Present

Ruthless in determination
Making the present my home
Green sunny golden

Birthday messages still poured in. A friend sent I wish you fun and joy everyday like on your birthday! What a nice wish that I wished I could wish every morning. But a present doesn’t come every day? Or, shall I create a present for myself every day? That I can do.

A visiting friend ensures a tidy clean house. That’s my motto since long. A guest is like a kick for me to pay more attention to my surrounding especially when it comes to welcome a special guest who arrives tomorrow. Her apartment in Jakarta is so neat like pictures of rooms in interior magazines (glad some magazines have started to show a “real place” with stack of books and magazines under table). No color, no mess, no extra. Everything is just perfect! I shrink.

No worry. She’s not that bad actually. I remember another friend who used her bathroom in the morning one day told us that for the first time she experienced life in the bathroom with wet towels and disarranged bottles. We laughed. Of course she uses the bathroom only she’s good in not putting off tidying. I’m much better in that area now. I like tidy place more and more now. As expected, I spent all morning doing my new exercise. I haven’t had yoga for long as I felt depleted after spending two hours twisting and pushing. Mopping.

I left house noon time. I went to Pasar Ubud to buy a present but ended up buying another sexy pink kebaya, $1 tee, and more sarongs for myself. I couldn't help it. I have a stack of sarong that I use for many purposes: cover, blanket, massage sheet, sarong,… Anyway, it’s good that I parked inside the busy market with tourist buses. I could not get out the parking lot easily. That’s when I got an idea to walk for the next errands. I walked quite far because I meant it. I invent a trick to still walk a lot while keeping car. I eliminate the option to get a ride back from friends. Ah I’m happy with my invention. Like getting a present!

I walked Jalan Hanuman again to get the feeling. I paid more attention to what people sell. Many are specialist shops sell things like printed tees, cloth handbags, photo-frames, sandals,… Only a few that sell various crafts in a shop like an art supermarket. I’m happy with my future neighbors. No doubt, this street has character. I managed not to buy anything although I eyed a nice leather bag in my favorite leather shop with Japanese designer. I rarely feel tired of enjoying people’s creation. Ubud is undoubtedly the display of the inhabitant's creativity. Later I stopped by another leather shop with orang Surabaya designer. The design is too avant-garde that’s a bit misfit but the sandal are small. Yes, I bought a leather thong.

I also realized today that I have to look after my car myself from now on! That’s so alarming! Not “just” about the washing but the handling of mechanical issues. In Jakarta, my car was washed every day (use/not use, dry/wet) and surely the electricity was well checked every day too. Lately I didn’t even fill up the tank myself. All done by a staff in the morning. Hya!!

It’s only my first day with car. I shall invent how to treat my present in the days to come.

Photo of merajan in the opposite of my future shop.

Birthday

Here is a sample of what a collection of wise people have written about fire horses:

"Fire Horses are dynamic creatures, with a vigor that promises youth and freshness until the very end of life.

The will and the spirit of the Fire Horse cannot be broken. This Horse goes through life with philosophical patience and the ability to bounce back from adversity no matter how dire the circumstances.

In times of solitude, Fire Horses also have an insatiable need for intellectual stimulation and they satisfy their curiosity for learning through reading, listening, conversing, and travel abroad.

Fire Horses make inspiring leaders, revered and respected. They encourage their subordinates with kindness and just the right degree of strictness and work well with people in all stations of life.

Financial rewards fall in the middle ground, not too bad, not terrific, but always comfortable.

Being in love with the Fire Horse brings pure rapture. These noble Horses are generous with their love, with hugs and kisses.

Loved ones always know where they stand because Fire Horses demonstrate every day through their actions the love they feel deep within. Each day is a soft and tender love poem."

From: www.tuvy.com

"The Fire Horse is highly strung, powerful, inconsistent, alluring and motivated by strength of will."

From: www.paranormality.com

"Fire Horses are seen as outgoing, people-loving, ambitious, rebellious, and independent. They are supposedly freedom-loving and impossible to contain."

From: www.io.com

"When they fall in love, Horses seem to lose all logic, all sense of perspective. Unpredictable at the best of times, when they lose their hearts, there is simply no telling what the Horse-born will do next."

From: www.holymtn.com

I offer this ode as a salutation to the fire horse friend who will celebrate her birthday tomorrow.


That’s a birthday present from a good friend. Yes, my birthday. I smiled since morning. For no reason. Texts have started pouring in since midnight, I recognized some friends who hardly missed midnight to be the first to congratulate. Very nice.

I cleaned kitchen and terrace but intermittently. I replied to each text. Yes, I didn’t want to miss to reply to all so I made sure I didn’t delay. It was fun. Some are friends of 35 years – childhood friends of course. A close friend recalled our birthdays’ ritual with distributing goodie-bags in class while the class singing birthday song. It was fun. Preparing the goodie-bags was fun. Others simply missed me and really expected to reconnect through phone or meeting.

Some are friends of 25-30 years. It’s like reconnecting, I engaged to some text-chats on life updating. A friend reminded me that 42 is still ‘early’ considering Colonel Sanders started KFC at 66. Good enough. We had a long text-chat after that trigger. He’s my Sister’s friend in university. Six years apart from me, I guess. We exchanged books we read and more about his new habit of cycling to 22-km-away office. Ah so nice.

My Jakarta staffs sent me a really warm messages. I told the girls how I’ve missed them. For a second, I thought about having them here some time for holiday. And the boys… One sent a deep message. The other sent funny one. It’s very them! So authentic.

I got some phone calls too. I felt like a birthday girl. I am today!!

So it’s really a big day for me because I received a huge birthday present from... myself. A present that changes the way I move. My dear Cherokee is here with me! I could not believe my eyes when I saw the car in the shipping trailer and before too long it parked in front of Pallava. Hey, this is a perfect home!

As predicted, I had busy afternoon. Washed the car in car-wash service then ran to get ready for an early evening with Balinese girlfriends. I had managed to get things done without car but today I felt like I didn’t have enough time to prepare having guests at home. I didn’t have idea what kind of food I should prepare!

Apparently, like the other day at Yumi’s birthday, a birthday celebration a la Bali is really simple. Mbo Yan brought a delicious black-forest birthday cake with candles, I had crackers, fruits, and drinks. And that’s it! My idea to get a delivery dinner was turned down (although actually I needed). For three hours I unintentionally learned to comprehend what they were talking about. Like Javanese, they hardly spoke Indonesian. It was not hard though especially when they’re talking about things I know. I shared with them their pictures so it was fun. I’m happy that I made quite a lot of pictures at Ayu’s wedding since pictures her family took turned out burned (of I don’t have idea how).

I felt a bit nauseous after they left. Masuk angin. I had a different feeling of the day but for sure... I had a great day!

Photos of my birthday cake and my huge present!

