Solitaire

My lunch date rescheduled our lunch again. I understand. We were in many situations like this. We could not match our schedule. Yesterday RIT and I tried to match six ladies’ schedule to visit MAR’s new baby boy on Friday. We had to make several calls and text messages to make sure the time suits everybody. We managed ‘for awhile’.. a few hours later it became impossible again.

Anyway, I persuaded RAD to meet me but she could not. In the other hand, AMA wanted to see me but I thought.. today I’d rather do my own thing by myself. So, off I went with no one to meet.

I went to bank that keeps my safe deposit box. I needed to get a document. I checked my content list at home and decided to browse the content of the box and declutter. I went through past documents that brought memories of my office days, ‘glory’ days, ‘blink-blink’ days,.. Ya, I checked my jewelry one by one and realized that I could not remember every item precisely. I don’t have many but it just slipped off my mind. I tried my diamond celebration-rings on and giggled. How far those 'blink' from me now.. And the two diamond solitaire-pendants definitely belong to my past. It has no connection with me now. Strange that thing could change by time.

I decided to shop grocery in a hypermarket. It’s end of the month, it must be a good time to avoid crowd. So I did quickly without list because it was not in my plan. I continued to my main purpose to go to PS mall today. I took five watches to change battery. I was going to wear my holiday watch the other day when realized that the battery had run out, so I checked all I have in tray this morning. It took long time for them to change because they also cleaned the parts. It’s nice, of course, it cost me “a new Swatch watch” to maintain the five watches. I’m happy though to get my orange watch back in operation.

I bought a new book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, before lunch. I happened to hear about the book review on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360 before left home. It’s an interesting book about “law of attraction”. How we become magnet that attracts things to happen to us.

I had fab Chinese salad and chai latte, my favorite quick meal, at CBTL. I was reading the book when a friend from uni spotted me. He grabbed a newspaper and sat opposite me. He never read the newspaper though because we were engaged in a hot discussion again. I often met him in the mall where he likes to have meetings with his clients. He is a financial consultant.

He told me that business is quiet in his side. He got up at 10:30 this morning, then having juice while watching TV, because he had no appointment. I told him what a rich lifestyle he has. He quickly disagreed with me. I don’t have much in bank. So I told him that we were not talking about the color of money, we were talking about lifestyle. If he is able to enjoy life anytime, he is ‘rich’. He pondered a few seconds then agreed with me. Yes, I enjoy my life. He looked at me How did you get that? Ha ha.. We only talked ten minutes then he had to leave. His client had waited. Nice intermezzo.

I drove home in sunny afternoon realizing that I had spent four hours by myself. Hm. What a rare thing to do in Jakarta! I could have solitary days in Ubud but hardly get hours in Jakarta. So, I’m happy.

Photo of lone hunter of Kamoro tribe - Papua.

Brain Gym

That’s what I did in the morning. Going with RIT’s driver ensures everybody good brain gym. He knows very tiny about Jakarta map. Well, same with me actually but I don’t work as driver. Limited knowledge is fine but limited memory and logic are something. Anyway, I’m not complaining but I have to prepare myself.

And I did not. I relied on RIT and she did the same. We ended up without location map in the car. She called VIV, the organizer, and got nowhere because we didn’t have idea how to get the area. I called my good friend in office that happens to live in the area long time ago. He guided us through several calls. We arrived five minutes late but none was better.

We visited a private junior high school as part of How Jakarta Works study group activity. The school is run by some Indonesian-Chinese parents who want good education for their kids without sending them to Singapore. So this school uses Singapore curriculum.

School of 300 students, 100% of teachers are foreigner (American, Korean, Taiwanese, and Singaporean) with all Indonesian ‘second’ teachers helping out in class. Each class is limited to 25 students. The majority is Indonesian-Chinese; very few pure Indonesian and Indians. Mandarin is taught after English and Indonesian. It’s amazing to see the kids speaking Mandarin and English fluently.

Twelve of us were divided into two groups. We visited some classes of various subjects. The kids were wearing uniform and the atmosphere of school was nice and stimulated creativity. Their creative projects were all over walls; adhered neatly along the corridor. They just celebrated Chinese New Year so pigs drawing were everywhere along with Chinese characters.

In the end of 1.5-hour tour, we met up in a music hall where they performed a nice show; singing, poetry reading, and dancing. I was amazed to see young performers and the teachers. They worked together harmoniously. What a job to teach young kids many kinds of skill to prepare their future. I admired their science lab, IT lab, music hall, and their class too. They have a very very nice space.

We enjoyed so much their ritual to greet us every time we entered or left class Class stand! Class booow! Gooood moooorrnniiiinggg Ms. So-so aaand our dis-ting-uisheeed gueeests!

The tour was ended with the principal’s presentation. Nice American lady with colorful clothes and big jewelry. She’s very sharp and quick in speaking. Informative yet ‘entertaining’.

Finally, RIT and I decided not to join the ladies to group-lunch in a fine dining restaurant at SC mall. At first I thought it would be nice to join as part of the group but the idea of fine dining was not our today’s fancy. We called AMA and she was happy to serve us lunch in her place. That’s very "fine dining" we had today. AMA is fab cook. She prepared five dishes in no time. All were super. We had nice coffee and chat arranging our three-day program. It was hilarious as usual. My brain gym ended nicely.

Photo of a creative work and a class in NAS junior high school.

Resetting

What a good morning. Jakarta had blue sky! So rare. I enjoyed it while having breakfast prepared by Ija, my staff. Ah.. what a luxury! I demanded her to prepare breakfast for me this morning, first time after two years she works for me. I come to realize that I should delegate more of domestic work. I have two and half (one part-timer) staffs at home around the clock but still do many things myself. Been away ten days, I learned, they could also do well if I let.

I’m in perfectly good shape – in and out. I feel flatly happy for no reason and would like to keep the feeling as long as I could. I drop all expectations even the simplest and start “do my thing” without putting off. I realize more that I should look after myself first, than others, not the other way round. Being considerate is good to an extent but “do my thing” is also important :-)

I had Ibu Ida came to scrub me. I’m worried about mosquito itch I have since Bali. I had sensitive skin long time ago and it returns since a trip before last trip to Bali. Mosquito bites become an issue now. Anyway, I feel much better after my skin touched turmeric. Traditional treatment almost always works.

I haven’t planned my evening. Eh should I? No. I’m going to browse my books and personal ‘assignments’. I may need to ‘burn’ my ideas to realize Mama’s living memoir and some designing projects. I have to start soon as my days this week have been booked by friends.

I enjoy being reset..

Photo of Jakarta blue sky from where I had breakfast this morning.

Bali Balance

I had nice slow morning. Ubud was raining quite hard unlike sunny yesterday. Bit gloomy but fine, I had to pack anyway. I haven’t exercised two or three days. Holiday makes me lazy sometimes. Life is too good. More eating, more activity, fitter, less exercise.

I was still in airport when LIN bombarded me with text messages reporting workshop activity. She becomes negative the past two years.. over many things especially her colleagues' performance in workshop – the three boys. It seems that she gossips too much with the landlord family. It’s like an office politic that both parties – shop staff and workshop staffs – watch each other’s business. I’m getting tired of their miscommunication. I have to cut a link to create balance. Anyway, I was just heading Jakarta but an issue has been waiting to be resolved.

Another office politic at home between senior and junior staffs is also waiting. I didn’t try to resolve through telephone. I asked them to wait till tomorrow (working days for me too). My Jakarta life has started right after I left Ubud.

I enjoyed my quiet time in airport. Flight was delayed half an hour that gave me more time to stroll around aimlessly. I spent times in my favorite bookshop in airport but nothing interested me. I was in between wanting a new book and to finish what I have at home. I don’t know.

