The Villa Business

It’s the last day of the year. Ubud is hot all day. The sun! It’s like normal Bali. I spent my day on the street. Ubud is a bit quiet, less tourist buses, no bad traffic. Business has calmed down but many places will be open tomorrow. I have checked. Except bank, all are normal. Good. I’m glad I have the chance to spend the change of the year in a place where I want to spend time more next year. Jakarta feels so far away now. I haven’t listed my annual resolutions but I know I have to settle my life soon. That's when I feel the need to open eyes and mind more about the possibilities.

The owner of the Ubud House, Pak Pugig, lives with his wife in a small room (like house actually with gas stove inside and separate door bath) in the parking area of his property: two houses for rent (the Ubud House, I name, and its sister-villa rented by Australian lady who never stays in the house) and a house a Canadian old lady built and occupied. Pak Pugig only spends the evening in his room-house so since I moved in I wonder where he spends his day. I found out later he is in another business property not far from the Ubud House.

I got the idea about his other business bit by bit because we hardly talked seriously about it. So after feeling curious long time, I had a chance to visit Pak Pugig’s other property the other day. It happened he was around when I was ready to go so he took me through shortcut path behind many private villas inside Penestanan green vegetation. It was a nice trip along wet path and by paddy field. I enjoyed many nice villas from the backside. I wonder how the owners get access to potential clients if they don’t have entrance by the main road. Some villas don’t even have parking lot, the premises are only accessible through narrow path by ditch. And those villas are nice place to stay! I guess either they market it through the internet or the network they have established (the community or past clients).

So Pak Pugig’s other property is three villas he built in 1985. It looks different than of the Ubud House and its sisters. It’s Bali style with more open areas in each villa that has low ceiling. It has a pool (not so big) near a public area with a pool table. The villas are generally more spacious but look dirty because of the open parts. I’m glad that I occupy totally different style of villa: closed, simple but modern with less Balinese trimming except the wooden ceiling.

The three villas are behind Pak Pugig’s big-family compound that consists of a number of relatives’ houses, very Bali style, and a family temple. I met his two good-looking sons and a daughter (he has five kids). I adore his wife, a beautiful Balinese, although already old. I heard from Mbo Yan that the family produces Balinese rice wine (brem) that I haven’t had a chance to taste. I don’t see a business life though when I was there. I only saw that they were busy preparing offering for Tumpek Unduh (a celebration for plants). I always like to see how serious Balinese preparing an event, whatever event, especially the monthly Purnama that they consider major.

I had a good time walking in the property. Walking back home through the main road had given me a different experience. Apparently Pak Pugig’s property is not that close from the Ubud House. It’s good I had umbrella although I still felt like melting in the sun. It’s just nice to experience the difference of walking inside a village and in the main road. The view and the heat. I would like to go inside the village again next time. It has view that I don’t enjoy everyday.

I learn from the visit. Although location for business is important in any situation, but in a place like Bali, any location can be a good location. Like a spa near the Ubud House, which the building cannot be seen from the main road, but it can still have reasonable business. Yumi’s salon too. She markets it through the internet so potential clients in Japan can have the information before they fly to Bali and her customers actually make trip to Ubud from Jimbaran! Therefore, my feeling, a villa business can also benefit from the same method of marketing.

I’m happy that I finally made the trip to Pak Pugig’s to help me to take off next year!

Photo of a banner in front of a gallery in the main road of Ubud.

The Response

Christmas has passed. Time stops here, I don’t feel the holiday season. It’s Ubud, people have holiday all year long here so it's holiday all year long too. It’s easy to lose track of the season. I notice that some people I know have gone back to office but some others might still be in the middle of long holiday with family. I sent out year-end update last week and only some have responded. I enjoyed reading the response so much. That’s when I have better view of my friends.

I understand that replying to a “serious” letter is not easy. In the past before I wrote such letter when I got one it took me long time to think how to respond. Share as much didn’t come easy, share so little didn’t sound ‘proper’. Understanding that, I appreciate whatever people share with me in return: simple standard greeting, or even if they don’t feel like to respond at all (feeling shocked?).

I observed there are some who: are inspired to do the same (like me who was inspired by friends’ update), replied but short because they are in holiday or having family in the house and promised to write more in January, replied with short update from where they are having holiday, plan to visit me soon (even have booked the time), replied with disbelief they might not see me in Jakarta often next year,…

It’s so nice. I share you their interesting responses:

YOU ARE THE MOST BALANCED,INTELIGENT,SENSIBLE PERSON!!I AM SOO HAPPY FOR YOU,YOUR LIFE,THE MEANING OF IT.MY DREAM!!!!! I WILL KEEP THIS EMAIL IN MY COMPUTER AS A REMAINDER OF WHAT I NEED TO DO.

...but beside a massage woman you may better find a massage man and then it will be perfect!

I will certainly miss you and even though there is the internet , it is not the same as seeing your pretty face and sitting with you in the macet

...and for my Master's graduation, we're coming to Bali in July

Life in Ubud sounds great, once you get away from jakarta Indonesia is an amazing country!

it's lovely to know you love your life more, my friend...

It looks very very great your life at the moment.

...and - yeah - that sounds like you made peace with the whole world!!
So good! its like hope for me who is a bit unsatisfied lately...

Ubud is such a relief from Jakarta. Life in Jakarta is very confined, I never felt free to do what I want.

I have NO DOUBT that 2008 will be a magical year for you.
You make me feel like leaving the city life and heading for the countryside. Can you imagine? A city girl like me!

Have a very nice change of the year and stay healthy and happy in the next.

what do u mean by spending all of next year ! in UBUD ! we wont see u in jkt ??!!

Well to some extent our life is similar in a sense that I am really turning into a kampungan.

Photo of a billboard near Puri Ubud.

The Resolution?

New Year is around the corner. I kind of lose track of time. Just because many restaurants have started to offer New Year’s Eve dinner package then I start to feel it’s closer. I had to check calendar to know how far New Year is. Tuesday. I haven’t had anything in mind about my New Year resolution. All I know is that I want to live independently in Ubud next year. I just checked last year’s resolution (thanks to blogging, I have record), I only stressed on the concept of freedom for this year. Since I got Ubud House in May, my high point of the year, I know I’ve been on my way. So for next year, I will focus on refining my last year’s.

That’s the main goal. I have other minor goals (mostly on "to be a better person"). The past years I like to include “to give more attention to loved ones” as my new year’s resolution. Although I know I have had (I feel) but some times I still feel like I haven’t shared, or shown, enough care and attention to loved ones. I tended to postpone doing. Then procrastination becomes my next minor goals. And that leads to many other issues on improvement in the year to come.