Inspiration

Keeping a blog is tough especially a life journey blog like mine. And more because of my style too. I share my feelings openly that many don’t brave. I like to call my blog as my mental-health meter. A meter for loved ones who care about me, and for myself!

Learning that I could also feel lonesome, a friend wrote me an email the other day. She suggested me to stop listening to melancholy music like Sting, classical, and yoga music. Hm.. Sting? I told her that Sting’s music actually lifts me up, or better say, it’s inspiring because of the richness of the music and the lyrics. She suggested me to listen to electronic music with such beat to make my heart beat hikes up. But, yes, I see her point of not drawing myself into deeper well of loneliness. With her trekking spirit, she gave me an idea to drive into small villages and feel the nature some times. Hm. We have different ways to distract mind but I will consider her advice.

So I was haunted by her suggestions it seems. Not about the music that can drag me more into doldrums, but more of the concept of not letting my mood affected by things I listen or… read. I found the latter yesterday. I was reading The Post-birthday World the past week. This book is so popular last year about a woman living in two worlds: with 8-year life partner and a man who wants to marry her, that have polar opposites. Suddenly I felt tired learning the circumstance she is in. This is scarier than melancholy music. I decided to quit reading the 600-page book at page 220. I just don’t want to add more issues to ponder into my head. I need an inspiring piece.

Today I did what I postponed doing yesterday. Visiting Ketut, my ex-staff in Pallava. He’s a successful businessman now -- two years after he resigned from Pallava. I must say, I’m proud of him. He’s often in my discourse when I talked about business in Ubud. He’s a good example. I’d intended to visit him since long and the past few days I had strong urge to see him soon. We are colleagues now.

I visited him in his second shop in a year in the business. Two hundred square meters including three bedrooms, small living, bathroom, and toilet for guest. Yes, he lives in the back of the gallery with his Japanese girlfriend and a nephew who also helps out in the business. I looked around with wow feeling especially when he talked about how much money he has invested. Ah. Wow! He thanked me many times for the lesson he learned while he’s working with me for (only) six months. I realized now, it must be tough working with me but it’s good that he could benefit in such a short period.

I don’t have issue about he builds business using my suppliers. He’s done better than me! He told me that I should not have ‘quitted’ because the copycat shops have earned a fortune since I left the business. Within two years, a shop has becomes eight because of my idea to present the art. I smiled. I told him that I’m happy to have brought a new breeze in Ubud. Even watching him grow has made me proud and happy too! I like the idea of keep inventing and creating new things. He agrees with me. Copycat should not stop us but on the contrary.

I was still amazed by his success story. How my ideas have become a real business in Ubud and surroundings. Apart from those eight shops owned by a businessman, there are more similar shops around Monkey Forest now. Ketut suggested me to do price survey. Hm.. Good idea. I haven't been attracted to enter those shops because I have a similar one. Wrong! Especially now as I’m going to enter an art business again, I should start walking the shops again.

So we talked over nasi campur lunch about Ubud night life, working in hotel, and funny enough now I learned how to do business from him (creating network and tipping). We motor biked downtown after lunch. Checking out my future shop and our competitors along Monkey Forest road. It was a nice meeting on running motorbike. He is so inspiring. My flame lights up!

When I walked back home, I know, this is my place!

Photo of Ketut in front of his second shop today.

Giving

I got up with an idea. I like getting up with purpose. It energized me although I didn’t sleep long enough. It was a nice morning. Oh here, any morning is nice. I’m lucky.

I spent all morning eating my procrastinate frog. It has bogged me down since long that I haven’t spent time to select pictures I made and print them out for friends in Ubud. I like taking pictures and notice that people enjoyed being photographed. They would appreciate the printout too I’m sure. So I went through my external hard-disk to dig out pictures I have from last year while recalling what events I might miss.

I think I know why I’d postponed doing for so long. It consumes my time that I could not spare time to do when having other thing that needs immediate action. I took my time this morning as I’d decided to get this done today. I felt the need to give more of my time for others. Actually, I also learned more about Mac features and the way SD-card works. So to extract 80 pictures, I spent about four hours! Searching, selecting, manipulating, and copying to SD-card. Uh… But I feel light now, like a piece of stone has been lifted. Great!

I'd had great plan for today actually, aside from printing out pictures, but had to cancel because of the rain. It’s too late too when I intended to go out after noon time. Well actually none is too late in Ubud. This little place is alive from early to late. Mm no. I want to spend Sunday like others, at home!

So I’m happy for many reasons at the moment. I have Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women (that I bought simply because of the 50% off) with me. I read it every day at random. This morning I encountered one about “Write a letter and find out where you stand”. Ah, that says what I did and do recently. Sometimes I stared at my empty Inbox wondering what’s happening with all emails I sent. Most of them are gone to black hole. Appreciation, sharing, and notification emails. Now I know at least I have a purpose to keep writing –to find out where I stand.

I also read from the book about “Take time for yourself”, not busying mind with planning since get up but start slowly with stretching body, writing, reading inspirational book while having first drink. Spare at least half an hour before other members of the house get up. As I live by myself, I must have that first half an hour anytime I get up. I reckon I’m still struggling with the guilty feeling if I don’t have plan for the day. Fiery horse, a friend often called me.

Again about my coming birthday. Oh so nice to be reminded every day that a day to celebrate will come soon. My cousin Aga thought I’m preparing my birthday party. Well, I’m going to celebrate my ‘giving’ first today…

Photo of a pavement in Jalan Bisma, Ubud.

Transition

A friend reminded me my coming birthday. Ah… I consider other people’s birthday important but not mine. It got me thinking. Yesterday my cousins called and asked about my plan for my birthday. They really want to fly up to my place and celebrate with me. Again, it’s a very nice gesture people show that I should not turn down.

Well, I like to say that it would be nice to pick a day in a year to celebrate life. Birthday is the right day for that. I enter a new phase of life this year and my 42nd birthday would be perfect to mark the transition. What a number to celebrate a transition! Very easy to be associated with mid-life crisis. I hardly thought about the hormonal crisis I might face soon, I better enjoy my still stable hormone now but keeping aware that it’s coming… it’s coming!

Hm… ya, now I’m thinking to celebrate my transition.. I mean my birthday. It must be quiet because no one knows my birthday in Ubud. Only Mbo Yan I guess. Well, I don’t plan now. But yes, inside I will celebrate it!

I feel rich the past few days as many friends and relatives have reached out. It seems that I’ve been away too long now. I read in My Yahoo! just now about my today’s horoscope that helps me defining:

“Today, you'll be able to experience someone's feelings for you in a new way. Something they say or do will reveal a side of themselves that they seldom, if ever, let other people see. They trust you, and they think that it is time you knew that. Do not leap to any huge conclusions -- just take things at face value, process what you have learned, and feel flattered that such a wonderful person thinks that you are such a wonderful person, too! Share something in return, if you can.”

