Struggle For Identity

The Festival started at 9:00 a la Bali; live gamelan music and one dance before the official opening. It’s nice to see ‘formal’ speakers desk with Ubud view and gamelan orchestra nearby. Very Bali.

This year’s theme is desa (place) kala (time) patra (identity). PW, Balinese poet, opened the Festival with elaboration of the theme. It’s about ‘surrendering life for desa kala patra’ or share with others, not just think about self. It’s Balinese concept about sharing life with community.

The first session discussed a book about British in India around the 17th century. The author is British who lived in India to do history research for the background story. He shared the outline of the book. He was good in telling story, we felt like watching movie with the help of a few slides. He kept the climax tho. He suggested us to buy the book. So funny. Of course.

The next session discussed three works by Indian-woman authors. The main topic was about identity as Indian living ‘outside’ India. The youngest one is Fijian (Indian in Fiji) who lives in Australia, one is brought up in India but living in the US, and mixed Indian – Swiss living in many countries. They showed the ‘struggle’ of expressing their identity to the world. Interesting.

I sat with two Australian new girlfriends all morning. I grabbed lunch with MN, wife of a well-know artist, who I know long time. I sat on a table with two teachers from the US, an US lives in KL, and an US lives in Ubud. What a small world!

I missed half session about poetry which was discussed by Indonesian, Singaporean, and Austrian poets. I only listened to each of them reading their works. Nice.

The next session was about Asian influences global culture. Again, it was discussed by ‘global citizen’ writers; an Indian lives in HK, an Indian lives in NY, and an Australian in Thailand. It’s an interesting discussion about English as medium. They struggle to get their ‘own’ English, not ‘standard’ English, for expressing. They agreed to use whatever style of English because that’s how people acquired their variety. Hm.

The last session was about life-changing journeys around the world and how travel has marked what they write. Again, it was a discussion about cross-cultural life. Day was ended around 17:30. It was followed by a book launch in downtown Ubud. I skipped. I was too tired thinking of transportation. It’s already a long day. I needed time for self. I bought four books by the two Indian-woman authors and the Singaporean poet. I managed to get one book signed by the Fijian-Indian girl as shown in photo. Brilliant girl.

By the way, I made note in my black-page art-journal. I sketched some speakers too. I wish I could take my colored pencil to the venue without looking odd. I only took the automatic-pencil which I had to change the lead to get different color. I look at it now. I like my work.

Nice Unusual Day

Yesterday my plan was to work in PLV. Even before I showered, my neighbor-friend, MAR had asked me to come to his project site for a quick look. He is building a villa in the middle of nowhere near our shops. Quick look? No harm. Okay.

I went with SUR, PLV staff. SUR helps me to go places with his motor since I arrived. We passed steep main road to get MAR’s place. It’s not far from our shops, about five minutes ride (in high speed). The road looked familiar. Yes, I walked the road with a good friend last year. It was a nice long walk.

The project site is on the side of the main road, only high in the steep hill. MAR giggled to see me coming. He looked so small up there. A worker was still working on the stairs path. Hm. I knew that the land has contour, but not “this kind of contour”. I wore white short skirt but perfect in thong rubber sandal.

I went up half way without difficulties; MAR’s staff was worry to see me (later I knew, he's not good in climbing up). High and steep steps were okay for me. I stopped half way to enjoy the view while shouting with MAR up there. I sat in his king chair, artistically made.

I climbed one more stage to get MAR. The stairs were still wet of digging. It’s slippery and I almost fell. I buried my toes in mud. It was fun and it’s good to know that I had good balance.

The view was spectacular from the would-be-house flat. Behind the plain land is paddy rice field and on the left side is a nice house owned by a Japanese composer. Very nice.

We giggled a lot talking about his plan; the building and ‘security’ management. We sat on the grass sipping water. I was well baked by then. Ubud sun is irresistible. It’s so nice to be under sun without feeling hot and ‘baked’.

MAR showed me the back side of the neighborhood. That’s when I gasped of wonder. It’s a neat clean narrow alley that links houses as shown in photo. Some houses are hidden from the main road. I could not stop uh-ah along the way. Very artistic and.. ah beautiful. Well, it is a perfect neighborhood.

We went down to the main road from a neighbor’s stairs. Great I didn’t have to be in mud again. We walked back to project site and made a stop at Ibu Kepala Desa (head of village)’s warung. MAR took time to chit-chat and bought two bottles of drinking water. She looked at me.. Hm.. I know, you must have thought that I’m his girlfriend. I am.

MAR sat in PLV since we got back. It’s almost noon. We had lunch in the back, we chatted for two hours. I gave up my plan to work. My body had been relaxed by the atmosphere. I just thought of what to do to make progress because time is limited.

MAR left around his nap time, 14:00, and that left me two hours to work. I started my computer and thought. Good that we can be creative in limitation. I got an idea to finish the work. I only made quick draft of what I needed to do. It finished in one hour. Perfect. I was in the middle of burning my idea when MAR texted me for coffee in neighbor café. I turned down the invitation nicely. I know that he enjoys my company. Me the same but..

I decided to pay the expensive ticket to the Festival opening. It’s nice to have decided last minute. It was a perfect time before dark to open such event. We all enjoy the atmosphere with live gamelan music. Another challenge for me. I knew zero of the community. It seemed that everybody had circle of friends. Hm.

I was standing by myself enjoying the music when a young lady greeted me. We chatted and finally sat on the gamelan stage's stair. LIB just launched her first book in London. An Australian who runs a boutique hotel in Srilanka. We talked about the process of writing. Nice chat. I learned.

The long opening finished two hours later. Nice dance. I had soup for dinner before went to the first session in the stage inside Puri Ubud. Very nice place with vast lotus pond. The view was spectacular. I sat on the floor by a fountain. It’s nice. I let my legs hanging into the pond.

It’s tribute for PAT – Indonesian controversial writer. I never read his work. I enjoyed listening the highlight of his life and part of his work read by well-known writers. Ya. He had different way of thinking. I stayed for an hour and decided to go back to hotel when they started to read more of his work. That was close to 22:00.

