how I care about close ones that some hardly understand. My inquiry to connect may come as… sort of nagging! Since I spent more times with my different-partner-orientation friend, I know what men think about us women. Gays are ‘in between’ so it’s easy for them to understand both sides. As men, they don’t like nagging women. As ‘women,’ they can rule things like women. I learn all is about 'labeling.' When men inquire, it’s ‘asking.’ If women, ‘nagging.’

I don’t mind if my landlord labels me as ‘cerewet’ because I keep asking about how to deal with whatever animal in my bedroom roof. I was once so nice to give him space and time to deal with it and one rainy season passed without action. Me nagging? But how should I ask for service then? He didn’t respond when I told him that I had a handyman was looking at it. It’s not easy to deliver things nicely because of that ‘labeling’ thing. So I don’t mind either if he labels me as ‘impatient.’

With all the awkward situations dealing with gender (male and female with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones), I learn to be more 'male' now. Gay in spirit so I can fit both sides. Some people have thought that I am ‘man’ already because I’m quite logical but sure I still have a dash of Venus. I will do better. Forget about frills, just say what I have in mind. Mr. Jan I become.

Finally, I managed to take out my stone collection to start creating necklace. My new idea. Plain without silver beads. I’m exercising my new idea to play with stone textures (different size in this context). I want to see if my creation still has power without the help of nice silver beads. I have finished seven and am happy with the look so far.

Good progress! I can resume yoga tomorrow after dealing with labeling, mending, and creating…

Celebrate womanhood!

You’re a bionic woman.

My neighbors often wonder I never handle household chores myself. My friend mumbled while observing me driving and filling up tank. He is a true queen. He always has an entourage (consists of driver, personal assistant, helper, all cum shopkeeper) since I knew him eight years ago. I told him that my friends also wonder how I can survive without any helper. And worse, I enjoy doing the chores! We giggled. How strange we are.

I spent time with him a lot the past three days. There are times when we just stop seeing each other and there are times when we become inseparable. After attending a series of parties last week, we had dinner in an Indian restaurant the other night followed by a leisure lunch in a new warung in our neighborhood yesterday. And meeting our mutual friend from Jakarta this afternoon.

On the home front, the leak has been handled by a tukang but it’s not yet proven that he has mended it well. Ubud is still dry. What bothers me still is the singing animal that the tukang did not see although I saw he had opened the area. He also put rat poison that I don’t think it works since I still hear them singing loudly last night. Not just loudly but more often and more… ‘stereo’ now. It wakes me up in the middle of the night because of its high pitch. Ah so annoying!

Hey I lost my juices.

A deco plate in an artist house in Duijzel, Netherlands.

Good luck :-)

That’s the exact word I need this morning. Having an unsolved leak for months now, I could not take it anymore this morning. My landlord had promised me months ago to send a handyman to fix. I called again the other day and he promised to come to fix it himself. Great! But a week has passed since he promised. I told him this morning that I already have a 5-meter ladder to climb up my top roof. He came to my house less than an hour with… a tall ladder! So when I told my friend I canceled my plan to borrow his ladder. That was his wish for me.

But… it hasn’t been done yet since my gardener, the one my landlord asked to check, was not able to locate the center of the issue. He kept telling me I need a tukang (professional handyman). Well, at least now I have the ladder so no more excuse on their side. Tall ladder is not easy to find, I understand, but thing has to be done to fix my leak before rainy season. I also care about the animal that live under the tile. I thought it’s rats, but my gardener believe it’s bats.

I spent about 1.5 hours cleaning my car interior this morning. It was so dusty like somebody has waved a packet of powder inside the car. Being open for five weeks, that is not surprising. I just knew yesterday that my car actually has undergone a serious surgery, not just replaced the trunk door, but… also cut the trunk floor into two to mend a serious dent. We must have missed to notice it because nothing looked serious from outside. Now I believe that such surgery needs five weeks ‘to heal’. It’s a lot of work my cousin told me. He didn’t tell me earlier since he was afraid I could freak out. I told him… in the opposite, it might calm me since I can understand. Anyway, the car is with me now. And that is nice!

Yesterday was my shopping day in Denpasar. I did it while picked up car from my cousin. I let Ana drove me to a hardware store where I met my cousin. I had some ideas to shop in the hardware store and hypermarket later. Rough ideas that grew big after walking the shelves. Suddenly I need a lot. Hand vacuum cleaner, toolbox, safety box, kitchen shelves, TV, DVD player… My cousin laughed. This is when go window-shopping with company who likes to give ideas. I went through my ideas one by one with a great deal of careful consideration. Do I have space? That’s first.

I bought the first two: hand vacuum cleaner and toolbox. Although I already have a real vacuum cleaner but I still need to have a handy one to clean little things around house. An excuse. And I love my new toolbox. I think I need a professional one after observing my ever-growing tools in the house. I like DIY so I keep buying new tools to be able to do. DIY is quick and easy to meet my standard. If possible, I would also like to fix the leak. Since DIY is not possible (not impossible through others’ hands), I plan to bug my landlord till I see a real progress.

Dealing with issues in the house, I am sure that homemaker is a profession. It’s a full-time job, like I said. I finished taking care house issues past noon. Crazy arranging things to make happen. And while waiting for my arrangement to work, I took off lampit and kilim in the living room. I threw away the former as bug eating it, and put the latter in the sun. It takes time and tiring.