Yes!

I shared a half day witnessing Ayu’s transition from being single to wife. I went to Kintamani, her husband’s kampong, with Mbo Yan and my ex-staff Ayu. It was a nice trip with nice driver, Ketut Nadi, not with Ana my usual driver since he’s busy in his temple. I was a bit car sick because of my empty stomach and the winding road. The kampong is further off Kintamani, we had to pass a long hard-soil road in the middle of orange trees, plus walking in the middle of huge grass (rumput gajah) to reach the house.

We arrived just in time before the formal ceremony started. It’s so nice to listen to pemangku’s tinkling bell while greeting Ayu and the family. They recognized me as tamu (foreigner) so I looked around and realized that even in Bali outfit I still looked… out of league. I studied the youngsters. Aah…

I watched the ceremony in the sun and had lunch in a tent later. It was a nice lunch prepared by the neighbors. It’s Balinese way of holding a family occasion that becomes the whole community’s business. The ceremony was held near the family temple with people sitting surrounded the place. It’s a relaxed ceremony I felt. People chatted, kids with ice cream sat by the wedding couple, and dogs were all over near the offerings (with yum huge roasted ducks). The flies too. Mbo Yan said that there’s a mantra to prevent flies from a ceremony. Wow!

I learned more about Balinese marriage on the way back. The banjar administration doesn’t issue a legal/formal letter as marriage registration. The ceremony is the formal registration. So I was wondering about separation in Bali. Obviously no separation in Bali! Since the wives belong to the husbands’ compound after marriage, so if a wife is upset and leaves the compound, the husband has options to pick her up or to forget her. The latter is the separation a la Bali. But it’s very rare that wives become upset if the husbands take other wives! Mbo Yan thinks it’s because Balinese women are financially and emotionally independent. I agree but to me it’s also about women's (sort of) dedication to the community. It’s kind of a point-of-no-return once a woman decides to leave her compound to marry and belong to the husband’s compound. I told Mbo Yan the other day how tough to be a Balinese woman, no room to make mistake.

Ah so many things to learn from a transition – whatever shape and stage. It’s interesting!

Photo of us today.

Comfort

Darling, I missed you already! A friend hugged me when we parted the other day. Now it’s my turn to be the one who leaves. I have experienced many good-byes to friends who moved out of Indonesia the past seven years. If I were given an option to choose, I thought I would choose to be the one who stays because staying means do not leave a comfort zone. Now I know the feeling. Having a journey waiting to be traveled is different.

Three friends called yesterday. We chatted like we were in the same city. Thank to the technology. A friend flew from KL and missed seeing me in Jakarta. She had planned it for months and really hoped to fit my Jakarta schedule. The other simply missed me around but she will fly to see me in my new life next week. She intends to celebrate my birthday! What a sweet plan she has! And my long time Indonesian friend sounded sad when I told her that my car is on the way to Ubud. It’s like I’ve brought down the curtain on my life in Jakarta. It might sound right but hey I have passed a good friend to be hers now. We are bigger now!

My friend cared and asked me curiously with whom I had lunch. I recalled my lunch and felt glad to realize that I had lunch with people I know! I might not know them all personally but we know each other by face as we are regular customers of the restaurant. That’s more than enough, we have something in common as life traveler. A luxury I don’t enjoy in Jakarta. How many times in a year I met the same patrons at the same restaurant? Unless I brought the familiar faces with me.

So, yes, I decided to walk out my comfort zone. A comfort zone is more a zone where I feel familiar but not necessarily comfort. I realized yesterday after learning that my car is on the way to be with me, my, I’m living a new life! New! How scary the word is… I become more aware of what I have gained and lost at the same time. I have left Paris Hilton lifestyle behind and enter a much simpler life. That’s not scary but living without familiarity is something. I’m glad I’m survived.

I made a significant progress with my life in Ubud today. I checked out Pallava storage to identify what I need for the new shop. I set up a way to help an orphanage in Klungkung. I subscribed to a wireless internet connection with one of the largest providers in the country. I really hope it will work well when it connects on Monday then it could cut half the cost of my connection now.

So I have decided some 'important' things today. It’s kind of not an easy time for me still to live by myself: to consider and to decide fully on my own. I felt hopelessly lonesome last night. I keep telling myself that I should and would be fine. I read this morning about being a single and living with a family, both are different circumstances that can’t be compared. Often people feel trapped to a circumstance and imagine living the other circumstance. I don’t know which is better, all I know is I need to feel comfortable with whatever circumstance I’m in.

Photo of my new ‘altar’ in the Ubud House with a Fire Horse ready to go into action.

Routine

I got up to my routine. I stayed in bed for awhile, drawing up my day. Nothing came out. Lying on my tummy, I looked out the window above the headboard. My ritual when I could not figure out my day. Morning in the front yard often gives me ideas. Strange.

I enjoyed melting to my want yesterday but I couldn’t keep that too long. I have to make progress and that needs a bit of discipline. I looked around the room and realized that I hadn't completed unpacking. I had clothes from laundry and travel bag piled up on a chair. My books were scattered on the kilim. Time to reset, to start the day tidy.

I had this thought while washing dishes this morning: how routine has made us numb or deprived of responsiveness. Simple example. I’m not a snack person but in Ubud I become one as I don’t have meal regularly. I need to nibble something in between unscheduled meals. As I haven’t mastered (yet) selecting snack, I'm prone to select the same familiar snack --like a routine in supermarket-- until I realize later that actually I have had enough of the taste! It might be a bit too late then because I already have some two packs in the stock.

The same robotic routine also applies to something else like responding promptly to people. Nothing bad about it and I would like to keep it as habit. I just notice that the same habit doesn't apply to many people. People communicate through mind more, not real expression. I face similar problem with Ana, my driver, lately. He knows that I hardly failed to keep my schedule and he also knows that he never missed delivering his service so he replies less or nothing at all to my inquiry. Asking him his plan is already like an order for him mungkin so he doesn’t bother to confirm as he will show up promptly as I have asked. I appreciate that but what if technology fails us that actually he never gets my message? How would I know? It seems I have to start calling him instead of texting. And not applying the same motto No news is good news Mama and I share about the way we communicate. So funny efficient.

Things are not gone the way I planned because Ngurah, my staff, is still off. It’s fine. I walked downtown at high noon! It was h o t ! I loved it though. I liked to feel that I’m healthy. I was thinking to rent a bicycle to try out my endurance but later I realized that I wouldn’t stand the heat more, not the contour of the road. So again I dropped an alternative to vehicle. Sigh.

Ubud is still quiet. I enjoyed many groups of young kids playing Barong. It’s an activity they do during Galungan holiday. Two kids are wearing the Barong and the rest ten to twelve kids are playing percussion instruments. They walk from one place to another performing Barong dance and of course expecting tips from the audience. Not for earning, more for fun. They are cute. Some groups wear uniform, some are just relaxed, but one thing I like they all wear traditional outfit with sarong and udeng (headband). Very nice.