Got home is nice. Being away for ten days has changed house balance a bit here and there. I noticed my staffs become more creative. AG had initiative to call TV repair man and now my broken TV has been back to normal. I asked him how he got the idea to repair after months of out-of-order. I’m curious to know how people get a bright idea when balance changes. My car battery runs out too. Same question. How could that happen? They didn’t run the engine every morning?

I can say that being away for more than a week is good. Others could come up with something creative. We need to be imbalance some times to create a new balance.

Photo of new mural at Ngurah Rai Airport, Bali.

Poleng

I like to be reminded that black-white (poleng) cloth used in many occasion in Bali symbolizes right vs. wrong and good vs. evil. It reminds me of duality – a friend calls it.

I experienced living in dilemma of making plans today. I once wrote about my problem of too much thinking and planning. Often I want to accommodate others while make myself convenient. It sounds a bit selfish but later I learn that being selfish is important to avoid future complication. I think the proper word to say is not ‘selfish’ but ‘flexible’.

Too much planning has annoyed persons surround me I believe. I really have to tell myself to relax and see what happens. Do not predict, do not speculate. Do my thing and I will be okay.

I roamed Ubud downtown today. My favorite Pasar Ubud and a CD music shop. I only bought Sting CD – a collaboration with someone in 2006. I just bought without expecting, I like Sting anyway. I tried to focus on something nice for Ibu MEN but could not. My creativity to shop was dead. It’s good in a way otherwise I might end up with things I don’t need.

I also learn about my body. I have permanent itch in both legs because of insects (not just mosquito) and it gives me brown spots. My ears are still a bit swollen and itchy. I miss Ibu Scrubber, I feel thick and spotty :-)

My evening was okay at Jazz Café. Realizing that holiday has ended is not everybody’s dream but at the same time I realize that this is part of duality. Life is not about holiday every day. I still need routine to make my holiday felt like a real getaway.

So I’m happy that I have decided to be away this long. I learn many things about life during my trip. I also borrow mirrors from people I met to see my own appearance. I keep the nice reflection and learn from the not-so-nice one. I don’t lose anything.

Photo of Do Not Litter sign in a land full of plastic garbage behind Pura Sasih, Pejeng.

Smile at Home

Friday, February 23

In Bali, it’s not easy to find people who don’t smile. They are always ready to smile and many are just smiling.. for no reason. I noticed that their face lit up instantly and genuinely when we smile (or ‘indicate’ to smile). AMA and RIT used to tell me that Indonesian have the best instant and genuine smile. They have been to many places in the world, including Asia of course, and still find that Indonesian have such smile. I didn’t quite believe; maybe because I have taken the smile for granted.

Yesterday, a German shared his experience in Sydney with his Balinese wife. He challenged his wife to find one person who smiles back at her while they were walking to station at 6:00. They didn’t meet one.

Today, a Balinese told me his experience staying in Melbourne three months. He said that all are fine except.. no one smiled at him. I could not help laughing (a bit too loud) in the sacred pura. Oops.. I laughed because I heard same song.

Maybe I really have to believe that only Indonesian who have instant and genuine smile in any situation. Now I know that I’m lucky to have met many non-Indonesians who shared their nice smile with me for whatever reason. That’s when I always tell myself that I’m lucky to have met and befriended with nice persons. Very very nice persons.

I had a very nice different day. It’s a mix of many. Learning, observing, adventuring, enjoying, listening, and mingling. Time flies like I don’t have enough time to do many but I learn that I could be more creative in Ubud. And funny too, I feel that realizing a plan is more possible here than in Jakarta.

I spent evening with German RIT and HAN in a café with Balawan playing. RIT and I talked a lot about ‘deciding a home’. As German living in Asia about 30 years, she feels Jakarta and Bali are home although she also feels she has root back home. While her Australian couple-friends (in their 70-79 years old) are even still thinking about where to live and call a place a home. RIT thought that's a bit too late to decide where to put heart to spend rest of life. Another friend is still considering whether Ubud is suitable for next life. I learn that many of us are not sure about our choice – in any stage of life, we hesitate to change. We are happy to plan yet feel not sure.

My day ended a little over midnight. It’s so nice to be with friends.

Photo of a bottle cap in Pura Samuan Tiga.

Walking Different Direction

Insects seem to like me today. I got up with mild swollen ear and two red dots in arm. Later, the other ear is swollen too and dots are all over legs now. Yes, in Bali I like to wear skirt but then I have to bear the consequence. I have insect bites cream but it doesn’t seem to work quickly to relief the itch.

Today I learned more about persons who pass many drastic changes in life. I narrow it down: change of place to live and change job. I always admire people who are able to move ‘regularly’ in their life. I’m not talking about unsettled people who could not stay in a stage of life longer but about people who dare to change place to live and of course take different way to fill their life.

I think about my life. I’ve only made one drastic move in my life.. so far. I made a quick decision to leave my hometown, Malang, in 1990. The advantage of deciding in early age is.. I did it without long consideration. I had the idea, laid out the plan (quickly), and BOOM! went. I know that Mama and Papa would never have liked the idea if I had asked. I have right decision though. I gave myself opportunity to change and I’m happy now that I have done.

Some people I met change life in their 40s, 50s, or even close to 60s. Some believe that being 40 is nothing because it's still long way to go. Life hasn’t even begun. Being 50? Life has just opened up to opportunity to be luckier and wealthier. Any stage of life is good then because all are special. It's special because it offers window of opportunity to change any time. The question is.. do you have enough courage to do especially later in your life?

I realized this afternoon that I feel very well in Ubud. I feel healthier and worry free. I forgot that flood and bad traffic exist in other part of my life. Even I felt remote when replying to emails about Jakarta busy life.

I would take to my sleep tonight a dream of having enough courage to alter life a bit so I know that I could also be a flexible person like persons who have shared their life story with me. I have started though this evening :-)

Where are you going?

Photo of ducks in Peliatan walking different directions.

Off Routine

It’s an exercising day for me. I had nice yoga under morning sun. Again, it’s out of the world. I felt fit and healthy sweating under sun. Luxury I could not enjoy in Jakarta. First, it’s because of the pollution that I refrain myself from inhaling the air, and second, Jakarta is still raining and no sun now. Anyway, I enjoyed so much of my stretching.

My morning with MW was another exercise. We climbed 95 stairs in his villa construction (he is very exact about the number of stairs). Very steep stairs; a mix of concrete and rough soil. A little progress had done from last month when I visited. Three workers (one female!) were making walls out of hard stony soils. Balinese women are special, especially the Ubud-ian (so they say), they are hard worker. They do male work like moving sands and stones, digging holes, and being assistance to male workers who do less lifting-and-moving job like plastering. I don’t understand where those female workers get the energy. They seem doing it without burden.

We also walked the jogging track in the back of villas in the neighborhood that connects the back door of each villa. Typical Bali, the stone track is clean and neat, and artsy too with stone statue on pedestals on the side along each property. Every villa owner is responsible for the gardening and cleanliness of her/his part. This is Bali. Desa kala patra concept. Share a bit of your life with the community.

What a sweaty visit that ended with having crispy fried duck for lunch. Very nice! We went to shop Balinese outfit afterwards. I always enjoyed the variety of the outfits. The head-dress, sarong, saput (to wear on top of sarong), kebaya, and many more. And I found it fun to shop with a Balinese, they gave us very good price. I remember the moment I bargained in the elite Pasar Ubud. I must say, I hardly won.

Ubud was really busy today. Many buses were parked outside Monkey Forest where monkeys and forest are in one place :-) and more in Pasar Ubud that caused slow traffic in downtown Ubud. I saw many Japanese, and today Chinese, tourists. Chinese New Year’s holiday? Possibly..