I ended the day nicely. Drove in the outer Ubud with my dear friend then had early dinner in an Indian restaurant. We called it perfect. Thing we hardly did this year. Do something different. We committed to do something different every time next time. If mood, time, and transport allow. Our handicaps.

A slide presentation by my friend, YI, who won a Nobel for environment – Goldman Prize – this year.

Ooo bakar lemak…

Ayuk teased me when I came to visit her in Neru on bike! It was still 4 o’clock. I told her I felt heavy after lunch that I need to do something. Not “just” burning fat but ‘removing’ the food. I cannot have too solid food anymore. Not even two slices of wheat bread! My tummy is shrinking after having veggies and fruit most of the time; and fish sometimes. I don’t remember the last time I had beef.

It’s a sunny day. Really nice. I got up with fresh spirit to start making necklace. I canceled my plan to go to tailor for my kebaya uniform because I wanted to start creating early. It was still 6 o’clock when I loaded laundry and did my morning chores. But my bedroom windows called me this morning so I ended up spending half an hour exercising my arms muscles wiping the windows in and out. By the time I finished all chores, it’s already past 8 that I preferred to sip a big mug of smoothie slowly while writing update emails to friends. Chatted with friends online, I passed half day!

It was a really nice ride this afternoon. I took about the same route I took first time last week. I was much better in using gear today, I could climb quite easily. It’s nice to pass different road contours with up and downs. I don’t need stationary bike for cardio anymore. This is real! Even better. I enjoyed touching nature. And more I loved watching dogs. They looked so cute in the afternoon. Like any other times as well actually.

Later I found out biking in the afternoon is more dangerous than in the morning. I passed shops I used to visit and yes… I brought home four pieces of clothes. Hai Mbak, sudah lama tidak kelihatan. Mampir… mampir! And the spirit to support is an excuse. Chat here and there along the way. I spent some 1.5 hours extra. It’s perfect! I got home just before dark all wet of sweat.

I just studied top TV series in the Internet for my next DVD shopping. I need bloody entertainment to kill evenings with just enough energy to stay up.

My favorite chopped feet from Tegallalang that have scared some of my guests. Sorry.

it's therapeutic to me

A friend told me about his like for writing. I agree. Writing has helped me through rough time. Close to four years of writing like a regime, it has become a habit. My daily dose that "it’s not necessary but feel unpleasant if skip." My blog is my journal. My way to vent without worrying about no one will listen. Or, one may interrupt. Not nice experience that is. I can write whatever I have in my mind and feel safe about it.

But not just that. Writing has helped me to reminisce my day; happy times, good or bad or combo experience. It has helped me learning about life and people. To be frank, I rarely – if never – read again my past posts so it’s not true that I learn from what I write. My learning process is during the writing process. It’s a few minutes learning that helps me to survive the next days.

And one good thing about having a blog that opens for public to read (if they happen to find) is… I control my writing style. I once had a blog with “only blog authors” to view. I rediscovered the blog the other day and was surprised reading my posts. It sounded quite negative. I indulged my feelings with negativity because I feel safe no one will read. I can write without thinking twice and that's not good. Like in speaking, think twice is always good.

Anyway, not that now I hide my feelings on “anybody to view” mode. I still portray not-nice situations (means can be negative) as is. Writing with “anybody” in mind, I control my speech. Later, I am trained to think the same way when delivering thought orally. I'm close to master in saying positive thing out of nothing that some friends used to tease me. Most of the time, I’m simply too positive. Simply because some situations are irrelevant to my life. So why bother?

Project in the house is still ongoing. I got my bedside table cum stuff storage today. It’s not big it seems and now I know that I need the space more for the house’s ‘back office.’ Thing a household needs but cannot show because it’s not neat. Like what? Different sizes of envelopes, many kinds and sizes of adhesive tapes, paper for print, plastic for mail, blank cards… And more, what to do with photo prints (that luckily I only have a few here), brochures and name cards accumulated from many places? It’s ‘want not but maybe need’ stuff. That’s when I often think a household needs bigger space for storage than for function.

More items in to-do list have been crossed off but… more items in too! It’s like running in a wheel. I enjoy!

New kids on the block.

Not that I’m not happy but it’s time to be back to normal!

I overheard my yoga teacher said to my friend. She told her about she’s tired hosting guests at home. My yoga teacher sympathized by describing her feeling hosting her Mom two months ago. In my case, I got up with similar feeling. I want to be back to normal! It means… I want my car back! I tried not to give pressure but I could not help it anymore. My cousin said my car will be ready tomorrow afternoon that I asked him to use the car all Saturday to check if things go properly before I fetch on Sunday.

Today’s yoga is nice. I liked twisting body session. Not much physical movement because it takes some minutes in each position with twisting. I feel flexible and it’s like getting a massage I feel fresh after class. My biking friend checked me out if I already use my bike. Yes yes yes!!! 70 minutes going downtown and back! He sounded satisfied and I was a bit nervous. I was afraid he invites me to a baby ride with him. It’s baby ride for him but it may not be for me because he is already an elephant in biking. And a baby elephant ride may be still too hard for me. Pardon my metaphor.