It's nearing the end of the day, I made a little progress on the business side. Do I need to create a new routine on this side?

Photo of a Barong group I saw today.

Holiday

Galungan day. Very special day for the Balinese. They dress up and go to village temple in the morning and family temple later. Many businesses in Ubud resume after 10 o’clock but businesses in villages are closed for two days or to Monday next week. Government offices are the same, they had shorter hours yesterday, holiday these two days, and ‘sandwiched day’ (if a holiday falls on a Thursday, Friday is always a holiday too).

I read in A Blurb Kulture [sic] Kid column in Bali Advertiser this morning about “Bali’s relaxed timeframes are summed up by the humorous Indonesian acronym for the island: ‘Ba-li’ (Banyak Libur), ‘meaning many holidays’. Any excuse for a holiday it seems.”

Having lived in other part of Indonesia before, I didn’t realize this holiday culture. Of course I know that Balinese have zillions of important days in a year because some important days are repeated monthly and six-monthly; but obviously they also take the official Indonesian holidays. So imagine American offices in Bali that also observe official American holidays like in office I used to work ten years ago. Three official holidays in a year!

Further in the column:

“Balinese spend a large portion of their lives waiting. Well, at least, that is how we see it. It may be trying to get things done at government offices, anticipating the arrival of a priest at ceremonies, starting a gamelan practice, or simply sitting on the side of the road ‘waiting’ for something to happen – for many, Balinese patience seems to know no boundaries.”

Well, as I don’t have business with government offices (as yet) I don’t have the experience of achieving little progress with the office. I follow a friend who has to deal with government offices. A signature has to wait for: the completion of the regulation change, the out-of-town training, the New Year family holiday, the completion of local government election, and of course the Balinese holidays. Happy birthday! Live with the Balinese patience would be the best.

I decided to stay home today. The usual first day in Ubud. Actually I unintentionally followed ‘acceptance and surrender’ Tolle mentions in his book Stillness Speaks. My excuse of not doing things I don’t feel like doing at the moment. Tolle says:

“Can you detect even the slightest element within yourself of not wanting to be doing what you are doing? That is a denial of life, and so a truly successful outcome is not possible.

If you can detect this within yourself, can you also drop it and be total in what you do?”

Smile. Yes, I unpacked artworks I brought from Jakarta slowly since last night. I don’t unpack them if I haven’t known where I’m going to place. I’m happy to see Ubud House becomes more home with artwork and personal framed photographs. In between unpacking, I browsed websites for friends who need information on business in Bali. A friend from Jakarta is serious about starting a small-scale villa-compound with time-share management. So both of us have to learn the principle of the business. We are complete novices in the field. Not my plan that I become a resource for real estate and merchandise businesses in Bali. I’m most happy to help though.

Ubud was so hot that my chocolate bar melts. I don’t let myself melting but I melt into my wants. It’s holiday!

Photo of Ubud House’s shrine that has been decorated for today.

Time

I had a nice day with friends yesterday, worked a bit and had fun chatting. In this limited time and space, I treasure my meeting with friends more and more. Catching up; sharing ideas, dreams, and plans; and trying not to gossip. Just share real and positive things.

From the meeting, I learn something. I found out that I’m touched easily by kindness, I don’t weep over unpleasant things. I also learned to trust more in the power of time. I could not be luckier to have decided to move on with my life now –not five years or a decade earlier. My friends had similar experience with time in handling their life decisions. We liked the idea of waiting for a resolution to the last minute, till the dust settles down, then time sort it out.

I also learned more about my country culture while sharing ideas for some events in the Heritage. My friend explained about her life as orang Banjar (in Borneo) that has unique way to ‘measure’ success through accumulated material. It’s not easy for me to imagine living such life. It feels like artificial to me. I believe there’s a goodness in the idea though, later I found the positive side of such lifestyle. It drives people to earn more and have pride of what they have achieved. The upsize spirit. Wow!

What a lesson I learn! I know vaguely about this kind of culture in many parts of Indonesia, as I don’t practice myself I don’t realize the vast impact on the way people live. Pawnshops become busy as the women have to show off different style of gold jewelry in society occasions for the sake of family's pride. Hm. I’m glad that I feel relaxed meeting people without a single diamond, not even a gram of gold. I merely need a good junk market to show off. I still have to learn many aspects of Indonesia culture beside the complicated Bali way of life.

Before the meeting ended, I gathered a piece of important information about other close friends. No gossip, it’s a fact. It’s painful but it helps me to understand why some friends disappear from my life. Obviously, life issues have effects on the way we relate to others. I could not understand more. I’ve been through such a difficult period as mature woman, so I know the feeling inside. Everything has its own time. I will send them good energy.

My trip to Ubud was fabulous. I flew an extra flight. The time was right. I got in Ubud at 2 o’clock. I still had time to enjoy the sun downtown while having lunch and writing. Bali was quiet because today is Penampahan Galungan or a day before Galungan day. Like Eid in Islam, Galungan is also a day to celebrate the winning of self dharma (kindness). People fixed a single (not a pair) penjor in front of houses or business places to mark the celebration. Each household creates their own penjor so many people were busy decorating their places. I enjoyed the variety of the decoration: some are simple, some are pretty and merry. Oh, I feel very much at home here.

Photo of Galungan penjor in Jalan Raya Ubud I took today.

Excitement

I got up happy. Nice to feel this way in… Jakarta! Although I didn’t have plan what I would do but I felt enthusiastic to face the day. I had a nice day yesterday. A day without plan. I successfully imported some 40 CDs into my iTunes library while doing many things else. In the evening I spent nice time with friends I rarely met. It’s friends of friend wedding followed by short chitchat in a bar. I’ve known the clique two years so I’ve taken them into my collection of friends. Fun singles.

I started the day tidying up computer: checked up software updates, updated them, installed Skype I meant to do since long, and reactivate my old blog blumuse. It's blog I used to use to keep articles of my interests (culture, people, places) that might be useful for others. I revamp the blog to be the home of my new interest: life in Ubud! I hid irrelevant articles and added some new I found recently. More coming!

Later the day I realize why I feel excited since morning. It’s going to be my last day in Jakarta! Well, I still have tomorrow but it will be a day full of meetings. One has booked my time two weeks ago, one just now, plus I've asked two friends’ time as I might not have a chance to meet in the next two months (after more than a month of not seeing each other). Time and space become more limited.

Anyway, in this trip I will take some artworks and photographs to warm my place in Ubud. I won’t take many clothes as I left all I brought the last time. Surely I need my wardrobe to be expanded soon but that can wait. I need a nice huge bookshelf first for my ever expanding book collection. Hm… So many things to think, so excited!