I felt tired although didn’t do many today. I realized when I was sitting enjoying high tea. What a nice rare feeling to feel nothing. No worry, no pressure, no hurry, nothing.. I feel totally disconnected from routine and that is super. I’m going to explore more of life without regular pattern so I could enjoy the luxury of feeling nothing. Must be possible..

Photo of a nice creative sign of public library near a soccer field in Ubud. It offers many other things, not just book :-)

Dangerous Nice Place

Every one must think that a nice quiet place is the best place for working. That’s what I believed too when I decided to retreat in Ubud for a few days taking my work while enjoying different scenery.

I might be wrong. Too nice place actually is big distraction. It’s not easy to concentrate when I’m too close to nature, out of air-con, hearing sounds of nature, feeling the warm sun, and having no life pressure. That’s real danger. With live music and ‘natural’ warm weather, I was out of the world. Who could work in such atmosphere?

So I had to apologize MBO, my boss, that I might be late submitting my work. I managed submitting only half of the last piece of my task, that was two articles out of five. Even then, I’m afraid that I didn’t do well.

I had nice time in downtown Ubud in the afternoon. In Ubud, after 15:00 is always the best time to hit road. Sun has calmed down and appetite to nibble something nice has arisen.

I did some unplanned shopping. I found a nice bookshop in street I passed often. Well, the bookshop is there since long time but I never stopped and had a look. I just read the ad but was never curious to drop by and checked. So I’m happy that I went today. I found two Majapahit books for the Majapahit book team at the H, the Indonesian version of THN’s Calon Arang poetry, and a nice book about Bali by a foreigner living in Ubud. I guess many nice books are still waiting to discover but I decided to stop looking otherwise I would put more kilos back to Jakarta. By the way, my duffel bag is badly torn from Malang flight. I guess the porter pulled my heavy bag in the wrong side – near the zipper. I haven’t thought about how to mend although at least half of my luggage is accessible now (read: someone can fish half of the contents). I don’t really think about it yet.

I also found a nice silver jewelry shop owned by a Canadian lady designer married to a Balinese. I could see that it's not designed by Indonesian; simply it looked different. Simple and nice. I got three nice pendants with leather choker, very much my style. Later my dream to start designing jewelry returns. I know I could do (again, if I want). And I would like to sell my design in more reasonable price so can share more of my creativity. Now I’m really processing the realization of the idea in mind (as a start).

I’m happy with my day. It’s quite fulfilling although I still owe MBO three articles. I may do tomorrow before starting the day. I’m sleeping with smile tonight :-)

Photo of shrine placed outside of every premise in Bali.

Chase Your Dream

It’s strange. I hardly controlled my eating appetite while in Malang that I was worried (the appetite would stay!). But last night, a few hours before I left, the appetite started to disappear. I had appetite for Mama’s apple pie but hardly wanted to cut even half slice. And this morning, my Jakarta appetite was back. I didn’t feel like having breakfast before left for airport. Mama said traveling changes our body. I liked that she emphasized on the change to the better. I could not agree more. I know she’s right, her spirit to always travel is no joke.

I had nice chat with EYA last night. Mama had helped financing her last two years in university in 1994. She did well in Mathematics. Later they recalled that they knew each other from EYA's doctor in university. This doctor, BE, is Mama’s good friend and she knew that Mama likes to help youngsters to finish school.

To cut long story short, EYA came for Mama’s birthday yesterday. Special visit after ten years of not having contact at all. Mama didn’t remember her well but I vaguely had her in mind. How could I forget? She was a very unconfident girl but living ‘dangerously’ with Mama. So brave. She went and worked in Jakarta after finished school in 1992. We lost contact since.

She looks different now. She looks like other Jakarta girls – confident, content, settled,.. Apparently she knows how to handle Jakarta now. Her reason to meet Mama on her birthday this year was well 'calculated'. She said that she needs to be settled and strong in her life path before meeting Mama. And this year is the right timing.

She started her career as accountant (not mathematician!) in a multi-national company. She gets passion to watch environment and animal from Mama that took her to work in a local NGO as banjir – flood – consultant for Jakarta governor (that helped her to predict 2007 flood so she was not affected although her rent room drowned 2 meters high).

Now she works as scenario writer for TV mini-series and movie! She works for a noted novelist translating her novel into a scenario. I admire her ‘imagination’. Novel is “two-dimensional” work and scenario for film is “three-dimensional”. Her ability to learn is amazing. She likes her work so much because then she can work part time. As only kid, she has to visit her Ibu in East Java often. She also has interest in web programming and I could sense that she’s good in that. She talked about online living with ease.

Her love life is another interesting story. She prefers to date foreigner. She thinks that many Indonesian don’t give her chance to develop as person and often treat her unfairly. Whatever she thinks, she dated some foreigners working in Jakarta. The one she dated five years left her in the middle of the process of getting a marriage legal document. He left her for a Texan girl back home. I asked her how she coped her broken heart. It took her one year to heal but now she feels blessed to have gotten love-immunization (her term). No man can hurt her anymore. She said she doesn’t want to waste life for men who hurt her. She wants to be happy and won’t let any "bad" man stands on her way. I laughed but, again, had to agree with her.

She stayed overnight with us. Mama offered and she was more than happy to accept. We talked till late and again this morning on the way to airport. She taught me about horoscope while I was driving. She learns about zodiac trait division to understand others better. I’m interested to know more. She’s Taurean. Her last boyfriend from Canada was Aquarian. She felt click, same as her feeling with Mama. So I asked her what the zodiac of her 5-year boyfriend who left her. She said Fish. Too much manipulation, she said. Kind but not straight forward, and hurting in the end. Hm.

I feel rich meeting her. I admire her personal development. It’s a proof of success; daughter of a dress-maker in market and single mother, from a small town three hours from Malang. She said that Jakarta is the best place to live because of its dynamic. No doubt, she has conquered Jakarta. She also told me that setting a dream is important :-) We promised to keep in touch.

Call me silly, I am. I flew to Jakarta in 9:10 flight to catch flight to Bali at 14:10. For those who cannot imagine Indonesia map, Malang is in the east, I flew an hour west to Jakarta then back an hour and half east to Bali. I decided not to take flight to Bali from Surabaya because of the road after mudflow disaster. Many said that land transportation may take 2 / 3 / 4 hours, very much depends on weather and time. I don’t want to spend my life in car so I took this silly route. I only sat in an hour flight to Jakarta, two hours in airport browsing a bookshop and writing this post, then fly to Bali. Same length of time spent, different feeling. With computer and books, I feel safe.

Photo of Monique, the dog, trying to chase a black cat on tree in Mama's garden. She set her dream.

Our Big Family

Mama’s 72nd year birthday. Happy Year of Fire Pig!

Mama is restless. I heard her starting the day early. She wakes up early if she would receive guests. She plans well what to serve, how she wants the house looks like, what time she needs to go to get things,.. Last night she told me to be ready at 7:00.

The first two guests came before 6:30! Life starts early in Malang. They dropped by congratulating Mama on their way to church and market. Nice living in a small city. They actually touch each other, not through text messaging :-) Phone calls flowed since before 6:00.

I drove Mama to flower market to get roses and tube-roses. It’s nice to enter the market again after about twenty years. The price was surprising. A bunch of flower here was equivalent to a stem of a same in Jakarta. It’s luxury to have lots of fresh flower.

We fetched birthday cake and soups at Mama friend’s house. Again, it’s always nice to visit past neighborhood and meet past faces. Most of her friend thought that I looked the same and… Ha ha.. I might not meet their ‘expectation’.

Today Mama celebrated birthday with friends from FF group – an international group of elder as part of FF organization that has chapters in many cities in the world. A group visits other group in other country twice a year, like student exchange program. The visiting group stays in the hosting group for about two weeks. Mama has visited three countries the last two years and been hosting twice. It’s an interesting organization. Good for active seniors.