Anyway, this year I detached more from relatives but I have reached out more to friends – which is, yes, easier. In a time like this, I need a stress-free relationships so I have space to grow and “be myself”. Glad I have understanding relatives who don’t mind to leave me alone for the time being while many good friends have happily shared warmer connection. I feel blessed for the circumstance (that I’ve chosen).

My major minor goal is "to be able to think thoroughly before speaking". Thoroughly but maintain quick response still. Why do I need to emphasize on this? Some times I feel I don’t respond to someone nicely or positively enough. When I feel bad about it and want to bite my tongue, it’s too late. I don’t like to feel the pangs of conscience.

A friend gives me a point to ponder. About not giving in just to ease a situation. I like to make other people comfortable being with me but when I do something pleasing, I don’t think I’ve given in. When I shared someone about my intention to make people happy, (s)he would say that I have to be happy myself first. When I think more about it, actually I have the intention because… I’m already happy myself! Anyway, it’s not easy to formulate this point. What I want, what others’ want, and how to act. I have observed that, again, I’m not a good negotiator. I may sound pushy or negative but actually I am simply not good at constructing sentences. Back to my major minor goal "to be able to think thoroughly before speaking" :-)

Ah stop thinking hard. I want to feel light about my goal next year. Ubud was sunny all day yesterday. A season that I also didn’t expect, mosquito season! While I wear skirt to avoid wet, I have let my legs being eaten by mosquitoes. I have lots of red swollen dots all over thighs. If I think about it, it’s itchy. I hope it won’t leave dark mark. What a challenge living in nature while keeping standard of city look – get burn in the sun and eaten by insects.

Let me back to my cocoon to ponder more about what I want to accomplish next year. For the time being, I’m happy that I have shown progress of into the independence I set end of last year.

Photo of Ubud House neighbor’s tile after storm.

The Contrast

Thursday, December 27

Ubud had storm last night. I awoke when I heard strong wind hit the trees. It was so powerful, the rain and the wind. With my white curtain on, I could see the shadow of the swaying trees. It took awhile before I was back to sleep because I thought about getting up and walking to the windows to see. That was the first time I experienced storm in Ubud.

Actually I didn’t miss the storm because it continued on and off in the morning. I enjoyed seeing a bit cloudy sky with the horizontal rain and listening to trees made natural noise. I could not open the windows without getting a bit wet inside the room. I spent my morning cleaning house and trying to finish the A-line necklace that I’ve been having for some times. I had bubbling ideas about my next project.

The sky cleared up after noon. It was pleasant. I had an interesting afternoon in Celab-bu’ung with friends. I didn’t see the sun but seemed it was actually out. We walked down to a river through a steep slippery path. It was a challenging trip that tires my legs hours later. Like I’d been exercising my legs muscle hard. It’s nice though especially when the sun actually shone after 17:00 and the sky only became dark blue after 19:00. So special to experience two contrast weather in a day.

So I had a nice day with nature and people. I had time to talk to a woman carver and play with the kids in the kampong. Those people keep surprising me. The woman carves eight panels of frame a day. She does it without pattern, just do it fast like she has the pattern and measurement in her hand. Amazing. Like Made Jepun, she gives me an idea. The kids looked dirty. They played in the dirt without proper clothes and underwear! I care. But one thing that I like about these people, they all looked… happy!

Photo of a kid in Celab-bu’ung.

The Weather

Bali is in an unpredictable weather I guess. It’s raining heavily the past two days. I heard Seminyak area and some parts of Denpasar is flooded (first time in history, they say). I feel sorry for the tourists that come for holiday and expect to have nice time in Bali. And more for people who can only come to Bali in December. No choice but to stay in. No sun-bathing, less shopping, and more eating if they are caged in restaurants from time to time.

Ubud is no better. I feel confined because of the weather. Ubud is unique. Every stay gives me different weather experience. When I moved in in May; it was hot, no rain, and humid. Later I experienced mixed of hot and no rain, hot and humid, wet and not humid, wet and humid, or other combinations with sun and rain at the same time. So my bamboo-blinds obviously could only be useful four weeks ago for a few days before I left. Now I hardly need to unroll it because sun hardly shines and I don’t know for how long till I can unroll again because rain usually continues till end of February.

Well, this heavy rainy season has given me a new rhythm – new way to do things. Having open-air shower makes me waiting for the rain to stop to take shower! It’s the same water but showering in the rain has given me different feeling. I never experienced showering in the heavy rain, only once when it was drizzling. I felt like between wash and not wash hair because I wanted to keep my hair dry but hair became a little bit wet after shower eventually. So it’s fun to have to wait for the rain to stop before taking shower. And it’s strange too because actually I can shower in covered bathtub.

Going out also needs good timing. I’m better in predicting the weather now. I can just check the sky and see what happen before 9:00 o’clock. If I want to walk downtown, I should do before that time. Also when to return home, I could sense when it’s time. The gear for rainy season is also different. I wear something warming but short so it won’t get wet when walking, and rubber thong.

And today I also learned that the rain makes shops lose business. The rain in Ubud can be really heavy that it’s almost impossible to walk without half body wet. Forget about going shop to shop. Then I also feel sorry for the shops (while I’m thinking about Pallava) too. Except one business that benefits from the season, laundry with big dryer! It’s amazing that weather can change many things.

Photo of my open-air shower.

The Day

It’s Monday. A day before Christmas. It’s purnama (full moon). Been away from office a decade, I’m still thinking like one with the rhythm. Monday is supposed to be an active day with ideas and things to do for the week. I forgot that… I don’t report to anyone and it’s holiday season! Aah so good. Can I free myself from guilt of being unproductive since I arrived Ubud?

I took out the A-line necklace material last night. Just because of the guilt. I stared at the stone. What can I do? It’s dark already. I need good light to see the true color of the stone because my creation plays with colors. Hm. It reminds me of the builders next door that started hammering and cutting ceramic tiles right after dark the past two days. It’s so annoying because they kept quiet all day and just in time I need to be quiet they started to make noise. I try to find the reason why working after dark and got no clue. I just thought they might like me, waiting for inspiration.

That was last night. I didn’t have time to string necklace this morning, I just wiped clean the stones and got ready to go downtown. I had 9:00 o’clock breakfast appointment with relatives. It’s a good time to walk, nice cloudy weather. I dropped by my friend’s shop to check box I ordered and was satisfied with the result. Bali is like magic. The box was finished in four hours! Perfectly done. I order more for my A-line necklace.

It was raining hard all morning then it’s hard to decide what to do for the day. Going shop to shop is nice but what to do if it’s raining. So we chatted then I decided to take them to Tegallalang, the craftsmen village. The ladies had fun looking at shop and fancied nice things. Actually, in the end, I was the one home with the biggest package. I bought nice long flat glass to put glasses.

