Kelihatannya lebih enak tinggal di rumah…

Tiba-tiba aku mendapatkan ide untuk tidak bepergian di malam Tahun Baru kali ini. Sesudah tidak hujan berhari-hari, kecuali kadang-kadang di malam hari, hari ini hujan turun cukup deras sejak sore. Begitu derasnya sampai aku tidak bisa membayangkan aku menyetir di malam hari, keluar-masuk mobil dengan mengenakan pakaian malam Tahun Baru yang tentunya istimewa. Aku menimbang lagi beberapa usulan teman melewatkan malam Tahun Baru bersama. Satu teman akan melewatkannya di sebuah hotel butik dekat toko kami yang tiketnya tidak murah tetapi aku merasa mungkin akan lebih menyenangkan kalau lebih banyak teman pergi ke tempat yang sama. Pilihan yang lain adalah santap malam istimewa di sebuah restoran di dekat rumah diiringi musik hidup untuk berdansa.

Apapun, sesudah berhari-hari melewatkan liburan di rumah paling tidak setengah hari di pagi hari sampai siang, rasanya tidak ada semangat untuk melewatkan waktu di tempat yang ‘sudah tidak asing lagi’ di kota kecil seperti Ubud ini. Sekarang aku mengerti kenapa banyak orang dan aku sendiri suka merencanakan melewatkan malam Tahun Baru di tempat yang ‘baru,’ tempat yang tidak biasa dikunjungi di hari lain, sehingga momen istimewa ini bisa semakin istimewa. Seorang teman baik di Denpasar memutuskan untuk tinggal di rumah membaca buku silat yang baru dia beli. Kelihatannya itu ide yang baik terutama sesudah ada desas-desus mengenai adanya kemungkinan bom meledak di Bali malam ini.

Akhirnya datang juga saat untuk mengubah tampilan blog yang sering aku lakukan setiap pergantian tahun. Perubahan, terutama yang berarti, selalu memberi nuansa yang berbeda di hari selanjutnya. Aku memilih warna oranye-kuning untuk tahun 2010 karena ini adalah Tahun Harimau Metal. Sering aku membiarkan diriku terjebak pada hal-hal yang sama yang selalu aku lakukan seperti memilih warna alam atau monokromatik untuk kebanyakan karya seniku tetapi di tahun mendatang ini aku bertekad untuk keluar dari kotak kebiasaanku. Aku ingin pembaruan yang membawa semangat baru.

Sudah empat tahun aku menulis di blog ini hampir setiap hari. Tahun ini jumlah pos mengalami penurunan yang cukup berarti, hampir 16%, dari tahun sebelumnya yang juga sudah turun 9,4% dari tahun sebelumnya lagi. Mudah-mudahan tahun ini jumlah pos tidak menurun lagi hanya karena aku kembali belajar memakai bahasaku sendiri. Aku bertekad memurnikan semua aspek kehidupan yang aku mulai dari pemakaian bahasa. Karena keharusan memakai berbagai bahasa dalam keseharian, aku bertekad untuk tidak mencampur bahasa yang aku pakai. Aku mulai memperhatikan bahasa yang dipakai teman-teman literaturku yang pandai dan kreatif mengkaryakan kosa kata yang kita miliki yang ragamnya kurang luas dibandingkan bahasa lain seperti bahasa daerah. Aku dan temanku yang penterjemah banyak tertawa tadi siang waktu kami mencoba menemukan kata yang cocok untuk menggambarkan ‘membawa barang diatas kepala.’ Dijunjung? Lalu bagaimana memberi imbuhan awal dan akhir yang baik dan benar sehingga tidak menimbulkan tafsiran yang kurang tepat. Semua bahasa membawa tantangannya sendiri dalam pemakaian lisan dan tulis.

Aku juga merencanakan untuk memberi rumah tinggalku nuansa baru yang lebih kontemporer. Selama ini aku mengkombinasi gaya klasik dan mutakhir untuk hiasan-hiasan di rumah. Ini akan menjadi proyek berjalanku tahun ini. Aku juga harus segera ‘masuk’ ke Pallava untuk memilah barang apa yang ingin aku simpan untuk aku pakai sendiri dan barang apa yang bisa aku lepas pada harga dasar atau lebih rendah untuk menyederhanakan tatanan peraga dan gudang. Ini bukan rencana baru tetapi aku harus mengatakannya lagi untuk memberi nuansa baru semangatnya. Seringkali waktu melenakan aku dari berpikir lebih rinci di kedua tempat usahaku namun kelihatannya tahun mendatang ini aku ‘dipaksa’ untuk segera memutuskan sesuatu. Waktu terus berlari…

Malam yang istimewa untuk semangat yang istimewa. Hidup semangat baru! begitu bunyi pesan singkat yang dikirim padaku oleh bekas anak asuh Mama. Aku sepaham dengannya.

Pohon Natal terbuat dari daun palem kering di galeri yang aku kunjungi kemarin.

How do you do your time?

A friend asked another friend over dinner. It’s interesting because I also observed the way I do my time. Like many these days, we spend quite a lot of time in computer. Not just for online stuff but I’m brushing up on my Photoshop skill these days. It has become a new challenge for me to explore different kind of creativity. So that’s what I do these days spending half day in computer while multitask doing household chores that I cannot drop even in holiday season. I don’t mind.