Generally, a function in Malang lasts two hours at maximum so people can hop from a function to another. In Jakarta, usually, a function starts before noon and ends in high tea time or early evening. Even if we leave early, it’s almost impossible to catch next function. Traffic won’t allow. It’s luxury here, one can attend three functions a day.

Mama hopped to the next function at her ex-student’s house nearby. It’s a reunion. Class of 60s. Only two couples and a single woman were still there when we came. That’s fine because these two couples were like sons to Papa and are still now to Mama. They saw our family grows of course. Like family, we know each other very well. It was hilarious recalling nice times in the past. I felt funny to sit and talk with them like we’re colleague. I used to treat them as aunties and uncles, not even big sisters and brothers. Nice.

I don’t have plan for this evening. I feel like spending evening at home. Last night we visited TET in café where she works. Uncle ANT and cousin RIO were nice to accompany us. TET is my girlfriend from childhood, been more than 30 years knowing each other, she is family too. In Malang, we are all family.

A Memoir

I finished my work! Yay! I spent sixteen hours in computer yesterday while eating a lot during the day. In Malang I feel hungry easily. I hardly stop thinking about what to eat next ha ha. I eat more rice, I nibble more,.. I had raisins while typing, three slices of Mama’s apple pie in tea time, and a huge slice of rich pizza with cheez DHA ordered for dinner. In the end of the day I felt like enlarging. This morning I checked. Uh glad.. I felt flat. Nothing left ha ha.

I got a great idea before sleep last night. It’s MBO who inspired me. She has an idea to write a book about two well-known traditional dancers she knows from Java and Bali. She dreams of taking pictures of them in their activities and writing their life. She trusts me in the writing area but I don’t think it’s a good idea. RM and BTJ are too prominent to be written by.. me. Anyway, we discussed more of our grief of why many nice things about Indonesia are written by foreigner. We feel like we don’t have the appreciation although, I believe, it’s more about lack of drive and.. technical issue (read: writing).

I adopted the idea to featuring Mama! My idea light-bulb switched on before midnight. I was bubbly with ideas while text messaging MBO that makes the idea more powerful. I should have the idea long time ago but okay.. what matters now? I know three good friends who have made kind of memoir for their parent. AS made for his mother’s birthday two years ago (I forgot how old she was), GA made for her late father last year, and CEN helped to make her father’s journal into a small book for his 80th birthday (he passed away three months after the book launched on his birthday last September). If I have time, I prefer to present the book while Mama is still around like AS done.

Actually this year is a good time to release the book. For Javanese, 9 windu is sacred. Not sacred sacred, simply it’s an ultimate number. Windu is a set of 8 year, like a decade for 10. Tomorrow Mama is going to celebrate her 72nd (9 x 8) year birthday. Anyway, nothing is too late. How should I start planning now?

MBO has kindly offered free service to follow Mama for a few days and take pictures of her. So nice, thank you. My part is to make concept of the book (I prefer to call it book rather than memoir). AS’ book for MS consists of family and good friends’ testimony, or more about nice memory they shared with MS. It’s a nice idea. We could see MS’ personality from other people’s stories. GA and her siblings wrote essays about their father. I may suggest her to develop the book by adding testimony from family and good friends like AS’. Hm.

CEN’s book for her father is a compilation of his writing about his mixed-culture life. He had Sumatran father and Dutch mother. His life was in between the two cultures. It’s an interesting book about Indonesia and Dutch (a history on its own apart of Indonesian history). Hm.. my book would be similar. A compilation of my blog-posts, only I am nobody :-)

Mama. She is all-in-one. I tried to list her traits last night. The list grooows like never ends. She’s wife, mother (without nanny to raise two daughters), lecturer (later Professor), Mrs Recycle, mother for girls/boys she helps to get education (more than 20 I believe), mother for post-graduate students who stay in her former house (more than 30 now I believe),.. She cooks, sews (making dress, patchwork, and many hand-work), drives, likes gardening (start selling plants now), did research for work and attended many seminars in and out of country, travels for work and pleasure (more now),.. She’s a stroke survivor who traveled overseas only 8 months after half paralyzed and is back to drive after returning from that travel to now. My list could grow longer I know. I need to dig more of her good friends, colleagues, neighbors, relatives,.. I have to start listing persons I need to meet.

I have added the idea to my future to-do list. It’s so good to have something to anticipate, to do; with light heart and happy feeling. I was lying down in bed last night recalling my good fortune. I am lucky that most of my dreams.. come true! Some take days, many take years, even over a decade but time has been generous to me. I don’t mind waiting.

Translation project is the recent dream that comes true. I always thought that part time job from home is the most suitable arrangement for me now. I’m not a 9to5 type of person anymore. I hardly had an idea of what I could do from wherever I am (I like to recognize myself as mobile) till MBO offered me a translation project a few months ago. It's a start. I feel it develops now. I just need a good drive to realize more of my dreams :-)

Photo of casual (no pattern and not neat) patchwork Mama made recently. She likes to recycle anything to kill time :-)

Kitchen Business

I slept well. Hm nice, I longed. Cloudy morning but nice, not too cold. I started my computer then worked. Mama was startled. Come out, I show you my fruits. Ah yes.

I was about to finish one paragraph when dragged myself out. I really didn’t want to lose the spirit to finish my work. I had been absent three days, not touching it at all. I was a bit nervous as deadline crawling closer.

I walked around the garden. Every time I visited, Mama had something new. The green house was in construction the last time. This time she has fruits on trees. I didn’t always visit the right time. Today I saw rambutan, dragon fruit (as shown in photo), lime, mango as always,..

After having a good laugh with Mbak Siti, the veg vendor, I returned to my work and tried to concentrate. It’s not easy with business around house by two active occupants, Mama and DHA, plus one busy helper assisting both. It’s good that everybody was busy. Mama was in kitchen making chocolate pudding and apple pie, while DHA nesting in bedroom playing a never-ending game in computer. He went out of room only to get food and check how far his Grandma had gone. Sometimes I giggled listening to their turntakings. Much ado about nothing.

They could be nice to each other sometimes. Hearing their discussion about baking apple pie, I could not help laughing out loud in the end. I don’t remember the technical issue they talked about but in the end DHA looked at me and said YOUR Mom doesn’t want to listen. Ha ha.. My Mom? Your Eyang.

I said to DHA Now you two know that you could not listen to each other, could not complain more then.. I had a really good laugh. I accustomed to listen to Mama complaining about DHA doesn’t want to listen especially when it comes to cooking technique. Both have different ways. Mama thinks cooking is art while DHA thinks cooking is science. So funny.

I worked very well. It’s good in Malang time goes by slowly. I could be productive. I liked to check how far I have gone (and Mama noticed ha ha). I didn’t allow myself to stop for eating or checking emails when I hadn’t finished a part I’d set as target. I have about less than a quarter left now. I try hard to finish all this evening because I need time to see Uncle ANT and girlfriend TET tomorrow :-)

Change Scenery

I realize more that I really enjoy to change scenery (read: traveling). I took before noon flight to Malang today. I did not take the 7:00 flight, too early. A day before a trip is always hectic. I don’t know, I like to leave a clutter free nest. I pay what I need to pay. I sort out junk mails. I clean my computer desk. And this morning I also took time to raid my fridge for leftovers. It’s part of the nice feeling of leaving, and later of re-entering, nest.

So my day before this trip was like any other a-day-before-a-trip – hectic. I could not think of what I wanted to take with me. This time I thought less. I put everything in! I didn’t care about selecting thoughtfully (only this morning when I put the piles into the huge duffel bag, I managed to take out a !stack of clothes).