I just had a quick glance at two large Post-it stuck by my laptop. I have 16 to-do items that only 6 items have been delegated. The rest is waiting for the right time (including inspiration) and me to have car. Excuses? Of course but… Went through calendar this morning, I don’t have much time to cross them off before end of December actually. I only have two straight weeks before my next tour de Java with two weddings; followed by a trip to Negara, west Bali, that my dear friend has arranged a brief getaway for us while attending his 15-year personal assistant’s wedding. Then, Christmas and New Year come. I look forward to doing all then relaxing with loved ones to end the year.

I spent all afternoon and evening helping out my friend hosting his two young-lady guests. With his wife out of the island, he could only take the girls to nice restaurants. Shopping is female area. So I took them to market and window-shopping a bit further. And as often, I ended up shopping too! They giggled. Nice girls from Switzerland traveling in Asia three weeks. It’s not their first time to Asia but first time to Indonesia. I like that they are among youngsters who enjoy traveling the world. We had very nice exchange during drinks and meal.

I’m sleepy now and look forward to having good sleep. I have projects for house tomorrow so can cross some more items off from my list. Then, hopefully, my normal life resumes next week.

Nice candles in a restaurant this twilight.

Then I need to find a job for income…

A friend said while staring at blank for a moment. We were talking at dining table after dinner last night. Five of us and I was the ‘real one.’ We were exchanging life updates the past months. New partners, new potential partners, present business partner, new car, new activities, new hope, new dreams… It was not the first time I was among men with different partner orientation. I was once among 3 women in some 60 men in a party. I’m blessed to have many friends of different lifestyle from many different walks of life. They just trust me to listen to whatever issues in bed or kitchen they share.

I’m interested in the one who already has two food stalls in Kuta and Seminyak areas but still thought about finding a steady job for income. I’m contemplating of getting a job these days. It’s been long since I gave up translation job for high profile offices in Jakarta. I decided to quit since I wanted to concentrate on something else like my business but now… I need a responsibility! I want to pump out my potential to maximum. And the idea to get a steady income as an outcome is… why not?

I watched my gardener working hard in garden this morning. He comes almost every day but the amount of work hardly ever lessens. I have bushy garden with ‘productive’ tall trees. He worked for my neighbor before started to work with me about five months ago. I once hesitated to employ him because of what I saw. He was Mr. Chop-it-all in my neighbor’s garden but my landlord convinced me that he’s willing to listen to whatever I expect of him. The fact is… he is less wanted in the market because he doesn’t have good hearing. Later I found out he doesn’t have good eyesight either. Anyway. Trusting him as a good man needed a job, I hired him. Luckily I don’t find it difficult for us to communicate so far. He is able to listen and he listens. Now I lost my point of why I brought his story up…

I spent my evening in a completely different atmosphere with my dear ‘girlfriend.’ We were wearing all-white attire attending the second anniversary of a Japanese restaurant in our neighborhood. We showed up since we considered the restaurant our neighbor especially because my friend is a loyal patron of the restaurant the past one year. So yes, we were sitting in a corner being the only tourist in the restaurant with very Japanese ambiance. We fell silent watching the crowd – families with little children and some mix couple. Before too long, we became the tourists that took pictures of the Japanese. We could not help it after an elder woman started to dance wearing masks. A healthy grandma apparently.

Another friend joined a bit later. The only westerner in the crowd. We were sitting together chewing sashimi and its atmosphere. We chatted with a Japanese grandpa that has lived in Bali over 25 years. He runs rent-room business somewhere in Ubud and now starts an organic farm somewhere near Ubud to cater Japanese community in Bali that has reached 3,000 heads. We talked about numbers the rest of the evening. Bali’s population is 3 million: 2 million Balinese, 1 million mixed (includes 250,000 foreigners living in Bali). Out of 3,000 Japanese live in Bali; 1,000 married to Balinese men. I guess no case of Japanese men marry Balinese women.

And when my friend talked with an F&B manager of a hotel, I continued talking about numbers with GM of the biggest hotel (in room number) in Ubud. He is a New Zealander and has lived since 1973 in Bali. Of course he knows all the number after over 30 years in service. We talked a lot about Japanese travel pattern and how they affect tourism in Ubud. It’s really interesting!

My head felt a bit ‘heavy’ when riding motor with Ayuk home. Aah… that soft taste sake had gradually hit. A tourist in Ubud is ready to rest now.

The active grandma dancing at the occasion this evening.

It’s tilem night!

My dear friend reminded me that our dress code for dinner tonight is black. He didn’t accept my idea to wear something else. Only black suits dead moon (tilem) day today, he said. Fine. It happens we are invited to dinner in a house next to… cemetery! He said it’s spooky in the evening. I said it must be thrilling. So I look forward…

Our yoga teacher focused on retrieving or reviving energy for today’s practice. Aha! I thought it's perfect for a hot morning to have more aaaah relaxed practice. It did look promising at first since we started the practice lying down. But my… Half an hour is enough to make me dizzy of dehydration. I sweated like h… Are you okay? Are you okay? My teacher monitored me every now and then. I stood in the front row by myself so she could easily spot my incorrect postures. She stretched, pushed, showed me quite a lot today. Fine I got all the attention but… I got home at noon with no energy.