For my approaching birthday, I got an idea to treat myself! I’m visualizing this is do-able!

Photo of terracotta brick in Keraton Kasepuhan, Cirebon.

Preferences

Why didn’t you call me? I asked a relative who just passed turbulent emotions some years ago. I liked her answer --thing I knew but could not define. I didn’t call you because I know you could be my fire fighter. At that time, I badly needed fuel to have bigger flame. Aha! Since then I pay attention to what I need when in turbulent emotions. Fire fighter or fuel. Actually, it’s not easy to decide who is which so sharing becomes challenging as we don’t know what feeling we can end up with.

There were times when I just shared what bothered me without care about my exposure to the fuel (the dangerous side). That has passed. I have entered a quiet moment for quite a long time now. Some times I found myself a bit tired being the fuel and fire fighter at the same time, or alternately, but I didn’t dare to appoint other. Like tested the water, I tried again yesterday. I blurted out to a friend without careful consideration although I know “my rule", I even checked the rules I have it written on my laptop screen while mumbling. I had ignored it, I continued. Glad I hit the wall in the end. How strange I could be when having turbulent emotions and that makes me feel bad. I better return to my safe cave I’ve been the past months.

I played Robbie Williams DVD again in the morning. I needed mood uplift. Williams has voice with character, of course, but he also has charisma. He is funny and intelligent. I enjoy the way he presents himself, he knows that he does very well. Very entertaining yet inspiring.

Anyway, my morning has given me a good mirror. I dared myself to import music from CD to my Mac. Dare? I encountered stuck CD some times since I used the new Mac. As I’m in Jakarta now I better give it another try. It’s impossible for me to live without keep expanding my music library. The first CD I slotted got stuck, no process. So the second. I consulted Help as I like to do. Go to Preferences. Advanced. Deselect and select. You know what? It works with the new settings! Apparently the same setting doesn’t necessarily work in all laptops. Why? Do we need to know the secret of the Universe?

Hey, I found the moral of deselect and select in the Preferences. I should do the same procedure in my life: go to Preferences, deselect and select, then see how the new setting works. But first, check the Help to get an idea.

Photo of a sign in a knife shop in Ubud.

Replenish

Last night I watched Oprah interviewing four “other women". It’s interesting because it’s not the interview of the wives whose husbands have the other women. Anyway, I watched it with full attention because this is the side that I'd like to research.

Four women: two housewives and two smart singles. Three women stopped the relationship (after two and seven years), one continues (been eight years). All have different reasons of why they start and end. The three felt that they had fallen into the same ‘trap’, they didn’t know that they dealt with married men at first. And later, they felt like they were the best-est --atop the best wives at home. They knew it’s wrong but could not stop admiring the painting the men drew because it’s the right painting with the perfect color combination. The battle in them ended eventually after they realized more that they had hurt the 'other women' (read: wives). And on top of that, they felt that the men had manipulated them. They all regretted they’d let themselves into such situation for a long time. Even Oprah admitted her regret about being involved with married man when she was in her twenties. She said that she still carry the feeling to now. Wow!

That’s a nice ending although one took seven years to come to the realization. Actually I focused more (also Oprah I saw) on the one who still continues the affair. It’s an amazing way to see life as a free woman. She doesn’t care about the wife's feeling. She doesn’t want to know how she looks like, how she treats the husband, even the name. She completely separates her life from the other life her boyfriend has. And strange enough, she already has the relationship before her boyfriend married. I knew what Oprah’s next question. Why didn’t he marry you? Then a complicated explanation flowed freely. The essence is she only focus on her life that she is happy sharing 'half life' with this man so she doesn’t have to care about the rest of the world. She takes her chance, she said. Wow… No one speaks about ethic these days.

I understand more the importance of using good sense in any situation. I negotiated the rent of Frangipani space with the daughter of the landowner today. It was a smooth negotiation because she’s smart to know my business situation. I ask her to each of us think about a win-win solution in this situation. I haven't expressed my plan to end the contract but have asked for their lenience for the next term. I felt it a bit tough because the family wants me to stay but I don’t feel like continuing the business. I didn’t share with her the why. Anyway, I felt I have used my good sense but later I thought I might still lose. If they like me so much, they would accept my offer, and that’s what I don’t want. Now I just hope they really need a large sum of money upfront that I could not afford.

It’s good that I spent all afternoon with a girlfriend I just knew last mid year. I followed her life for a while after having nice Malaysian lunch she brought from Singapore. She showed me her house that tells about her and her family a lot. I found out we both have such disorder. I think that has clicked us together since our Singapore trip last year. She has great ideas for clothing, her China blue-ceramic jewelry is unique, and later I found out she’s involved in documentary movie making (her son’s job) and a sound-design studio she supports. She just set up a homy spa too! She took me to the spa and studio to meet her friends. It’s a new world for me!

Glad I took my friend’s suggestion to enjoy my time with a good friend to replenish. I’m lucky to have spent time with this wonderful lady whose big house in Jimbaran, Bali, was destroyed by a big fire last September. I liked to find her cool, calm, and collected when shared about what she lost in the fire. Antiques from Asia! Being with her almost five hours, I managed to replenish my energy that had been drained by a mixed thought since morning --plus the negotiation. She has offered me a good mirror. The world is larger than I've thought.

Photo of an installation at Gaya Fusion, Ubud.

Tight

Second morning in Jakarta. I didn’t have plan. Hm. I only have one agenda: stock up grocery. I tried to make several appointments to secure my agenda for tomorrow. Two more important things to do: banking and negotiating Frangipani space rent. Having contacted several people, I realize that in Jakarta even for talking on the phone we are encouraged to make an appointment. Of course I understand because I also like to give full attention when talking on the phone.

Anyway, things can also be done through phone here. My bank account manager sent the document for me to sign so it saves me a trip tomorrow. Uh nice. I only have one left then. To maximize my trip to Kemang, I checked on my Singapore bazaar friend who lives in the area. We have tried to see each other since long but her life in three cities – and mine in two – have made it difficult. Good timing. She invited me to lunch in her house tomorrow.

It was a hot day. I sat in the car long time not knowing what happen with the traffic. Jakarta changes so fast: traffic and construction. I have to study the traffic every time I come and new buildings? Uh it pops in any unimaginable corners. You would never be bored here, there’s always time to enjoy new buildings from the slow traffic. Speaking of time, in Ubud I have all the time to eat and I don’t eat, here I want to eat and don’t have the time. So nice to live in a full of surprise city (some times). Learn every day.

I shopped for two-month supply this time. It’s part of my delegation in Jakarta house. Another benefit of being in a slow traffic, I have time to design new management here and there. Little time makes me productive.

It seems that my writing doesn’t flow today. I just watched The Secret DVD that confirms many that have happened to me recently. Now I’m watching Robbie Williams show at the Albert Hall. And my mind is on the new book I bought today, The Post-Birthday World, NY Times choice. Not enough room for more..