It ended up with 24 kg when I checked in the counter. One piece. It could be a problem for those who move their nest when travel, like me, because we may not fit BA’s new regulation that charges the second piece equivalent to a one-way ticket. If I have 40 kg allowance then I need to squeeze the 40 kg in one piece to avoid additional charge :-)

Flight was okay. It was bad weather before landing. It’s strange that we suddenly entered heavy rain after sunny trip all the way. It was dark with lightning and the airplane was badly shaking. I felt that the pilot took time to find the right angle to land. I continued reading after checking my seat belt :-) Later I knew, it seemed that the situation was really bad. The other passengers talked about it on the way out, how shaken they were. Ya, I should remember, we flew budget airline ha ha.

It was raining that we had to wait till a bus picked us up from the airplane. I was tired by then. I finished a news magazine while hearing a young mother and her active girl who sat next to me talking and moving non-stop. Their tray had splattered on the floor. The girl kicked it. Grrh..

Mama and DHA had waited. I didn’t usually call. It’s just nice to surprise her but yesterday I felt like letting her know. It was still raining when we drove out airport. I mean Mama drove. I thought I would but she preferred so I let :-) Shown in photo is Mama and her favorite jacket with cap (she doesn’t like umbrella).

The first thirty minutes is for familiarizing with Mama’s house. Checking what’s new in the property (the green house shown below). What’s in the jar. What’s in the fridge. What’s on any table. Nice.

DHA shared caramel pudding and custard sauce he made after lunch. Hmm nice. Mama and I kept talking while I started computer. I needed to respond to LDY and PEN who organize art group trip to Bali early May. I had a lot in mind to share but like I have ‘expected’: I kind of disconnect from Jakarta life once I.. change scenery :-)

It’s the Thought That Counts

I don’t observe Valentine’s Day. I remembered yesterday, not this morning till AD came with flowers from.. anonymous. Nice white flowers hand bouquet. It must be someone from the past – I noticed the way (s)he wrote my name. Funny I wasn’t curious at all. I know I don’t have secret admirer. All my admirers told me :-D

RIT, AMA, and I had a good laugh in a gift shop yesterday. We looked at nice boxes with plastic flower inside. RIT kept saying that she prefers one stem of fresh rose handed by her lover; not a bunch of flowers from florist with printed I love you. Knowing that not many men are sensitive enough to detail; I told her to always remember it’s the thought that counts. She insisted and we had a good laugh. She could be right though; I felt no connection with the sender because I don't know. I put the bouquet on top of my junk mails and let it wait :-)

I got some love text messages from close-friends who are not ‘close’ lately. So nice. I don’t feel like receiving a fabricated message, it must be truly from the heart that (s)he remembers me on this day. So sweet. There’s one who wrote me a short email recalling the days he said ILU. Ooops.. I don’t remember that, even in the back of my mind. We are good friends now and I feel that’s more valuable than un-responded ILU. Whatever way, it’s nice.

I altered V collage I made a few days ago and sent to some close friends. It’s nice to be able to share a self-made e-card. Only I didn’t send to too many. I don’t want to lose its meaning.

I spared the day for myself. MBO offered me a one-day job with good pay today. I turned down the offer with thanks. I did the same to RIT. She invited me to a lunch with her Korean friend from apartment. I rarely heard from RAD lately. She asked me to lunch yesterday but I could not. The time might not be right but it’s the thought..

Photo of THE bouquet.

Lecture Marathon

I had three events to attend today. I battled. All are interesting but.. the route is a bit complicated so I decided to skip HJW meeting in the morning to prioritize RIT’s Indonesian Literature meeting at noon. RIT had reminded me that we cannot push too many things. Right.

Traffic was perfect. We got JUD's house quite early. The well-known poet arrived almost an hour late that we had decided to start having lunch. The group had a successful potluck lunch (not too many salads / dessert). With five Indians, the variety was fantastic. We had feast before study.

It was an interesting study group. Meeting is once a month and study Indonesian literature only. There you can tell the composition of the group. Serious persons! Many are seniors :-) Many are intelligent women who are stuck as “accompanying spouse” in Jakarta. Of 20 participants present (3 were guests), there’s one man (also an accompanying spouse) – Indian and very brave to face 19 aggressive ladies.

I finished reading the book last night. It’s an English-translated poetry with a local legend, Calon Arang, as basis. THN (in photo), the poet, expressed her interpretation of the legend through about 15 poems. The poems are strong that some could make goose bumps. Very feminist. Everyone was excited to discuss the work with her.

The discussion started with reading of the English version by one of us and THN read the Indonesian afterward. It touched me. I could feel. It’s different. Discussion went on. She speaks very good English (she lived in Holland and the U.S. long time) and Dutch I believe. She’s professor in philosophy with psychology as background.

Anyway, we had a good time listening to her talking. It was not a lively turntakings because we enjoyed listening to her more than asking question. She shared about many things. After she left, we had a hot discussion because some of the girls were not happy with the presentation. They expected to hear from a strong feminist about her strong work. I realized, there's something missing in the translation – lost in translation. When she read the Indonesian, I could feel the tone of the piece was much softer. As the only Indonesian, I tried to describe the feeling but found it hard to re-translate the piece to get the real tone / spirit. No one could hardly do (not even the professional translator who did the book) . It’s different language, similar expression could lead us to different interpretation.

They urged me to join the group next month to ‘help’ bridging the translation gap. While in the morning at HJW meeting, that I intentionally avoided (not just about traffic), the talk was about Islam by a Swiss lady who converts. I’m not a good representative of Islam follower. I heard that the discussion was super hot as they talked about the Eastern and Western point of views. Again, they thought that I should have been there as balancer because I belong to both sides. I covered my face with hands while they were trying to convince me ha ha. I understand, I’m minority. I will think about it.

We had stayed almost four hours by the time we left the house. I looked at RIT in the car. Where are we going RIT? Don’t you dare to say mungkin for the Evening Lecture, she said. Yes, I hesitated to attend the H evening lecture at Dutch Embassy. It’s close to 16:30. I gave in. Okay, we have chai latte in PI mall while waiting for the evening. Off we went! We had chai latte with AMA who came over, then green tea frappe with PNI who joined later. We were spoiled girls killing time in mall!

Today is the first Evening Lecture of the first-half series. It’s every Tuesday, same venue, starts 19:30. Today we had AAGA, Prince of Gianyar, talking about his dissertation that won a very rare dual predicates of pioneering and excellent in Holland, even the Queen sent special congratulatory message.

Another hot topic. Bali – Endangered Paradise? It’s about tourism and its impact on the culture. In the end, I was surprised because – according to him – Bali is threatened more by immigrant than tourist. The infiltrate of immigrant who make a living and live in Bali as resident has threatened their living tradition (Bali's commodity). Understandable and sensitive at the same time. Many strong opinions from the floor were handled calmly by the Prince. He was being diplomatic although his speech sounds quite.. strong.

I drove home around 22:00 feeling rich. Eleven hours are not wasted. Well spent!

Indecisive

That’s how I felt in the morning. I was in between stay in and go out. I don’t like when I could not decide. I had been interested in attending a lecture at H library this morning but badly needed a hard kick to go so I asked my Solo-dancer friend to join. It would be interesting if she participates in the forum.

I didn’t hear from her in the morning so I sent her text again. I lost track of time doing Monday morning chores and remembered that I hadn’t decided because hadn’t heard from her just before 8:00. So I called and she promised to let me know her decision later. Fine. I had to go then; I could not be absent now in case she shows up.

She never showed up nor let me know. I took it light but I learned that, firstly, I have to be more straight next time (actually I gave her space by not giving her pressure to reply instantly, I was wrong); secondly, I have to remember always to be more thoughtful about giving someone confirmation / RSVP (that I hardly missed so far).