It’s a nice weather in where I’m sitting now, Tutmak, by soccer field. It’s fresh. In Ubud, Christmas is not a big celebration. Only a few places installed Christmas decoration, or very little 'reminder' that it’s Christmas time. Purnama is well celebrated. The banten (offering) is huge and complete on the road in front of every shop. Nice combination of both cultures. While I enjoy the atmosphere, I also look forward to being in my cocoon again very soon.

Photo of us today.

The Language

Lately I’m thinking about my competence to use any language properly because I want to write… better. I don’t have patience to make draft of say a blog post, let alone an email (that I often 'slightly regret' to have sent). Once I finish writing, I publish it. I used to read again my writing a few times before publish but with uncertain internet connection like in Ubud, I have to do it the sooner I get better signal. Anyway, that’s not an excuse. I just don’t have patience. Archer’s script goes through three drafts before he hands it to his personal assistant. And, his piece too will be undergoing ‘surgery’ by the publisher’s editor. It’s nice to read Archer’s life journal because it tells how he does in the 'kitchen'. Oh by the way, of course Archer has to have patience with his work. It’s his profession to write. Grin.

No more excuse. I observe my Indonesian. I don’t speak Javanese well. Like using other language, I also have problem with diction. The thing is I like to invent a new term so that becomes confusing for some people. Only a few can follow my thought with flow (I mean without asking for further explanation). Back to my Indonesian, I don’t speak with any particular dialect (maybe Jakarta more) although I have slight Javanese accent. My Indonesian sounds awkward sometimes because I use ‘close-to-proper’ grammar, but if I simplify it sounds odd too like someone who just learns to use the language.

I think I face bigger challenge to keep my Indonesian proper in Ubud. In Bali, like in Java, people use their vernacular so their Indonesian is not as good. It’s not their mother tongue or first language. So when I speak proper Indonesian, I face someone stares blankly at me or if on the phone I would hear Uh uh. That’s when I have to speak slower and use simplified Indonesian. That ruins my language! I have started to speak the same way in Jakarta!! Aaargh…

It’s interesting. Often when I was in my open bathroom, I heard conversation between a Balinese ibu and a male foreigner whom I guess live behind Ubud House. I enjoyed the interaction as the foreigner learns to speak Balinese with his little Indonesian. This morning I heard:

+ Hi, how are youuu? (Balinese speak like shouting, with long ending)
- Fine.
+ What are you doiiing?
- Waiting for matahari..
+ Matahari has gone!
- Yaa, only one. Apa one in Bali(nese)?
+ Besik.
- Apa?? Besik?!
+ Besiiik!

I could not help smiling. The conversation topic varies from time to time; about weather, his plan, her plan,… What I like about them is.. they sound so cheerful anytime of the day. Whatever language they use – proper not proper – they’re just happy and able to communicate well.

So what about my goal to use proper language? Wait, I better mend my way to communicate.

Photo of a shop sign in Monkey Forest.

The Jepun Story

Why you never did your nail? I smiled when Ayu asked. I told her that I like to do cleaning so my nails chip easily. Of course she asked me further what I like to clean. Mopping floor, washing dishes, brushing bathroom,… She moved her eyes from my nails and stared at me. Get someone to do it! I laughed. I told her that I get satisfaction from doing it. Strange, she mumbled. I am, so my friend told me. Later she told me that she never cleaned her bathroom, even the kitchen is next to family pig farm. She giggled Balinese are strooong! We hardly get disease from living that way. Hm.

I recalled the exchange while brushing bathroom floor this morning. It’s rainy season that many insects come and die in bathroom in the evening. After days cleaning it ‘locally’, this morning I felt the need to give the bathroom a thorough shower. It didn’t take long because I clean bathroom regularly. Nice feeling. Fresh.

Ubud had nice mild sun in the morning. I decided to walk downtown. I felt tired. My sleep was chopped into three last night. It’s not usual in Ubud. I pushed my legs to walk although not as briskly as usual. I feel old suddenly. Not because I feel pessimistic about my body but it reminds me to pay more attention to my intake. I need more calcium! Hoa.

It seems that I look like Japanese more everyday. With my bird-nest-like hair and batik outfit anytime, it’s easy for people to make mistake. Many greet me in English or Japanese. I just smiled, better not to embarrass them. Only to an old Ibu who has simple shop near Ubud House I confessed that I’m pure Javanese. Kalo kamu dak ngomong, dak saya tahu. Saya pikir orang Jepaaang. She shouted in Balinese accent.

I stopped by her shop two days ago after months of waving hands without saying anything. Her daughter (I presume), big woman, sits on a bench anytime. Only yesterday I knew that she is painting actually. Penestanan style I like – small size Balinese working in paddy field. Finally I met someone who does it. It’s been some time I have ideas about creating something from painting of such style.

I also got a big idea from a website this morning. The answer to my curiosity if there’s any market for such strange art. I become more aware now that I am strange. Grin. So it’s good to know that I’m not alone. I’m full of ideas today. That’s the reason why I made a trip downtown, I ordered a chic box for my creation. I will process my idea for Mbo Made Jepun’s Balinese painting now.

Photo of Made Jepun’s two-in-one painting.

The Project

It seems that I can always find a spot in the house that needs big cleaning. Feeling disturbed since I moved in, finally I found a way to clean the slit between wooden planks in my bedroom-cum-studio. I was thinking about sucking the dirt with vacuum cleaner that I don’t feel like to have now so I could not find a way for so long. I got the idea when I was doing yoga. Floor becomes important as I’m doing yoga on the floor. I hardly miss spotting dirt on the floor-skirt or under furniture within my view.

I was a bit sweaty from yoga and weight lifting (yes, I have 2 and 3 kgs dumbbells now) when I started to brush off dust and dirt slit by slit along the room. I always have handy a wide paintbrush to clean fabrics or baskets. Of course I could not get perfect result as I don’t vacuum the dirt. I did my best with newspaper as dustpan. The amount of dust and dirt is enormous. Ethnic house has nice and exotic look but what lies under the beauty is endless discovery.

Oh I’m so happy mopping with mop I brought from Jakarta. Not really a silly decision because this special mop from Korea has technology with its micro fiber that sucks dirt easily. The stick has construction that is perfect to reach difficult part under furniture. See, even for cleaning, I need state-of-the-art tools. I like to do myself so tools that make things easy always attracts me.

Anyway, that occupied three hours of my morning. I also found out that Pak Agung have skipped mopping under spare-bed in the living room. It’s understandable because the bed is low. My magic mop does it. I’m so excited. So nice not to just feel clean but also see clean. I suffer incurable cleanliness dis-ease :-)

I planned to go out but canceled. Actually it would be fun to see a pelebon (cremation) procession in downtown Ubud but I know I still have many chances to enjoy it in the future. The weather is just nice to spend at home. No sun and nice breeze. I feel a bit guilty for not doing something productive but then I remind myself that it’s end of the year! Everyone has slowed down and we’re not supposed to do anything productive till January, are we? So I feel calm again and return to my book!