Photo of a sign in a vihara in Cirebon. The washbasin is for washing fruit only.

Cool

Would love to have a chat as I would love to know what you’re up to. A friend sent me the text message. She’s my good friend but we’re not that close. So I was a bit… Later she explained that she would like me to meet her two girls that come from Europe on the way to Australia to work. Simply because she thinks I’m a cool lady. I could not help laughing while getting my hair color. I must say she herself is cool. Cool mom who raises four young adult kids and still looks like a young mom. Nice!

So it’s cool that I ticked at least two items off the list this morning. I talked with my staffs about the plan to downsize Jakarta business plus the new management and arrangement that follow. They shared me feedback and will help calculating cost to close down Frangipani and keep the workshop. Now I’m thinking about when I can meet Frangipani landowner as I don’t have many days left.

I realize that my plans changed by hour. Plan to stay longer, then to leave earlier. Plan to fly here then there, then to fly other route. Plan to exchange old car with new one, then want to keep the old one, and change mind again, now I leave it hanging. And as I like to plan out loud, my friends thought I’m anxious. It’s just nice to share a plan, how initial, so can also help me fixing it.

Anyway, it comes to me that having a little time in Jakarta is nice. I then use the time efficiently and push myself to "just do it" because there might be no other time, I mean the next time could be as short as two months. My Melbourne friend and I will only have one day overlap in Jakarta next month. She’s going to stay a month, I’m going to leave a month. So we have made a deal to fix a meet-up on that only day. Just now I got an email from my friend in KL whom I haven’t seen years, we will miss each other as she can only come two days after I leave for Ubud next week. Well, that’s our life now. A friend who’s been a regular visitor of Jakarta airport thinks that teleporting would be a nice idea. Cool!

So I end my day the Jakarta way: sitting in a crowded café with free wireless connection after office hours. This café is a popular meeting point for a group of people in business. They gather in tables of four or eight with laptops. Unlike in Ubud, here they are all dressed up. I met my friends from office for ‘business’ and life update. And when we walked out the Chinese restaurant after dinner, shops were closing. Me too close my eleven hours on the road.

Photo of a signboard in the main road of Ubud. What other services you can think of?

Battle

My friend is right. I have to also do what I don’t feel like to do so I know that I don’t want to do. I was feeling a bit disturbed by my resistance to going back to Jakarta the past few days. I kept asking myself what am I going to do there? Except four friends who have set the time to meet me, I (thought I) have nothing to do.

As the time to leave went closer this morning, I’m glad to finally find a way to ease my feeling. I didn’t have much time for myself as I had to do a ritual to ‘close’ the house. Take the bedding off, roll the floor wears, and sort out laundry. Like meditation, the ritual gives me time to find my own insight: I need to go to Jakarta so I can do more in Ubud! Consider sending car to Ubud, do banking, negotiate space with Frangipani land-owner, talk with Jakarta staffs to prepare them for a new management,… I become excited! I have a purpose!

After two hours of delayed flight, I got in Jakarta tired and flat. I had almost an eight-hour trip. I had one good hour in the car from Ubud to Denpasar airport, I had a nice flashback of what I’ve done during my one-month stay and a productive visualization of what I’m going to do next. And in the one supposed-to-be-good hour in the car from Jakarta airport to house, I had nothing left in my mind. The traffic had sucked my energy. I just closed eyes to preserve whatever left. I realize the meaning of back and forward. Going to Jakarta has a going-back feeling but I want to divert it into a moving-forward spirit. Hm.. the battle is still on. Smile!

Anyway, in the morning my teenage staff sent me a text message asking when I will be in Jakarta also she let me know about no tofu and tempeh available as the producers and vendors began a three-day strike to protest the rocketing price of soybeans. I didn’t have idea. No such news in CNN site I check every morning. So cute.

Guess what I did the first time I walked into the house! Checking calendar!? I was on my way when Ana, my driver, sent me a text message suggesting me to return to Ubud before the 23th, the Galungan day. I asked him what’s up then. If you have time, come to my house. Ah?!

The battle keeps going…

Photo of my way out from Ubud House this morning.

Original

I’m entering a dangerous state at the moment. The first sign is I feel painful to collect my stuffs to take back to Jakarta. I almost forgot how it feels to pack up stuffs before traveling. The second and important sign is I feel comfortable by myself.

It was raining all morning but nothing could stop me from going out. At 8:00 o’clock I was all ready. I had had my fruit and yoga. What a speedy morning! It seems that a day with a lot of inspirations has been waiting for me. It starts with a simple idea. I wore $1 white tee I bought in Pasar Ubud. The design is jadul – that’s how Jakarta youngsters say to describe an outdated (jaman dulu) thing. I heard this jadul tee (actually it's 1970s souvenir tee) becomes popular again since a beautiful movie star wearing it in public (not in bed as sleepwear). I learned that from a friend who bought many of this tee for her nieces. It caught my attention since then. My teenage staffs loved it when I bought for them. And later I also found out that I also love it! I wear it my own way. I make a knot on the side to make it tight but then show part of hip. This simple idea leads to more ways to explore the jadul tee including turn it to be a cushion cover (still in my imagination). I also got a similar idea for creative paintings that are a lot in the market.

Anyway, my trip downtown is to take measure and pictures of the future shop. I want to take homework to Jakarta. It’s nice to have something to think while I’m away to connect myself with Ubud. I didn’t spend long in the shop. I roamed the road more to observe what style and color of shops in the area. Jalan Hanuman is the area where many Japanese walk therefore many shops are in such style with white and pale finish. Many Japanese own shops in this area too. Yumi, the salon owner, has one that sells natural soap made in Bali. Cute little soaps with nice package and label. Very Japanese. Other shop I went in today owned by a Japanese couple living in Japan now. The shop is 100% run by the Balinese keeper. By the way, the shop sells clothing for dogs! A la Bali. I could also find my jadul tee style for dogs. So original! The business runs well, she said.

I pondered about the importance to have an original idea, even simple, in this tight competition. While having lassi and banana cake, I read a local magazine about an Australian-Indonesian couple that open the first (they claim) condom shop in Indonesia. The shop specializes in rubber only. They are proud of the new durian-flavored rubber that they don’t expect has its own fans. Original eh? So original that they don’t mind to have business that “only” collect $0.30 per item. Unlike selling art that can fetch more than $300 per item. Hm?

I walked home through other route. I got another idea. Tote bag! I believe I’m not alone, girls like tote bags so much. I met an Ibu who makes tote bags using natural material. It has made me exploring my creativity to make the bags look different. This too, then, becomes my homework so I can start to order as soon as I return to Ubud. Ah I’m so excited about the bubbling ideas!

Now I realize more the need to walking downtown. I have told myself to keep the regime even I have a car later and remembering one thing:

Be original!