I walked to supermarket after yoga. I had quite a long list for stocking up food. I was quite surprised that actually I shopped every three days at least. And it’s a lot! Ayuk who picked me up wondered how many mineral water bottles I bought because my eco-bag looked full and definitely heavy. Only one! My shopping list fits a zoo shopping list. In the list were papaya, bananas, oranges, grapes, mixed veggies for salad, and tomatoes. My today’s sin is… ice cream!

My Dexter adventure has come to an end. After experiencing troubled DVD of Season 2 that I managed to finish, Season 3 stopped playing in the episode where the story climbs to a suspense part. I gave up! I will check on shops downtown if they sell. I believe I’m not that far from the end of Season 3. And that’s it for this year since Season 4 is only aired last September according to the website. One year to wait for a nice thrilling four days watching a season.

I have "four questions" to go on Slumdog Millionaire book. Very gripping book! Easy to read and interesting. It confirms me that learning, with awareness, from life experiences can enrich our knowledge. Going to school always comes handy but anything learned with awareness has different impact. This book is brilliant!

Glasses in a hotel room in Den Haag.

I assume you have brownout.

Now it has become a usual line when my friend doesn’t hear from me long time. Bali suffers from occasional power blackout, or brownout to be precise, since I got back two weeks ago. I have begun to see the pattern from my experience also from my Bali friends’ status on Facebook. We all face problem. Houses without private power generators.

The past two weeks my village’s turn fell on Tuesday, tomorrow. It happened all day from 10:00 to 17:00 two weeks ago that I was a bit unprepared. I spent all day reading since it’s such a complicated situation when I don’t have air-conditioner I cannot work in my studio cum bedroom. I have given up having an Internet connection alternative. I don’t need to be online if I don’t have power.

And last week, it happened on Tuesday early evening from 18:00 to 21:00. It’s shorter in the evening, maybe. Since I have an emergency lamp that can give me a bit life for at least six hours, I’m not worried. I also become aware of when to charge my laptop. It’s nice to have at least four hours battery duration that can help me through my productive time in the evening. I can write or watch DVD.

So it’s a real art now to live in an island with power shortage. Heard it will not be long before the distribution back to normal. Whatever, by then, I may have a good discipline like taking shower before 18:00 because my water supply and heater depend on the power. Take shower in the dark is fine but I mind take shower with cold water in Ubud.

While we are all working on power brownout, I’m working on creativity brownout. I have mega ideas these days but all are still stuck somewhere in concept-only stage. I need a kick, big kick! Or, should I just slow down toward the new year?

Tee shirt I spotted in a restaurant in Sanur.

I can find a $500 decent bag without brand for my Mom.

She doesn’t care about Hermes anyway. My girlfriend told me in the car in Jakarta the other day. We felt quiet in the car after a lunch with Mangga Dua topic our mutual friend likes. Mangga Dua in north Jakarta is a wholesale market for anything fake and original-fake from watches, glasses frames, shoes, and of course ladies handbags. Heard the market is the biggest in Southeast Asia that people come by from many places in Asia to shop for merchandise. The stock comes in many classes (read: qualities) from the most expensive known as original-fake (details are very close to the original) to the cheapo quality that even non-experts' eyes can spot.

Those original-fake handbags, say, are not cheap! Surprisingly. Said an original-fake croco Hermes may fetch as much as $500 that of course heavenly cheaper than the original that is worth $20,000. Other original-fake from ‘fairly low-key’ brand like the popular Le Pliage may be worth already a quarter the original so not much difference for… a fake. I learned the fact from a single discussion we had over lunch. My friend asked me how much I paid for my Le Pliage. Oh! Yours is real? Put it on the table I want to see… I gasped. I didn’t think long when answered but what else could I say? I only carry real things in life so if you spot me with Hermes bag, you better sniff around who’s ‘behind me.’

Anyway, the fact has made my friend and I feel sort of sad that our friend is so keen of fake things. We both respect the original creator of anything. My friend is an art collector that has met many artists in her adventurous shopping for art. While I can call myself an artist. Though simple, I don’t like the thought that one may copy my necklace style. I can be choked when I spot even similar style. It’s natural feeling of a creator. We all create things with heart, inspiration, and creative urge that no one can explain how those become embedded in our work.

So I was just shocked when a friend sent me a link about a repro-painting producer in Thailand. At first I thought about a digital reproduction of well-known artists like Renoir and Bottero's work that we can buy at $15 in bookshops or souvenir shops. It’s not! An original-fake paintings! As in real canvas with real paints. The producer employs some 30 artists to make maestro's painting copies to meet orders from Europe and other parts of the world. I was chilled reading the article. What is this? Making money out of other people’s work?

I remember my art connoisseur friend in Jakarta once posted status on his Facebook about he feels sad because his fellow artists earn from making copy. He continued, if they can make good copy, they have hope to develop their own style to become real artists themselves, not become a good ‘photocopy machine.’ For one, he cares about his fellow artists. For other reason, I could sense he’s just tired of dealing with fake paintings he has to deal as part of his business running his own auction house. He can say not nice thing about the idea of reproducing. Like me, we are artists in our ways.

Can’t we make a difference by being a good consumer? GAP spends a lot of fund for making sure their products are not produced by child labors. I know that for sure because a good girlfriend once worked for GAP and she was in the law department. So it never comes into my mind to buy cheapo fake-o GAP clothing in the market for a quarter price of the original. I respect fair trade and its cost to make change in the world even I have to pay more for my respect. If I cannot afford, I don't mind buying anything within my scale as long as… it’s original!