Archer’s book has bored me a bit. Of course, it’s a daily journal of life in prison, what variety can I expect? But I learn how to observe surrounding and share the feeling. I can go as detail as he does -- if I want. It’s funny when I realized today that he hadn’t missed internet during his time in prison. He cannot use computer! In the other hand, he must be good in longhand. Plus-minus.

It was power out this afternoon. I got my nail done while waiting for the power to resume. Yumi, the Japanese salon owner, was too generous. She gave me 30% discount because Ayu finished my nails in hurry. Again, the salon became full house because I was around. Yumi bow deeply.

Photo of bamboo for pelebon.

The Simpler Life

In my life-update email to good friends I made a statement that I can lead a simpler life in Ubud. This morning I chuckled. I tried to fit my clothes from Jakarta (which I don’t usually take anymore actually) into my boarding-house size two-door wardrobe – one with shelves, one for hanged clothes (I saw Archer's drawing showing his wardrobe in cell that fits 30 pieces -only-). Even wardrobe in my auntie’s house where I lived during my early days in office has four doors and more in the upper side for storage although the room itself is much smaller than my bedroom now. It’s about the size of kitchen in Ubud House. So what do I need?

How can we change lifestyle that has been exercised for years? Last night I grinned when a friend shared he needs only simple and light space to live but with considerable size of wardrobe and parking that fits a big Benz. Looks who’s grinning? This morning I remember that I also said that I don’t need car in Ubud but I use Ana as my transport that cost me a week gas of my Cherokee per trip (2-3 hour trip). I make it simpler but it doesn’t necessarily minimize the cost.

Back to my two-door wardrobe, the content grows! I checked it out while trying to fit everything in. Again I have different clothes for different occasions like: casual walking in the heat and cold, party in the villa and in the village, formal and casual temple visit (happy and grief occasion), hot and cold sleepingwear, yoga and cleaning shorts, aaah… And what goes with that apparel? Five different colors of rubber thongs, some colorful flats,… that makes a row of footwear near front entrance. Oh I haven’t passed a year of living in Ubud.

Ubud is cloudy since morning, nice weather for walking. I walked two-third way to Tutmak to get better connection for sending emails. I have a lot of emails to go: private and business. It’s so annoying that I could not send it at home, I feel blessed that I can still chat though. So how could I finish the one-third trip? Ayu took me. I was all sweaty when I got into her shop. Luxury in Ubud.

I already got one reply from Budapest to my life-update email. It brought tears. It touched me. It’s not easy to reach out. Since I could only send the email 24 hours after I wrote, I also passed a moment when I considered not to send. Glad I passed the think twice, I sent it.

So how can I simplify my life further? Let’s see. I’m ready to walk to Ganesha bookshop now. My simple entertainment.

Photo of Tutmak sign.

The Life Update

It’s an exciting first day always. I spent some times in bed enjoying the silent morning. It wasn’t as merry as in summer with lots of insect singing. Even gecko I didn’t hear his voice since yesterday. Of course rainy season has its own sound. Different tones of frogs' melody since last night – up and down. Lovely.

I got up tidying house before my staffs came to help me installing blinds I brought from Jakarta (silly decision) in the kitchen. Now I can leave the kitchen door open as I feel secure (more because of I cannot see outside) and not too much light coming in anymore. Perfect.

I have gotten at least four year-end emails from good friends in different parts of the world. I was behind. I hadn’t had mine ready till this morning. So I sat and wrote a lengthy life update to be sent out soon. My friends have inspired me and it’s so nice to follow closed ones' life update. I feel their happiness. Very nice.

So nothing new about me today. I stay home because of raining hard all morning but more... I simply enjoy staying home on the first day. I need to go out tomorrow to send the emails through café-net. The connection is weak all day because of bad weather (that’s what the Help Center told me). So, be happy with it!

...was thinking to share with you my year-end email. Second thought, I better keep it :-)

Photo of rainy outside this morning.

The Prisoner

It seems that I’m very much into Archer’s story after reading his A Prison Diary intensely the past two days. Unlike the concentration camp story, the story about life in prison sounds ‘more real’ to me. Since it’s a true story, and Archer is a good writer, I could feel for him. I remember the first night I read the book, I replied excitedly to my friend’s invitation to online chat. When I realized, oops… I was over reacted. I felt like there’s a slight window open for a communication. I was too much.

So yesterday when my nephew thanked me for ‘welfare shipment’ I sent, I again felt sensitive. I could not help feeling that he’s in prison because he said Will be waiting anxiously for the next shipment of whatever. I asked him Shall I worry? So funny.

Enough about prisoner. Oh by the way, I was curious about Archer’s case, what put him in prison, so I checked Wikipedia last night. I don’t like to say that I’m not happy with his past ‘movement’. But I also understand, a good stuff is often produced by a stirred-up mind. Amazing though to read someone’s life story. Like a story.

Anyway, I was on my way to Ubud again. I was too relaxed in the morning that I left house half an hour later than usual. I thought my reschedule procedure (I was supposed to leave on Thursday) wouldn’t take time, like in Denpasar airport. I forgot that I never did in Jakarta airport. No one seemed to be interested in helping me. I had to ask for their attention before a staff decided to help. It was not easy for her because she didn’t know how to charge me for the service. I didn’t want to haggle although she charged me quite high for such, three times than in Denpasar.

I ran out of time. It’s closer to boarding time when I ran passing the crowd to pay excess baggage. Yes, 20 kilograms excess! Like snail, I bring my home with me! I could not leave without stuffs that make my life: business document, necklace stuffs, bathroom knick-knack, favorite textiles, books, favorite snacks,… Many! I could not read once I settled myself in chair in the gate. I caught breath. The flight was 30 minutes delayed.

Weather was good but I again felt like being confined. I could not get aisle seat I prefer so had to be happy to sit in the middle. I was flanked with two men that occupied both armrests. It’s good that both kept their body in their territory. I mean, they're not fat. So I felt secure in the middle without touching. The one on my left moved a lot though that he often hit my arm. I shrank. So for 90 minutes, I felt stiff because I moved less. When I have aisle seat I like to have my legs out and make myself comfortable in any position I want. I smiled. It’s only 90 minutes. Archer has suffered more.

I always enjoy the first few hours I spend in Ubud House. I feel freedom. I move around the house to make the house ready. Put food stuffs in the kitchen, unroll kilim in the studio, open all curtain to enjoy golden sunset, check the wireless connection, start to unpack, prepare the bathroom, take shower outside, and make bed. Like ritual. And I look forward to enjoying the first morning. Even now I could feel my greediness, I want to swallow all altogether. Nice view, fresh air, nice sound,… Aah!

