It’s on the cliffs.

I had barely slept last night. I believe I watched ceiling all night long or slept with eyes open. My mind was open all the time. It came to me. What is this? Suddenly I see a huge thing coming my way. I feel totally alone and insecure.

Glad people who are able to sleep a lot to escape life. Or, do things that make self lose consciousness. I am not one so no other choice but thinking how to chew issues one by one then swallowing. Or, solving first, not just making the issues disappear by swallowing.

I keep trying to chop the huge thing into smaller pieces. It’s still big to swallow. Or, I have too much on my plate. While the past years I become familiar with a new age business of life coaching, now I’m thinking I might need to get one. I need partner to sort out my stuffs. A professional.

The idea itself has lightened me. I could not wait to travel back to my safe cocoon in Ubud. Again, traveling has given me a long list to do back home. At home, it’s not easy to see what I need to do and to appreciate what I did.

I spent half day with friends, two hours here, two hours there. I met Indonesian community in Manila in a friend’s house. They held a birthday celebration together. I’m amazed to see how thick they could be in every way. For one of course the friendship but also the food they prepared! It’s more than I could find on tables in Indonesia. I told them that that was Eid before Ramadhan. It’s so traditional and elaborate. I’m impressed.

I talked to some ladies about life in the Philippines. Most of them have lived here more than five years. There’s one I talked with has spent about twenty years. They say that life is not that easy here but they take it easy. I also learned that gula Jawa (palm sugar) is a precious commodity so anyone who goes back to Indonesia has to carry many for others in Manila. Yes, gula Jawa is the core taste of many Indonesian dishes.

It was humid outside. I felt tired all over. I think I know now which part of bungee jump is the hardest… the take off! Realizing that I’m standing in the brink of the cliffs is the hardest. And I’m still there now… It makes me harder to breathe, of the height, of the decision.

Picture of what makes us standing well.