It’s sickening, right?

An original painting I spotted in an Indian restaurant in Makati City, Manila.

Every day creates your history…

MJ shouted in my living room. I have a new iPod dock in the room that keeps music on while I spend time in kitchen, bathroom, or cooling down in living room. I enjoy my new entertainment so much. It works day and night now. I’m nesting a lot these days because I stay home more since I got back two weeks ago. Nesting needs time to feel what I need in the house. After extending my closet in bedroom last week, I started searching for nice bookshelves. Idea pops up anytime of the day so keep your mind open. I got an idea for keeping books when jumped off bed this morning.

I resumed my odd biorhythm the past days. Like jet lag, you need to break the circle if you want to change. I am now in the circle of sleeping at 9, wake up at 2, do things till 5, then half-awake dreaming in bed till before 6, then start the day. The good thing is I have more time to read and communicate with friends live in America. And this morning I used my bike for the first time in Ubud.

I hit the road around 6:15 after a glass of freshly squeezed oranges. I put on my gear and there I learned how to use my bike! Coming out of my house, to the right or left, is the same. Not easy terrain because of steep road. I chose the right for rice field. I walked holding my bike in some parts since I hadn’t got the feeling how to change gear for steep road. Now I know why avid bikers spend a lot for lighter bike. Mine is 10 times cheaper and a few kilos heavier. It’s fine for a beginner. I’m not ready yet for a bike at the price of a mini car.

Pedaling for 70 minutes from my village to downtown Ubud and back, I learn what I need for biking. Light durable backpack, water-bottle holder, biking pants with pad, and large clear shades with prescription for my nearsighted eyes. I forgot to wear eyeglasses this morning so I missed nice view along the way. Fine, next time I will be better in preparing. Also, I learn to decide how long I want to bike. 70 minutes with one 10-minute stop is enough for me. I got home close to 7:30 all sweaty unexpectedly. It was quite cool when I enjoyed fast pedaling in rice field with wind whizzing in my ears. I felt good smelling and touching Ubud directly. Incense and garbage. Barking dogs. Women washing clothes in the creeks. Shops start business early in the morning. Veggies vendors along the way. No wonder my friends are so addicted to biking. It could be addictive!!

And that was not my only outing for the past three days. Ayuk came to pick me up at 9 that she took me to a furniture shop in Mas. I wanted to materialize the idea I got in the morning to get bedside-table cum book-storage I spotted in the shop the other day. I spent almost an hour going through all options. I don’t have space to make furniture-shopping mistake. So I’m happy that in the end I got an idea to stack up two low tables. It’s possible because it’s minimalist style. The girl gave me two thumbs up for my 'creation.' She said I have great taste because the one I chose is specially designed for Tahiti market. Ultra modern style. It’s a bit pricey because it’s all thick wood. Of course.

Now I’m a happy stay-home girl again. It’s sunny outside and I want to spend the day reading… Slumdog Millionaire I just bought before grocery shopping this morning.

Greens I miss when I’m away. At home.

Today is fan day!

Our yoga teacher announced. Standing on the second floor of the studio facing the Ubud ridge, I felt like wearing shades. The sun was so bright at 9:00. I felt hot from walking so I liked my teacher's idea to have ceiling fans switched on this morning. No breeze, although not stuffy either. It was just hot. I melted in no time.

Yoga was good except hard. Our teacher was a bit confused with right and left today. She moved fast and a bit off systematic sequence. I might be wrong because of the strain on body plus the heat. So there’s nothing relieving than the announcement of This is the end of practice today! Few of us mumbled Aaaah! That she jokingly continued Before we start again! Well, of course not. We looked forward to lying down at yoga nidra session. Being lulled by her yoga nidra story, I felt like listening to bedtime stories sometimes.

I was visualizing my lunch during the yoga nidra. So Bang! when my neighbor friend proposed to have lunch together for a million times this week. I turned him down many times because often I didn’t feel like going out especially in the evening plus I have no car and he could not drive his new car to pick me up. He hit me the right time! I walked to Periplus to meet him while looking for Dexter novels. I’m hooked! I was disappointed that I could not find the book in Ubud so far. My mind has been Dexterized that I need the book now. I’m hungry after watching three episodes in marathon yesterday afternoon. My Mac could not pick up the last frame I watched and was hang although it continued playing the show. I was a bit worried because I cannot afford living without my lifeline if the CD stuck. I managed to get the CD out but then to continue watching I needed to start from the last frame before it started to be stuck. To cut a long story short, I had to continue watching without pause that in the end I realized I must have watched at least three episodes non-stop! It was almost three hours. I skipped dinner just because of my binge on Dexter. One season to go!

Lunch was super nice. We sat together with our mutual friend we met coincidentally. The café is actually his 'dining room' because the probability of meeting him during lunch time there is about 95%. A 75-year-old retiree that has started to be forgetful but I must say he has charm. We knew each other over five years now. Sitting with two 'Ibu' of at least two generations apart was so delightful. They shared stories about life with partners. I’m not in the same league but I fully understood what they were talking about because relationship issues are the same basically. I liked his tip for a long term relationship: set your partner free. It reminded me of my favorite song by Sting. If you love somebody set them free.