Photo of my future shop as it looks today.

Impermanence

This too shall pass.

I awoke with the remembrance of my lost friends. Lost? Ya. Friends who simply disappear from my life. Silently. I used to recall friends I have gained and lost before the end of a year as part of evaluating my own life. I did last month but it seems I haven’t done with it. It still lingers on me to now. Today I will make myself ready to stop worrying about it. Worry? Merely an observation.

Paredes’ site has brought me back to the notion of impermanence. That we are only spectators to what comes and goes in our life. Friends, relatives, youth, ambition, wealth, gains, and losses as listed by Paredes. Don’t take it personally, that’s what they say, as this too will pass. Nice reminder.

I prefer to cherish my new friends who are staying with me in my new situation. The nice thing about my new friends is because they are not people I just got acquainted, they are actually my long time friends that have returned. Reaching out through phone calls, emails, and many other ways. That’s what I treasure more these days.

So I have started making budget for my future shop. I’m so excited to start the new venture: searching for a name, designing for revamp, selecting stuffs and imagining the display,… Like any new relationship, this is energizing. This too shall pass? Like any positive relationship, I want to keep the energy as long as possible.

While keeping the upsizing spirit, I plan not to invest in an 'ideal' shop interior with perfectly sharp walls and tiles. I take this as a challenge to my creativity to turn the shabby place into something chic but cheap in cost. This is going to be fun. I have some eight weeks to plan and some two weeks to kick it to happen before opening in April. Keep projecting…

Ubud is noticeably quiet after the New Year. This too, I hope, will pass soon. People who have been in business here and in Jakarta still cherish the days when tourists poured in all seasons, when making $25,000 a month was common. That too has passed. In business, no state is permanent. The only thing that stays the same is… the real you.

Photo of a fish-satay seller in Penestanan entrance that has been years in the business: the same place, the same two hours, the same tendances, almost sure about the same customers too.

Five

My lucky day. I was aware that I awoke with smile! This is rare. I sat in bed abruptly and looked out the window. It’s still semi dark outside. I was also aware that I felt light. It wasn’t 6:00 o’clock then.

It works. What? The other day I came across a nice book in the web, Five Good Minutes series, about using just five minutes of mindfulness, relaxation, or imagery techniques during our morning routine, to set our intention and greet the day feeling calm, centered, and energized. I didn’t buy the book, I only read the summary in the site. Yea, what an idea to pause before the day starts and ends.

Actually, I took 50 (!) minutes before sleep last night. It was over midnight. The stillness was perfect. I sat cross-legged on my white bed (the spare bed in the living room that I dress all white). I didn’t know what to do but I felt like emptying mind and opening it up to a new way to see life. I’ve been using my head a lot since I was born (I’m afraid). It’s so thick that one could easily notice of me. In both love and business, I use my head more that many have suggested me to learn to also see things with heart in dealing with both spheres. Fine.

As I didn’t know what I was up to, I ended up planning to punish myself for staying home too long. I had to go out, meet people, explore ideas, and do survey space for shop in Monkey Forest. I closed eyes and listened to the rhythmic cricket sound. My chant. I visualized myself walking in Jalan Hanuman. Ah time to sleep. It’s close to 2:00 o’clock then.

I took five good minutes before starting the day this morning. With smile. Again, I unintentionally visualized Jalan Hanuman. I started the day tidying my messy two-door closets then doing hard yoga with weight lifting. I felt really good listening to Sting preaching all morning. And before too long I found myself listening to Ayu's lecture on reincarnation in Hindu while doing my nails. Hindu believes that we become a better person if we were good in the past life but that doesn’t guarantee us to reborn as a good person again. In any life we are in, we have to make effort to stay good. Niceness is not given for free. If we don’t pass the life test then gone our chance to be a better person in the next life. And so on.

Like always, my presence in the salon is like magnet. Two Japanese clients walked in and demanded Ayu’s time. Ayu knows that I wouldn’t mind getting a quick service so she could move onto next clients. But this time she had an idea, she got Komang to massage my other leg quickly. We giggled looking at my two legs spread to different directions. It was fun. I’m happy that I still continue bringing good luck to Yumi’s salon.

Later I actually stood under trees in Jalan Hanuman observing potential vacant spaces. I called one but in five minutes the owner raised the rent by $105. My smile didn’t work. I understand. I was walking to check out a part of Jalan Hanuman that I never went and had been eager to go when Maria spotted me. My heavy pregnant supplier-cum-good friend. I hugged her New Year and we chatted in her new shop. I didn’t know she has a shop in that location.

To cut a long story short, after awhile, I become the first in priority to lease the space starting this April. She’s going to move back to her previous shop by the soccer field and still has 1.5 years contract for this new location. I quickly assess the location and the building. I couldn’t be luckier, it’s in a good location and I could revamp the place into something chic but cheap. I’m so happy to finally get a space! I thought I’d been hopeless as new shops have been mushrooming in Ubud the past two years, hardly any vacant space left. For my achievement (or luck?), I rewarded myself with two antique silver bangles from Timor I bought from Maria. Very nice. My lucky bangles.

I continued my punishing journey. I stopped by my laundry to make a mild complaint (they ruined my whites!) and a new spiritual shop owned by Australian. I love the shop. I bought a book on feng shui for new house! It seems that I still kept my morning smile when walking. People were so nice to share me instant smile while I continued taking my sesangi (promise to self) for I have gotten what I want since long. My sesangi is "something" for the Balinese because the distance between my house - Jalan Hanuman – Monkey Forest – my house is considered long. If they think the stretch is 3 kilometers no wonder I could handle it easily.

I made four stops though for lunch, juice, buying nice Japanese batik bag (still part of rewarding self), and sharing the good news with Ayu and Metri in the shop where they work. Metri has shared me the price market for lease in the areas I’m interested since I began looking so she deserves to be among the firsts to know about the good news.

Ubud was hot. I was wet under the umbrella and of walking quite briskly. I tried to practice slow movement but could not, I also needed the exercise. I kept Sting preaching in my ears. It’s so nice to have his soft hoarse voice close. Aah. I ended my five-hour journey before dark. I look forward to take evening five good minutes soon. With different visualization.

Photo of a sign in the Monkey Forest in Nyuh Kuning.

Mindfulness

Today is my third day of staying in. I was surprisingly productive. Reading and writing. I surfed quite many websites the past two days, thing I didn’t do often. It’s just nice to come across nice sites that might lead to other similar interesting sites. I'm hungry for good materials to read. I was thinking to run to the nearest bookshops to feed my hunger. If I don’t remember my... diet. I don’t need it yet.

I practiced mindfulness last night in my semi-dark living room. I just finished my evening meal (not proper enough to call it dinner) and was waiting for awhile before returned to the kitchen. I took time to enjoy the room and... my solitude. My. I feel so rich. So lucky to find the place that helps me to move forward with my life in Ubud. This energy, so precious.