I decided to walk. I knew it’s quite a long way and dark. Another challenge. It wasn’t bad. I took the trip as sport. Held tummy and walked fast. It was good. I was glad when I got the small jungle with big trees. Half way.

Aha.. spooky Campuhan bridge. I remember END told me about the unseen counterpart in this area. Yea. It’s pretty dark because the lamp was on-off. I smiled walking the bridge. As I turned to the very steep road to Penestanan, I gasped. It was a total dark and real jungle. Now this is something. I had to go on.

The road is really steep, I could not walk faster. I climbed if not crawled. I realized that I was scared of people more than spirits. What if someone comes to rob me. Aaaarrrghh… Reaching the plain road, I almost ran to hotel. Nice twelve minutes.

My unusual day was ended nicely. Very.

simple and nice

I stay in a 20-room place in Penestanan, Ubud. My first time. I want different atmosphere after three years of staying in the same place, the same room.

I searched the place thru internet as I used to do. I only relied on a few photos of the place; the rest was really a surprise – either nice or not-so. I chose SR Cottages for the location; walkable to festival venues and high enough to make my internet connection working. I observed both yesterday. The venues are not-so walkable ha ha… The road is steep; ensures all sweaty body to get the place. Internet didn’t work when I quickly tried before left for PLV. Glad I didn’t give up, I tried again in the evening. I found out that it only works in one spot, in the corner of bed near door to balcony. Great!

I checked two rooms before I ‘gave in’ to this room which had reserved for me. It’s one of three rooms in the second floor. The balcony faces well-trimmed garden a la Bali and pool. In the back, out of the room door, is paddy rice-field but nowhere to sit to enjoy. Not bad tho.

Room is very basic, simple. Nice bed with white sheets (nice standard) as shown in photo below. Bathroom is okay too, light is a bit dimmed but water pressure is not bad. There’s a small TV, smaller than my desktop computer screen, and a small empty fridge that runs with a bit noise. I feel like staying in someone’s house in Java. The owner roamed around the property; watering garden, placing offerings, checking staffs,.. All are neat, clean, and basic. I only found the only art in the room last night when I lied down in the dark. It’s a small Balinese painting which hung too high.

My only ‘complaints’ are.. no glass (forget about drinking water) and the towels are dark blue (in bed decorated with lots of flower). Good that I always have my Bali travel kit: stainless steel mug (it won’t break in bag) and heater coil. Next time, I just need to bring towel to make this room a perfect home.

This morning I found the balcony gets sun rays from the right side (must be the east). I really enjoyed baking my back while reading, like being massaged. So luxury. I also found out that I can see Blanco’s rooftop as shown in photo. So nice!

I would ask for the same room in the future. The nice row of rooms by the garden get no direct sun rays and.. no privacy when door is open. In the second floor, I can do whatever I want :-)

Now I have to prepare self for the day. Work in PLV is my goal!

plug into ubud

I feel like walking in sleep. I got up around 3:30, had roti and susu then slept again. So strange. Two minutes before 7:00 I checked cellphone alarm and felt like for ever before the alarm actually went off. I must have fully awoken for two minutes then.

Nice morning. I went calmly preparing my solitude holiday. I managed to get all my stuff into my huge duffel-bag. I took ‘my life’ with me; books, beverages and soup, collage and art journal kits,.. PET’s statue, printer, PLV price tags,… I love my duffel-bag.

A few days before departing for a week holiday is always busy time for me. I did more decluttering to ensure longer holiday feeling when I’m home. Preparing staff’s job description for the days I’m absent. Writing instruction to take care of trouble with bank. So glad that I could be away from routine for awhile.

I participate in Ubud Writers and Readers Festival in Ubud. This is the third annual-event. I hadn’t had enough kick to attend the last year’s and this year I thought… it would be nice if I could take part in Ubud’s international event as part of Ubud life.

I studied the ‘complicated’ program for days, trying to tune into what I want to attend because so many nice sessions. I took it too easy that the tickets to join most workshops have sold out when I checked the ticket box just now. Many workshops only allow fifteen seats. Nice small group, true. I met an enthusiastic Indonesian girl who bought all tickets thru internet months ago. She is lucky to get herself tuned that early.

I took four-day pass to four-day main program and one workshop by Indonesian poet, SS. I don’t mind, the main program looks interesting too with many international speakers talking about their work in many fields from travel, journalism, love, history,… to cooking writings.

There would be some CD and book launchings in the evening, also poetry reading with Brazilian dancing, and.. movie under stars in a soccer field. So merry. Ubud looks alive. Many international visitors.

I look forward to joining the event although I have to work in PLV all day tomorrow hoo hoo. The opening is in the evening but I don’t think I would join. The ticket is almost twice more expensive than the four-day pass. Hm.

Photo of my Plug Into Ubud Art.

Cluttering furrrrrrrrrther..

More decluttering today. In and out of house. I tidied my work place. Like resetting, it looks new now. Read: nothing there ha ha. It looks nice for a change.

I also managed to close one inactive account in a bank I used when still worked in office. It used to be a large bank, now… almost unheard. I also plan to close the credit card soon.

More errands, then lunch with PET. Finally, after months of negotiating time to meet. She looked good and happy. I’m happy for her. I also dropped by her house in a nice residential area. It’s a nice home cum office where she runs her monthly magazine. She’s an amazing woman. I know her only five years but I feel like part of her life. We hardly met but stay in touch very well. The kids also hug me. Nice friendship.

Now I’m back to my biz at home. More decluterring..

PS: I decided to close UB shop today. The entity still exists, only from bazaar to bazaar. Only few hours since I decided, LIN sold an art from the 'new' shop. Nice FRA extension. I'm happy with my decision.

Photo of my Prescription.

Mr. Happy

Today I learn about treasuring my health more. The last five years, thank to the Universe, I feel extraordinary healthy compares to the day I worked in office. I caught flu almost every month. I could not meet persons with flu because I knew I would catch right away. Headache and nausea were constantly there -- alternately.

I think I feel better after I started to take a lot of fruits and vegetables. I also paid more attention to my daily vitamin intake. Now I seldom catch flu (the last time I had was two years ago, pretty bad) and other discomfort.