Our friend almost left when my friend talked a bit too much of his past story. He returned to his seat after I said that it’s nice to look back. Especially when you have nice past, he added. His eyes looked starry when I asked how he landed in Ubud. He lived in many countries and ended up some twenty years in Manila working for a well-known bank. He owned a house and decided to retire in Manila because he had all his friends there. He changed his mind ten years ago after visiting a friend from Manila in Ubud. I flew back and packed up my things, sold the house, and looked for a place in Ubud. Ubud is my calling! We are about 31 years apart but he believed that I got the same calling when decided to move to Ubud. He got an idea for us to write about our feeling when we got the vibrations of the place for the first time.

Driven back home around 14:00, I felt tired and was sweaty. I told my senior friend, in Ubud I feel energized again after being in shade an hour. In Jakarta, I’m kaput after even a half day out!

The sun that shines on my bedroom every afternoon.

Good that I have no feeling.

Dexter mumbled after he saw his female colleague made a scene in the office. It’s 'dirty laundry' she brought to work. His thought has pinned down what makes me feel like Dexter. I don’t show much feeling in real life but in the other side, like in this journal-blog, I talk a lot about my feelings. So Dexter. He converses a lot in his mind but on the surface he followed whatever people want from him. His colleague thinks he is a killer, his girlfriend thinks he is a drug addict, his sister thinks he doesn’t care about her… He doesn’t make comments. He let his colleague thinks what he is, he agrees to join a program to cure his ‘addiction,’ he doesn’t argue every time his sister says that he is distant… But he could think I don’t kill my sister, I don’t kill my sister whenever he sees how messy his sister can be in his house. It’s cold, right!

I am cold but I was melting this morning. I had seven items to run that's enough for a reason to rent a car for half day. I offered a good rate of a Karimun (cute boxy car that cannot run) to use for four hours. My neighbor sounded happy since she could rent out the car to other by 15:00. Sure I’d like to share her business. So off I went at 9:00. It was already hot!

All went smoothly. I tied all loose ends for this year. I got bogged down every time I thought about them. Those little things were like hanging on my head. Not heavy but so disturbing. Now I have got rid of books I don’t read and don’t mean to keep. I sold it as second-hand in my favorite bookshop. I intended to exchange with other books but I had no time to browse the shelves thoroughly. So I got enough cash to cover my today’s car and my color stylist, plus the latest edition of Time. Actually I was surprised that I could earn from my junk. Sure I shared good books!

I did banking in two banks. Some transactions have to be done through counter. I don’t mind to make a trip sometimes. It’s enough for this year. It has closed this year’s private book keeping. I had a chance to grocery shop and check out wooden bookshelves for home before got gray hair colored. It was a perfect day. I had proper lunch before home just before the four hours ended. The rent-car lady was happy, so was I.

I’m happy that I managed to simplify my life more. In more areas of life. I will just handle what matters to me. I even had an idea to deactivate one of my Facebook accounts. It touched me though when I shared the thought on my status this morning, I got some eight comments not to do so. I know. It may be better to keep the account but not participate in the party than shut it down. Like many people do. They keep adding friends but they don’t make a real connection. It’s like attending people-you-know’s party. It’s not your party type but you are in just because you know the host! I may be cold but I make connection. I will ponder more over the idea of simplifying!

Another coaster I saw in a restaurant in Manila.

Excuses… excuses!

My friend said after I told him that my car is still far from completion. I questioned the situation a lot too since it sounds ‘not possible’ that a trunk door needs a month to repair. My cousin was nice to check it himself and took pictures for me today. As often, he read my mind. I was thinking to drive down sometime this week to see it myself. Not that I lost patience but… I lost patience. I need to know.

But I could easily believe the argument that my car takes long to finish. My cousin said mine might be in queue number 40 so although they work on it everyday but the other 39 cars that came before mine also need attention. I understand unlike many friends who thought I have been put in lower priority. My positive thinking wins. It happened that my cousin chose the best garage in the insurance list that handles expensive cars but at the same time this is the consequence. He made sure that my car is not in the sun because the garage is all roofed. I don’t worry about the cleanliness but… the battery may not work when I get my car back. No negative thinking, it’s just practical.

Anyway, yoga was good after one month off. It was raining since early morning. The lightning awoke me around 1:30. This is about sleeping on second floor without curtain on. I was awake for some time to enjoy the lightning. I love Ubud. I love nature. Back to yoga, yes it was great. The path that leads to the studio has changed a bit. Some sectors have been cleaned that I kind of missed the bush. I noticed some villas are left vacant with creeper all over the building. That’s when I learned how people invested on something that didn’t yield cash returns. Business is a real art because we never know the battlefield before we are in (for some time).

So… with current situation, I don’t have excuses not to ride my bicycle. My friend came over just now to show me how to pump up the tires. He left the pump for me! In case you need to adjust the pressure again!

My car per today.

I don’t know days.