Inspired by the success of the practice last night, I repeated practicing mindfulness in the morning. For me, I only have a relatively short moment in the morning to contemplate what to do first. What to do first is important for me to determine the rest of my day. I like the moment from the sun starts shining just before 6:00 o’clock till about an hour later. It's the brightest and freshest time in my studio. So it came to me this morning to tie some loose ends on money with friends and suppliers. Funny sometimes I have to be the one who wants to pay, not be paid. I don’t like to feel that I owe someone. But I also remember some outstanding debts that I also care to be settled soon. It’s just nice to have no outstanding matters.

So I’m happy with my good start in the morning. I also finalized a piece of writing that has very little personal elements, it’s more about culture, Simple -- a post before this. I’m happy with this piece, it's not every day I could compose something with only a bit of personal thought and feelings. So after published it, I sent out copy to some 18 good friends to seeking out comments. But I feel strange just a bit later! I lost confidence after sent. It’s good! I have reached a point of no return. Anyway, it’s time for my writing to reach larger readers, not keeping it too private too long. Get more exposure. The upsizing spirit.

Like magnet, just after I shared my piece, a friend asked through text message if I’m willing to do presentation about tumpeng (rice in the shape of cone for celebration in the Javanese tradition) before the APEC women next two weeks in Jakarta. I shrank. My downsizing button activates again. I realized it after I told her that I don’t feel mature enough for the topic. It’s only about rice!? What a fuss I've made! Well, I don’t know now.
Anyway, I feel light about the day. I feel that I have handled some important issues well. And before ending the day, having shower in the drizzle was perfect. I felt like having someone in the other side of wall sprinkling cold water. Mmm really nice!

Photo of a sign in a restaurant in Nyuh Kuning, Ubud.

Simple

There’s something bothering me about the way Balinese youngsters perceive the concept of starting a family. It’s none of my business of course but I would like to take the lesson of thinking simple and adopt the que sera sera principle.

I have the thought since I learned that Ayu, who works in Yumi’s salon, is a few weeks pregnant. I knew her more than a year now. A few months ago she was scared because she thought she had a miscarriage. She took pills from gynecologist to ‘end the symptom’ that I really cared. I don’t have a say about premarital ‘relationship’ but I cared about her situation at that moment. Her boyfriend was jobless. Yes, boyfriend, not husband. And her pay too was and still is just enough for a month living with mother and at least two siblings.

Ayu is the one with mother who earns less than $2 a week (!) from cleaning dried fruit for handicraft. The mother, the third wife of the late husband, has four children and Ayu, 22, is the eldest. The second, a girl, graduated from mid school and works in a spa in Monkey Forest but doesn't contribute to the family at all. The third, a girl, didn't finish elementary school and just joined Ayu working in the salon the past two months. The youngest, a boy, is still in elementary school. Ayu works to support the family. She earns about $100 (about the lowest pay after tips, can be more) per month and only spends for her own necessities about $15. The rest goes to the family and two pigs. From her I learned about the price of a top she buys at… $0.30! She said there’s a lot in the market. I must say her $0.30 top is fashionable, so hard to believe that she could get such style at the price.

Anyway, she shared the story while doing my nails a few months ago. From the story, I also learned about pig business in Bali. For the Balinese to have pigsty (with pigs) in the big family enclosure gives the small family great pride although from the business calculation I found out it’s a great loss, or simply no profit. The Balinese like to save money in the form of goods. If they plan to build a house, any extra they earn is converted into a building material. Bricks today, tiles two months later, and wood a year later. When the building starts, the bricks have already grown moss.

I asked Ayu when we met the other day how she feels about her unexpectedly expected pregnancy. Naa ini dah Mba, kepala mau pecaaah!! She expressed that she is in a big trouble but I didn’t detect any trouble in her facial expression. She’s the same cheerful Balinese youngster I know that jumps easily when got an idea. I smiled. How can I comprehend this? I need to adopt the unconditional happiness from her.

I consulted Covarrubias’ handbook on the life and traditions of Bali. It’s written in 1930 so I need to know if back to 78 years ago the concept of starting a family is the same. Covarrubias explained:

“A Balinese feels that his most important duty is to marry as soon as he comes of age and to raise a family to perpetuate his line. A bachelor is in Bali an abnormal, incomplete being devoid of all social significance since only settled married men can become members of the village association…

Thus every Balinese centres all his hopes in having children, preferably male children, who will look after him in his old age, and, most important of all, sons who will take the proper care of his remains after he is dead, performing the necessary rites to liberate his soul for reincarnation, so it will not become an aimless wandering ghost… A man who does not obtain children from his wife has the right to divorce her and get back the money he paid for her; or if she dies or runs away, he remarries as soon as possible…”

So the event of pregnancy is a great blessing to the Balinese household. That’s how I understand Mbo Yan’s explanation that nowadays a young couple have to prove that they can produce children before tied the knot. We know how… and both parents support! They allow their daughter’s boyfriend to sleep over some nights in a week, or the other way. And the age to start a family can be as early as 18 for the girl and 20 for the boy. Hm… By the way, Covarrubias doesn't elaborate further about 'premarital arrangement' to ensure children in a new family.

Pregnancy is not a big issue for the Balinese women. I don’t know what potion they consume but they all appear to be normal unlike pregnant women who often look tired and weak. They still ride motor in such a well-known speed, do household chores, and work the same hard to the last day. Covarrubias writes:

“They said that most women have their children easily, and as an example they told of a woman who lived next door who had had her child unexpectedly while she was alone in the groves. She carried the baby home and they claimed that two days later she was already selling in the market.”

Not a joke!

Back to Ayu, I believe she does plan her pregnancy though vaguely. She looks relaxed. I have a feeling that she is very sure her family would be happy to learn that a baby is on the way. On the day we chatted, she just passed the news to her mother a night before. The mother unintentionally burned their meal that evening. Anyway, she has planned her wedding to be held before end of this month in her boyfriend’s kampong in Kintamani, north Bali. Her caste is higher in level than her boyfriend’s so she has to be ‘kidnapped’ from her family a week before to marry.

I listened to the procedure in awe. Unlike city girls who plan their wedding a year ahead, Ayu has two weeks. Apparently she has no problem at all. She invited us all to be in Kintamani witnessing her nata banten. It’s new for me to know that in practice the Balinese don’t make a commitment in front of third party (pemangku/priest, penghulu, pastor) like in Islam or Christianity. Only they are required to nata banten or arranging an offering together in front of a pemangku and families. I guess doing a household obligation together is already a formal symbol of togetherness as husband-wife.

So I’m happy for Ayu. I really hope I could make the trip to Kintamani as the date falls only ten days after I get back in Jakarta. I have high hopes though.

Photo of Ayu (middle), Komang, and their little brother whom the sisters believe will have many wives like their father.