I was tidying clothes when I felt stomach discomfort. But it didn’t stay long, discomfort turned into ache… pain! Like cramp, I could not move my legs. I was in cold sweat while thinking what might be the problem. I hadn’t had anything 'new' since long time.

I lied down and tried to relax muscle. I was wet with cold sweat by then. I crawled to bathroom, grabbed gel pack I bought last month, soaked it in hot water, then put it on stomach. It took ten minutes to warm the gel pack and back to bed. Uuh..

Glad to have the gel-pack. I felt better and better. I dozed on-off while listening to Oprah. I even managed to reply to a text from a good friend. I felt well less than 40 minutes but I learned something. The pain reminded me to look after my health seriously. I don’t want to be in pain like that anymore.. ever. I came to think what would happen if I’m by myself. At home I could call staff by pressing phone.

Again, thank to the gel-pack. I bought it in a !bookshop -- fancy and expensive. I felt I needed one after I suffered from bad headache (caused by low blood pressure) on my way back from Bali. I found that warm towel eased the discomfort so gel-pack should do better.

I bought it with RAD. We giggled. Why do they call the gel-pack Mr. Happy?

mmmmmonster

I had been eaten by procrastinate monster today. I thought I only had half day. Suddenly I had one day free because of another cancelled lunch.

I decided to tidy bedroom and worked on wardrobe. What I ended up doing? I talked on phone. I studied an event program. I browsed more art ideas. And finally, I checked the not-yet-read books. I spent long time in front of book-shelves. I enjoyed refreshing memory by browsing the books.

In the end of the day, I have a pile of clothes that need to be ironed (no time now), still unclassified closets, and three books to read. I have an idea for a collage but no time to do. No time tho lots of time.

Photo of my I see it anywhere..

Selamat Puasa

Today is the first day of puasa (fasting month). This is my third year of not puasa at all – like whole month. I decided to not ‘participate’ after found my body ‘shrinks’ significantly. I felt sleepy easily and some mid-day I felt like dizzy and weak. Or, in the better days, I hardly had anything all day from early breakfast (sahur) to the next sahur. My appetite had just turned off and my body got used to it. That’s when I started to worry about degrading the quality of my health.

You may call this my disclaimer, but I share you this. I lost 2 – 4 kgs the past five years. Not much for many people, but not for me who only gained 3 kgs since my high school years 26 years ago. The past two years showed its significant ‘shrinkage’ (especially after few months of wearing braces last year). My size went down two sizes. Giordano doesn’t have smaller jeans than size 24 which still goes half my hip without belt. But I must say, I love my size now. I feel more energetic and most of all… I enjoy my shape more :-)

But I realized when I got home from short outing today. In fact, in fasting month, I could also go without eating all day. I didn’t have sahur, but I skipped lunch because I was too shy to ask staffs to prepare (and no leftovers I could grab from fridge) or I could not find lunch mate, and suddenly end of puasa day came. I did more than ‘formal’ puasa then because I didn’t have the sahur -- like 24-hour with less intake. It needs time to watch my new rhythm in fasting month. I need to stock up ‘emergency’ food for lunch at home or have something I like when leftovers don’t appeal me.

Anyway, I spent my evening reading a book titled Tuesdays with Morrie. A good friend recommended me yesterday and I found the book today. I have refrained self from buying books lately (for I have piles of not-yet-read book) but I must say… I’m hungry for a good book. This book looked interesting; nicely written and small.

I read it non-stop right after I got home. I was going to stop to do something else but I felt I might not like to continue reading if I did so. The story was good and sad at the same time. I was not sure I would have the same mood next time. In my high time, I would prefer to read nice jolly book. This is not a depressing book, but it brought moist in eyes in some parts. It’s about the last life session of a dying man who had great wisdom. Nicely written true-story. I like it. Thanks for recommending!

It’s a nice way to end a weekend. I am more than ready to face new week tomorrow. I have plans of how to spend it. Nice.

Photo of a part of my digital Puasa Greetings.

No worry

I did my first commissioned artwork last night. I took the challenge from END, my new friend. She wants to give my work to her best friend as birthday gift. I feel flattered. I did it happily till late last night. I sent her the draft before midnight and we chatted till late what needed to alter.

I talked to her again as early as 7:30 this morning. It was hilarious. I promised to meet her in the afternoon to show the draft and meet her Ibu friend who unexpectedly is the same Ibu I knew in Malang. Nice. I talked to her too..

I hate to say, I broke my promise. I was in bad shape almost all day. It hit me. My good mood was gone. I could not create other art although I still have two challenges to answer.

I told END to wait for my mood to pass. Seven years my junior, she was being polite not to ask more :-) She is a really nice girl. I like her; smart, very open minded, 80% masculine especially her physical appearance but… has 80% feminine feeling ha ha.. Both are to extreme. Often it took time for me to understand what caused her feeling touched. She is sensitive to even simple kindness, I must say. Nice girl.

So I thought this evening that I have to finish the work tomorrow morning, no excuse. I have to be professional regardless my bad mood. Bete!! Poor END, she must be in question now but has to be polite :-)

No worry, dear..

o f f

watch from afar
oh so busy
world goes by
decide to slow down
without occupation
resign from network
take idle time
...

Art Time

I had nice time with NIE at H meeting for study group today. We worked very well as team leaders. It took us ten minutes to organize our group and communicate with other group. Rest of the time we toured the house enjoying art objects from Russia, Vietnam, and China. Really nice big house with lots of nice thing. Lucky lady.

I had simple lunch with nice rendang at NIE’s house. Her house feels like home to me now. I roam any room and use any facility. I know every object and staff. We develop sisterhood :-)

I decided to follow NIE to DS studio. She needed to fix some of her artworks. We had very nice chat during lunch and along the way. I learned a lot about her family. And it’s nice too to be at DS studio, been long not visited her. Nice to know some people I used to meet in any exhibition DS participated. Nice artists they are.

I got home happy. I have done something nice today. Glad.

Photo of a poster in Pasar Seni ITB.