Whatever happened, I’m glad with the invisible kick. The talk is interesting. It’s part of the Mangkunegaran Palace’s road show to promote its big event in November, commemorating 250th anniversary of the Palace. The kick out is in March, on the 1st Sultanate’s birthday. They will hold a gala dinner to raise fund for the event (and Palace, I guess) by performing a sacred dance that hasn’t been performed 100 years. It took a year to research and re-choreographed the dance. It’s seven performance, means: 7 male dancers, 7 male singers (sinden), 7 male gamelan musician to represent 7 verses of Al-Fatihah in Quran, 7 heavens, 7 atmosphere layers, and 7 rock layers on earth. I hope they would not perform in 7 minutes because the seat price ranges $300 – 2,500 / person that includes accommodation and/or flight for $500 up and name of the person in the book to be part of the Palace history :-)

There are two palaces in Solo, South and North. The South Palace has already published a book so the North wants to come up with something… more, of course. The Palace has many well known individuals who are ‘adopted’ as the Palace’s relatives. Clever. The famous batik designer, IT, was among the adopted relatives. He was in the lecture this morning, so the publishing tycoon lady, PA, and two original princesses (I just knew that fake princess exists). The Palace have picked the right key individuals throughout the years to give the foundation Friends of Mangkunegaran Palace a healthy pulse.

The Palace is proud of its support on woman’s equality (emancipation) by letting women wear slippers inside Palace, sit on chair instead of floor, and cover self with kebaya (Javanese blouse) instead of wearing only batik tube. Such rules didn’t exist before the past few years. The Palace claims its readiness to face modernity. It’s interesting to see a transformation of culture there. So, to what extent we can preserve a culture?

Perfect day. I went to the big bookshop at PS mall looking for a poetry book by top Indonesian feminist / writer / artist. RIT has invited me to join to her presentation in Indonesian Literature study group tomorrow. I would be a guest but I should prepare myself to comprehend the discussion about the work. It happens that the author will present too. I would be the other Indonesian then. I have no choice but prepare myself well not to come empty.

Good that RIT lent me the book. We met up a few minutes over chai latte at CB while I waited for my office friend, SM, to have lunch. It was hilarious when SM showed up and said that he’s going to celebrate my birthday. RIT and SM then talked about our age. Both were surprised to realize that they looked ten years younger to each other. We all look ten years younger then ha ha..

Meeting SM is nice as always. We had a lot to talk about especially after almost a year of not seeing each other. It’s funny when he said that I should think to be a freelance journalist. I asked him how he got the idea because I never told him about my writing activity the past one year :-) It seemed that he ‘concluded’ from travel and thought I shared with him. Hm. Later, I ‘bravely’ shared this blog with him. Of course it’s brave because he didn’t follow my life the last 8 years I’m off office. He may find my different side or sides he never knew before. I warned him not to be surprised about the possibility ha ha. He wondered, I guess, how far 'I have gone'. I also urged him to write. He went to many exotic places for work and knows that he should have shared more of the experience. Yaa! Decide!

Photo of batik with famous wing.

Small Steps

I’m productive today. I worked well although was not brilliantly productive. I also spent time to read an useful handbook to help me with specific glossary. In the afternoon, I made three simple collages for Blucolage (answered two art challenges) that am happy with the outcome. Something new.

I watched Blood Diamond finally after trying to go many times. It was a good long movie but not impressed me in general. For me it’s more like a different version of Rambo. It’s good that the Rambo (DiCaprio) died before the story ends. It makes the movie more human, if otherwise, too much. Funny that I thought about start to wear my diamond ‘celebration ring’ again while queuing for ticket. I’m sure I was not inspired by the movie title; it just crossed my mind. But after the movie, my interest in diamond becomes less and less. For many who know me, they have thought that I’m not normal as woman. Hey I was interested in diamond once, long time ago, although only for a few years :-)

Nothing special about my day. I’m going to have busy Monday and Tuesday. I have materials to read before Tuesday for two learning sessions (both are heavy). I don’t know. I enjoy taking small steps..

Photo of my Valentine's Day for Women collage.

Let’s Dance

I had dinner with MBO last night. It was spontaneous after a day of online chatting. I was not productive as result. I don’t blame her; I was simply ‘disconnected’ from what I did yesterday. It was hard to concentrate. I felt my body stiff and my mind wandering around.

MBO and I talked about imagining self in someone’s shoe to understand someone’s way of thinking. I tried to know why MBO has wanted to spend energy to do so. I do the same actually only very quickly because I know we are all different. We have our own story. So, why Nowak made such silly trip? Only she knows the reason. I could quickly say that I would never do what she did. But who knows what?

This morning I felt imbalance. I thought about individuals I know well and analyzed their shoes. I realized that I’m not alone. Everybody must feel imbalance in their life but that’s what a life should be, right? I tried to imagine myself to be in a garden I dream; where everything goes the way I want. No fun. I could picture myself creating chaos to make things imbalance again. That’s what we all do. No?

What to do now? A friend likes to apply CALM (Centered – Attentive – Lighthearted – Magical) for self. I’m still debating inside about the idea of being centered. I feel like I make a life-bubble where others are only visitors, not part of my bubble. MBO and I also discussed about the idea of detaching that we found hard to define. How we can tell detaching is.. detaching. When I have my own bubble, I detach myself from others. I’m secure but alone at the same time. I cannot balance. It’s one package. Ha!

Ah.. Let’s dance with the current.

Photo of my Papuan sago plates.

Stay In

I dropped a lunch date today. At 8:00 I decided to stay in. It was raining hard and Friday! I could not imagine myself being in traffic on Friday afternoon after heavy rain. I told PEN and she said Fine, you thought that I’m a masochist to miss sitting 4 hours in the car after being in no traffic Australia? That’s what I thought about her. Ha ha.. We had a hilarious morning.

I took time to ironing towels while listening to news about the sudden death of Ms Smith. What a tragic story of a woman? I watched some of her reality shows showed her absurdity and obesity. It’s weird. And later I was mesmerized by her complicated situation of having daughter and losing son at almost the same time. My. I always thought that her life would expire soon, and it did! She went through too many life problems since early life; the amplitude of the ups and downs was drastic. What a waste, a woman of 39 with such talent..

I tried to be more productive but it seems that I could not be. I submitted three small files to MBO this morning to see what she thinks about my work. No comment, just keep working! I really have to turn off the YM so I won’t online-chat with MBO. It’s good to be connected always but…

I want to do something different this weekend. I could not think of anything now. It will come tomorrow, I know..

Photo of metal dove hung on my desk's lamp shade.

1st Blog-o-versary

Today a year ago I started my first post in this blog. While I feel that time flies in a wink, I feel the week going slowly. I feel like Friday today. I don’t have enough things to do?

I was awoken by loud thunder this morning. It was raining very hard that I thought it would never stop. It was scary thunder that kept on and on till morning over. I got up before 06:00 to start working. MBO gave me the newsletter to be translated into English last night. I was stunned by the pages. Oops. So many although actually I finished the first article before slept last night.

Knowing that I could finish the material quickly, procrastination started to creep up on me. I stopped working to do yoga. My body was stiff after days of not doing. Feeling good is dangerous. I could easily ignore my body’s need to be flexible. I felt good after a bit sweaty but need to do more often. Now I know..

A friend cancelled our lunch date so I have all day to spend at home. I did some correspondences I hold for some times now. I also wrote to the art group as one of the leaders. NIE was still out of function. We haven’t planned anything for the coming weeks as situation is still uncertain. Many are still traveling and flood still persists.

Tomorrow is my one-week anniversary of being 5.5 hours stuck in traffic. PEN have asked me to join her tomorrow to a late lunch in Wijaya area that part of the street is still flooded. I guess she didn’t know the traffic situation as she just returned from Australia three days. I cannot decide now. I could feel my stomach churning at the thought of being in dead traffic. This is when we need to have beginner’s mind. Not knowing thing can be great :-)

Photo of my favorite brass bell.