Being in cocoon so long, I also have the urge to go out to meet people, to see happenings. My friend and I attended an art exhibition opening in a well-known gallery in Ubud last night. The gallery is clever as they often had new exhibition in the end of the year. It’s refreshing! So the artworks displayed last night. Paintings with (bule) cow as main theme and metal sculptures in the form of dog. Both artists are Balinese but have been living in Yogya over eight years for study and work now. Interesting, they even have adopted Yogya accent very well.

I don’t usually start a conversation but looking at shy artists I was interested to just approach them and have a chat. So I had one-on-one chat with each one. The painter who paints cow was concerned about cows killing to produce our food. What a special concern? He explained how he got the idea well. And the dog sculpture artist got the idea after he lost his dog in Yogya – a city where keeping a dog is not easy because dogs are worth stolen. Also, because he is familiar with dog’s behavior so he feels comfortable to create art with dog poses. Yes, the dog sculptures looked really good especially as an installation. It needs an atmosphere to display, the artist explained further why he doesn’t sell his work individually but set of three or six.

I was considering to leave the gallery although the owner invited my friend and me to have dinner in the restaurant of their beautiful boutique resort in the back of the art gallery. Good my friend, the exhibition curator, caught and led me to the restaurant so I didn’t have space to escape back to my preferred cocoon. I enjoyed every bit of chat in the end. We shared table with the curator and a well-known French jeweler lives in Ubud. I call him the Tiffany of Ubud for the price. For the work, he is beyond.

It’s a nice way to spend an end of a year. Spending time with self and but also with other inspiring individuals.

Today is the last day of 2009. I didn’t sleep well last night just because of so many new ideas for starting the 2010! The year has not even started but I’m already bubbling. I’m happy!

The metal dog.

I hold the world record of having Ganeshas!

Of acquiring, I guess. My friend was surprised to see how many Ganeshas he has acquired the past days in Ubud. Ganesha has just come to him this visit. For me, I have been years in like with Ganesha. For the exotic shape, when I lived in Jakarta. Later in Ubud, I learned more about the ‘spirit’ behind the shape and of course the history. Like having Buddha statue, I always have a Ganesha or two around me since long. So it’s nice to know that my friend started enriching his life with Ganesha too now.

Let’s have a look at Ganesha’s attributes. I studied it thoroughly this morning and glad to know that I have practiced or at least I’m heading to practice life according to Ganesha’s quality. Look at the big head for think big, the large ears for listen more, the small eyes for concentrate, the small mouth for talk less, the one tusk for retain good throw away bad, the trunk for high efficiency and adaptability, the large stomach for peacefully digest all good and bad in life, the axe to cut off all bonds of attachment, and there are some more. It’s perfect attributes to lead us to have better attitude.

It’s human to have different perspective about something. For me, I think big. For others, I may think too big that I don’t touch ground, or too small to call big. For me, I listen more and talk less, for others I may appear cool (not calm cool but free from anxiety). For me, I retain good throw away bad, for others I may label things. For me, I cut off all bonds of attachment, for others I may appear less care. That’s why I try to free myself from labeling people. I simply tell myself that we are different. People are different. If they are negative, it’s them. I don’t need to fix. Even if I think they are being negative, I take the lesson so I will not end up the same. So it’s not easy to apply Ganesha’s attributes in daily life especially being a woman since women are often associated with like to see things from negative side. I can speak my own experience but actually I also learn from others’. Such circumstance makes me prefer to have larger stomach to peacefully digest all good and bad in life. I told a friend that I feel safe because I trust in the Universe and… lawyers!

Now how to deal with others' perception smartly. It’s not easy for me as Aquarian who is known for using the head more than heart. Yes, I like to think practical or think more of the actual doing rather than with theory and ideas. People may think we do not project our intention (including theory and good idea) to reach a goal but how can I plan out the actual doing without a strong base of an intention? How can I tell about the past for today’s lesson without appearing digging the past or being negative? How can I share my not-so-good feeling without appearing to judge? Again, it’s different perspective. Anyway, we cannot make everybody happy. I will just keep my good intention to act my best to make others feel comfortable. While I keep freeing myself from labeling and judging, as far as I could.

I believe many feel similar, we need a holiday after a holiday. Especially after a month-long holiday (it feels) in December. I managed to finalize my first-trip-in-2010 itinerary last night. A friend responded to my end-of-year catch-up by sharing her first itinerary for 2010. It rang my bell to join her! It took me weeks to cook my mood but I’m glad it didn’t take long (as often) to realize the itch for travel.

Life is already beautiful by having something to look forward to… Positive or negative does not matter much.

Ganesha in Neru I took yesterday.

It’s connection day!

My friend exclaimed after we finished a day of meeting people I and we know yesterday. We went to Sanur to enjoy the well-known Sunday market where people of Sanur and somewhere else meet from brunch till late-lunch time. It was not as busy as other Sundays. My dear friend didn’t have table for her jewelry as she had to rush home in America for a family matter. I also didn’t quite know some vendors selling in the market. The crowd was also quite new for me. I only knew a few but I made friend with one of the owner family members that was often seen around on Sundays. It had bothered me for some time that his face looked familiar so I came to him to ask if he was someone I knew in the past. What a brave me! He was not but then we talked that ended up I knew he has passion for old furniture! Good match!

My friend enjoyed his time observing people. Like my girlfriend said the place is perfect for ‘to see and be seen.’ I told my friend who’s who so he learned how people 'behave' in such place and how people live in Bali make a living. He was inspired by the way people multitasking like having several jobs that a part of them is voluntary job. It happened we met my friend who works as column writer in English newspaper in Jakarta and several other publications, interpreter, art curator, and interpreter in Denpasar court that he does voluntarily. I could see he was formulating his next life.