There's something nicer to do..

NIE and I had a good laugh. We agreed on the statement. We both skipped two H programs today. And both programs were supposedly 'important' for us, especially the N award reception for our art-group this evening. We let the H Chairwoman looked after it :-)

We had a good time tho.. in separate places.

My Pria collage.

Bulldozing Day Two

I opened my lovely Chinese cabinet. I love this cabinet that can store a house in it. I looked at piles of curtains, tablecloths, pillow cases,.. Hm. This is not about collecting, more about change-of-mood habit. I cannot stand looking at the same thing, same color,… so over the years I keep buying new things to change the atmosphere.

I hesitated for awhile. What a huge pile.. Without thinking twice, I took out every single thing inside and put the heaps on the floor. I looked at them helplessly but no choice but to work on it.

I looked at my yellow curtains – pale and loud. I could not believe that I once was in colorful mood because the last five years I have almost all of my furnishings in broken-white. Hm.. Then some tees from old days, some were still new,..

An hour passed. I talked on phone while considering what to do with some items. When I finished, only half of the content were back into the cabinet. The rest were divided into categories: give away, re-use, and think-about-what. I took shower late but happy. I was sweaty all over after yoga and worked on the excess. Satisfied! Second day is as successful as the first day.

I returned to my assignment. I challenged myself to be a volunteer translator for the National Museum. They are going to publish a book on Majapahit in November and badly need lots of hand to translate from Indonesian to English. I took some reference books and started to read the material. I had to hold self from checking emails which came every now and then. Uh.

It took me less than an hour to translate one and a half A4 pages. Translating is not an easy task because the two languages have different way to express. It’s better to write from scratch either in Indonesian or English. I’m happy tho with the result. Not bad for my first ‘scientific’ writing after my thesis in 2000 :-)

I closed my day with chatting with my good childhood girlfriend. So nice with internet where we can meet each other anytime. I learned a lot from her. I feel better after an hour or so talking to her intensively. Soo nice.

I may spend my evening with cousins again like last evening. We have to make uniform for ATO’s wedding and the tailor lady may come to measure. She failed to appear last night. Uh.

Photo of my Bulldozing Day One yesterday.

The Tao of Abundance

I read The Tao of Abundance yesterday. I liked the idea of having just what we need. I got idea before sleep last night to start bulldozing my house today. I’m tired of so many stuffs I have. I feel like my life is a mess. Or, I live with a mess? Or, I have messy life? Or, messy house?

I started early this morning. I planned to do it all day, all areas. I was tempted to hop as usual but I managed to focus on one after one. I decided to do one category a day. By 15:00, I finished all paper mess, bills and magazines. All are gone now. Shredder stopped on the way. I was helpless not knowing why. Later I knew, it was too hot ha ha. It worked too hard perhaps. I shredded a lot of credit card invoice -- things that I could not delegate to staff to help. Uh!

Magazines have been categorized by title, now waiting for PEN to return. I want to drop it off at ANZA House so they can sell or donate. I reserved a stack of fashion magazines for cousins and educational one for uncle’s school in Malang. Done.

I opened a cabinet full of ‘textiles’ (linen, tablecloth, curtain). Oh.. I don’t have energy anymore. I save textile category for tomorrow. I also started to sort out glass (crystal vases, old jars, and many else) but haven’t done anything physically. I’m still considering to put them in garage sale along with shoes and clothing, or.. just give them away. I don’t know. I haven’t decided.

The best time to bulldoze mess is when a relative (or Mama) said that they would come over. Aaah… That’s the most effective way to tidy house in short time. The other day NIE said that she doesn’t mind what people think about her house. He he.. I still a bit mind. I don’t mind my creative mess, but misplaced stuffs have to be tidied.

I realized that I have more than I need. Common issue. I always remember the day I helped out a friend who moved to DC. She had huge house with 460 boxes to go into containers, after giving away half of the house (BBQ grill, washing machine, two big pots, numerous shoes, and many more). Lucky she moved to similar big house. PEN and I helped to pack her closet. Piles of silk textile, strings of pearl and accessories, and more. It took days to pack up the 460 boxes together with men from the shipping company. It was fun tho. We had a good time together.

My next project is my closet. I used to do every year but I think I haven’t done more than two years. Time really flies. I found some things untouched more than two years.

The good thing about bulldozing is.. it makes me wiser in buying next time. I spend less and less after bulldozing. I exercised many questions before decided to buy something. Do I have place? Will I use it often? Do I really need? Can I use what I have at home instead? I stopped buying batik sarong, but I still buy Projectshop skirts hoo hoo.

So that’s part one of my long term project. I told myself to finish bulldozing whole house before Eid. If I need longer time, I have to finish before year end. Please help me watch my goal..

Photo of my yesterday’s art-journal entry about the Tao of Abundance.

Sanity Testing

Finally, I started my real art-journal last night. Keri Smith’s blog has inspired me. I had idealism about an art-journal. I wanted it to be in an old book which I failed to find till today. But what Smith said “So on my way home from school I stopped in Chinatown and picked up a black and red lined journal for a dollar. We were told not to get something too fancy, preciousness would create a pressure to make the work good.” rang true to me. Glad I had black pages notebook I bought for nothing last month.

I started my cover page and first ‘posting’. I was so excited. So nice that I can express self thru drawing (shown in photo), not just writing. I feel freer. And even today I do much better; I also scrapping. I think I’m not bad as illustrator.

Apart of my art-journal gaga, something is testing my sanity the whole day. Can you imagine someone does not want to discuss something that needs a discussion with you? I feel like talking to a thick wall. And most of all, I feel like stupid!?

I calm myself by exercising possibilities, reasons why, my understanding,.. I begin to doubt myself. I question my own normality.. Does this issue – in fact – need no discussion? That I was too silly to bring it up as an issue? Is the option for me: accept or leave? I take this as a challenge.

Oprah said:

“Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a different way to stand.”

Messy Me

I brought my computer down to bedroom. I have piles of clean laundry to iron. I hadn’t done for days. So what’s the computer for? It’s weekend, it’s just nice to follow art-blogger comments that pop every now and then. That’s why I like to submit my work promptly so I can enjoy weekend hit and comment.