Photo of golden sunset today.

The Contribution

Last night I watched Bono of U2 in Oprah show. I just realized that he’s a really cool guy. Not just the look, but also of what he does through the RED project. I didn’t follow U2 and RED although of course I know the influence of both names. Sometimes something has to be brought before our eyes so that we can see and appreciate more. We’re too busy with our daily lives that so many good things in the world just passing without being ‘properly’ noticed.

So Bono. He reminds me of my good friend who shared with me how he wants to make a significant contribution in the universe. Not for an honor, simply for a contribution. The same idea has haunted me for years now. I haven’t done enough for the community. Yes, I have sponsored some kids I know to get better education but that’s not enough, I want to do something in ‘larger’ scale. I admire my friend who’s involved in collecting secondhand books for small private libraries in villages. Also, another friend who becomes part of an organization that raises fund to help people in natural disaster areas. And more, a friend who actively writes about women’s issues to increase people's awareness. And a lot more out there…

Well, I’m not a “just do it” person. I bind myself with considerations and my personal ‘weakness’. Like my issue on working in a team. I’m good in “the kitchen” with cooking and washing dishes, but I’m not good as part of the runner. I’m not a good negotiator and more I like to work in my own pace. So I’m good and not-so-good at the same time.

Back to Bono. He is good because he uses his fame to do good things. He has strong foundation to do so. I like to ponder about building a strong backbone first. But I also think that’s not a good excuse to not start doing good things now. Actually I can start anytime in any circumstance. Ideally, I can do much better with strong foundation like tidy life back home.

I don’t want to wait. I’ve been thinking about creating a project in Ubud soon and I’m going to use this stay to start collecting ideas. To define what to do is trickier then the execution, I feel. I admire ladies who set up a shelter for stray dogs in Nyuh Kuning, or a Bali-dog lover group to help the community taking care of the dogs. But I want to assist people more. I nearly cried the other day learning that Ayu’s mother earns 20 cents (!) per day from cleaning certain fruit, material for handicraft. It opens my eyes why Bali craft can be stunningly cheap. I feel bad about it. We consume underpaid labor work? But how far can I help the community? I remember my Balinese business buddy 'warned' me not to pay my staffs above ‘normal rate’ in the area which I feel it's still below humane standard.

Hm.. another homework to think about. Do something. Make contribution.

Photo of a bird seller in Pasar Kanoman, Cirebon.

The Conversation with Self

I awoke when it was raining hard outside. Nice Sunday morning. I have changed my sleep pattern the past few weeks. Now I sleep a bit later but before midnight and get up a bit later but before 5:30. Getting up at 4:00 makes my day goes too long. I’m older now, I should pay more attention to my rhythm.

I feel fresh. I got up and felt eager to finish Night by Elie Wiesel that I started reading intensely last night. It’s strange, in the time when I need a spirit booster, I read something depressing. Wiesel writes it very well. The story is depressing but the way he describes his feeling in the Auschwitz concentration camp is very much private. Authentic. It reminds me of how lonely we are all in this crowded world. It’s all back to ourselves. The decision. To be happy or depressed.

I moved in total silence the past two days. It’s a constant conversation with self, that I like, that I might have chosen. I don’t complain but enjoy every silent moment. As the year nearing the end, I’m happy to look around and back that I have done my homework well. I deserve a guilty-free time in the last few weeks of this year. I look forward…

I still hold some dreams but I don’t rush. I understand some dreams take years to materialize and I have all the time, to be patient… The other day I congratulated a friend who runs an auction house for his new product. It’s the catalog that moved me to share him a compliment. The catalog is the best I’d ever seen. The selected paintings are super too. I admire the big work behind this piece. He told me that he had the idea for seven years before finally materialized. It makes me realize that some big things need long and deep thought to mature. Nothing is instant. Above anything else, I also admire his ability to work in a team. I admire people who can orchestrate individuals to make things happen. I shall learn further of how to do.

Finally, I look forward to spending my day in silence again. I will make it merry by packing up for my next trip to Ubud. I am so excited.

Silent heart beat
Someone hears
No pillow jumps warmly

Photo of crack open doors in Cirebon.

The Reunion

My senior in postgraduate had contacted me since two months ago to mark my calendar for today’s reunion in the university. I was not too eager to come and it seemed she felt that, she called or emailed every other week to remind me. So when I decided to show up today, I only had her in mind.

I was curious though after thirteen years since I first sat in class for the degree. Actually I just found out today that I belong to 1994 class. I only remember that I finished in 2000, just in time before the “spring cleaning”. If it weren’t because of the cleaning, I would never have finished the course. I was too laid back. Life was too good then.

I didn’t recognize many schoolmates. Only a few from my year. We were asked to tell a bit about ourselves. I was embarrassed because I’m among few who don’t work in the field. Not just that, but I work in totally different field. Linguistics and art? Anyway, I’m happy though that I have the degree. I got it the right time, just before I become too lazy to commit with time.

I'm happy to see my professor again. He looks the same as I remember. He is now visiting professor in KL, Malaysia, for a few years. He pointed at me Where are you? Yea, we were in email for about a year after I finished but then we lost contact. I plan to email him again. Nice positive man.

I was lucky. My professor is one of the linguistic figures in Indonesia. And more, I was examined by two other top professors in linguistics. I met one of them today. The most prominent figure that develops Indonesian vocabulary. He speaks very good English and super Indonesian. He is famous for avoiding the uses of other language than Indonesian for commercial and official document. There was a year when Indonesia changed building names, commercial, and numerous official documents to use original Indonesian words only because of this man.

Anyway, he is one of a few persons that leave me speechless like I don’t have confidence to speak either language. He is cold, distant, formal, although I know he is very kind. He is perfectionist who liked to remind us in any occasion to be our best, to not be mediocre in anything we do. When I met him today, I mentioned my name to save his face if he didn’t remember. He looked at me in the eye and said I remember you. You're a smart student. I felt like drowning. He never said that back then. I always felt that I hardly did good enough with him. Always imperfect. I bowed with gratitude for what he said to me. It makes my day! I saw stars in his eyes when he recalled the days we sat for the examination. I know. I defended my thesis very well. I got A+. The only high mark I got.

I drove home with big smile. What a day to recall my achievement. My two professors had asked me to pursue Ph.D. and return to university to teach. I don’t have confidence but I’m still thinking to challenge myself to get further degree. I need a little kick.

Photo of a window in Cirebon.

The Squeeze

Yesterday the Mac staff asked me through text message if I want to add keyboard silicone skin and mouse into the price of my secondhand Mac I sell through the shop. I don’t understand how he got the idea. Or, the potential buyer’s idea? So strange that people can come up with something to maximize what they can get out of a deal. Or, I’m too naïve that I never thought of that possibility when buying things? It annoys me.