Great! We had nice chitchat (although some topics were quite consequential) while watching the sun moved closer to us. Sitting in the open air is my favorite especially after I could handle the sun better. And when the sun really caught us we had to move inside when we met our… Ubud friends! Oooh… so sad to see my good girlfriend looked not so good still. They just visited a hospital in Denpasar to get her lung examined. She has quite bad cough since a few days. She said she could not see us clearly since she felt half ‘existed.’ We could see her eyes were hardly open but she had the spirit to have nice lunch so it’s great we shared a table.

End of year often brought us to specific topics of what we have achieved and are going to in the new year. We kicked each other to do what we have passion for. We came to the topic about some great inventors started their venture from yucky garage. My friend made excuse because she does not have yucky studio enough to start producing beautiful artwork she is good at. She could not defend herself too long since she faced three ‘pushers’ who admire her a lot! It happened so fast that she agreed to sign a pact with herself about starting to work on her studio this coming month. She was the one who had the idea to make the pact so we all supported! We became the witnesses of her pact! It was so fun to see her eyes wide open before we left the café. I believe her spirit will bring good to her wellness these coming days! I’m happy to just think of it!

The late afternoon was still bright when we arrived Ubud that we wanted to push a little bit more. Make another new connection. We visited my friend in a village about 2 kilometers from Ubud main road. Beautiful surroundings! She has several businesses in Ubud that I’m interested to know to ‘expand’ mine so chatting with her was a good idea! In the end, she invited me to join her clubs (ranging from book club to volunteer club) and invited my friend to be speaker in one her club’s meetings. It was fun to talk with her. Soft spoken American.

Indian food as dinner was perfect to complete our long day with lots-of-fun connections!

The pact.

What’s on your mind?

Mopping porch. My friend often asked such question I can hardly reply. We Indonesian, or Javanese, are not used to share our feelings verbally. Although I’m not a good example of a Javanese still I’m not good in sharing my feeling orally in instant way. It takes me a couple seconds to minutes before I can come up with something to share. I have a lot in my mind at a time but how can I break them down in seconds and share them in a couple of minutes? Not many people have the patience to wait for one’s explanation. I learn. So I like to listen more than to talk. People need others to listen and I don’t mind to be on the ears side.

Back to what’s on my mind, I’m living without plan these holidays. I just follow whatever that comes whenever. I’m kind of tired with planning. That’s one thing I want to loosen up next year. Sometimes I appeared too stiff about what I want – stiff to myself that in the end it affects others too. Not good, not good. But, these days, I’m processing a new layout for my blog in mind. I thought about it while in shower, in bed before and after sleep, mopping floors, wiping car… It’s nice to work things out ‘virtually.’

I had nice time yesterday. Visiting a couple in Peliatan who is finishing their beautiful nest by rice field. I have been visiting many houses around Ubud and their house is among few that I don’t have issue during the tour. I mean… hardly one spot disturbed my freaky perfectionism. I accept the fact that in Ubud I cannot expect to see a perfect building like in Jakarta but nothing is impossible they say. And of course, the architect has become my favorite since long time. If I had project handled by him, I could sleep tight and wake up happy. Anyway, it’s great!

My friend and I also attended a photo exhibition in a contemporary art gallery in Mas. It’s a nice B/W photos on watercolor paper with nice Balinese frame. It reminded me of my experiment in the past. I also liked to print pictures on regular or colored paper then torn it off to give nice effect along the edge. So it’s refreshing to see the idea again. The exhibition opening was well attended by people who live in Ubud full time and part time so it’s nice to meet quite many people I know in the village. It’s like an impromptu get-together. It’s just pity that the opening was ‘too soft.’ No speech or mark to open the exhibition. We just enjoyed watching the vibrant American photographer walking around meeting people. He was such a scene himself: good looking, funky stylish, with B/W shoes and big jewelry from a well-known jeweler resides in Ubud. Realizing that many in the room are produced in Ubud (although by foreigners), I feel good to see that we support each other business.

Today is Sunday! It’s a bit cloudy after rain last night. Bali has really nice weather these days. I thank the Universe every day for the nice sun and a few rain sometime on the day. It’s perfect! Going to Sunday market must be perfect for Sunday morning.

Two boys playing with snakes I spotted in a warung in Tebongkang, Ubud.

your letter makes me want to travel again.

It was not the only response I got about how I have ignited my friends’ spirit to travel through my end-of-year catch-up. I got many nice responses. I enjoy the variety of the comments. Well I am impressed by your New Year catch up letter. Oh WOW!!! your email have indeed made me think and look back of what I have done in the past and what I would love to do in the future :-) Your plans read like the schedule of a foreign correspondent! Most of all, I enjoy their spirit to visit me in Ubud this coming year. I don’t mind if the plan doesn’t work. It’s the thought that counts! Lucky that I live in Ubud, I have better chance to see far-away friends!

It’s interesting to observe. Women like to examine, a friend told me. Sure! It’s nice to be an observer. Anyway, it’s interesting to know that many of my male friends responded. If I sent to a couple, it’s the male-partner who replied. I thought men are not so attentive but it seems I need to update my view. Even short, they are just nice to have shared their thought.