But what happens now? I’m blog-hopping. Yaa.. comments lead me to other art-blogs. It’s part of my weekend learning. I got ideas from those blogs. Today I feel kicked to realize recycled-book-art-journal soon. It has been weeks that I want to go to Jalan Surabaya to check out old-book stalls to find the right book for art-journaling. Uh.

NIE and I talked about our messy house yesterday. We have same creative mess everywhere in the house. Hers is… worse ha ha. She has two girls who can play whatever they want during holiday and… they don’t have to tidy the mess after play. So nice eh?

And her sister is the opposite. Her girls could not move in her sister’s tidy house because everything has to be in place. Sister? Last night I realized that my sister and I are different too. She is the just-do-it type and I’m the one with long-boring-consideration type. Actually I have tried to go out of box the last few years. Still… people who know me laugh at me. They said that I’m not good at it. I still make ‘a line straight’. Grr..

Well, I will keep trying to be more ‘human’ by ‘drawing not-so-straight line’. I enjoy my time in bed now surrounded by clean laundry and mess I created the last few weeks. I ate my boiled-egg in bed too while browsing and watching Fashion TV (I love designer-at-work program in weekend). Good that I don’t have small kid around to show a good example. I just have to be careful not to spill a crumb in bed :-)

I enjoy my messy me… I feel more ‘human’. Even Chiko enjoys sleeping among my art and mess as shown in picture. Viva mess!

Jobless

I was in cab when a friend called asking about my whereabouts. She thought I had a good time being on the way to an art thing -- in the middle of the day -- while she had to be in office. Ah. I told her to stop looking at ‘the other fence’ because I thought the same. I always feel jobless and economically unproductive. We had short discussion on this.

HNF exhibition was super wow. I felt like drawn into his huuuge painting from entrance to back where he put glass and rusty metal installation. He is a great artist. He is super. And what I also like about him is.. he does ‘the business’ very well. Not many Indonesian artists who can do well in art as well as the marketing. He does well both aspects, and it’s been years now. He is still young, that adds the point. He survives the global crisis with his art. Remarkable eh?

Not many paintings were exhibited. All were huge and had such quality. The staff told me that he sold almost all paintings. He could expand his modern studio then :-) I think this is one of very few exhibitions that I could really enjoy; eyes and soul. I felt refreshed leaving the exhibition. I bought the catalogue and felt the need to return before the closing on the 22th.

NIE and I went to view an auction lot after HNF exhibition. We met PEG and LDY there. It was a freezing room with lots of nice painting from some eras and countries. Another feast of the eyes, only mixed of nice and not-so-nice ones. I enjoyed the moment recollecting my knowledge about Indonesian painting history. Recognizing styles, years, artists,… So glad to know that I’m still good at it. Or, not bad :-)

NIE and I closed the day by having Penang cuisine in PI. Same resto I went with RAD the last time. We chatted chatted.. It was interesting when NIE started to talk about the characteristics of the H members. Tell me NIE.. All ladies and they are well-educated but.. jobless. Aaargghh…

I thought I was the only woman who feels that way. Jobless. NIE earns from her art, still she thought the same! Ah.. poor women.

Photos of HNF exhibition and my We are waiting.

Pool of Sameness

I miss doing collage. I watched ST show in VS studio last night. It was a good show.. like always. ST is a real entertainer. He is dalang (puppet master), he sings and plays musical instruments like sax, cello, and violin (I believe he can play other too..), he is so good with words. I had a good laugh, so RAD and my new friend END. Nice show, warm friends.

This evening I went to an embassy’s national day reception. Nice to meet different people. There’s only three ladies from the H. I never really talked to them, only often flew with one couple to Bali the last four years. They own a house near Ubud. So we plan to meet up there on Eid days. Also with a big spa owner in Ubud I know more than six years. She had tried to contact me since long. We set up dates to meet end of this month. Nice to meet Ubud-ian who never got together.

National anthem was nice. I wish I could sing the song. I enjoyed the decoration so much. Paper cutting showing all aspects of the country; the hat, guitar, food, plant, people,… Very nice. All in the national flag colors. Food was also good. We were in long queue to get the taste of it.

Reception was nice. Mingling was nice. Only I was not lucky with outfit. I chose the color very carefully; avoided the flag colors. Sure it’s batik. I chose to wear batik from an Italian designer living in Bali. Geometric, looks modern. I looked like Frida Kahlo, only much smaller.

Theme was right but wearing designer’s clothes could be mistake number one. Any designer has noticeable style and colors. I spotted some men wearing the designer shirt, till I spotted one. I felt like fainted. A man wore the shirt of my batik sarong. He could be my perfect partner. Aaaargghh.. He’s an Australian professor who writes a lot about Indonesia.

I felt like being Lopez and Beckham who were spotted wearing same Versace dress. Now I know, it’s better to wear nobody’s design. I don’t like being in a ‘pool of sameness’.

Photo of my Pool of Sameness.

New Bouquet

Today I challenged myself to face new people in the H. Since I joined the H five years ago, I always feel secured being surrounded by people I know. As an Indonesian, I never move and my bouquet of friends change every year. I’m lucky so far to have some at-least-2-year-old friends stay every year. So I’m secured to be in the same group every year -- the art group.

I want to expand my bouquet of friends this H year. I join a group I never joined before, the Explorer. It’s a group of exploring Jakarta and beyond. This is a favorite group where members get the ‘taste’ of Jakarta in short period, especially for persons who only live a couple of years in Jakarta. For long ‘staying guests’ or Jakartan, the group gives opportunity to be ‘a tourist in your own city’. Perfect for me.

I was kicked by SUM, my Jap friend, to join but we ended up being in separate small groups. About 200 members have signed up for the group (four different time preferences) and each small group has about twenty members. Altogether is very large group. I believe we are divided according to our ‘experience’. Some members have joined the group for years. I belong to a newbie group -– first timer.

