It’s a quiet day.

It’s hari raya Galungan. It’s unusually quiet in the morning. Very quiet almost no sound but roosters and birds in the afar. I respect the day so I didn’t have any music on. I was keeping quiet too, I didn’t do household chores except mopping porch. I was thinking about the most common question Are you afraid of the dark?, this morning I’d like to ask Are you afraid of the silence? It’s deafening.

I took my time doing things slowly but I was also aware that I might end up not having enough time. I didn’t commit to any project then. I wrapped up the house slowly to prepare my farewell driving with my Jeep to Denpasar. I don’t like the word farewell, it’s my friend who reminded me that this would be the last time I drive my car.

Cousin Aga tried to stop me from selling the car. He told me nice things about the car. He showed me Jeep garage he just found. He reminded me some possibilities to maintain the car. He offered me to do things just to make sure the car stays. I told him that it’s not easy for me either. Being parted from something/someone who’s been with us for long time is never easy. I thought about my good friend who just left her husband recently. I don’t have a say but I understand the situation from both sides. There’s a situation where being together is not easy anymore but deciding to end is never easier.

Anyway, I didn’t look back when I closed the car door. I forgot but I’m okay. I’m ready for a new phase. Change. Traveling is also a change. I realized that when I packed up cosmetics. How I’d carried my routine to ensure the change is smooth. As usual, I carry a lot. Me and my familiar routine. It reminded me of Papa. He was not keen on traveling although I remembered he could enjoy his trip very much. He liked to share many nice stories about his experience being in a new place. Ya, Papa liked his comfort routine and zone at home that he hardly showed eagerness for traveling. I told my cousin today that I wish I could share my life now with Papa and Eyang Mama. I was still young when they both passed away over twelve years ago. I hadn’t had the maturity to value time with them.

I spoke with Mama first time since she was hospitalized this morning. She sounded weak but fine. I asked her what might be the culprit. Rujak! Uh… I didn’t say anything but she knew that I knew. She is not supposed to eat food like such. I told her that I would see her after my trip. She wished me Selamat jalan! I felt and still feel ‘sad’ that I could not be with her but…

Wish all well today – like the spirit of hari raya.

Picture of a set of banten on top of my car’s hood this morning. I could feel the love.