I spent almost all day attending Christmas lunch in a friend’s new house in the middle of a virgin village in Tegallalang. It’s nice to see a mix of people – Balinese and foreigners. As always, I learned new things through conversations with different people from different background. Now I’m serious about having colon hydrotherapy after I talked with a girl who once worked in a spa in… Ubud! That I need. A place closer to home. My friend and I have talked about having it in Canggu while doing our six-monthly honeymoon rrr outing. Girls days out! Then I learned about a new business opportunity. Then about life in general. As often…

I feel sleepy now but I still have a date to meet a friend who’s leaving Ubud tomorrow morning. We plan to enjoy blues music in our favorite café near Neru. Another friend and his family are also in Ubud that I didn’t have the energy to make time to meet this early evening. And tomorrow I am booked for two meetings with friends. It’s nice but… I have started planning my holiday after a year-end holiday! I hope it works!

A tree in front of a house in Duijzel, Netherlands.

Enjoy confusion!

My friend told my girlfriend before we parted the other day. He meant a good wish. I also believe confusion will result something better, if not good, after the period of turmoil passes. My friend is in transition between jobs that she hasn’t had idea what she wants to do in the next job. Yes, she is still looking for a job but cannot specify what she would like to do. Anyway, we all have once been in such circumstance. Ya?

The past days I made time to meet friends I didn’t see long time like a good friend from university days. It’s so nice to see him again, and in Ubud, so special! He was here with his three kids that I didn’t realize he has three! It was really fun to see him although for a short time only. I appreciated so much that he made the trip to Ubud just to see me.

It’s the season of meeting friends. I also got several invitations for celebrating Christmas and New Year. I haven’t set anything yet. It’s nice to ‘feel’ what I want to do as the days go. I’m a bit occupied around house also. I’m always proud of not having a helper to help me doing household chores but the past days I’m considering to delegate more chores to my gardener if I still want to keep the house free from other people. I feel older now, I’m physically tired doing housework! Ha ha… it got me at last. Also… I want to get used to be with ‘other people’ a few hours a day so not too much doing things on my own. It’s part of growing old wisely. I have an excuse.

It seems writing a blog-post in a time like this is not that easy. I need to respond to numerous text messages and emails especially after I managed to send out the end-of-year catch-up finally. Yay!! I made it.

My friend’s kids.

My mobile now is out of order.

I only read my friend’s email this morning. It has caused me to have nice dinner in a fine dine Italian restaurant in a big chain five-star hotel in Nusa Dua last night. When I met my Indian friend family a few days ago, we promised to let each other know if something cancels our appointment. I didn’t hear from them and of course I let them know that I was on my way.

Anyway, I don’t know what happened but I didn’t get any message in the reception so I had no idea how to find them in such a big hotel. I called their room three times and no answer. Later I found out in the email they were waiting for me at the Club Lounge. How would I know? Sitting by myself in the restaurant, I was pondering those days without cell phone that I survived a pretty smooth dating in my twenties. How did I do it that now I could not do? Or, people could not do it anymore. We have depended on our communication device so much that we lose our creativity to connect in ‘the jungle.’

I had no complaint. It’s just nice to be in different ‘island’ for a while. Nusa Dua and Jimbaran areas are like different island to me because of different atmosphere and vegetation. Later I sat with drivers and guides picking up hotel guests on road borders in airport waiting for a friend to arrive. Bali has really nice weather these days. I didn’t feel December in Bali last night, the breeze was cooler like end of winter in Bali in September. The sky was so clear so it was really nice to sit in open air.

Thinking that my friend might have thought I have a Blackberry that I could read his email real time, I smiled. Many people believe I use one. Knowing that I don’t use one, they laughed at me considering I’m stingy. I am stingy when it comes to updating cell phone to the latest model. Yes. I don’t like to say but I simply have ‘that feeling’ when it comes to BB (popular term for ‘that’). In my view, BB has changed people's behavior. They connect with virtual friends more than with people around them. In Jakarta it’s so easy to spot such scene where people sit together but all are busy with their device. And more, the other day, a friend told us via Facebook that he plans to get a low-priced computer to put in his helper quarter as the helpers want to... Facebook-ing. Oh wow!

Go to extremes, which I should choose? Engaging more with virtual friends via any device or disengaging almost completely like some?

I like real friends by keeping virtual ones. Like my friend said… Being a purist - insist on absolute adherence to traditional rules. I’m into that now.

Jakarta scene I caught last July.

Txs 4 yest jenk..

It took some time for me to comprehend what my friend trying to tell me. Oh ok. Sure, I also had great time last evening. We had dinner. Just the two us. Then we joined my friend’s gang (party of ten) to watch Balawan in the opposite restaurant where we had dinner. My friend’s boyfriend joined later. In the end, we were a big flock of different colors and age. It was fun!

The past days I was busied by friends visiting Ubud. I have quite a lot of things to do at home so I spent time with them a few hours only per day. I chose meal time to see them. Good quality time to be with friends without really taking my time. Some friends only called since time didn’t fit for us to meet.

I have a new neighbor since I got back from my trip. An American guy that I’m not sure if he stays by himself. I saw him with a little Balinese (I think) girl in some mornings. And today I saw him with a woman… they were wiping their windows. I was surprised because it was the first time I saw my sister-house’s windows wiped! I did mine quietly this morning. Our sliding windows can make quite a noise from opening-closing activities. So it’s interesting that we shared a weekend activity.

I spent late afternoon in an American well-known dancer’s house in Peliatan. My first Christmas celebration in Ubud. Singing Christmas carols with host’s friends of many nations (and Balinese that sang We Wish You a Merry Christmas louder!). I don’t remember I ever sang Christmas carols but I could follow 99% songs sung together till early evening. I enjoy Christmas carols since I was a kid. I recalled we had some Christmas recordings at home that either Mama or Papa often played. Anyway, with the help of notes distributed by the host, I sang almost all songs. Happily with my new Austrian friend. My Jakarta friend sat quietly in the back flipping the song book.

