Close the Book Neatly

I finished another Albom’s book today. Having read three books by him, I could see the similarity. About life close to death, life after death, things left unsaid, unexpressed feelings,… He wrote it very well, I could see people and my life’s life story in it. It’s human.

What caught my attention in this book is..

All parents damage their children. This was their life together. Neglect. Violence. Silence… (page 110)

I don’t have kid but I could imagine the truth in the statement. It’s a big responsibility that not many are able to do well. In my case, I’m thinking about my staffs – the children in my life – with who I considered myself unable to do well as a parent.

I act as friend to them especially to LIN who literally runs FRA. I noticed that she becomes more open the last one year. She expressed what’s in her mind more freely as friend. I don’t mind at all but.. sometimes I felt that she put pressure on me. I might feel that way because business is quiet the last two years.

Something hit me this morning. I sent text to FRA staffs letting them know about a little bonus I decided to share although we face very quiet business this year. Two staffs expressed their gratitude, one didn’t respond, and LIN.. She forgot to express anything regarding the share; instead she told me her wish to get a raise soon. This is the second time she told me after Eid. For her, salary raise is more important than any amount we can share to keep us all floating. I understand her wish but…

For a moment I was afraid to lose her, she is my backbone in FRA. As the pressure risen, I suddenly feel relax even if I may have to lose her. Who can control that? I have no control of the market. I have done my best not to change the salary structure because of the slow business that many had told me to start considering to restructure. I’m trying to be fair but of course I have to consider the life of the business itself.

I feel that I have failed to make LIN understands the situation. Have I spoilt her? If I have, then, I’m among normal parents that damage the children. She has all the authority to tell me when she wants to take leave or change her off-day. I hardly had problem with her arrangement but what she expressed to me today made me thinking. Am I too much?

I got two inspirations to be realized tomorrow today. I will check staffs’ file and do creative things to mark an important date in December. Closing the year of 2006, I feel the need to make the book clutter free and close it neatly.

Photo of xmas gecko I hanged on desk-lamp.