So I jumped in. Of twenty members, there are four Indonesians. It’s remarkable, never experienced before. And I was a bit disappointed because none of them tried to make friends with me. I hadn’t had a chance to start but I could see that no one tried ‘to open the connection’. I planned to start but I was engaged planning a tour with my three new friends. I took the last chair available and there I got my neighbor seats as my partners to arrange a tour (as organizer in one session). They are from Austria, UK, and Australia. They were so excited to get an Indonesian friend. In the end of the session, I managed to get a contact for our tour. We arranged a short course of making janur (palm leaves) arrangement, traditional Javanese art.

Nice time for me being in H library with no friends, I only knew the Chairwoman and my Jap friend but I ended up making new friends with ladies from Peru, Mali, and the US, and of course my new partners. No one from Indonesia?!

Photo of my Bouquet of Life.

Frustrating Fun

My Monday dating with RAD was moved to today. I had other appointment yesterday and today I needed to go to PI. Meeting her is always super nice. We had Penang cuisine. It was fun. Four courses and RAD ate 70% share. My appetite to eat drops to the lowest the past few weeks. Some said I look thinner. Yaa, my jeans and skirts are half way down :-)

I liked that today I met and texted with ‘unlikely’ persons. I met AF, long time friend from office days. He’s always my friend although we hardly had time to meet. We talked on phone every three-month or so, but we only met once in two year. Nice to meet him again.

Then I met my long time customer in FRA, RW. We often met in ‘commercial’ places other than FRA. He was surprised to see my hair is as short as his. We exchanged news; biz and his travel back to the US recently.

I also had a good laugh texting with LN, my dentist. I reported that my bleeding has stopped after seven days using mouthwash he recommended. It’s so nice to have ‘online’ doctor to look after us that we don’t have to que in clinic. I laughed because he sent me pari’an -- typical Surabayan play with words. Like poems with rhymes, meant for fun – not serious. So creative.

So my day was fine, only I haven’t figured out why my newly installed Skype doesn’t work still. I spent almost whole day fiddling around yesterday. I have uninstalled and re-installed today and it’s still the same. Skype doesn’t recognize the internet connection. So strange. It’s the same with my anti-virus program. It stops auto-updating since a few weeks ago.

The funny thing about it.. sometimes when I turned on the computer, the auto updating worked. Also the Skype!! Like what I experienced this afternoon. I hurriedly added my contact but failed. The connection was short, I was late. It seems that I have to find out why both can be on in certain times, like using timer. So frustrating.. but fun.

Finally..

Finally the time comes. After six months of diligently posting every day (only skipped a few days), I’m not keen in writing anymore. I reflect. This blog is merely for me and I have ‘good communication’ with self lately. I don’t feel the need to write long story anymore, unlike blucolage where I have interactive audience to keep my ideas alive.

So.. not much to write about yesterday and today. I cut my hair real short yesterday and I really like it. PIET always did nice style with all blade cut. I think this is the shortest I have since grade 5 (around 1975?). My cheeks are gone, I look different.

Today I went with NIE and JEA to Bandung to see an art fair in ITB (the gate is shown in photo). It’s every five year so we didn’t want to miss. Lucky NIE was so enthusiastic that kicked me to go too.

Weather was clean and pleasant but sun was really hot. We walked under sun. I imagine I got my back burn because I wore low back tee. Lucky, up till now, I’m still okay.

I met KAR (shown in photo below) and family. She had a stall like many well-known artists. So good to meet relatives in unlikely place like this fair. I had good time with them while waiting for NIE and JEA finished one round in artists’ section.

NIE and I bought a few ceramic creations. One nice bowl, one small jar for my tools, and one ceramic art tile with body drawing. Really nice, I love three of them. Bandung has nice ceramic artists. Irresistible.

We went home around 16:00 without having lunch. Only brunch we had before we started to walk. It’s nice tho. Bandung is not far with the new toll road. I’m happy that I have decided to go.

Tap Other Door

My cellphone alarm went off exactly at 5:30. I stayed in bed five minutes and got up. I was ready, no burden, to tend UB stall in Asean bazaar. I have fought myself the last two days about the idea of tending the stall. I felt that UB has lost its spirit of togetherness. Everybody suddenly has something else to do. Today, it’s only ATO and me.

We went by cab because of the 3-in-1 regulation. I was okay, I took it easy. I felt that it’s not easy for ATO to go by cab. I have come to realization that I should make my life easier to be able to be mobile in Jakarta. No car, traffic regulation, then cab. Too far, then car-pooling. No problem.

Time went slow. Bazaar was quiet. I didn’t shop around, no appetite. I made three sketches of a big woman sitting opposite me. It becomes habit now to observe ‘lines’ of a big person. My anatomy study.

I learned about running a business from UB neighbor stall, UNG. I saw her making lots of pearl bracelet. She told me that she got repetitive order to make thousands of bracelets. I asked her how she managed her revenue and the order. It’s fantastic. She started eight months ago and she is in her peak now. Lots of order and good sales in many bazaars. She studied law and worked in the field before until one day she went to a mall and wanted a simple necklace. She could not get the necklace because of fixed price. She took ‘revenge’.. She made necklace herself and more now. She believed that she has listened to her inner voice well. Orders were streaming in unexpectedly.

I’m glad that I have learned something out of my boring day. That’s my goal today, if I could not enjoy the day, I have to learn something. Tap other door. UNG has showed me. I thanked her for business tips and spirit she shared with me. Salute!

RIN came very late. She only stayed one hour then we separated. We went home by cab again and she left by bus to airport to meet her daughter. I had short nap in cab. My way to ‘escape’ from being uncomfortable in cab or in traffic. Only I cannot do when I drive :-)

Mandi was very refreshing. I took almost one litter of water to beat headache which I believed it was caused by lack of water. I felt better. I planned to read then do collage. But then I installed Skype which could not sign in because of computer setting perhaps. I was too tired to think but then I installed HP scanner for my artwork. I care about the blurry images in blucolage although I’m still debating whether it’s bad scan or bad eyes.. I found that tiredness becomes nothing when it comes to a new 'toy' :-)

it's all inside

Yesterday I realized that if I feel my creativity block, there’s nothing I can do except do something else. I looked at so many pages but nothing came in mind unlike the day before when every page showed my art. I tried to create a blog, even the same. Nothing came in mind to make the page. I stopped.

