It’s a start.

Mama’s house is back to ‘normal’ after my relatives helped to arrange the furniture back in place last night. The house was emptied to create space when I arrived because of Quran reading every early evening for seven days since Mama passed away. Last night was the last day.

I got out my bedroom to a quiet house this morning. Nephew Dhana was ready to go to campus. Hm… before too long, no one in the house but me. It was so quiet. I looked around and felt strange to realize that we don’t carry anything when we die. Mama and Papa have left their purchase to my sister and me. It got me thinking about how I should manage my stuffs later in life so I could provide comfort to whoever I might leave. But how could we prepare? It always catches us in the unawareness.

I made a trip downtown to start the administration process of various accounts Mama left. Cousin Bagus and a good friend accompanied me. It’s just nice to process things with two heads or more. Bagus is half of my age, he could be my son, but he is a good company. I’m happy that he spared time to be with me sorting out administration work that has to be done as soon as possible. We talked a lot during lunch. In my view, he is almost a whole man. When I asked how he got all the wisdoms, he said that being alone among elders has given him time to contemplate life. We laughed a lot but we both knew that we had a serious talk. I’m happy to know that Bagus is ready to face life as a man although he is 'only' 21 now.

I spent all afternoon selecting batik for gifts. It came to me that it would be nice to share a memento with people who had helped Mama in many ways since she was hospitalized to the funeral. I was tired but happy that I found a way to show my gratitude. Those people were so nice to have shared their precious time with our family in this not-easy moment.

The situation had brought me closer to Dhana. I realized when we moved to different directions busy doing our stuffs in a quiet big living room. We had a quiet dinner together then back to our own world.

I wrapped some 30 gifts and wrote 40 thank you notes. Doing many same thing is like a meditation but more than that I could feel my gratitude growing bigger and bigger. I reached out to people who had reached out to our family.

Picture of an old building that feels very Malang to me.