What if?

So my good designer friend – NA – passed away last early evening. I got the message this morning. I took time to recall the short good time we had back in 2002 – 2003. The nice Christmas party in his house, dinner we had in many restaurants in Ubud, dancing in the only disco in Ubud, and last but not least.. his famous Spadaaaa! when he came to meet me or MW in our shops. His Spadaaaa! led us to his house next door to have bubur Manado (our fave dish he cooked) anytime of the day. It’s always fresh from kitchen with ikan asin aroma. Yum.. Have a good journey back, NA! I’m glad our paths had crossed sometimes somewhere somehow..

NA has led MBO and me talking about many people who died close to their birthday. All I know is.. good guys die young :-) So I told MBO I could sense that my time is closer too. I liked that she took my ‘imagination’ easy. She said Maybe.. So we talked more about a will I should and would make. I always enjoy talking about making will with people who can enjoy same topic. It’s not imagery, it’s realistic!

My relatives used to shut me up when I started to look for a piece of land for my future home. They thought I’m too young to plan such thing. Well.. But I have changed my mind now, I prefer to be cremated and have the ash scaterred in sea so can travel more. It’s practical for anybody I leave behind, right?

And as of my possession, I don’t have many or valuables to worry about. I have told RIN, my cousin, to look after my old textile collection and distribute my shoes, handbags, and clothes among cousins. It’s worth! I don’t have ‘junk’ stuff basically. Nice to share in the end :-)

And I told MBO to take care of my poetry and blog; to make it hard copy to be precise. I have asked her months ago about the poetry and today I added the blog in her responsibility. I would like to have my blog printed and distributed among relatives and close friends of mine within three months after I die. She even has checked with me whether I have address book ready for her to search for my loved ones’ contact. It got me thinking to tidy it. Ya, anybody may need sometime.

I also asked MBO to see if my printed blog could be sold commercially. If possible, I could still contribute to the community then. I could think of an organization where the fund goes. Perfect! I enjoyed our short hilarious online chat. Nothing heavy about it. We shared a fun thing to do, a project.

I remember a friend who doesn’t like to play What if? with me. He just dropped any What if? I brought up because he likes to live in the Now. Who’s not? I found What if? game fun. We have to prepare anyway, if we are talking foolish, it’s for fun! Imagining is fun, 'licking wound' is no use. So?

Anyway, I managed to get out of house today. I badly needed to have an activity but RAD suggested me to be calm at home because of the unpredictable weather. She could be right but when RIT called, my hesitation fell down. I asked her to go out and she agreed! We had foot massage with AMA then grocery shopping at PI mall after nice coffee. We ended up spending three hours together. And maybe more this evening. Those girls plan to have a girl night out :-)

Photo of baju monyet (literally: monkey jacket) from Sumatra – part of my old textiles collection.

This, too, will pass.*

Waking up is like pushing pause / play button to resume life. Nervous attacked me again. Health has become an issue the past few weeks. Body becomes vulnerable in this time of the year. Weather is not pleasant. No sun, cold and rain. I consume more vitamins the past few days while paying more attention to my intake. But I don’t like the feeling, worry makes me nauseous.

Yesterday my friends and I talked about not liking something can eventually attract bad things to happen. I’m thinking about the analogy of being worried. Do I attract more worries to come? I guess so..

I talked to RAD in the afternoon. Her house still has 2 meter-high water. She lost her books and many clothes. She is now refugee in her auntie’s house. When I called her she was in PDA shop charging her HP PDA before she lost data. She sounded calm like any other days.. Aaarrghh..

This is when meeting friends is addictive. I don’t remember my worries when I have something else occupy my consciousness. Tolle in his book A New Earth mentioned about television that has been chosen by millions of people to distract their cluttered thought. I don’t belong to the group, I choose something else like writing and reading but at the same time I have let my cluttered thought stays longer :-)

I observed Chiko when he was sleeping many times today. I wonder whether he has something to think about. He looks peaceful when sleeping. I should learn from a cat and bless my sleep too. I just knew yesterday that AMA suffers from sleep apnea (a sleep disorder characterized by pauses in breathing during sleep). How many times I should tell myself that I have nothing to worry actually.

*from Tolle's A New Earth

Never be The Last Time

It’s cloudy morning again. My rooster bioclock woke me up late although I’d been half awake for awhile. Waking up in a dark morning affects me in a way. I feel like I don't have purpose for the day – in lighter sense. It took awhile for me to get on my day.

I did my usual morning ritual while considering what to do for the day. I checked with RIT whether our lunch with KAT and MNE was on. We negotiated thru text and on-off phone calls before settling an Italian restaurant to go to. MNE was always in charge in setting our appetite and Italian food was her fancy today.

I thought I ran late. I could not decide what to wear, could not find my leather string for a pendant I meant to wear, could not find a right jacket to match the skirt,.. I walked round n round the room to gather my ideas. Glad I could make it on time. I was the first to come actually.

It’s good to see the girls again after so many emails and texts to negotiate time to meet since two weeks ago. And actually we didn’t plan the today’s lunch. It came spontaneously yesterday and turned out very well with everybody.

We enjoyed lunch very much. We talked less about politics and global warming this time; we became more women in our topics. Body job was still the hottest topic. There it went again: 250 grams, blue-eyed, botox, lips line, this n that I didn’t see until they started to talk about. I’m worried about my brown spots but actually no one saw until I told them; the same with them and their problem. I never put my attention there until they guided me to notice. Anyway, it was hilarious especially because it also included a show-n-tell session.

And we were totally carried away when in the end we talked about the possibility of challenging self to have a love explosion in some points of life. It was hilarious because there was a mix of beliefs (good girl KAT who is ready to explode, ever brave RIT and MNE, and ever coward AMA and me).

We dispersed finally when MNE was shocked by the time. She had to do banking and it’s already 15:45 when she realized. We never called this moment as farewell lunch for KAT. We would never say goodbye to her because we know somehow sometime we would meet again in Jakarta or Manila.

It touched me when KAT hugged me tight and told me how happy she is to have an Indonesian friend. She said that I’m a good ambassador of my country. What a compliment a foreigner friend could express :-)

Amid my happy time with friends, I got sad news about my other good friend. He used to be my party buddy in Ubud; he’s a well known wedding-costume designer. He suffered a heart attack two years ago and seems to hardly recover. I remember vividly the last time I hugged him in front of PLV in March 2004; PLV was about to open then. I told MW – my friend in Ubud – thru text just now how sad to realize that anytime could be the last time to see someone.

That’s when I treasure every second I spend with my friends and loved ones of course. Share like it would be the last time..

Photo of skirt I wear today.

60 : 40

It was cloudy in the morning. The sky was grey of heavy cloud. I planned to grocery shop but felt a bit pessimistic. I decided to weapon myself with rubber sandal, cellphone charger and earphone to listen to radio (traffic report), a book, and crackers.

I started early to get C4 hypermarket before crowd. I was wrong. I didn’t shop long but had to be in check-out queue long time in such early hour – 10:30. I noticed many people stocking up food and baby supplies; some carts were full of instant noodles and mineral water for flood victims I guess. When I was in queue, the lady before me asked how many cat I have. Yes, I had a dozen of cat food and one big pack of rice. That’s what she could see. I smiled shyly. One cat.

I met up with a friend at PS mall. I was surprised to see the mall full of families. They didn’t look like they were in trouble. It got me thinking, do they belong to the 40% of population who live in dry area? And later in the afternoon – when sun was weakly shining – many people enjoyed sitting out door. I guess some were families who refuging in big hotels near the mall. I talked to some shop attendants; they also live in dry area. So, can I say that people who live in dry area has normal life? Hm.. I was in the mall too.