But I also learned that actually I could push myself to create. It was quite frustrating but I wanted to break the blockage. I did small cut to ignite my concentration. I managed the cutting well, only I didn’t glue well enough. I felt uneven texture this morning. I quite like do no evil tho..

I decided to socialize today although PEN could not make it. She’s still busy with interviewing staff. I went with NIE to annual H meeting as part of our task as leaders for next term. I’m glad I went. It was a very nice event where hundreds of member attended. We could meet long time, old time, impressive friends.. Everybody was excited. Hugging and chatting.

It’s good to meet VIE who just have a baby boy, MAR who just returned from a month in Uzbek, and my first Jap friend SUM. I could see twinkle in her eyes when she saw me. I hugged her. It was sooo good to see her again. We only met once but I knew that we’re going to be good friends. She kept saying that I look like her good Jap friend. We changed numbers and I joined same Explorer group with her. This is going to be my first joining favorite group in H. Now the group caters various times preferences: weekly, fortnightly, monthly, and weekend (with spouse). Very flexible, nice. MAR tried to drag me to the weekly one but I don’t think I can commit weekly and skipping session is not my style (I could see that you are a committed person. SUM told me ha ha.. It shows…)

I decided to have lunch with NIE, although MAR asked me to go with her. NIE looked at me and made sure whether I wanted to go with other flock dressed in white. Yaa.. the three French ladies wearing all white. NIE got me. Okay, I chose dark group then. I wore black and NIE wore dark brown. Ha ha..

We had a very good lunch, one to one. My first time with NIE. We never ran out of topic to talk. I even spent half an hour before the meeting touring her house. My favorite house because it has my house in it. Creative mess everywhere. Paintings, sculpture, accessories,.. And lucky two kids, they have good art environment. They have same creative mess.

I adore NIE for she raises the kids herself, no nanny no day care. We talked about people who are able to leave their kids with others. She kept saying what’s the point of having kids then. I could not agree more.

I dropped by FRA for a few minutes. I was drained, I could not think of anything. I enjoyed the cool of aircon while replying many texts. I got home wet of sweat. It was a hot humid day and we had lunch outdoor too. I went straight to cold shower and felt refreshed. It’s sooo perfect to spend afternoon at home although dark comes in two hours.

I just finished my first art with animal. Spectacular cat.

b l o c k

I remember you..

Irwin’s effect still affected my half day. I watched any news station to catch Irwin’s story. CNN, Fox News, and CNBC were on alternately all day. I found ABC later but nothing about Irwin. Hh..

It also affected PEN. She texted me Decided not to stress about staff, waste of time. Croc hunter family worse off than me. While NIE thought that actually we could wait it happens because Irwin pushing it and too bad that it happened far too soon. So sad.

I was creative today. I liked it. I didn’t produce many artworks but I found many create-able pages from magz meaning.. my creative ideas worked very well. I was able to picture what kind of art I could make out of a page.

I learned how to tear pages well too but it’s not easy. I have tried many ways still.. I tore not nicely in the middle of the page. Grr.. I don’t really like to trim the edge too much, or better leave it ‘raw’.

YUG called. She asked me about the possibility to hold a small painting exhibition in monthly music forum she organizes. The dance company where she works will start the activity next week. I gave her some suggestions on how to attract small galleries to work together with her company. She called me because I remember you told me.. I was surprised. She listened?

Later in the early evening, my long time girlfriend called. AUD asked my advice about organizing an outbound trip to Malang. I asked her to Google some keywords for more info. She started her chat with I remember you when..

I have troubled gum the last three weeks. It’s mild bleeding between teeth in the back. I ignored it because I only noticed when flossing, then forgot the whole day. But this evening I could taste blood tho mild. I was panic. I texted my dentist.

He called me right away. We chatted. He is now studying for a Master degree on implant in Singapore. He goes up every last week of a month for three years since eight months ago. Time flies. I ‘left’ him almost one year after one full year visiting him twice a week.

He told me that he has undergone general medical check-up with his father. He started the story with I remember you told me..

Photo of my Vacuum it away…

Life is not all about romance

I’m still shocked by the tragic death of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. I could feel blood draining off my head when his photo along with the word “killed” caught my attention at Yahoo news. I seldom felt shock and sad by the death of a celebrity but he is different. I ‘lived’ with him in my bedroom for years. I watched his brave show every morning while doing activity in room and night before sleep. Only lately I watched Fashion TV more because it has nice music to fill the room.

He was so good, so brave, with wild animals. He was killed by a stingray while doing “Ocean's Deadliest” film in Australia. What a tragic way, his way. He died young at 44. His energy, his spirit. He is gone too soon. My pray.
___________________________________

I battled with self in the morning. I had an idea for my artwork but I needed to do banking in other part of Jakarta. I could not do both in a day. I considered all possibilities while doing my morning ritual. I didn’t have option, I had to do banking first. And better started early before 10:00.

I got an idea while having breakfast. Hm.. I texted my personal account manager. She called me right away laughing. She laughed at my ignorance that I have all privileges to do remote banking. Oh. Yaa.. I changed my investment the other day while walking in dusty Legian under hot sun because bank could not wait till I came back from Bali. I felt so silly.

Done with telebanking, I texted RAD. I shot in the dark. She spent weekend in Bali. Her reply shot me to the sky. She said that she’s still texting me. 12 PI.

RAD is my clearing house. So me to her. Today she kicked me first. She brought 2005 calendar with a painting that reminded her of me. The title is her latest issue, Disputing Ego. Two in one.

She saw a nice painting in a well-known resto in Legian last Friday night. She believed that I could make an artwork like that. She pushed me to create bigger artwork. As usual, I wasn’t sure of myself. Only now I’m thinking. Yaa.. why not?