What a nice season with many friends: old and new. Like the spirit of the month. We had quite long dinner in a nice place with more friends coming from Jimbaran. Can the season stay? Noel, noel, noel, noel.

New friends’ head and hand.

Now there are millions of them!

My new friend and I talked about running business in Ubud. It started when I shared about how I gradually lost my passion for selling antiques… mmm artifacts because of tight competition in Ubud. I told her how I started art business ten years ago in Jakarta where the location and the trend were just perfect. My friend owns the first warung-internet in Ubud that I forgot to ask how long she has been in the business. She has been living in Ubud sixteen years. I remember I used to be her warung-internet’s patron eight years ago when I came to Ubud every other month and no wireless connection available.

Anyway, we also talked about the possibility of switching business that I still have on my plan. People share different opinions when I share my idea to switch. An Indonesian lady I knew said motorbike garage is a good business in Bali these days considering the population of people ‘on motorbike.’ I appreciated her idea but really I cannot start a business without passion. Another friend thought about open a funky warung and then the most popular idea of open a salon/spa. Hm… not my cup of tea. I put my idea to sleep at the moment but I don’t want to kill it.

At the moment, I’m still haunted by my year-end note that I haven’t got inspiration to write. I have received more and more notes from my friends in other parts of the world. Many notes are simple, Hallmark style, with family picture attached. I wonder if I’m going to end up sending the same. Time ticking. I feel a bit demotivated these days. I don’t blame others but it’s me. It seems I have to be back to my old me: share less so can focus more inside. Now I’m confused.

I had nice yoga today although I was a bit lack of energy. I didn’t eat well the past days because I could not take bigger meal. Yesterday I suffered for a couple hours after a dish I used to finish without problem. I also didn’t sleep well the past days that I try to see the connection with my intake habit. No connection. I just sleep short!

Hey I’m kind of excited with the transition I have started to welcome the New Year. My end of year ritual.

A mask from China in the museum I visited yesterday.

It’s unbelievable!

My new friend mumbled. Three of us visiting masks and puppets museum in Mas this morning. My friend from Jakarta drove us. Like often, my friend from outside Bali introduced me to other inhabitants of Ubud and to cultural places I have never been around Ubud. For the latter, it’s not necessarily because they already knew the place before I do but because they want to see the place and ask me to accompany.

I have got several invitations to visit the museum since I lived in Jakarta. I knew the owner back in my Jakarta years. I never tried hard to come to any cultural events he held in the place. So today I visited for the first time and it’s proper if I say I should have come long time ago. The place is just magical.

The masks and puppets are displayed inside four Javanese old houses in a vast lush green land. The Chinese businessmen who collect the masks and puppets from Indonesia and the world since ten years ago have genuine intentions for the culture: to conserve, to educate, to develop, and to entertain. It’s plain to see how they dedicate their wealth, effort and time to their passion to help the Indonesian to learn more about their culture. I enjoyed listening to the owner shared his ideals with us. The museum organizes programs to give the museum a life. And if I’m not mistaken, the museum also has facility for artists in residence in the museum complex.

Ten minutes before we left, the chairman of the museum took us to the museum storage. The museum has about 1,150 masks and 4,700 puppets (wayang) housed in the four traditional houses and, I thought, the ones in storage are already included in the calculation. The chairman said that another house might not be enough still to display the ones in the storage. I simply admire. I feel so rich as Indonesian. Like my American new friend said… It’s unbelievable!

So I thanked my two friends to have made the trip happen. Now I have a new destination to take my visiting friends in Ubud. I planned to see my visiting friends from Perth but after my friend’s birthday lunch, I could not think straight. It was sticky hot! We walked Jalan Dewi Sita to have a look at two shops selling unique masks before I called it a day. I longed for my cool nest back home. Ubud has shared a real December a bit. It was raining last night and this afternoon. It’s nice!

Wayang suket (puppets made of grass). A rare one.

after long and winding road… finally heaven…:)

A friend updated her status on Facebook. It’s ironic. She just arrived Ubud from Malang and I’m in the opposite. We had negotiated our time to meet but travel plan is truly personal plan. Although she is now in the break between two jobs but she already has idea how she wants to time her 'tour de Java-Bali' by car. And I also have the same reason why I cannot be in Malang before today. Like often, I am driven by mood. Even now, I’m ready to alter my travel plan this week. Let’s see…

It was raining hard with thunder last night before sleep. It was so hard that I found another small leak in bedroom. I hope it’s because the rain was a bit horizontal that it went in between tiles. Anyway, it was nice to sleep with rain as background music. My fellows outside had been a bit quiet. The bright lamp must have annoyed them. Back to the rain, it gave me back the December feeling with lots of rain and thunder. Wet.

The aftermath of the rain was extra chores for me in the morning. In the time I had to leave house for airport before 7. Wiped car dry, mopped wet porch with big leaves, and… the same in the shower (if not worse). I dealt with a bagful of leaves around house (not even in the garden). My ritual before leave house before travel often surprises me! It’s so unpredictable! Take garbage out, unplug numerous cables, close windows, draw curtains, and lock doors. And I have to do it with awareness so it won’t bother me if I think I have forgotten something. Like this morning! I texted Ngurah to check if I had closed my bedroom window. Not just that, Ngurah said, I even had drawn the curtain. My memory has gone short.