This morning I got up with the thought of things that annoy me recently. It started since my senior staff sent me a text message yesterday. I granted her six weeks leave with pay since two weeks ago. It happens it’s Christmas but actually I want to give “us” time to break for a while after ‘working together’ for eight years. She has annoyed me for years now. She knows how to use my softness to squeeze me. So annoying.

This is the right time to review any relationships that don’t add up to the goodness of my life. I will sort out one by one to start a clean sheet in January. I know it’s almost impossible to do it in less than a month but taking stock can help.

Anyway, I went shopping today. Very quick one. I bought what I need and dashed home just in time before raining. I don’t feel like meeting friends so I didn’t make lunch appointment. This is the time of the year when I would like to spend time with myself more. I took easy of the day. I have started packing up for my next stay in Ubud. I might stay longer this time. I project myself to start staying full time in Ubud next year. Hm..

Photo of a table with twisted leg in Keraton Kasepuhan in Cirebon.

The Team

A friend asked the other day how’s the new art group. She is also member but hasn’t joined any meeting yet because of travel. I told her the group is okay, it’s fun. And she laughed.. No, no, you didn’t tell me. I laughed. Yes, she and I were members of the most wonderful art group seven to four years ago. We hardly got the same nice click group ever since. Well, I feel it but I don’t make it big. They are okay although they are not fabulous.

Now I’m part of BA Museum team for revamping. I don’t remember how I join the team. Hm.. the Heritage’s chairwoman pushed me. That was more than six months ago. I didn’t know anybody in the team except the chairwoman. But of course after several meetings, now I know them. How I feel about the team? I don’t feel click. Strange feeling. They are nice people with ideas, enthusiastic,.. what else I expect of a team member?

It happens we work with a government office that manages the Museum. We know that we have to have a big spare of patience to work with them. Meetings were hardly productive. They enjoyed talking and sharing ideas. After the meeting, we all do our own business. And the next meeting would be the same. I once cut the circle by making BA’s time line so people could start talking about something. But still, I enjoy listening more even after that.

So we had two hour meeting today. I kept quiet as usual as they talked about the same thing again. I like action more than talking. If we don’t show a progress, I don’t think a meeting can be more productive. The team leader asked me why I kept quiet. I smiled. Later she realized that the Museum staff actually had not much to say but managed to talk the whole meeting. That’s the art of meeting with two languages. Lost in translation.

I’m glad the team leader finally came up with idea to put all ideas in writing and give the Museum staff alternatives of what they expect us to assist them. That’s a nice shortcut rather than trying to fish for the Museum staff’s concept about a good house-museum they want. Fait a compli is the best answer some times :-)

That drains my morning. A good team ignites my creativity and enthusiasm, but a not-click team gives me a feeling of going nowhere. Like hitting a wall, I feel like I've walked far but actually I only march on the same spot. Anyway, I’m not complaining. I’m observing myself.

I sold many necklaces again. Now I have at least four channels (including frequent buyers) to market my necklace. I have sold more than 130 necklaces in six months since I started creating. I’m very happy and look forward to creating more next week in Ubud.

Photo of a Dutch tile in Keraton Kasepuhan, Cirebon.

The Recharging

Half month has already passed. I haven’t prepared year-end greetings. Nothing much but I might send some gifts to long time friends and definitely have to start writing numerous e-greetings. I have packed up necklaces to send to my friend who’s going to ‘baby-sit’ for me while I’m in Ubud. She’s glad to do it. Very nice girl.

I’m pondering about recharging self after my girlfriend told me about her plan for the new year. She’s going to a vihara in Mega Mendung. Hm. It gives me idea to do the same in Ubud. The recharging, I mean. I haven’t decided what but yea… I would like to do something privately, my own way, this year-end. It’s time to regroup the aspects of my life. I’m not sure about making resolution but to write it out what I want to achieve next year would be great. I will process that.

I spent nice time with my friend. We went to Gelar Tenun Nusantara, a woven-cloth exhibition. It’s a nice event to view various woven-cloth from different parts of Indonesia. I told my friend to stop me from buying if I appear too aggressive. Yea, it’s easier to stop me in shopping malls, with Indonesian craft? I could not resist.

I was a good girl though. I only bought one nice plain white woven cotton shawl from Tuban and two nice arty floor rugs. Both are for Ubud House. My eyes have been trained, I only want to buy a good textile now (after a cabinet full of textiles?).

Anyway, I got a nice boost before home. I got extreme asymmetrical haircut from Pieter again. I told him the Posh Spice style he gave me last month was too feminine for me. I want my eccentricity back, so he gave me one. I love it, as usual. I look younger because my face is smaller now. But that’s not the highlight. It boosts my spirit, that’s more important.

Photo of a beach in Cirebon.

The New Energy

I slept tight and sound. It’s perfect sleep after a very long day yesterday. My first day out after bounced back. How I had wanted to avoid going out but of course I could not because my very good girlfriend was ready to be off again for four weeks. If not because of her, I might be in cocoon again for another day. So I thank her.

We met up in a new huge luxurious mall in the center of CBD. I thought I could get haircut in Pieter’s new place but he took a day off so okay… visited the mall was still good for me. It was my first time of course. People had started to talk about the mega things inside. When finally I found my way inside the mall, I felt like a tiny person in Gulliver world. Not just of the size, but of the mega magnitude, the ambience,… It washed over me. I deeply felt like orang kampung (naïve and ignorant).

I observed huge stickers on the still-undergoing-construction shops, trying to figure out what would be available in this mega mall. Some shops have opened with bright light. I stopped in some places and studied the layout while tuning in the place. I tested my want. I used to like shopping in malls: huge and small. Hey, what’s wrong with me? I don’t have want. I just stared at the brands and could not imagine myself needing something from the shops. What a good news! Been dieting for years, I could feel my want has shrunk significantly. I don’t even enjoy looking at good things. I just passed the shops.

I decided to get nice bath towels from a brand I use for long time while waiting for the girls to come. When they came, they took me around to select our lunch. They said I’m shrunken. Yea, I stepped on weight scale in the morning only to find I have lost two kilograms! It must show that I become tinier. I chose Chinese food for I needed warm chicken broth.

My girlfriends shared me their experience in Cirebon after I left. They shopped batik a bit and had a nice train back. It was hot and raining hard after I left. So it’s good that I made the decision, my body would not take such weather. It was fun chatting with girlfriends. I often felt I don’t need to chat but once I’m in, I know I need to be away from my own world sometimes. Expanding.