It doesn’t matter to me anymore. You will see things differently when you are retired. My friend told me when we were in bad traffic in Ubud. Another road construction is undergoing on the main road. I don’t remember what we were talking about that we came to the ‘day’ topic. We had quite a to-do list for the day. He came to my house before noon to fix my bike stand. The bike that has been standing upside down since arrived some months ago. What a long way before I really sit on the saddle. My friends have provided me with a hi-tech helmet and helped me to buy a good biker gloves but still… the bike has not yet been ridden. I will, I will…

It’s Monday. I had an idea to use my ‘extension hands’ to help me through the days without car. I asked Ayuk to come over to pick up stuff to take to tailor but I also asked her to take me to supermarket. I needed to stock up a bit more fruit and dehumidifier for my new cabinets. It was still 9:00, the sun was mild when I was on motorbike. An errand done in half an hour.

I had nice lunch with my friend who just returned from three-week trip to Himalaya. His wife is in Switzerland for family matters that she could not join us today. When it comes to the idea of get together, often we only talked it over without realization because we travel different times. Anyway, we just enjoy whatever time we have with whoever. And today I learned about five-star service in trekking the Himalaya. I thought they went in smaller group with donkeys like pictures I saw in the past. I was wrong.

Two couples (equal four persons) were followed by an 'entourage' of seven plus ten horses to carry logistics for thirteen days. They could have a cup of warm tea every half an hour before meal time that means the kitchen crew walked passed them to prepare tea and food in the next stop then walked back to meet them half hour before the next meal-stop to serve tea! So imagine the other services they got in other times. I was in awe learning how the tour operator arranged such service. It's also interesting to learn about the crew were on tee shirt and flip-flop at 10 degrees on daylight and 3 degrees in the evening that could drop to below zero while they were sleeping. My friends walked the same trek they made ten years ago plus an additional peak. They reached the highest peak at 4,800 meters. The altitude is enough to make them feel uncomfortable because of dizziness and nausea. Brave over-60s trekkers, I must say. I’m proud of them.

My friend was nice to offer me to run errands while I ‘had’ car. And a neighbor friend also offered his driver and of course the car to drive me if I need to run urgent errands. What a nice gotong royong in kampong! I appreciate their gesture so much. I just try to put things on hold. The world can wait, that’s what I try to learn lately. There’s always time for everything. I do what I can do from home. Now.

A coaster in a restaurant in Manila.

I treat myself a Dexter after ‘a hard work.’

I told my friend in the afternoon. I spent literally one full day to work on my new cabinets for clothes. Ngurah delivered them around 7:30 that I had prepared the old cabinet for exchange since 6:00. I took out everything inside and put them in bed. It looked… horrible. I wondered though how a small cabinet could hold piles of clothes and stuff. True. I had them all in the cabinet but I could hardly have a good view of what I have since it piled up in layers (back and front). Such arrangement made me end up wearing same clothes if I didn’t have time to dig up.

Not now. I have everything before my eyes; clothes are in neat piles and well categorized! It’s perfect but… still I don’t have room for more clothes! I always have this issue after expand a cabinet. The wardrobe expands even faster! Putting clothes in category is good for me. It’s like taking stock of what I have. Now I can say I have everything! See how long I can hold on to the belief!

I’m satisfied with my Sunday. I could only sit enjoying potato at 15:00. I felt so good to have a nice break while watching Dexter. Now I'm able to eat while watching the series. Perfect cannibal I have been. But wait… I dealt with other type of cannibalism in the morning. I always negotiated the destiny of animal in my house when I asked Balinese to remove it from the house. They often came up with an idea of frying the animal. It was lizard the other day and today it was ‘my’ gecko. It happened the gecko moved when Ngurah opened the curtain. When he closed the curtain, he asked for my permission to have the gecko. I said NO! Often, I had to make them promise not to kill the animal before they do something. I asked him to leave the gecko alone but then he just led the gecko out of door safely. I had to see myself the animal running free in the garden. Interesting that they believe animals can cure any skin disease especially when they catch the animal on auspicious day. Whaa…

Tomorrow is a start of a new week. I have plan although I don’t have car still. I goodly need to go out…

A little frog fell from my window when I opened it.

I feel ‘sick and dark.’

My sister confessed to me her feeling that she enjoyed watching and reading Dexter. She almost finishes four books of Dexter by Jeff Lindsay. I remember she is good in reading ‘sick and dark’ stories like Stephen King’s since we lived in Jakarta over a decade ago. I didn’t explore this side in me before. I thought I like melancholy stories more. I was wrong. Later I found out I also enjoyed Stephen King’s novels she passed down. And my other side developed since then…

I admit, I’m addicted to Dexter. I could see me in him. He is cold but he is thoughtful. He appears to be unusual but he is actually just a human. He converses with his inner self before doing anything because he cannot afford miscalculating his steps in finishing a target. He is a monster pretending to be a human. That’s what he thinks. So where am I in the picture?

Today I watched three episodes. I don’t want to finish it quickly but it seems I could only hope. In one episode, he is close to be caught by his sister cop and friends in police department. His enemy put him under close observation that he watches every move he makes. So when he kills a couple killers, the enemy put the body back in crime scene from the bottom of the sea where he throw away all evidences. That’s when I saw his human side with fear and acknowledgment that he can also miscalculate. But he comes out with a good moral of the experience, knowing that his days are numbered, he decides to make the best of his time. Now.

I got news that my car can only be ready end of next week. One more week without car! I have to McGyver-ing my life at home longer. It’s like how to spend time at home productively and 'independently.' My niece was nice to take me to supermarket when she was here that I shopped groceries enough for another five days at least. That’s when I also need to be a McGyver in kitchen too. I have my fridge full of fruits and veggies; and a variety of ready made salad dressings. I have eaten veggies a lot and today I worked on potato. It’s fun!!