Life is unfair anyway but economy has to keep distributing too :-)

Photo of space decoration at SC.

Water

Calm like Buddha. That was my half day yesterday. The rest of the day? Adventure.

I didn’t research enough before decided to go out of house before 18:00. Afternoon was nice and bright, no one would think about bad traffic after bad traffic all day. Or, I was too naive to have such analysis?

Anyway, I was happy riding because the traffic was good in the neighborhood. MBO called and I told her that traffic looked promising. Actually I had to analyze further after been two hours in the normally 15 minutes drive.

So I was stuck in the sea of car in Jalan Gatot Subroto. We moved one meter every five minutes, then ten minutes, thirty minutes,.. When I decided to stop because the engine heated up, the traffic hadn’t moved for an hour then. There’s no sign the traffic would ease off. After awhile I decided to be in the arena again or would never make progress the whole night. I only had a quarter tank of petrol. Cherokee drinks a lot, I had to turn off the engine when waiting :-)

I learned several things while ‘meditating’ – my way – in the car. Waiting is fine but uncertainty is something. We all had no idea what’s happening in front of us. Will we be able to go through or not? If not, how long the water will subside? I stopped the thinking to blame the policemen for not closing the street, they must have lots of other thing to think about..

I felt like being in a life simulation. In the dark, all alone, and uncertain. Any decision – right or wrong – was in my hand. My cellphone battery ran low that I had to use wisely. I was very hungry that started to cold sweating at a point. I had nothing to eat and the ever well-known Jakarta informal business offered nothing. No one sold drink and food to the traffic victims unlike other normal busy days when we could enjoy many kinds of food and magazines from street vendors.

I tried to smile many times. I didn’t feel heavy more empty but not upset and desperate (well, yes, I felt losing hope on-off) but smiling was not an easy thing to do. Honestly. I counted my luck while sitting in the dark with aircon off. I started with simple thing: good that I wore skirt so not hot and not wet if I had to step out, good that I had option to wear jacket or sleeveless top to anticipate any temperature, and finally I thought about NIE. I could not be luckier. NIE’s house is flooded shoulder high. The family was evacuated at dawn without taking anything from the house. My heart goes to her. I know she could not wait to get out of Jakarta this summer after five years feeling her family life trapped in traffic (her term). I also thought about RAD and many loved ones who are soaking.

I found a way to give myself hope. I stopped pedestrians passing my car. I asked them the situation. Some were nice to share optimistic answers; some were discouraging Water is waist high, I’m not sure you can pass. Later I could feel traffic eased up, it moved although slowly. Any centimeter forward felt like a breezing hope. I learned to appreciate small things, small hope,.. After all, I felt small in the Universe because I had no control of the situation.

The moment before entering the water was memorable. I shrank even smaller. It was like a sea where the depth was unimaginable. It was close to midnight then. The traffic regulator guys urged me to take the mid lane because I have high car so could speed up the traffic behind me. They were right. The lower cars took the farthest right lane and drove very slowly. For three minutes passing the water, I had to spend five hours! What could I say…

On the way back was another story. It was raining so hard that I could not see well. I turned on the hazard light and literally crawled the empty street. I didn’t want to get into trouble bumping with other vehicle I could not see. Got home tired, I found out my cellphone service didn’t support calling landline so I had no access in. The security helped me to press my house bell but no one out. I decided to stay in car till dawn. I had lied down for a few minutes when the security asked me to move car because bigger evacuation cars were about to pass. Returned to front of house, I got out of car and pressed the bell myself. I was lucky.

What a memorable moment I had. I never regretted the trip; it has given me new ways to see life :-)

Photo is taken from Kompas online.

Calm like Buddha

It comes now, water soaks Jakarta. I was still in bed when texts and calls went through. FRA has ankle high water, RAD’s house has waist high so my staff AD’s, later RIT told me that her driver is also facing same problem,… Then my staff YU just came to borrow two plastic boxes for her clothes. She has waist high water at home. She sounded nervous and I thought about myself when reminded her to be calm. Look who’s talking again..

Hm.. I just called MNE. She has shoulder high water in her housing that husband had to take boat to get out. Initially she invited us to a luncheon at her house for my birthday and KAT’s farewell today. I feel sorry for her as she has food for an army – she said. She cooked herself since yesterday but there’s nothing we can do as the water won’t subside in a day. We decided to postpone the get together with lots of wish to still have time to meet KAT before she leaves to move to Manila.

MNE is a fun girl. We had a good laugh. I hate to say that she may need the food as she may be trapped in the house for days. She plans to sit still like Buddha and eat all the chocolate mousse. She hopes she won’t be ballooning later. Actually we don't mind to have leftovers luncheon soon.

Rain has just stopped. I heard that the traffic is not bad as many people might be stuck at home. I don’t have plan for today. MBO has asked me to translate a 15-page newsletter into English. It should be nice to have something to do while being calm like Buddha at home (inspired by MNE). I feel blessed to have dry life now but also learned from RAD this morning about how to let go in such situation. Her books are going to be soaking soon. It must not be easy to salvage everything. I have no right to complain now.

Photo of Buddha I see every day in my house.

Empty Affirmation

My today’s word is irrelevant.

I got up very early today, 4:30. It’s still dark but I felt very light. I smiled in bed, thinking of my past few days, it’s irrelevant now :-) I think I should believe in biorhythm MBO kept updating me (she has the calculator in her PDA). She told me that my intellectual reached the lowest curve last Saturday, so my emotion, but my health is good. MBO was afraid I could eat human because I had low mood and intellectual but high energy. I can be destructive, she thought. Yea, she should be careful. So funny.

Anyway, yes, I feel fresh to start a new month. Where time flies? It’s strange that I found a birthday card from Sis (along with 6 stars difficulty rating of a sudoku puzzle) among bank statement envelopes just this morning. When did I miss that? I sorted out mails myself but missed a shocking pink envelope? Don’t tell me this is about being 41 – now I know why Sis sent the puzzle, my awareness needs gym :-) It’s nice though to have sort of extended birthday.

After three days of reading success book, I could not agree more with the definition of success in the Introduction:

“Success is waking up in the morning, whoever you are, wherever you are, however
old or young, and bounding out of bed because there’s something out there that
you love to do, that you believe in, that you’re good at – something that’s
bigger than you are, and you can hardly wait to get at it again today.” –
Whit Hobbs

It was raining hard almost all day. I don’t remember the last time Jakarta had such pour. It could do well too – less motorbike in streets. I got Museum Nasional exactly 10:30. RIT, AMA, and I would witness MNE's first show as museum tour guide in English (her first language is French).

MNE was 20 minutes late but she managed to calm self in a second then started the ‘show’. It was my idea to watch MNE in action. I’ve been interested in becoming a tour guide since years but got no kick to start the 12 week course. I’m not sure whether I have enough knowledge and creativity to share the highlight of the museum. Been in MNE’s tour for almost two hours, I know I could if I want. How should I form my affirmation then?

Later the day I learn that affirmation is not an easy thing to say if I am not sure of that; such as I am a powerful woman. An affirmation is just an affirmation – nothing could affirm me if I’m not sure of what. It is believed that to state something positively could strengthen our positive power inside. That’s theory.

I told the same thing to IN, my artist friend in Ubud, earlier today. He shared about his wife who suffers of CA the past few weeks. It’s shocking. I called him while driving to Museum. He cried and my heart dropped to ankle. I could not do anything for now but praying for them. I told him to tell URS to be tough and sure that she could pass this.

I’m not sure whether it’s affirming or not. All I know is we are worried about things we don’t know now.

Photo of Majapahit guard - Dwarapala - at Museum Nasional.