We expanded our horizon though. We had coffee in other mall! We moved as my friend needed to see other good friend in the mall and I also needed to be there for my evening program. Good the traffic wasn't bad. Time flew since we started late. Good for me, I didn’t have to wait the evening too long. My good friend from a dance company met me in the mall and we went to see World Music December at Gedung Kesenian Jakarta. My Ubud favorite, Balawan, played.

I was tired but good music never fails me. I enjoyed every beat. Balawan always has new way to present his music. He is so creative. The other ensemble that played jam with him was also good. It’s so nice to see talented persons playing music. Thing that I’m not good at. I ended my first day out happy. Twelve hours!

Today I felt sleepy since morning, not of ill, but of feel good more. My appetite is back so my strength. I went to bank and got hair color. I enjoyed myself. I bought Elie Wiesel’s Night finally. Yes, it’s a slim but powerful book about Auschwitz survivor. It reminds me of what my girlfriend told me last night. She suggested me to write a memoir of my life the past fourteen years. I once thought about it but my life is nothing compares to Wiesel’s experience. It might be nothing to me but many thought that I had led life near crazy. Hm. Having read a few pages of Night, I will think about it.

Photo of Panoramic Soaps, my creation.

The Struggle To Feed Self

It’s another fragile day after flu. I awoke not feeling super. I felt nauseous. Actually, I often feel it when I’m not well. My appetite drops. I could not even smell food. Yes, my intake drops drastically since I fell sick. My bones have started to stick out.

I was busy organizing necklace pictures the whole morning. I ate half of everything. My morning drink, my papaya,.. I didn’t prepare myself breakfast as I didn’t feel like. I even had to warm milk so I could drink a glass. Like doing yoga, I realize that eating is part of healthy life. I don’t usually have problem with bread and milk, but not these days.

I don’t feel strong. I only managed to create two necklaces. My other line with finding. I haven’t focused on this line although I have collected quite many unique findings for one-of-a-kind necklace.

I think I have to give the flu more time to go away. I cannot push myself to be better soon. I expect to have a long day tomorrow so I better be calm the rest of the evening :-)

Photo of I Feel Safe, a line with finding.

The Bounce Back

Night has mystery. It can give me gloomy morning, or morning with a nice surprise. I was again vegetable last night. I struggled in the morning but felt better after Mbak Ida gave me light back massage with Tiger balm, the traditional way. She also fixed me a traditional drink of tamarind and palm sugar. I was well half day but felt no better in the afternoon.

I almost cried when a friend called in the early evening. Actually she called everyday since she found out I was not well. She really hoped to see me on Monday before she’s off to London the next day for year end. I felt I had no hope to be better. It’s so hard to imagine myself back on my feet again. I just said yes without hope. To make things worse, I started to have running nose. I sneezed a lot since afternoon.

I took a pill to unclog my nose and slept early. I awoke in the middle of the night when I felt much better. I could not believe. I was excited to get back to sleep and eager to see the morning. My feeling was right. I’m recovered. It’s amazing. It’s just gone as my friend had predicted. Before too long since got up, I took my seat on floor-cushions and started to restring my customer’s necklaces.

Yes, I got a challenge as a businessman. A friend cum customer told me yesterday that a necklace her cousin bought had fallen apart before she wears. I know why. The stopper I used before I found the sturdy one I used lately is thin and fragile. I was so embarrassed and have asked her to return all necklaces she bought from me. I also sent email to my other friends who have a lot of necklaces from me. I repaired the first batch this morning. Nine old and two new necklaces.

I got my lesson to not believe what the supplier says. I should believe in my intuition. I remember I had quite an argument about the strength of the stopper but they convinced me that they have used the same stopper and no complaint so far. Now I know. They often have overseas customers. Of course, no complaint. Anyway, I should have listened to my feeling. Glad I have used the better stopper in the last four batches at least.

So I went on with my plan for today. After days of feeling uncomfortable at home, I need an entertainment. I fetched a new Mac! A friend thought I’ve given up on Mac. No. It’s good that we only have two options: PC or Mac. Having returned to my old PC the past few days, I know that I would never return to PC. I might be unlucky with the one I had. That can happen with any gadget. Mac is the only computer that fits my work style – multitasking. I read again the new Operating System (OS) features in the website last night.

I spent more than six hours since I got back from the shop to learn more about the new OS. I also put some pictures back and feel very satisfied with the way Mac thinks. The new OS answers all my needs from the previous OS, so far. So I’m super happy with the result. I can organize my work again. This amazing little machine.

I feel superstitious as well. I just remembered that I lost a laptop every time I finished a work with a big organization. Same office. My payment covers my lost, just exactly. Been twice now, since I lost Vaio then my first Mac. I really need to consider well before take another job from the office. The payment takes six weeks too!

Above all, I’m happy that I have fully recovered. Like magic!

Photo of Sunny Point, my creation.

The Stiff Body

I’ve been not well three days. I take it as the best time to learn more about my body. I don’t like to take medicine although I know it cures quickly. I better stick to the old way to cure body from flu – take extra rest. That’s what I do since I got back from Cirebon on Wednesday.

I felt better yesterday morning that I could work a bit. For me, if my brain works, that’s a good sign meaning I’m not that ill. I took paracetamol in the afternoon to reduce the slight fever. I felt better but of course it put me to sleep, or in between heaven and earth. My intake was getting less and less. I could only take two spoonful of rice for lunch and forgot that I also needed to have dinner. I was too weak to set appetite for eating.

This morning I got up in the dark to find my back killing me. I got backache of lying down too long. I don’t know what to do, my head wanted to rest, my back refused. I slept on my side till dawn. My. This flu is seriously torturing me. It took me awhile to figure out what to do.

Now I know that doing yoga needs super healthy body. My body is super stiff now and I don’t have energy to move complicated positions in yoga. Forget about putting my head down, it spins. I did it anyway, minus the head down. I don’t want to let myself be in this state too long. I did it carefully and slowly. It’s so stiff when I did but I feel more flexible after that. I will do again in the afternoon.

When I checked on my reflection? I have skinny thigh and flat stomach. I lose my curve. I don’t dare to check my weight. I must have lost at least one kilogram. What I have to do now is to keep my spirit high, rest without lying down, exercise lightly twice a day, and drink more water.

I have an agenda for tomorrow. I have to pass this.

Photo of a cracked plate in Keraton Kasepuhan Cirebon.

The Longest Trip

I awoke in the middle of the night feeling cold so I turned off the air-conditioner. When I got up at 5:00, my body was aching. I knew something had been not right. I dragged myself to shower to turn on my system and lied down again to wait for 7:00, time to get together for breakfast. That was yesterday.

I never finished the tour. I decided to take earlier train back to Jakarta. I could not drag myself to the end of the day with on-off car in the heat. I could not imagine what might be my shape in the end of the day. And, it wouldn’t be fair for the rest of the group if I shared my flu in the car. I’d made up my mind. I took two seats at 10:00 o’clock train.