The house in Malang looked lost its shine when I arrived. It’s so different without the real host of the house. I came home to an empty house. My nephew was still attending a 3-day conference over weekend. It’s not a good time to visit since he is busy this week but like I said I also have personal factors why I’m here today not yesterday or tomorrow. Anyway, we have made a rough plan what we are going to do together in the next two days.

The past weeks, I stocked up books again. I could not hold myself from buying books although I remembered that I still have quite a stack of unread ones. Today I bought a book about the business of AIDS by a British (I guess she is) epidemiologist. I had considered buying the book before had a discussion about the book with my friend the other day. The book appears like a research report with numbers (or statistics) but it is packaged so nicely in good writing. She has a good humor to tell about the conflicts among the big ‘guys’ who poured their money to deal with AIDS in Asia (her field for research). Read only a chapter during short flight, I have already admired the way she describes the sensitive and ‘taboo’ issue. I’m excited to continue reading soon.

Apart from my plan with my nephew, I don’t have plan for the next two days in Malang. I have brought some homework to do but sure I keep my plan open.

A salon I saw in Porong that reminded me of my two girlfriends from New York and Belgium.

You are truly male expert..

My friend shared me good news about his disappearing boyfriend has been back. At the same time, he had to admit that my theory about men is proven true. The other day, my other friend also admitted that my theory about her boyfriend (now her ex) is true. And yesterday, she shared about her spooky neighbors that reminded her of me. Because… I already hinted her about there’s something not-right about their look as brother and sister. Listening to her story about them, I must say, they are weird. I could even guess precisely that they must have had a vampire party. They had! She knew because she was invited. Well, I just warned my dear friend to be careful if they plan to make her their next… meal! Auw!

I had a slow day. Like I said, these days are gone slowly. Yesterday I made a trip out early to avoid sun but sure at 9 the sun was already high. It’s been long I didn’t check out the craftsmen village of Tegallalang so it’s nice to drive in the area again. A friend wanted me to buy wind chimes for her village house in Bogor. I don’t mind to make the trip since I also needed to visit Desa Cebok.

Then I saw a simple palebon (cremation) in a cemetery in Banjar Tegal on the way to Desa Cebok. I was a bit nervous since hundreds of people were ready to start the procession. The white bull and a white tower were on horizontal poles occupying half road. I made my visit in Desa Cebok quickly then, literally in minutes only, because I didn’t want to be stuck in traffic when the palanquins start to move.

It was a nice driving in the morning and I had nice evening with my good friends. It’s been over two months I didn’t see her. Where did the time fly? It’s really a combination for me now. Time is fast yet slow. Like today. I packed up for my travel very slowly. It took almost a day since I took my time selecting every single thing. I also tidied up the house like I always did before leaving the house for a few days.

My bats issue has solved almost 100%. The past two nights I only heard the noise of baby bats. I thought. I hope they only stay till they are big enough to leave. My trick to push the bats to find a new place for their get-together by fixing a spotlight in the dark corner seems to work. I heard less and less noise so that I could sleep well till dawn.

My writing juice doesn’t flow smoothly the past two days. As much as I believe in ‘now is all we have,’ I feel torn.

The was dark corner.

I’VE BEEN DELETED! :-(

My ex chief in Jakarta wrote his Facebook status this morning. Soft and nice American who shares nice things on his profile. This is my second time I saw a ‘popular’ man experienced a ‘deletion’ on Facebook. I feel for them because I once experienced. Being friended (I guess this is a new term for ‘add to a list of friends associated with a social network site’) on Facebook is so different than in real life. On Facebook, we agreed to befriend. In real life, we are just friends!

I was once being deleted by a gay friend I knew in Jakarta. We had good relationship since very long time then we lost contact for years before reconnected on Facebook early this year. People change. I guess he became awkward to share his recent life with me. Jakartan gays are not like gays in Bali. Or, simply, Jakartan are not as open as people who live in Bali. Here local and foreigner (including ‘local foreigner’ like me) accept people as they are so we are so used to show our true color. Anyway, I understand when he cut our ties. I may not be in his ‘league’ anymore. I was a bit surprised but nothing will change my friendship with him. But sure… something has slightly changed because of the action.

Maintaining friendship in virtual world is not as easy as in real one. We all become more sensitive. Some friends thought I stop making connection just because I never show online on several online chat-messengers. I only keep one on anytime I’m online but in invisible mode. I have quite a long list of friends on this one. I enjoy chatting but when I make myself visible, I can run some four chat-boxes at the same time. As much as I like multitasking, more than two chat-boxes take too much of my attention because I like to chat with proper ‘hi and goodbye’ that many don’t really care about real-life-communication manner. They can just walk away without ending the chat formally.

I might have asked too much but that’s me. I prefer to write brief note or email to update my friends and close ones. Brief but comprehensive in my own time. So when a good friend protested that I was super quiet, I didn’t know what to say. I have hundreds of good friends that it’s impossible to write them one by one what I’m up to. That’s when we need… Facebook! News for all at one click. By the way, I look forward to see how Zuckerberg changed the way we set our privacy on Facebook. I think he has listened to many people like me who like the combination of sharing and limiting. Complicated human being we are… or I am?

So… my unique way to communicate with animals in the house might have worked again. I got the idea to tackle my issue with bats on my outside wall yesterday late afternoon. Last night, they made much less noise that I thought they might have sniffed out my idea. I have tried to ‘talk’ with them the other day when I was on the brink of exploding. It didn’t work. I know… talking with animals has to come out of our deepest heart. Not out of our desperation let alone anger.