She shared me her latest issue about disputing ego in her newly formed organization. She could not understand why her friends were not open. Did things she hardly understands. Hm.. It happens. Like I don’t understand why my ex staff working for PEN left PEN last Sunday. PEN is very disappointed because the staff didn’t wait to tell her and took things that don’t belong to her (not stealing, but taking..) It’s hard to understand but.. why do we have to? It’s their ‘style’. Nothing we can do. Just watch and ‘enjoy’.

I spent my time in the afternoon tidying my collages. It’s been all over coffee table, even under. I care about the condition of the paper if I let them uncovered. I bought nice document keeper to keep them loose. I sorted out. Nice ones go to document keeper (keep them loose for later use), personal ones go to black album, and less meaningful ones go to either khaki album or big sketch book. I’m happy now. I could browse to enjoy my artwork.

Now I’m going to make cover for the document keeper. Enough sob sob..

By the way, RAD mentioned Life is not all about romance during our chat over Thai food. It’s true.

Ti Vo

I woke up early and busy with art again. I had lots of idea but not producing. Only just now I finished one collage. I took picture of a collage to mark 100th art post (shown in photo) at blucolage. It’s hard to believe that I have produced that many in 13 weeks. So productive!

I read lots of newspaper from days before. O magz. Did long yoga. Changed blucolage colors (to make the pictures look sharper). Writing poem every three hours (a project). Relaxing. Cocooning.

I found nice article in O magz (September 2005). Very nice, about Why can’t life be like Ti Vo? The writer does believe that life works like digital video recorder / DVR (tracker machine to scan viewing preferences and record them). With just a little instruction, we could be using our Ti Vo-like perceptual faculties to create a much happier viewing preferences.

This is how it works:

1. Check setup. To see how your search-and-record function is already set up, think of an important issue in your life like: happiness, love, death, work, and health.

2. Reset your preferences. Of a list of pessimistic proverbs, our Ti Vo’s search function needs to be adjusted with the touch of gratitude. The act of giving thanks programs your mind-DVR to record moments of grace and good fortune rather than pain and disappointment.

3. Master the replay function. Gratitude and prompting your mind to review happy experiences are merely two of your inner Ti Vo’s replay functions. Your mind-DVR also lines up educational programming. Automatically. Even if you hate it.

To block unpleasant themes from your Now Playing list, you’ll need to identify the lesson, learn it, and act on your new understanding.

4. Push record. When truly wonderful experiences arrive, it’s natural to want to record them at the highest possible quality – we want to remember every last detail. Clutching at joyous experiences, though, prevents us from really living them.

How to make a high-quality recording of a glorious day? Long answer: Be fully present when it happens. Short answer: Breathe.

5. Delete! The natural question is then how to get rid of the nonjoyful moments. Pushing away painful experiences isn’t the way to erase them. Resistance is futile – the memory replays constantly, if only in the back of your mind. Fortunately, you can remove the part you don’t like about these difficult memories: the pain.

You need to use the pain for meaning. And you can do this by channeling it into empathy and service. Picture all the nameless people who may be suffering in a similar way. Is there anything you can do to help them? If you take action, you’ll find that the memory of your awful experience not only stops hurting but gradually becomes one of the most useful and treasured programs in your archives.

6. Fast-forward. When you’re trapped in tedious situations, you may want to fast-forward your inner Ti Vo to a more interesting point later in your life.

To start the fast-forward function, ask yourself: What do I want out of life? (question from mind) Now put it a different way: What do I yearn for? (question from heart and soul). You may want revenge but yearn for peace.

To fully employ the fast-forward command, keep your attention on this yearning while pressing another button labeled “trust”. Believe that whatever you yearn for is precisely what you’re meant to achieve. You may have no idea how this could happen; our mind may tell you it’s ridiculous or impractical. Don’t listen. Trust.

Believe that it’s just a practical method for enjoying previews of your right life, and inviting grand experiences to arrive sooner than they otherwise might. The more you do this, the sooner the fulfillment of your dreams will crop up on your Now Playing list.

Your viewing options – past, present, and future – are waiting for you to set them.

inspiration

It’s still dark when I woke up. Oh so nice to know that today is Saturday. I know, it should not make any difference for a jobless girl like me.

I spent my morning wondering whether I had problem with eyes. I could not see pictures I uploaded in blucolage clearly. Some pictures looked blurry. I blamed the camera, then the monitor, then doubted both. I took more pictures and checked. I don’t know the answer. I know some pictures I have are not clear enough.

I decided to go out today. Three days at home was a bit too much. FRA looked good as ever, I love this shop. When END came, she said
Oh it’s cool here! She didn’t talk about the aircon. Her feeling.

END came to deliver pearl anklet (shown in photo) I ordered from her friend. I met them in Independence Bazaar two weeks ago. I like their work, superb quality (of material and craftsmanship). I could feel their spirit to present only the best. They don’t hesitate to set high price.

We talked about many things. END had once lived in Ubud, so we know places and persons. I liked that she enjoys art the way I enjoy art. We shared our passion tho we are in different ‘field’. Her friend who designed the anklet lives in Bali. I met her at the bazaar, another pleasant personality. END told me about what she’s doing. She is a diver, web designer, kebaya designer, ready-to-wear designer, silver jewelry designer, and now does photography by commission. What I like about her is… she makes things happen. I don’t care about her business size, but how she orchestrates all is.. amazing.

On the way home I questioned myself. What happens with me? I don’t want to recognize the possibility of ADHD but I must admit that I have short span of attention. It’s so hard for me to finish a project like making accessories… but hey hey hey… I survived making collage that could also take hours – on n off. Tidying blog too. Hm… I should not have reason not to be able to produce something else then. But, working with staffs in a team is definitely not my cup of tea. My standard is too high and my patience is too low.

Anyway, it’s good to know END and SIA. They are young and full of spirit. They set high standard of everything they do and -- finally -– have big drive. Inspiring.

Weather Check

WOW… Dedicated all day for self. So selfish and un-social!

KIE called before dark for more than an hour chit-chat. I always loved to listen to her experience being in 32 years marriage. The ups and downs. And I looove to know that the past few years she feels the ‘early’ love feeling returns, not otherwise when love is fading away. Adorable!

Nothing more to share. I just feel that I love myself more today. W a r m.