I was a bit ‘scared’ being on a train by myself. It’s been more than fifteen years since I often used train. In such condition, I had to keep alert with my belongings. I slept holding my handbag and thought less of the other bags. It seems that I slept pretty well. When I awoke, an hour had passed. And I was lucky, the train arrived on time. Three hours. I’d made the longest trip.

I spent the whole afternoon and evening lying on bed. I could not get up because of my headache. I’m totally vegetable. I didn’t eat anything either although I know eat and drink cure. I just let my body adjusting itself. I slept through the night and found myself wet with sweat this morning. It’s a good sign. I feel much better now. I will take it easy. I won’t come to the Heritage’s White Elephant Sale. Not the sale that I miss, actually I would like to come for a friend’s talk about Why I have Papuan warrior clothes in my living room? I know she’s a big collector of Indonesian stuffs. Nice lady.

My Mac is still on-off so my decision to buy a new one. Yesterday the service center said that it’s okay now after reformatting but after I asked them to put my data back, it stuck again. I have released a price for my Mac when a friend asked last night. No more second thought, I am sure I better get a new one. It’s funny about Mac that people believe it’s a super computer, my friend told me that her two boys got their Mac hang in the system twice. So nothing is perfect anymore. We should not rely on that much.

Photo of a tree roots in Keraton Kasepuhan Cirebon.

The Cirebon Trip

I'm in the hotel business center in Cirebon waiting for time to have early dinner with the group. We had a long day as we started early at 5:30 in Gambir station, Jakarta. It was my first time to be in the station, also for some people. There are ten of us. I only know a few but we make friends in a few minutes. Glad we have a nice group of many nationalities.

Train was okay except some windows are broken. Later I know that people throw stone to running train. So irresponsible and cannot understand why the authority don't catch them. Actually, just before we ended the trip we heard a loud thud like a small bomb explosion coming from a window that got hit by stone. So scary. Just cannot imagine the glass shattered on our face. Anyway, the train wasn't bad at all. We giggled about the 'ever' reclined chair that hard to put back straight.

Cirebon is nice. I visited here almost thirteen years ago. It looks pretty much the same. We went to mosques (with history of course), the Keraton Kasepuhan with nice Dutch plates planted on the bricks, a glass painting studio, and a wet market! We also had a chance to be in becak in the sun. It was fun. I shared a becak with a friend of the same size. So much fun.

Lunch was nice too. I admit, I ate a bit more than usual. Who can resist the fresh seafood for late lunch? A perfect combination to have a big meal. We were chicken after lunch, of the food and the blasting hot sun. And I have to confess too that I skipped a tour to Wali Songo tomb. Only two persons going. The tour guide said that we anticipate a big hassle with numerous beggars on the site. That turns us off. Or simply say, we were just too tired. No more excuse.

Now I'm ready to have dinner in a well known Chinese restaurant that has a place to buy oleh-oleh, they say. Then, catching good sleep must be nice. I look forward to having a nice morning and day tomorrow.

The Sentimental Thought

What a life in Jakarta.. I had a hectic morning with so many things to do before 9:00. Why? Because some stuffs have to be ready to be delivered just in time my staffs leave home that is before 8:30 to be precise. I got up late around 5:15 and worked on necklace administration. I finished a batch of tiny necklace yesterday. My marketing friend expected me to send a new batch to her place as she’s going to have a national level event this week that I believe she knows she has a good market. So I sent all of the new creations.

I also had to send travel document for Cirebon trip to the Heritage because I was out of town in time I had to submit. And warranty card for the Apple shop to send my laptop to service center. It’s in the process now. The crashed hard disk makes me realize that my neatness has created more problems. I have deleted some past emails that it turns out very important in a time like this. I could not print out invoice for my last work as I lost the template in one of the past emails. I’m just too neat. I should just fill up the 85 MB. Silly neat..

Catching breath on the way to early lunch, I pondered how I should reconstruct my life. I’m too neat, perfectionist. It’s good in many ways, but being flexible is more important. Some times I feel like machine, like I have timer in my body to know when to: clean up Inbox, check up bank account to not miss to jot down a transaction, tidy up hard disk by labeling and categorizing,… I don’t know. Little things that bother me.

Anyway, I have come to a point of letting go of what’s inside my hard disk. There’s nothing I can do if it’s gone, it’s gone. I should be fine, I have encountered many kinds of hardship in the past. I survive. I know now that the biggest part of my life is kept in a laptop. Strange. My work, my thought, my entertainment,… my friend. Ah now I’m being sentimental.

I had a nice lunch with four ladies from different walk of life. Time has united us. We lost friends one by one over the last five years. We are among the 'Jakarta survivors'. It’s good to know that three of us will spend the rest of life in Bali. The Swiss lady definitely would be my neighbor in Ubud. I keep an eye on the progress of her house construction. We look forward to sharing and doing arts together later. So excited as we do different things. She works with textiles.

I have to run now. Tidying necklace and packing for Cirebon trip. Our train will leave at 6:00. We stay overnight and return tomorrow evening. I look forward to spending two days with two good friends and many new friends. Another adventure has waited..

Photo of Warm Wave, my creation.

The Intensity

I consider myself laid back because of my constant battle with procrastination. But actually my friend is right. He considered me as intense. It took me a while to sink in before admitting that sounds true. I’m intense doing things I feel hot to. I’m a bit worried though about this behavior because intensity disappears quickly too. I have proved. I did collage for a few months last year. I did it very well but only for a short time. I’m doing necklace now and it has good sale so far. I was wondering if this ends soon because I got bored easily. To be frank, I want this to continue as long as could be because I like the work – well, then, it should be long :-)

I thought about the notion of intense all morning while I was taking stock of necklace. Yes, I am intense and can be so serious about something. It’s good and… not so good. I feel like obsessed doing things I think should be done well and properly. Perfectionist? I am trapped. I should release more. Let go.

I can refrain myself from doing things that don’t have deadline and no boss around to watch. I’m bad in this sector, not a typical good entrepreneur. But I am super good in delivering what I have committed. Therefore, deadline and boss are the keys of my intensity. And of course, my like.

While I’m fighting procrastination, I’m also fighting to deal with calmness. My calm look has deceived many especially people who only meet me in function. I could be extra calm when I’m not in my space with my agenda. I can just let go and smile a lot. In my space, I move with purpose and how can one find me laid back?

Hm.. look at me fighting me. What’s my point? I think I have problem with being a perfectionist and a procrastinator. Two opposite things. What bothers me then? I often think that all my issues are rooted from the former. So, that’s the area that I need to fight more. Convert it to the latter?

Photo of Pura Puseh, my A-line.