The Peaceful Silence
Sometimes I wonder about myself. I have lots of good friends and close relatives but there are times when I feel pretty much on my own. And there are times when I long for someone to talk with after days of only talking about practicality, no chat, with staffs or others. My human side needs to express.
Come to think of it, I realize, this actually is my choice. Choice of not ‘making connection’ although I really like ‘to be in connection’. I do lots of email – the safest way to be in connection because I can limit what I want to talk. Through meeting and talking over the phone, art topic can smoothly shift to business issue, and before too long we start to open up more. And knowing someone more is not always easy.
A friend has magic mantra “don’t take it personally”. Well, I think, I’m pretty good at that. Shredding off people’s problem from my discourse. But what if thing happens like my experience the other day? I was tired and thought about a nice chat when a very good friend called at 21:00. Hm. I was so happy to pick up the phone. She talked weakly in the other end after gone through ‘bathroom business’ because of what we ate for lunch. I became panic and thought about whom else might be in the same boat. And the rest of the conversation was about my worries. I cared about her condition. I hung up with ‘an issue’ in mind. I don’t want to take that personally, but I really care about my good friend.
That was a few days ago. Yesterday I felt like living in stormy weather since got up, the wind blew so hard and made me uncomfortable. I could not help but ‘took it personally’ because it’s there. It’s similar experience, a good friend who rarely calls called. Who wants to miss that? So we chatted about bazaars she wants me to share table and other stuffs like garage sale. But the storm hit eventually when I asked when she plans to visit her home in Jimbaran, Bali. She told me calmly that her house had burned down last month. Two buildings gone while she was in London. She handled it very well, very very well, she told me lightly that she doesn’t own anything. She let things gone. Knowing her passion, I was the one who got hit by the storm. Art pieces.
It was strange feeling. I don’t hear about people lose house often, not even every ten years, I must say. Glad she sounded fine. I care and definitely will see her when I get back. And before I ended my day, a cousin sent me a text message. One of our cousins’ husband takes second wife two months ago. The one who believes in marriage very much now stumbling down. What a day!
I took the storm to sleep. No heaviness. They have given me mirror to see that I don’t have significant issue to worry. And I have chosen the right path to keep my world limited, if not closed. Not that I don’t care about others, but I need to care for my core first, so that I can share more goodness with others.
Anyway, my travel back home was good although flight was delayed almost 1.5 hours. I enjoyed the music in my iPod and my new book Spiral Road by Adib Khan I bought in Ubud Festival. Another nice book with thick ethnic background, Bangladeshi. It’s so nice to find a nice book to read. I’m reading it in parallel with The Measure of A Man by Sidney Poitier. Also nice book.
Ubud House liked to give me surprise. The owner cut the big trees in front yard, the green fence. Now the ugly house next door shows and I feel insecure like people can observe what I do. A cyclone had destroyed hundreds of houses near Ubud last week. The owner doesn’t want the trees fall on the house if it happens in Ubud. Hm.
Now I’m going to enjoy the pleasure of pure silence in Ubud House. Chant sans paroles.
Photo of a signboard on my way to Ubud downtown.