Now I have to work on my soon-to-be-old cabinet. I need to take everything out since tomorrow at 7 a.m. Ngurah will deliver two old cabinets in Pallava to replace the one I got with the house. It has become too small for my ever-extending wardrobe. After so many travels, my cabinet could not hold more clothes. It’s loaded!!

7 a.m.? This is Bali where anything else have to fall before or after ceremony.

Halloween pumpkin in a restaurant in Jakarta.

Where was I?

I asked my friend when she asked me how was my trip. Oh… So many things have happened, so many places… We caught up for a few minutes last night. We haven’t seen each other almost four weeks and now she is ready to leave again for her hometown as her father passed away last Monday. We may see each other again in December. We missed spending time together. We promised to try to stay in town during December to reconnect with the place and good friends. To be frank, I look forward to ‘experiencing’ December. December is always nice time for contemplating and reflecting. It’s also great time to spend with loved ones.

Time just flies. I didn’t write my journal-blog three days now. Morning, noon, afternoon, and evening blip momentarily. I suffered one day without electricity that put me in sauna all day because the ceiling fan didn’t work. Of course. I spend my day downstairs now since upstairs’ temperature becomes unbearable since I'm back. I don’t want to push the air-conditioner to work at maximum also I enjoy green downstairs.

My cousin and her daughter came over spending two nights. It’s fun to see them again after long time. Yesterday I took them to taste “Ubud at a glance” on the only day they spent in Ubud. Had breakfast in an organic farm, shopped at Ubud market, had dirty duck lunch, and visited craftsmen village ended with having coffee in my favorite café to show them the other side of Ubud. The girl visited Ubud first time. She texted me from Jakarta today that she still couldn’t find the right word in any language to describe the beauty of Desa Ubud.

I still have no car. It’s been three weeks today. The cost the insurance doesn’t pay. I don’t mind staying home but of course I lost opportunity to do more in many areas. I don’t complain but enjoy my time conversing with self. These days I am in a state of having many ideas but don’t have enough kick to materialize. Like often.

And I started watching Dexter series today. Cold blooded ‘good’ serial killer. I wonder how we human like to entertain our ‘cold blooded’ side by watching this kind of series. I bought the DVD in Manila as I need a brief entertainment every now and then. And look at the entertainment I have chosen? I like drama series but really it’s not easy to find something I want to watch. My friend and her husband got hooked of The Wire that they could watch the series six hours straight. I’m not familiar with the series so my friend laughed to the idea of me start watching The Wire as well. So it's fine if she thought Dexter is better for me. It has tickled my other side of brain. I enjoyed.

Weekend is coming. I hope my area will not suffer power blackout again as mentioned on PLN schedule. Otherwise, I really have to work on my ideas while enjoying auto sauna at home.

Life is full of surprises. My ‘natural’ laundry line grows leaves during my absence.

Selamat istirahat, Bu!

Have a good rest? My driver said before left me at my house yesterday. My car is still in garage till sometime this week that I had to call Ana to drive me from airport and running errands. I arrived a bit past noon, my favorite time, because then I still have time to stock up grocery and… clean the house.

I was away almost three weeks. The house looked ‘empty.’ I always had this feeling when entered my house after a long trip… mysterious. I saw blood-like trace near guest bed in living room. It splashed onto the wall too. Strange… Like a mini murder had taken place in the living room. I made a trip upstairs to bedroom to check out if other murder also took place while I was away. Bedroom floor was just awfully dusty. But surprisingly the bathroom was not that bad with gecko poo but… ants had marched to every corner and built sand castles. Oh my! Creatures in the house were partying in every space! The kitchen looked well though. A mild relief.

I could not rest. How could I? I cleaned the house a bit till before dark. Ubud was hot! A pot of my plant in shower looked dying. Ngurah might not water the plant often. I could not expect. It reminded me why many people (especially older ones) do not enjoy traveling much. They worry much about their house and plants; and do not enjoy ‘the unexpected’ during travel. Well, neither do I but… I prefer to keep traveling. Although like yesterday, it was not one of my good trips. It was just odd that people didn’t stand in line. It’s horribly long queue without line in check-in counters. Then a guy unintentionally dropped his trolley bag on my toes that he just moved on without looking back. People just pushed me from all directions from check-in counter to airplane. Many people do not mind to have no space. I mind. I don’t say that it’s not my day because it was my day! It was just odd but I was happy to be back.

I stay home today. More cleaning in the morning and even more till afternoon. I had to do extra work too because things happened not the way I planned. My wash machine burst a sea of water when I opened the front door because the tap was open. Ngurah might have mistakenly turned on the tap. The water was all over the dry part of bathroom so I just scrubbed it. If it didn’t happen, I might not scrub the floor till weeks later. So it’s good! I’m satisfied to see clean floors.

Anyway, I’m happy with my day. Like after many other trips, I developed a new or revived an old habit. I’m back preparing salad for meal after very long time. I also start to like grapes for snack after having melon for a while. I’m on diet again. Living in big city makes me feel a bit not fresh. Of eating in normal regime and lacking in physical activities. This is the time!

The newly revamped nest in Jakarta.