My electrician has installed a bright lamp in the troubled corner that I haven’t proved its brightness and effectiveness when I wrote this. I hope having the idea is enough to send message to the animals that I want my old habitat back.

Write your message. Even in Holland you can get Thai massage.

Aku di depan rumahmu!

I gasped. My good friend was waiting for me in front of my house in Jakarta?! She thought our date to meet is today. I felt bad, felt sorry, that she has made the trip out of her busy schedule to see me today. Our actual date is Thursday next week that we had been through a lengthy-back-and-forth correspondence to negotiate the time also with another friend.

She might have suffered the same feeling as mine. I feel time goes slow these days! I don’t feel such often but this time is the time. Not that I only spend the days just sitting and waiting for the day to change but really I feel like the days are crawling. My guess is because I don’t travel the past five weeks or… I have so fixed plan for December and January that I look forward to being on the days.

Anyway, I started my day early. I was happy to figure out, so far, I’m high on my supporting troop's priority. My electrician wandered from his moonlight job for me. He came exactly at the appointed time at 7:30. This is what I admire from Balinese: they are prompt! I believe living in multicultural community has taught them to be ‘precise’ like when I saw my Swiss friend got parking ticket (as receipt in this case) without asking. As Indonesian, I need to ask for it or the tukang parkir will move on with my parking payment without handing me a receipt. So I learned! They learned from our foreigner fellows to be precise.

I thought installing a television antenna only needs an hour at top. It took him almost three hours. I guess he didn’t expect it that long either. In fact, he also tried to change my shower-head that he didn’t manage to open the old one. Anyway, I was an hour late for my salon appointment to beautify my hair before a trip to see families. And I had to rush back for my second appointment with pest control guy to have a look at my roof. He was the third guy I sent up on the tiles to have a look. He came out with the same conclusion. I don’t deal with rats! Or such rodents. My roof is clean. I was desperate. I didn’t sleep well the past nights because of their high pitch sound and three persons have told me that they didn’t see a single animal around. The thing is… the animals start stretching its soprano voice after twilight and more after midnight. They concluded that I might deal with bats that come after dark, get together outside my wall, hanging and eating together. I’m close to believe it but I will do inspection tonight.

And, I got an idea this twilight when I thought I saw flying bats near the trees and that troubled corner of my roof. I googled keyword ‘bats’ but got no significant information about their behavior but that led me to google keyword ‘construct bat house.’ Instead of trying to find out what’s the best thing to do to attract bats into the house, I found ‘common bat house design’ more interesting. Voila! Avoid placed it in brightly lighted areas. That’s what I thought. Vampire likes dark.

Tomorrow I will ask my electrician to install a bright spotlight in that corner. Outsmart the bats!

Poster of an exhibition in a museum in Den Haag.

Hari Om Tat Sat!

That’s the best thing I heard today. End of yoga practice, signal our teacher uttered to release us home. I almost gave up the practice in the middle of the session. It was so hot, so hot that my short breath hit me. It was so sunny that I could feel warm wave in front of my body. The thought of experiencing menopause suddenly scared me. I observed my over-50 yoga teacher that looked good and comfortable with her body although she doesn’t have air-conditioner in any of her rooms in her house. Although she has been living in Asia over twenty years but for people who are from four-season country to live in a place like Bali must be not easy.

Anyway, I survived to the end of practice. I could hear Mama says… Kurang makan itu! She often caught me in low energy because I didn’t eat well. She also often reminded me that I could suffer from hunger inside a food-storage because I was too lazy to eat! And I am still now! I thought about my favorite warung that I didn’t visit since I got back a month ago. I don’t have the appetite and without my dear friend around… no one kicks me to have lunch ‘properly.’

I blame it on the heat as well. What a long summer this year! I don’t know what I should wish for the coming days: blue sky (like my friend said) or wet rain. As I remember, December in Bali was not my favorite time at all. It’s all wet and gloomy without sun! It’s different this year. A combination of sun and rain would be nice but that’s ideal. I care about my water consumption since my water-expert friend asked me the other day what is my consumption as individual. I don’t have meter since the water comes from private well but I know that as individual my consumption is fairly economical. I don’t turn basin tap on while brushing teeth like many do. The way I mop the floors is also economical. I thought. Anyway, what I care actually is about how I keep my moss-wall in the shower green. That’s a minor example. What about the whole garden that my gardener trying to keep green every other day? That’s when my water consumption as individual may become high!

I still have some items on my to-do list that quite bother me. I thought when I was walking to yoga studio this morning what life would be without to-do list? It may not be fun! When I see it from this point of view, I thank the Universe for giving me the list. My today’s horoscope answers to my questions “If fact, sticking to your agenda today may be like pushing a huge boulder up a steep hill and you could end up exhausting yourself without anything to show for all your hard work. Instead, ease off on the reins of control, but don't be lazy. Use this time to reconsider your desires and think about what's most important to you.” I like the don’t be lazy and think about what’s most important to you points.

I called two professionals to come to house tomorrow. One to handle annoying rodents (or any animal that reside on my roof) and one to fix television antenna. Among items I want to cross off my list before I leave for Java soon.

The green wall in question.

I owe you my angel..

My days were 'colorful' the past days. Looking after a broken-heart friend was so unexpected. It must be hard for my dear friend. He refused me to take him to dinner since he still cried for his disappearing boyfriend. Not again… Having talked fifteen minutes, he agreed to go out. He said he felt much better. I was a good listener and a ‘preacher.’ I could hear myself saying things I also need to do in crisis. My friend was happy to get my idea to write to channel out his disappointment or anger or whatever uncomfortable feelings he feels. Actually, it amplifies back to me!

I decided to expand my entertainment alternative. I bought a… television!! What a big step of my old me! It’s a cute 22-inch wide screen LCD television. It’s so thin and light! Before, I could not imagine me installing a home-theater (mini in my case) by myself. With the help of manual books, I managed to deal with cables. It was fun although I haven’t been able to watch television pictures yet. For Ubud, I definitely need a pro to install the antenna.

Ubud is still dry and hot these days. In this temperature, it’s not easy for me to concentrate on just one thing. Now I do a bit of everything, and often multitask. Especially after I rediscovered my passion for reading, my necklace creation stays in the same stage I left before weekend. I used my Sunday learning a new trick on Photoshop from “how-to” magazine I bought last May. Better late than never, I’m happy with my new skill to use the program. I want to explore more in the next days.

So where does my writing juice go these days?

My Photoshop practice result.

Life was like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're gonna get (Forrest Gump). A friend wrote me the first part responding to my story about someone we know. It’s interesting because I thought about the notion since morning, way before he wrote about the chocolate thing.

They say people change. I too let myself change lately. Into good, into not-so-good. About the latter, I follow what I called ‘common practice.’ Like I said in some previous posts, some people are able to let the world wait while I was not. Now I start doing. I could see myself shifting. I survive living without TV since I moved to Ubud 2.5 years ago, now I’m considering to have one. I could hear myself I don’t need a helper, I may need someday.

And there are other minor things I let myself change. Bigger closets, iPod dock, better speaker, more shoes, more handbags… Things I said I was not going to need. Now I have. That’s when I realized that there are things I cannot change and certainly there are things I can change. I enjoy the change. I let myself floating without making a decision now.

I went yoga today. My only class this week. My teacher was wondering if I didn’t feel well. I told her about me being a supervisor for handyman at home. She understood. And nice that she thought I’m very healthy. I enjoyed the qualifier ‘very.’ It’s like confirmation to myself that I’m healthy. Well, I am. I feel good in and out and that is a nice feeling.

I spent all afternoon ‘beautifying’ my cabinets. Like old Dutch cabinets, I covered the glass doors with some kind of cotton runner (not lace like in Netherlands). I didn’t expect the activity took long time to finish. Ironing and figuring out how to fix. Lots of work but I’m happy with the result. My house is more home every day.

In line with the spirit of the day, Eid Hajj for Moslem and Thanksgiving for American, I’m thankful to have a nice day and reasonably good life. I look forward to having a bigger project to do tomorrow.

Interesting modified bicycle I spotted in Den Haag, Netherlands.

My dear I’m alife [sic] and well.

Had a hard time. My girlfriend in Switzerland texted me last night. I appreciate her ‘life’ update as I care about her being – physically and spiritually. That’s how I care about close ones that some hardly understand. My inquiry to connect may come as… sort of nagging! Since I spent more times with my different-partner-orientation friend, I know what men think about us women. Gays are ‘in between’ so it’s easy for them to understand both sides. As men, they don’t like nagging women. As ‘women,’ they can rule things like women. I learn all is about 'labeling.' When men inquire, it’s ‘asking.’ If women, ‘nagging.’

I don’t mind if my landlord labels me as ‘cerewet’ because I keep asking about how to deal with whatever animal in my bedroom roof. I was once so nice to give him space and time to deal with it and one rainy season passed without action. Me nagging? But how should I ask for service then? He didn’t respond when I told him that I had a handyman was looking at it. It’s not easy to deliver things nicely because of that ‘labeling’ thing. So I don’t mind either if he labels me as ‘impatient.’

With all the awkward situations dealing with gender (male and female with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones), I learn to be more 'male' now. Gay in spirit so I can fit both sides. Some people have thought that I am ‘man’ already because I’m quite logical but sure I still have a dash of Venus. I will do better. Forget about frills, just say what I have in mind. Mr. Jan I become.

Finally, I managed to take out my stone collection to start creating necklace. My new idea. Plain without silver beads. I’m exercising my new idea to play with stone textures (different size in this context). I want to see if my creation still has power without the help of nice silver beads. I have finished seven and am happy with the look so far.

Good progress! I can resume yoga tomorrow after dealing with labeling, mending, and creating…

Celebrate womanhood!

You’re a bionic woman.

My neighbors often wonder I never handle household chores myself. My friend mumbled while observing me driving and filling up tank. He is a true queen. He always has an entourage (consists of driver, personal assistant, helper, all cum shopkeeper) since I knew him eight years ago. I told him that my friends also wonder how I can survive without any helper. And worse, I enjoy doing the chores! We giggled. How strange we are.

I spent time with him a lot the past three days. There are times when we just stop seeing each other and there are times when we become inseparable. After attending a series of parties last week, we had dinner in an Indian restaurant the other night followed by a leisure lunch in a new warung in our neighborhood yesterday. And meeting our mutual friend from Jakarta this afternoon.

On the home front, the leak has been handled by a tukang but it’s not yet proven that he has mended it well. Ubud is still dry. What bothers me still is the singing animal that the tukang did not see although I saw he had opened the area. He also put rat poison that I don’t think it works since I still hear them singing loudly last night. Not just loudly but more often and more… ‘stereo’ now. It wakes me up in the middle of the night because of its high pitch. Ah so annoying!

Hey I lost my juices.

A deco plate in an artist house in Duijzel, Netherlands.